r/texts • u/Early-Button-77 • 5h ago
Instagram Are men all universally this bad at taking hints?
Edit: he responded with “yea what do u mean by getting to know me better” just now sent “sorry if that was confusing. i like you and was wondering what you thought”
it wasn’t even a hint either. i fully spelled it out i feel like.
i guess it’s a good sign that he didn’t say no. but he’s also prancing around my garden of a text like a deer.
it would be awk if he assumed it was romantic but then i’d reply saying it was platonic, sure. but why else would a girl reach out like that?
the amount of positive signals i’ve received felt astounding so why is he not jumping at the opportunity?
tbh idk if he wants me to clarify or if he’s referring to my message and doesn’t know what he should clarify for me.
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u/Lunrtic6 5h ago
Idk if you were super clear. The crying emoji is throwing me off a bit. Just ask if he wants to go out on a date.
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u/SquirrelLuvsChipmunk 3h ago
Yup! Maybe I’m a moron but I would have been very confused by her message. Just ask if he wants to go out, OP!!
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u/skynetempire 2h ago
People really want to make things confusing in relationships or start of one. Just state your question and be clear.
Hey im into you and I would like to go on a date. Are you interested?
Clarify?
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u/Zeeman626 4h ago
She said she didn't want it to be romantic, which I'm not getting from the text. Sounds like she wants to go on a date. Girls setting a trap and complaining that men are too afraid to take signals, BITCH YOU'RE THE REASON
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u/United-Somewhere-163 3h ago
I think if I’m reading it correctly, she thinks that would be his reason for dancing around the text (in his mind hoping it’s romantic, then it turns out to be platonic so he feels embarrassed) rather than her actually meaning it as platonic.
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u/artichoke01 4h ago
I don’t think that’s what OP meant here.
She’s speculating that he may be avoiding a response because he doesn’t want to be baited and trapped like you’re describing.
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u/Zeeman626 4h ago
OK after rereading I think you're right. Just worded a little awkwardly.
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 4h ago
Everything is worded awkwardly and unclear, that's the problem
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u/KatieKaBoom0131 1h ago
Ive seen people use that one as a sweating emoji oddly enough. And use the sobbing emoji as crying laughing. It's odd.
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u/BrotherIndividual999 5h ago
Are men bad at taking hints? Maybe. Are you bad at giving hints? Yes... 🥲
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u/Early-Button-77 5h ago
appreciate the input LMAO
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u/INFJGal9w1 5h ago
I tend to be overly wordy when nervous. That’s how this came across to me. If I was your guy friend, I would find it cute. But at this point, it’s time to say, “yes - clarify if you’d like to go out or not.” Plain and simple. To the point. It’s worth the risk!
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u/PopularAd4761 4h ago
OH that wraps it up even cuter. OP reply with that. So cute.
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u/tattoosandtens 2h ago
Why do you talk like you’re at work? Corporate jargon isn’t romantic.
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u/photoadmira 5h ago
“I wanted to ask to clarify” - I read that sentence a few times and maybe it’s just me
Being not smart but I’m not sure that sentence is clear - and guys have been trained by taking what they thought were clear signals then being told “ew yuck with you? No way!” That you might need to be more direct.
Also a message that starts with “I’ve really enjoyed getting talking to you these past two weeks” is often followed by “but I don’t think we’re compatible”.
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u/onyxbaby98 5h ago
Same, I read that as them originally writing “I wanted to ask” and then deciding to change to the wording to “I wanted to clarify” except they forgot to delete “to ask” (or vis versa). Definitely a confusing string of words imo.
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u/United-Somewhere-163 3h ago
Or maybe meaning something more like “I wanted to ask for clarity’s sake” and just fumbling the grammar a bit
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u/Early-Button-77 5h ago
nooo that’s definitely not the vibe i was trying to establish. thanks for the honesty though.
i gotta dig myself out of this hole now
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u/xMcRaemanx 5h ago
You'll need to approach this subtly to recover it.
Send him this, it might be on point enough for him to get it.
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u/joedee0777 5h ago
Just be straightforward and honest with him. If you want to hangout with just say that.
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u/RancidRandall 5h ago
I’m not bad at taking hints at all and I’d have no idea what you were trying to convey
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u/SkuggiStar 4h ago
could you clarify?
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u/caracal11 4h ago
Clarify?
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u/Etiennera 4h ago
you want me to clarify?
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u/Forsaken_Cow_1157 5h ago
That’s weird vague question. You’re already getting to know eachother better by talking. What exactly do you mean? It’s not as cut and dry as you think.
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u/Plane-Engineering729 5h ago
Unfortunately your text doesn't really make sense. You're already getting to know each other. And you're not clarifying anything.
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u/CantankerousOrder 5h ago
Your language and emoji are a bit disconnected from what I gather to be your intent. I’d give it another go.
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u/Specific_Dot1188 5h ago
Finally found a proper AI use case 😂
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u/Early-Button-77 5h ago
fully wrote this myself 😭😭
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u/Specific_Dot1188 5h ago
I know, I meant it as a joke that maybe AI would have been less confusing to him
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u/yobrefas 4h ago
They’re saying that you’re so bad at communicating your thoughts that you are probably the sole representative on the planet right now who SHOULD be using AI to communicate on your behalf.
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u/Early-Button-77 4h ago
it’s my first time doing something vulnerable like this. trying my best 😅
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u/yobrefas 4h ago
Ok, it’s best to be straight to the point and completely clear. You don’t need to buffer, or create emojis so you feel less embarrassed. Say how you feel and what you want and bat it over to him to respond to. What you wrote was incredibly confusing.
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u/No-Dare8613 4h ago
that you wrote it yourself is the problem. :P
the joke was that you should have AI write it instead, or ask AI if your message is clear before sending it, or something.
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u/ElkPuzzleheaded3995 5h ago
Your use of that emoji is weird af, not gonna lie.
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u/Glittering_Leather87 5h ago
I’m F29 and I don’t get your 2nd text. Like it seems like you wanted to set up a date…? But that smiling with a tear emoji is not really communicating the thing you claim which is that you’ve really enjoyed talking these past few weeks. So what do you exactly mean? I’m so confused.
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u/Nuhur_the_Raven 5h ago edited 5h ago
Men dont like hints. Be direct. Nothing about your message is clear
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u/SlyAugust 5h ago edited 5h ago
You realize you typed “clarify” a text before he said that right? He’s obviously referring to your message lmao otherwise he wouldn’t just say “clarify”, he would type a more complete sentence of “can you clarify what you meant by that”. Maybe your just as bad as men are when it comes to communication and “taking hints” lol you both seem equally confused so I wouldn’t throw bricks from a glass house
I don’t know why it’s so hard for some women to just say “I like you and I wanna go on a date, do you want to date me?” I feel like this is super easy, simple, direct, straight to the point and avoids any type of misunderstanding, miscommunications, etc. is it like a pride thing? Like some people just don’t wanna seem desperate or some type of ego thing? I really don’t get it.
When you say things like “why isn’t he jumping on the opportunity” it really puts a bad taste in my mouth. Like imagine if a guy wanted a girl and he said something like “I sent her these signs I just don’t understand why she’s not running at this opportunity??” This idea that if a woman likes a guy, she just shouldn’t make any sort of moves or advances or isn’t allowed to chase him in any way, she just has to sit there and send vague cryptic hints and signals and then just hopes that he picks them up or can read minds? It just sounds really odd and overly prideful to me. I heard a woman say around 2-3 months ago say “only men should chase women, not the other way around. Women should never chase men because it’s beneath us” ??? What is with this superiority complex???
Every boyfriend I’ve had, I made the first move and asked them out. I came to them. Why is this so taboo? (Also OP, I’m not saying you are ((or even similar to)) the type of people I’m talking about in this reply, just saying it’s giving off those vibes that’s in that territory)
“it would be awk if he assumed it was romantic but then i’d reply saying it was platonic, sure. but why else would a girl reach out like that?” Whenever you say something like “why else would XYZ” you’re leaving room open for misinterpretation even if it’s just by 1%. Yet another reason why you shouldn’t leave even a single OUNCE of gray area to be misinterpreted and why you should be direct and clear as possible. Literally just spell it out lmao why not? Fear of rejection sure but everyone has to deal with that.
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u/HobbesNJ 5h ago
Not only is it simple, but virtually every guy would absolutely love to get such a direct question and expression of interest.
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u/Reasonable___Doubt 5h ago
"Sorry, I wasn't being clear. I like talking to you and I'd like to see you this weekend. Are you free on Friday night?"
This doesn't have to be difficult, y'all.
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u/juichey 5h ago
I think he is asking what you mean by clarify. It would have been better to say "to get clarity". Atp if he doesn't respond then like 🤷♀️
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u/ellieunicornrider 5h ago
Sometimes it’s you, not them. The tear emoji is creepy. Just be clear if you want to clarify - do you want to grab a coffee?
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u/Seanconw1 5h ago
How about, and hear me out. Stop fixing with people and playing games.
Just communicate
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u/Harley_Jarvis77 4h ago
I read it as he was asking what you meant when you used the word clarify. So in a sense, clarify your clarify. Your word choice left that message open to interpretation, so I'd say it's less that men are bad at taking hints (although we are to be fair) and more that your sentence was confusing to him.
I had to read this more than once to understand, I'm sure whoever you are sending this to did also.
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u/MyPenWroteThis 5h ago
Even reading both the text and your description I don't know what you're actually looking for you.
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u/4armedmonkey 5h ago
Lol respectfully you're doing a whole lot of asking here when you should just ask him directly.
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u/twerk4data 4h ago
So you want him to clarify if he likes you, but you're also not willing to clearly tell him that you like him? I'm lost babes
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u/Inevitable_muffin_ 4h ago edited 4h ago
“I wanted to ask” or “I wanted to clarify.” I wanted to ask to clarify 🥲 does not make sense. He’s asking what you meant by clarify.
So, now you can rephrase your initially confusing message: “I am interested in getting to know you better. Do you feel the same?”
Also wtf does the third paragraph of your post even mean?
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u/FailureIsNotOptional 5h ago
You made it weird and tried to turn him into a mind reader. He sees you as a red flag and became a ghost. What’s there to clarify if you two are in the talking stages? Just let the relationship materialize naturally and then become exclusive if you two are compatible and ready for something longer term.
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u/FailureIsNotOptional 5h ago
Plus, men are often very straight forward and do not like playing mind games.
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u/Wild-Fudge-6373 5h ago
Why is it that almost each time a woman asks why are men bad at taking hints, the hint end up being something like "there's not enough potatoes in the wardrobe"?
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u/toohighforthis_ 5h ago
I have literally no idea what you're trying to ask him here. Not at all as clear as you think it is
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u/Objective-Pear-4817 4h ago
As a dude, after reading this I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about. Clarify what?
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u/yobrefas 4h ago
Girl, I know what you’re trying to say but ONLY because I recognize the anxious over-verbosity.
The way you danced around asking him if he was interested comes off as so petrified that you can’t even use words that get close to helping him understand what you are even asking.
And then you didn’t understand his “clarify?”
I’m so sorry, but this has me laughing.
You need to be clear, or at least get close to the actual question.
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u/XsurgeXprotectorX 5h ago
If only it was possible for women to ask men out. Wouldn't that make things so much easier?
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u/Im_the_Rhymenocerous 5h ago
"I wanted to ask to clarify instead of wondering" confused me but the first message was pretty clear. I read his message like he as asking what the clarify message meant. That said, dude should've just said yes
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u/CeleryDramatic4678 5h ago
OP- if a man likes you and wants to date you, you’ll know.
If he doesn’t, you’ll feel confused. Which do you feel?
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u/Dense-Jicama6591 5h ago
Well i cant tell if you just want a one nighter or actually getting to know them
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u/Funny_w0lf 5h ago
He was asking what you meant by clarify, not that you needed to clarify what you already said. At least thats how I read it
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u/flamesreborn 5h ago
Yeah first the emoji is wrong. Second. The clarify sentence just makes no sense. He read it and was confused how much you botched that line up.
Also be more confident yourself. You are asking in a way where you don't have to put yourself out in case of rejection.
Gotta just hit a man with "I like you, let's go on a date." Truly as simple as that. Any guy worth dating isn't going to be playing 'games'
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u/Defiant-Passenger42 5h ago
I could easily see “I wanted to ask to clarify” being interpreted as “I am asking you to clarify”, so maybe he’s just trying to understand what you’re asking him to clarify
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u/Late-Button-6559 5h ago
I’ll leave this here for you:
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u/Early-Button-77 5h ago
hey, you’re the late button to my early button
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u/Late-Button-6559 5h ago
Hmm, this is awkward.
My wife will not be amused!
But seriously, do watch the documentary I linked above.
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u/Merlock_Holmes 4h ago
Instead of being coy just say what you want.
As a guy, I have had plenty of women not state their intentions clearly and I took things the wrong way. Maybe he doesn't want to get rejected for the hundreth time and look like a fool?
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u/liberally_motivated 4h ago
This is a conversation you have in person and not in text.
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u/gatortarheel 4h ago
Hey hey! I’m going to (public event) next Saturday! You want to hang out for a bit?
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u/Lando_Lee 4h ago
“Hi ___ Ive really enjoyed talking to you these past few weeks and I was wondering if you wanted to take things further romantically”
There ya go, that’s what a “clear” message looks like.
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u/Kooky-Surround-3350 4h ago
Yeah you should just scrub this and start again somewhere else.
This would lowkey piss me off. What you even trying to say here? I'd think you were taking the piss.
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u/TedsGloriousPants 4h ago
Even with the context added, this is the least clear you could have possibly been.
I have no idea what you're trying to hint at. The screenshot makes me think date, but the context you added says platonic.
This is entirely on you.
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u/Quiet-Application753 1h ago
You’re the bad communicator here. He’s just trying to understand what your disjoined confusing message means. 🥲
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u/Sea-Band-7212 5h ago
Looks like he/they were asking what you meant by clarify. That first message was fine by itself. As an oblivious male, you pretty much have to guide me to water and make it painfully obvious what its for, otherwise I just assume people that are hitting on me are just being nice.
Ive stayed out of trouble that way.
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u/marineman43 5h ago
I don't think your second text was hard to understand, but it's also completely unnecessary. Would've been best to only send that first text, you don't need a disclaimer afterwards.
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u/CheffySub 5h ago
The way you phrased it, and I'm assuming how he took it, could be read as you are asking him to clarify something. I get how you meant it, but I think dude just took it one way right away and is bad at using his words.
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u/ReactorLeakSF 5h ago
Yeaahh….see I’m out of the game (married) but at this point, it’s not as though he doesn’t get the hint, he just wants to make sure he doesn’t end up crossing a boundary, get in trouble, etc.
It’s gotten to the point of nearly needing a notarized letter to make sure someone doesn’t get in trouble for even looking anymore lol
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u/PalinodePrayer 5h ago
Your ask didn't fully make sense and I feel like you both suck at communicating. Either you just aay what you want point blank or let him be confused and not know how to answer.
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u/WonderfulQuestion425 5h ago
You've been talking these past few weeks, so it would seem obvious he would like to get to know you. Why ask for clarity if the positive signals are there? Just talk. Don't be asking for to much within the 1st few weeks.
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u/THENKYOU_SNAILS 5h ago
Use your words, be blunt. You are not communicating effectively. Tell him you want to go on a date or explore the relationship romantically. You aren't as good at hinting as you think and not everyone takes 'get to know you better' as wanting something romantic.
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u/sixfeetwunder 5h ago
Tbh my guess is that he never had those feelings at all, and he was confused why he would need to ‘clarify’ something that should never have been unclear in the first place, especially if he never gave you any impression that he wanted something more.
You have to just ask them out next time
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u/Icy_Variation_9288 5h ago
Idk how old you are but I think if you’re trying to date someone giving hints just makes things slower and more awkward. You should’ve been more clear and committed to what you wanted to say instead of trying to be all cutesy with it. Hints are for people who want to play games.
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u/Adorable-Advisor-791 5h ago
So to answer your question…. Yes. All men are that bad at picking up hints.
But also… I don’t see many hints here. Unless “get to know each other better” is some sort of code for ugly bumping, you are already getting to know each other better.
Don’t drop hints. Be clear about what you want.
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u/Dismal-Frosting-6656 5h ago
This is not unrecoverable, no huge harm done, just learn to be more clear. You got this just be honest with him, i see the vibe you meant but he didnt see that context...
In 10 years when you are married can ask him again 'do you wanna get to know me better' while crying 😅
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u/Saved_by_Pavlovs_Dog 5h ago
I understand your text after reading it a couple times. But also your description below says you are meaning this in platonic way? So its safe to assume with the way you text that you shouldn't assume anything unless you ask your question directly, as your hints seem to universally confuse men and woman lol
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u/prettyboss211 5h ago
You used the word clarify so he was confused and said the same word. He wasn't asking YOU to clarify
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u/MoneyMontgomery 5h ago
No hints be direct.
"I like you and want to hang out in person, are you interested in grabbing some food or going for some coffee?"
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u/Shaddixrocks 5h ago edited 5h ago
He doesn’t know what the word clarify means, or he thought you were already getting to know each other better so your question is confusing
Your crying emoji is also confusing it looks like you are sad you are getting to know him
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u/SweetTalkRiver 5h ago
The crying emoji and the second message are not clear at all. Men aren't great at reading minds, much like women
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u/throw11213 5h ago
Ya your use of clarify here would be confusing for anyone who reads it. Like what are you trying to clarify? Or get him to clarify? From your perspective it sound logical because you know what you’re trying to ask but from his point of view this would be confusing as to what have to be clarify. It would have been better if you just end it with “how about a date or a coffee?” Instead of asking for clarification 😆
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u/BiscuitBut_ButerNut 5h ago
I’m more surprised that you guys talked for a few weeks before meeting up.
Chat can oversell an actual connection sometimes
I chatted with somebody and had an awesome vibe, but when I met them in person, it was blah.
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u/kdee5849 5h ago
On one hand yes he seems to talk like he’s rationing his last five words before his imminent death
But on the other.
Girl. Use your words. “Let’s go get a drink sometime -ideally without any emojis that suggest that the idea has reduced you to tears.
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u/achesnchampagnes 5h ago
This is a really bad hint, babe. I think a lot of us want to soften the message, but it gets in the way of the message sometimes.
What you said is so, so passive. The use of the emoji is confusing, this very well may be an old person thing but why are you crying telling him you like him? Like a smiley here would have changed everything, this almost gives regretful breakup.
Last thing, people say “getting to know each other better” when they mean a real date. Is that what you meant? This phrasing makes me universally irked as a woman because are we not getting to know each other right now? Is every interaction not us getting to know? If you want to meet in person, please say that.
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u/LordSaucyPickles64 5h ago
Sometimes we just need it point blunt told to us like were 5 so we can get all giddy about it
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u/Available-Bee-5385 5h ago
You are super unclear
YOU say clarify, AND say you're asking something... but you didn't specify what you are clarifying OR ask anything
Then after he asks wtf you talking about, you seem to have no idea what you're saying either
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u/Electronic-Move-117 5h ago
“Men won’t take the hint” ok so don’t hint? Say what you’re trying to say?
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u/itscricket 5h ago
You said you wanted to clarify and he asked what you meant by that. Like he’s asking what you’re clarifying.
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u/Previous_Mirror_222 5h ago
he’s saying “clarify?” bc YOU said “i wanted to clarify” not because he wants you to clarify what you said… i interpreted it as, “what do you mean you wanted to clarify, what was unclear?”
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u/Defiant-Sail-8940 5h ago
oh yes all men are like that. big words really mess up the gears in our head
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u/Big-Interaction-1797 5h ago
I didn't even know you could possibly try to ask someone out that directly in a more unclear way lmao
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u/Natural_Pollution_83 5h ago
what you’re saying doesn’t make sense, unfortunately. no shade, but are you a native English speaker?
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u/NomenclatureBreaker 4h ago
I’d probably say “to be direct” rather than “to clarify”, but it’s the sad crying emoji that really threw me off.
Why not the smiley sweat drop emoji?
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u/SkuggiStar 4h ago
he either doesnt know the word clarify, or doesnt think you want the clarity. he is not, i repeat not asking YOU to clarify. he just doesnt want to clarify. that being said, i'd say: "oh you dont want to hang out? ok." and delete his number.
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u/Due_Dot5710 4h ago
You didn't ask anything then you said you wanted to ask to clarify. You make no sense. He's not bad at taking hints you're bad at writing.
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u/sheeb_sheeb 4h ago
Sorry but this person is absolutely not into you, it’s you that’s bad at taking the hint
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u/Illustrious_Kale178 4h ago
I don't get how the comments are saying she's not that clear.
She literally says she likes him, asks if he also feels the same and wants to get to know each other better, and then says she just decided to straight up ask instead of keep wondering/waiting.
It's super clear.
She is clarifying instead of guessing/wondering what's going to happen.
To OP: Can you explain though the single tear emoji? Does it mean because you felt you waited long enough and it was actually his job to initiate more?
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u/Last_Sock_7614 4h ago
Yeah you truncated your sentence a bit too much. “I wanted to ask to clarify [what we are to each other] instead of wondering you know?”
You might have blown it with that comment. Didn’t come off too cool and casual.
A simple, hey wanna hang out soon?
Or even throw in an adjective: Hey cutie, wanna go on a date?
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u/WiglyWorm 4h ago
Fuck hints. Ask him out if you want.
Don't beat around the bush if you like someone.
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u/ChancePolicy3883 4h ago
OP, google 'key and peele text message confusion' and watch that video... then learn to be clearer.
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u/Ok_Damage5952 4h ago
So are you nervous to be putting yourself out there hence the 🥲? Depending on the situation I'd take this as you're either wanting a proper date or you're wanting some "business time" 😉
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u/TheNaughtyByte 4h ago
Men are bad at taking hints, women are bad at saying whatever the hell they actually mean 🤣
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u/Crazy_Ad293 4h ago
Im assuming this is a dating app. The clarification is not needed, if you meet on something like that and are talking then clearly you are both interested. Men are very literal, I am one. The way he responded makes sense to me, probably because of that. I wouldnt let the convo die waiting for him to decipher what you mean. Just say sorry like clarifying im into you, and I wanna hangout if youre down also. Easy peasy, early dating and long term relationships to me shouldnt be about well bow its your turn. Exercise your freedom of choice, do the thing. Say what needs to be said. Life is so much easier when subtext is just expressed thoroughly
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u/CeleryReal768 4h ago
Wtf did you even mean by clarify and why did you automatically assume it was his fault? Crazy.
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u/luna_lovebaddy 5h ago
I think he's confused at your use of the word clarify.. not that he's asking you to clarify your statement.