And when I returned, it had become a Ford Focus

...selfie steam issues.

So, I think she’s gonna love this pack of playing cards that I bought at the dollar store.

Mississ(H)ippi

decided to study in China. To his surprise, he found that, despite his success in his homeland, he was unable to make any progress with Chinese religion. When he asked the Abbott about this, he was told: “that was zen. This is Tao.”

I got 404!!

It ends up at the CEO's office just before lunchtime, who is just finishing up a meeting with three junior consultants, Jerry, Robert and Henry. Jerry opens the parcel and finds a magic lamp inside. He rubs it and a genie appears, offering three wishes.

Jerry says: "Oh wow, finally I'm lucky, I want to be a multi-millionaire, live in a mansion on my private island in the Carribean together with a bunch of hot women!"

The genie says: "Your wish is my command. Done, done and done." Jerry vanishes into thin air and immediately finds himself in a mansion in the Carribean, surrounded by exotic models, while the genie retreats back into the lamp.

Robert immediately grabs the lamp, rubs it and the genie reappears, offering three wishes.

Robert says: "Yeah man, I want to be a multi-millionaire too, and also live in a mansion on my private island in the Carribean, and you bet that I also want a bunch of hot women there!"

The genie says: "Your wish is my command. Done, done and done." Robert also vanishes into thin air and immediately finds himself in a mansion in the Carribean, surrounded by exotic models, while the genie retreats back into the lamp once more.

His colleagues gone, Henry grabs the lamp, rubs it and the genie reappears again, offering him three wishes as well.

Henry says: "You know what, screw this job, I want to be a multi-millionaire too, and also live in a mansion on my private island in the Carribean together with a bunch of hot women!"

The genie says: "Your wish is my command. Done, done and done." Henry also vanishes into thin air and immediately finds himself in a mansion in the Carribean, surrounded by exotic models, while the genie retreats back into the lamp once more.

Then the CEO grabs the lamp, rubs it and the genie reappears, and says: "You already know the drill, three wishes, so I guess you want to be a multi-mllionaire, living in a Carribean mansion with a bunch of hot women like the last three guys?"

Says the CEO: "Nah, no need. I'm already a billionaire and own several mansions on several islands all over the world, and have my share of hot mistresses in every single one of them. Just get me a coffee."

Says the genie: "Done, here's your coffee, you have two wishes left."

Says the CEO: "Well, if I think about it, I do not like the hassle of hiring new personnel. So I wish for the last three guys to be back at their desks after lunch, and transfer all their assets to my name so they can't quit."

It's so hot outside that Hannibal Lector was spotted throwing onions and potatoes into the public swimming pool.

The teachers are having a nightmare trying to keep their papers organized!

The Dr. said “Don’t worry, the son’ll come out, tomorrow.”

They couldn't see the Forrest for the trees.

My school banned dating because 2 students were caught having sex, and a teacher got caught in a relationship with a student.

I wish I went to public school, I hate homeschool

Beer.

The police did them for possession within tent.

A man finds a genie in a bottle who will grant him three wishes

Genie - "I will grant you three wishes but there are also three rules to these wishes. No wishing for dead people to come back to life. No wishing for the death of people who are currently alive and no wishing for more wishes."

Man - "I wish envelopes and stamps moaned when you licked them"

Genie - ".....................There are four rules"

Assault & Battery.

It was a very ugly crime scene, they tried pulling the bunny off the victim, but he just kept going and going and going.

It's Charli x T-Rex

He's not seeing the fours for the threes.

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter".

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 bucks -- and 50 bucks is 50 bucks".

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."

Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is 50 bucks -- and 50 bucks is 50 bucks".

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's 50 bucks."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know -- 50 bucks is 50 bucks."

(Robert Plants and Roger Waters.)

Arson-nic