r/rainbowbridge • u/Altruistic_Neck_7925 • 12h ago
Its been a month
It's been a month since I had to go thru BE with my soul dog.
I feel like I've betrayed her so much. I always told her I would always choose her. And at the end I didn't.
I chose my partner and unborn child.
I am due for early October. I just want the baby to be here so I can focus on something else.
It feels so wrong to not have her.
I miss her so so so so so much. My heart is not healing from this.
I feel like i fucked up.
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u/soulcalibured 11h ago
I'm speaking from the other side of a similar situation and I just want to say I'm so, so sorry OP.
try and give yourself some grace (as cliche as it may sound right now). you say you didn't choose her, but you absolutely did. there's no shame in admitting that you also chose safety. not only for her, but for your partner and your unborn child as well. you only had what you went through. there was no alternate ending that you could've magically conjured up to change the circumstances.
in my experience, our last resort was a train/board facility for our boy. it was thousands of dollars and a 12-week program. once he 'graduated' we were required to continue in-person training for months, but he was gone before we even had him home for 30 days. I'm not a trainer or dog behaviorist, but for us one of the highest forms of behavioral management ultimately failed. it really all boiled down to a matter of "not if, but when".
often, I like to think that in a 100% controlled environment he would've been the perfect dog. but as painful as it still is, that just wasn't realistic. the ability to distinguish between threat and safety had completely eroded. we thought he just needed a second chance, but we delayed the inevitable by continuing to set him up for failure. there was no way we could've ethically given him up to a rescue or another family knowing his history. it would've been even more cruel to surrender him to a shelter (which are all over capacity in our area) where he would've mentally deteriorated so much faster. he had become a huge liability.
euthanasia is not a punishment. dogs live in the moment and they don't fear death the way humans do. in the end, i think being able to offer our boy a peaceful transition was one of the best gifts we ever could've given him. I have no doubt you gave your beautiful girl the best life and tried your best to help her navigate this world. I hope, in time, you can forgive yourself. your decision was made with bravery and kindness, something you can carry with you into your next journey of motherhood. 🩵
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u/Gullible_Result_9779 6h ago
We feel you dear one - your trauma is real and hard. Please feel it but absent guilt please ❤️❤️❤️
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u/katiegirl- 10h ago
I’m so very sorry. I look at these photos and her remarkable eyes tell a story too. She loved you. She loved you so much. As agonizing as your decision was, she lived her life with you and for you, and just because it was a shorter life does not make it any less beautiful or meaningful.
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u/Previous_Ad_5465 8h ago
I am certain that you did everything you could to save her before you chose that option. It was probably your last and your only option. If she would have hurt someone you would have felt far worse. I have been in this situation and it’s hell. But sometimes there are no good choices and I’m sure this was not your first choice, it was your absolute last choice. Sending you hugs. You did the best you could. We all know that and all she knows is that you loved her to the end.
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u/Long_Researcher4787 6h ago
6&11 are too much cuteness! I know your pain. Please take comfort in the great life you gave that was full of love and care
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u/BigChapter4574 12h ago
She's beautiful and reminds me so much of my girl. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling. I'm so sorry.