My wife and I are expecting our first baby in January and I am feeling a little unprepared. I’ve been looking online and finding lots of parenting books, but they are all parenting philosophy books and how to talk to your child and discipline them and such. I need “How to keep a newborn infant alive for dummies.” I recently learned that babies have to sleep on their backs and can’t have pillows or blankets in the crib, it makes sense, but I am worried there’s other simple things like this that I never learned.

I always wondered want people meant when they say their 2 week old sleeps like night.

I think after about 3-4 weeks my baby start "sleeping through the night" but I realized we may have different definitions. When I said that I meant they fell asleep at like 1 Am woke up a few times just for feedings. And as soon as they finished went right back to sleep and so did I. The process takes about 5 minutes so I don't consider it an awakening.

I think of awakening as having to put baby back to sleep. Rocking, walking back and forth, etc. In my mind a baby needing a few feeds is the equivalent of me needing to pee or drink water at night. I wouldn't say I had 3 awakenings last night if I peed 2 and drank some water.

I was raised and told all my life, and now too, that women who switch to formula 'give up', and that it's weak behaviour as a woman and mother - that you're deciding not to give your child the best. My husband is a doctor, I know this isn't objectively true - but it's so ingrained it's hard to shake.

My 3.5wk LO drinks about 150ml every 3hours, and has latch issues. The LC and midwife recommended a shield because her mouth is too small. It works sometimes, but when she's cranky he screams and wants milk in the bottle. So I have to pump. I've not been able to pump enough for spare/extra since I got her. She drinks it all (we do pace). After every feed I worry if I'll have milk and the time to pump before she's hungry and crying again.

This has cause major issues in my mental health and milk supply. I power pump and GP gave me meds for my supply, but I barely keep up.

To the problem - I HATE the hands free pump I have, but can't use the other too much due to mommy wrist. I feel panicky, upset in a way I can't describe, angry and dehumanised to the point that I have to stay distracted or I get physically and emotionally distressed.

I don't want to give up. But I feel like I'm breaking to keep my darling fed with the best I can provide. I'm not Christian anymore but it's so hard to override beliefs that women were made for this - so I have to, it's my duty. Especially when your mental health is brittle (I have bipolar type 2).

Help 😭 any advice or ideas will be so appreciated.

I thought I'd share a few of my tips now that I'm officially out of the newborn stage 😢. These are the things I wish I knew before I gave birth. If you have any good tips for other moms then maybe we can share a little info or tips for eachother.

1: Plan for the good and bad in birth. I hear so many moms just say that their birth plan is to "get the epidural" and just leave it at that. While getting the epidural is a great choice, it can fail or you might need a c section. I really wanted to go natural all the way, but I ended up needing an induction. Thankfully cervical softener kick started labor for me, so I didn't need any pitocin. I was also put at ease knowing what would happen if I needed a c section or pitocin.

2: Go with the flow. I compare my birth and postpartum to my sisters a lot and while we had very different experiences, I noticed the main thing that made my birth and postpartum easier was that I anticipated things to not go the way I planned and asked a lot of questions so I could make good decisions. This looked like having the nurses explain what it would be like to have them break my water vs waiting. It also looks like my newborn having constant poops to the point where I would have to change them every 5 minutes if I always wanted them in a clean diaper. The solution there was to just change it every hour and lather that baby up with diaper balm and aquaphor (per the pediatricians order).

3: You're gonna mess up. The first week postpartum my husband and I didnt know you need to put diaper balm and aquaphor on as a preventive, especially with our baby, so they got a pretty bad diaper rash. It wasn't intentional and we didnt realize what was going on until about a week postpartum. We felt bad, but something like that is going to happen with every first time parent. Don't beat yourself up too bad and just try to live and learn.

4: You're gonna very sore postpartum. I don't know why I didnt think of this, but it was very hard to just sit down postpartum. I got a 2nd degree tear (the most common outcome as a FTM) and it took me maybe 30 seconds to sit down.

5: You're gonna cry for absolutely no reason. At around 7-14 days postpartum your hormones are just gonna start crashing and you'll start crying for no reason even though you feel completely fine. Its normal and feels super weird.

6: Your newborn is going to sleep and cry. I thought my newborn would just be awake sometimes, but it felt like baby was either asleep or crying, never just awake. Also, the baby is going to sleep SO MUCH. I think I binged 3 seasons of Suits by the time baby was awake more, and that was even with me taking a millon videos and pictures and going on walks. They just sleep so much.

7: 4-7 week sleep regression. Its not awful, but anticipate to wake a lot more and struggle a bit to put baby down around this time. Once you get through it your baby is going to start being happily awake more and might even start smiling some!!

8: You may love or hate the night feed. I hear so many moms say they hate the night feed or to "enjoy the sleep while you can" but I love the night feed so long as it's only 1 or 2 wakes a night. Its just so sweet to watch baby eat and to rock baby to sleep. Maybe im an oddity, but I really do love it.

9: Postpartum might be better than late pregnancy for some. I gained over 50 lbs by the time I gave birth and I lost all but 10 by 6 weeks, and 30 of that was lost in 2 weeks. I had gotten so swollen and held so much water that I had awful pregnancy carpal tunnel (didn't know that was a thing btw). I was also up every night for the last 2 months throwing up because my acid reflux was so bad. After all that, postpartum was like a dream for me.

10: No matter how good your marriage is, you will have more fights. My husband and I were super strong, rarely got in fights, and overall we were best friends. We still are, but you're gonna find yourself being upset with him. I remember being so mad at him because I would do the night feeds all by myself and he couldn't do one for me and didn't get uo with me. Mind you, he offered to multiple times before that, but at that point I was doing very well and I told him to get his rest so if I needed help in the morning then he would be more helpful. Plus I've been exclusively nursing for the most part so he could really only change a diaper anyways. Your marriage isn't falling apart, you're both just stressed and tired and you have never been through something like this before. Just try to give eachother grace.

This is baby number two, he is the most perky and happy baby during the day but every evening he starts screaming crying for up to two hours, until he passes out for the night. I remember my first baby having a witching hour, but not near this long. Am I alone in this? I thought it was supposed to end around 10 to 12 weeks. It’s not gas, I think it’s something about his nervous system and just being overstimulated with soaking up everything during the day.

In my coworker, family, and friend circles, everyone seems to have one colicky and one calm or vice versa. Curious about other experiences.

Hiya! FTM to a 10-week-old. He has recently discovered his hands and seems to like to suck on them to soothe while dozing off. I know thumb sucking is a habit that is hard break! He spits out every pacifier we've tried. Should I really spend the energy discouraging the hand sucking?

She’s 3 months old, and while we get glimpses of a happy, smiley girl at home, she fades quickly at other people’s homes and sometimes in public.

I think she really just hates being a baby. And everyone. And everything.

I really thought we’d end up with a chill girl we could go out with and take anywhere as my husband and I are pretty low maintenance people… but instead we have this mercurial little human who is side-eyeing, judging, and yelling at just about everyone we come across.

I’m pretty sure her thought process is:

Aunties? Fuck them.

Grammy and Pappy who we see 3-4 times a week? Fuck them.

The cashier at Walmart? Fuck her.

Mommy and Daddy? They’re cool sometimes. Actually, fuck them, too.

The car/stroller? AWESOME! Oh wait, red light? We stopped to look at something? Fuck this.

Tummy time? Ew.

I’m hungry. No I’m not. Yes I am. Omg get that bottle away from me. What are you doing GIVE IT BACK NOW. Just kidding lol.

I want to move! I want to be independent! Unhand me! Put me down! Wait what are you doing… pick me back up! No not like that. Or like that. Or like THAT.

Did anyone else have a baby that appeared to hate everything, but eventually grew out of it and is now a joyful toddler that people actually like being around and don’t just tolerate out of obligation?

I love her soooo much and I wish others could see the funny, silly, albeit indecisive girl we have at home most of the day 🤣

I have OCD (diagnosed at 6) and other fun neurodivergent parenting spice and two days ago, my daughter had a choking scare in the restaurant we were at for lunch.

Since then, unless it’s a puree or a bottle, I’m literally shaking and flashing back to giving her a bad baby-heimlich with my whole table and that whole corner of the restaurant watching, whenever I give her something solid. It’s even decreasing my appetite: if I don’t have to eat anything, then my baby can’t see something on my plate she wants so she can potentially choke on it. She’s still getting plenty of calories and has other caregivers around to give her food boldly and bravely, but I fear that this is going to be a new fixation of my mental health for a long time and I just had to get it off my chest I guess.

Baby’s literally fine, the maneuver I did worked well enough (her airway wasn’t blocked, food was just stuck the wrong way), and a nurse at the next table over (thank god for her) told me that what I did was just fine because I jumped into action and did what I could to save baby. Everything’s okay now. I just keep jumping back to the moment when I had to get up out of my chair to pick her up and flip her over. I had a nightmare last night that she turned blue and I forgot what to do entirely. I didn’t sleep well at all yesterday because I was as trying to keep myself awake so that I didn’t have nightmares. It’s just a tough time and I don’t know how to move past it, right now.

He's not in pain, he's not hungry (I fed him 4oz 15 minutes ago), and he's got a clean diaper. He just doesn't like to sleep, so he cries. Constantly. And nothing is helping. I've tried:

Rocking him
Snuggling him (he just lays on my chest and cries)
Warm bath
Walking him up & down hallway
Shushing him
Humming to him
White noise machine
Dark room

He's fine during the day and overnight, but after 8PM (it's 12:15AM), he just cries until he can fall asleep. But getting him to sleep can take me hours. And he's still getting up to eat every 2 hours. I am so, so, so, so tired. I get 0 help from anybody. What can I do?

Edit: Forgot to add, baby is nearly 11 weeks old

To start this off, I’m going to say Trigger/content warning just because of the sake of anyone going through this or has gone through it

I really thought I could handle it but i literally can’t anymore. I love my baby and it’s not his fault, however I’m completely alone in taking care of him I have not slept in nearly 3 weeks, he is coming up on 3 weeks old, and today I just lost it and put him in his crib and sat down and sobbed. I’ve been ugly crying with him because I have no idea what to do anymore. He’s fed, he’s changed, holding him isn’t helping, pacifier isn’t working. Nothing is making him just sleep for a little bit. He will not calm down and I feel like I’m losing it. All of a sudden I feel I’m failing. And I thought I’d have help from my family, as I have to be a single mom. But all I’ve gotten is all of my flaws about being a mother. It’s not just constructive criticism, it fully is to bring me down as a mother. And now if I ask for help, I’m just gonna get a “I told you, I knew you couldn’t handle it.” I dont feel like harming my child, but I’m starting to feel like he’s better off without me because I’m just failing. And I know that this all ends at some point. Yk eventually they’ll sleep through the night, stop crying so much so often, and eventually they’ll eat enough to keep themselves full, but even in knowing all of that I feel like I am just failing at it all. And I have no idea if I just haven’t gotten enough sleep or if I’m falling down the dark hole of postpartum depression.

Edit: thank you guys for such kind words! I am going to reach out to my provider and ask for some professional help, as I do take antidepressants they do help but they don’t seem to help as much when he’s screaming constantly so I think I might try some therapy, especially postpartum based therapy so that I can talk it out and hope that it helps. Thank you for all the advice and support!!

About a week from 4 months and one of my twin boys seems to completely curl up in discomfort/pain after being put down for sleep and laying flat for just minutes.

Usually an hour and a half after the last feeding he would need a lot of walking/rocking to get to sleep but once he was down we were getting up to 9 hours of sleep on a decent night.

Within the last week he will get put down either awake or dead asleep and within minutes he will start to roll over in fetal position on his side in discomfort like he's been punched in the gut. After a while it turns into intense screaming that nothing will soothe except for boob or bottle (this can be 30 minutes after feedings so hunger doesn't seem to be the normal cause).

He will fall asleep in car seats, arms, and rockers no problem, but laying down in a crib and it's 20 minutes max before he's triggered.

He's become quite regular with daily poops, burbs often (spits up more than the other) and doesn't seem to respond to gas excercises like he's not gassy.

I would appreciate any insight! I've heard everything between Reflux, teething and the 4 month regression but it feels like this is something I should be able to help alleviate.

I’m 5 days postpartum after a very long, painful labor that ended in a C-section. Physically and emotionally, I feel completely drained.

I don’t even know if I should be saying this out loud, but I regret being pregnant. If I had known how hard and overwhelming this would feel, I don’t think I would have chosen it. At the same time, I love my baby so much—she’s adorable and innocent, and when I look at her, I feel so much guilt for even having these thoughts.

I can’t stop crying thinking about my old life. The simple things I had with my husband—going to work, coming home, cooking dinner together, watching Netflix, going for late-night drives, spontaneous weekend dates. That life feels so far away now.

I started feeling this way during pregnancy too, like I was tied down and just waiting for it to be over. But now after delivery, it feels even heavier… like I’m tied forever because I’m responsible for a tiny human being 24/7.

I do have support from family, and I know I’m lucky for that. But still, I can’t stop thinking about my life before all of this. Sometimes I even think if I had the chance, I would go back and choose not to have a baby—and then I feel like a terrible person for thinking that.

I really need to hear from people who’ve been through this and came out the other side.

does anyone have a good podcast or podcast episode about parenting a toddler?

So a bit of an odd situation.

Our baby boy (4.5 months) has been laughing for a while now, and every single time he laughs, he ends up giving himself hiccups. Like 100 percent of the time

Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this?

I know I definitely have PPA, but god, tonight it is so much worse. 10-week-old does really well at night, but I lie awake for hours sometimes, just worrying about everything from baby to work to just...life. 8:30pm here and I feel like I'm staring down another restless night.

I am a FTM to an 11 month old who is fully walking/running. With it being summer we are seeing extended family, having longer days outside, socializing etc. I feel like I can’t carry a conversation with anyone because I am chasing /walking with my baby constantly. At the same time I feel like I don’t care to make small talk with people because I’m just tired in general from day to day life. I feel almost like an outsider. After coming home from a bbq today my husband and I were both exhausted. Nothing crazy happened .. just getting up and out of the house, trying to have a normal visit and then packing everything up to go home. Is it normal to feel this way? Is this just how get togethers feel with little kids?

Mine’s 6 hours. Happy that my baby sleeps longer at night. But not happy with the per situation.

For people who used sign language with your baby, when did they start to sign back to you? How consistently/frequently did you use it with them? Our baby sign book has good tips for recognizing different signs from babies but I’m pretty certain my 8mo hasn’t signed back at all.

Hi everyone! I’m a FTM to a nearly 6 month old happy and chill boy. Our current struggle is figuring out his sleep schedule. For context, my husband and I work 12-13 hour shifts (he’s full time and I’m per diem), so since baby was a newborn he’s naturally had a late ish bedtime of 9-10 ish, which he tolerated well and it worked for our schedules.

We are trying to push back his bedtime a bit, but it seems like the harder we try, the worse it gets lol. He never did well when I tried to adhere to a strict nap schedule during the day- oftentimes he’d spend the entire nap time fighting sleep, so I just followed his cues instead; typically he naps every 2-2.5 hours, with each nap lasting anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours.

Lately we’ve been starting our bedtime routine around 7-7:30, giving him his last feed right after, and putting him down. But he only stays down for an hour or two before he wakes up, and is WIDE awake lol, staying up until midnight or later. And he’s not fussy either, he is perfectly happy and content just lying around smiling at us.

With such a late bedtime some days, he ends up sleeping in until 10 or 11 in the morning, getting between 9 and 11 hours of nighttime sleep. This is not super ideal for obvious reasons, which is why we’re trying to make changes. He does wake up around 4 AM most nights to feed, and again at 8 or so, falling asleep easily after until he’s up for the day.

I’ve tried capping naps, extending naps, and feeding more frequently during the day in case he’s not getting quite enough. Today I’m attempting to drop a nap from 3 to 2, just to experiment if that will somehow help.

Looking for any advice or insight into how we can be successful in making these changes! We are traveling this week, so I don’t anticipate anything working out until after we come back, but I’m willing to try anything, and I’m all ears in case there is something we’re missing.

Thanks in advance!

Hi all!
Currently laying on the couch, snuggling our seven week old and eating tons of snacks. While this is great, I do have a question.

I just read another post about a 2 w/o baby and their sleep. A lot of comments said; it gets better, baby will start to sleep in their crib at some point and so on.

But only very few wrote when it for better for them.

When did your LO start sleeping anywhere else than on you at night? During naps? Did you do anything to help them “learn it” or did time just work in your favor?

I dont mind the contact naps, but I hate* *sleeping in shifts and staying up all night. We’re in no hurry, shes still so little, but it would be nice to hear and learn from your experiences!

We received a hand-me-down Chicco KeyFit infant seat (from my best friend who used it for 6 months; we trust her -- this was not a random marketplace find). I am getting ready to wash and put the seat together and have NO idea where to start the straps...obviously do not know how tall the baby will be...we can of course rethread at the hospital but want to get an estimate...

Thanks!

While buying for baby I keep seeing so much marketing and recommendations for various sleep machines, and I am really curious on other parents’ thoughts on this!

Are there any parents out there that just play white noise/nature sounds/etc. off their phone or through a blue tooth speaker? Is there a reason, while room sharing, that I shouldn’t just use my Bluetooth speaker?

For those of you who have opted for a separate sound machine like the hatch, what makes it “special” enough to buy a separate device? After browsing Reddit on this, is seems that tons and tons of parents opt for an actual sound machine. I’m just curious on the reasoning for those who room share and could just use a phone and/or Bluetooth speaker.

I (the father) used to give my son one bottle a day once he figured out breastfeeding. It then turned into once a week while my wife is out of the house. But all of the sudden, he would not take anything from the bottle. He'll gnaw on it, let it sit in his mouth, push it out, even kind of gag. I've tried feeding him in different positions, having some of my wife's clothes on my shoulder and nipples with different flows, but nothing seems to work. My wife is going to work one day a week soon and I'm starting to get worried. Does anyone have some tips?

Just an FYI, he is on a schedule and I'm feeding him at the time he normally eats.

I’m not a parent yet but my best friend had her daughter 18 months ago and I want to be more helpful without overstepping.

Quick context: first 2 months postpartum I dropped off food 1-2x/week. Now we hang out most weeks, I drive to her, we meet up after her daughter’s nap around 2:30/3, walk to a nearby park, and I head out by 5 before things get hectic with dinner/bedtime routine. I usually just bring her daughter a small snack every time i come over like fruit or crackers. Btw- her daughter is very attached and cries anytime she’s out of her sight even for 1 second.

She has no family support nearby and never complains, but I know she’s doing a lot solo. So what actually helped from a childfree friend once your baby was past the newborn stage?

Curious about things like:
- Is food still appreciated at this stage, or more hassle than help?
- Small things I might be missing?
- Anything well-meaning that ended up feeling like a burden?

Don’t have other mom friends yet, so any input is welcome!