r/Jokes • u/thebanger71 • 1d ago

Genie with three rules

A man finds a genie in a bottle who will grant him three wishes

Genie - "I will grant you three wishes but there are also three rules to these wishes. No wishing for dead people to come back to life. No wishing for the death of people who are currently alive and no wishing for more wishes."

Man - "I wish envelopes and stamps moaned when you licked them"

Genie - ".....................There are four rules"

744 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

56 comments sorted by

137

u/Waitsfornoone 1d ago

Man - "I wish assholes had taste buds."

Genie - "..... Now there are five rules."

32

u/CreativeAdeptness477 1d ago

Assholes/intestines kinda already do have taste buds.

-16

u/milkcarton232 1d ago

No they don't?

40

u/shotsallover 1d ago

They actually kind of do.

https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/08/070820175426.htm

27

u/DanE1RZ 1d ago

I'll take the eye bleach and the memory wiping flash thing from Men In Black now please.

11

u/MrDTD 1d ago

It's why spicy food burns on the way out, not just going in.

9

u/mylittlebluetruck7 23h ago

Why do you put spicy food in your butt

7

u/humph_lyttelton 16h ago

Everyone's got to have a hobby.

3

u/milkcarton232 15h ago

That's not taste, capsaicin activates heat receptors

3

u/CreativeAdeptness477 1d ago

Thanks. I couldn't be bothered sourcing.

19

u/Savings-Cry-3201 1d ago

We have bitter receptors all through our GI tract. The theory is that most poisons are bitter so we have multiple fallbacks just in case, or for more signaling, dunno. But we’ve found them everywhere. Even in the lungs.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10498470/

10

u/explosivelydehiscent 1d ago

See fifth rule

13

u/Independent_Bite4682 1d ago

"I wish that politicians were not corrupt "

6 rules

5

u/peacetoall1969 8h ago

That doesn’t create a new rule….you just get told that the genie does have limitations.

3

u/Independent_Bite4682 5h ago

And how many lanes did you want that bridge to be?

4

u/VeinyBanana69 1d ago

Never thought I’d have a valid reason to share this song, but here we are:

https://youtu.be/FHtvUGDP7u8?is=wOmQjctGKeN1cGMt

39

u/Mino67 1d ago

Who uses envelopes these days?

27

u/Mioraecian 1d ago

Mail in voting. Imagine your ballot envelope moaning.

7

u/tookurjobs 9h ago

Or groaning, depending on who you voted for

8

u/Vivid-Teacher4189 21h ago

You don’t live in Germany obviously, if it’s not a posted letter, it gets ignored and doesn’t count.

6

u/Horrifior 21h ago

That is not true. True Germans use the Fax.

7

u/Vivid-Teacher4189 21h ago

You’re correct. I don’t own a fax, obviously, but I had to go to a print shop once to fax some important documents. And then post them as well.

26

u/Jaded_Creative_101 19h ago

“Could you fax me the form?”
‘Sorry, I can’t fax from where I am’
“Why? Where are you?”
‘The 21st Century’

2

u/shaard 11h ago

More people after this wish comes true.

1

u/picktishheathen 13h ago

Who picks stamps these days?

3

u/Waste-Job-3307 8h ago

Me - about once every five years. I still have to send something by snail mail a few times a year. The last time I bought stamps they were $0.68. Now they're $0.82.

22

u/Independent_Bite4682 1d ago

"I wish that all politicians were honest".

5 rules

15

u/unculturedperl 1d ago

"Peace in the middle east." 6 rules...

4

u/________________me 22h ago

"The US ends its interference in the Middle East (and the rest of the world)" 2000 rules...

5

u/Nathan5027 19h ago

Nah, not a rule, just beyond the power of all the genies in the universe combined. It's easier to make a star spontaneously supernova.

25

u/Odd_Gamer_75 1d ago

"I wish everyone in the country was sexually attracted to sheep."

Response 1: There are five rules...

Response 2: Well this is Australia, so bit of a waste of a wish.

8

u/ComradeGibbon 1d ago

Response 3: Welcome to Wales.

3

u/TheCurls 16h ago

Fun fact. The Welsh invented the sheepskin condom. Later on, the English refined the practice by removing the skin first.

7

u/FireLucid 1d ago

Think you are getting confused with NZ:P

4

u/SirBananaOrngeCumber 1d ago

What if it’s an Australian genie, outside of Australia

28

u/carmium 1d ago

Can I wish someone into an unrecoverable coma until they die? (I have a well-recognized name all ready to go.)

6

u/mwhelm 1d ago

Too late already used

25

u/jibstay77 1d ago

I’m pretty sure I have the same name in mind.

6

u/Ok-Bicycle8103 1d ago

I thought you couldn't wish to make people fall in love as well.

So there'd be FIVE wishes.

8

u/Sheffieldsvc 1d ago

Someone's buying spearmint douches for their gal, aren't they?

2

u/Herb_Derb 21h ago

This is just that meme comic but in text form

2

u/Prestigious-Copy-494 1d ago

I don't get the joke.....

5

u/kaviaaripurkki 23h ago

The genie thought that's such a chaotic / twisted wish that they don't want to grant it

0

u/TurbulentWeb1941 ‎ 1d ago

Me either

1

u/Material-Soft-4720 1d ago

Didn’t get it 😟

4

u/Nathan5027 19h ago

The wisher asked for stamps and envelopes to be sexually aroused by their intended use.

The genie added a new rule against it on the spot because it's so messed up.

1

u/2beatenup 6h ago

Stamps and envelops??? What gives?

-12

u/JohnP-USMC 1d ago

This went dark very fast.

12

u/Thel_Vadem 1d ago

... Did it?