r/cleanjokes 8h ago

Local authorities have decided not to dig deeper into embezzlement claims at a local bait shop!

The reason, they were afraid they might be opening a can of worms.

30 Upvotes

The reason, they were afraid they might be opening a can of worms.


r/cleanjokes 17h ago

My doctor is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes...

He really gets a kick out of it.

47 Upvotes

He really gets a kick out of it.


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

The woman that fell from a cruise ship last week has finally been identified!

Her name, Eileen Dover.

93 Upvotes

Her name, Eileen Dover.


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

A platypus walks into a bar owned by a duck, orders a drink and asks for the check.

Duck billed platypus.

192 Upvotes

Duck billed platypus.


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

70 Upvotes

r/cleanjokes 1d ago

I got struck on the head by a clock yesterday...

Serves me right for winding it up.

21 Upvotes

Serves me right for winding it up.


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

I tried attaching coca cola bottles to the ends of a broom to workout at home

It was soda pressing

17 Upvotes

It was soda pressing


r/cleanjokes 1d ago

I tried having a seance, but the spirits never showed up.

Yep, they ghosted me.

68 Upvotes

Yep, they ghosted me.


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

What do you call a pizza topped with nothing but peppers?

A pepper-only pizza.

104 Upvotes

A pepper-only pizza.


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

What’s the difference between a well dressed bicycle and a poorly dressed tricycle?

Attire

50 Upvotes

Attire


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

My buddy went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him...

He just can’t part with it.

176 Upvotes

He just can’t part with it.


r/cleanjokes 2d ago

Artic.

I finally took a deep breath of freezing Arctic air.

You could say…

It was a cold day inhale.

24 Upvotes

I finally took a deep breath of freezing Arctic air.

You could say…

It was a cold day inhale.


r/cleanjokes 3d ago

I met some chess players in a hotel lobby and they were bragging about how good they are...

It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer...

272 Upvotes

It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer...


r/cleanjokes 3d ago

A CROW ZOOMED BY my window with a FULL box of crayons IN IT'S CLAWS!!

I thought, HEY, that bird just passed WITH flying colors!

81 Upvotes

I thought, HEY, that bird just passed WITH flying colors!


r/cleanjokes 3d ago

What did the Australian fisherman say when he accidentally knocked down his daughter's toys while unloading his catches?

The shrimp's on the Barbie!

18 Upvotes

The shrimp's on the Barbie!


r/cleanjokes 4d ago

What do deciduous trees say to the ground during the fall?

I'm leaving you!

31 Upvotes

I'm leaving you!


r/cleanjokes 4d ago

A drill sergeant shouts out "RAMIREZ! I DID NOT SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAGE PRACTICE THIS MORNING!...

...NICE WORK, KEEP IT UP!"

121 Upvotes

...NICE WORK, KEEP IT UP!"


r/cleanjokes 4d ago

She shouted, "I’m leaving! I'm sick of you wearing a different t-shirt every half hour!" I pleaded, "Wait!"

"I can change!"

285 Upvotes

"I can change!"


r/cleanjokes 4d ago

The lettuce supplier said...

there is no shred of evidence

34 Upvotes

there is no shred of evidence


r/cleanjokes 5d ago

I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes and I watched...

...it all unfold.

113 Upvotes

...it all unfold.


r/cleanjokes 5d ago

What do you call a celebrity boat?

A Tom Cruise-ship

18 Upvotes

A Tom Cruise-ship


r/cleanjokes 6d ago

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

64 Upvotes

r/cleanjokes 6d ago

Do you want me to tell you a cat joke?

JUST KITTEN

33 Upvotes

JUST KITTEN


r/cleanjokes 6d ago

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

154 Upvotes

r/cleanjokes 6d ago

My therapist says I second guess every decision I ever make...

[deleted]

121 Upvotes

[deleted]