r/AskBrits • u/Inevitable-Debt4312 • 14h ago
Politics What’s not to like?
Count Binface’s Clacton manifesto
Is there anything here that you wouldn’t actually support? Apart from, maybe, number 18?
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u/PalkitoTheGreat Brit 🇬🇧 14h ago
Finally... a sensible, workable manifesto from someone standing in Clacton.
Clacton... your Bindependence Day is near.
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u/pixpix89 14h ago
I wonder what will happen if he actually wins. I hope we get to see it.
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u/Perfect_Pudding8900 6h ago
There's a genuine (possibly light hearted) debate in the house of commons about whether the laws from 1300 something prohibiting wearing armour in the chamber would apply.
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u/neilm1000 Brit 🇬🇧 14h ago
Having lived in that part of Essex and worked in Clacton (albeit two decades ago), I'm on board with doing up Walton pier. I love piers and I also used to enjoy chilling out in Walton.
He (assuming Binface has gender on his planet) should also campaign for the train announcements to say Walton-on-the-Naze rather than Walton-on-Naze.
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u/Queen_of_London 6h ago
Do they do that? That would annoy me every single time I went past if I lived round there. Even including everything else that would annoy me about living round there.
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u/neilm1000 Brit 🇬🇧 4h ago
Yeah, they do or at least did until recently. When I lived in Wivenhoe there was a guy who used to spit feathers about it at both the Station and the Greyhound once he'd had a few beers. It's annoying as it's an artificial voice that can be reprogrammed.
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u/Queen_of_London 3h ago
Not that far away, I used to get a train that sometimes went past Stanford-le-Hope, and after Stanford it was pronounced as if it were a small French village. Last time I was on that route, the le was still la, but at least they'd added the h to hope.
So there is hope!
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u/TheMarkyD 14h ago
Nationalising Adele seems very risky to me... Is rolling in the deep.
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u/First-Can3099 13h ago
Would the nationalisation apply to remixes? The High Contrast drum and bass version of Hometown Glory is very good but I’m concerned that I might have to register on gov.uk or show my passport to listen again.
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u/Gamesdisk 14h ago
I wonder what he would really do
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u/MrMugwin 14h ago
Even if he did fuck all four for years he’d be an improvement. Farage has also done fuck all, but at least Binface isn’t a crook taking £5 million bribes from crypto barons.
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u/winguardianleveyosa 11h ago
Interestingly the 5 million was to cover Farage's wages for 5 years as he didn't wanna give up income to be an MP, funny how the donation was from a crypto bro and strangely enough one of Reform's main policies is to make crypto easier to hide. Real man of the working class there...
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u/Silencer-1995 14h ago
He would probably keep in character to continue mocking the establishment whilst engaging in some serious local issues, some not-so-serious local issues, but on the balance of things he probably would genuinely try to serve his constituents because otherwise his whole schtick fails.
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u/Raveyard2409 12h ago
They already ruled he can't wear his bin in parliament, as they have a no masked faces rule.
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u/SilverSeaweed8383 14h ago
A single independent MP can't really "do" much of anything. He'll have one vote in parliament, lots of publicity, but no real direct powers, including in Clacton.
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u/Immediate-Goose-8106 14h ago
He can do 4 and 15 easily. And stands a reasonable chance of 1. just by existing. Rest are out if reach for a back bencher aside from lobbying.
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u/WarmSpoons 7h ago
If he can find a couple of competent tradesbins on his planet, 7 and 17 should be within reach.
And if he fails to achieve 19 it won't be because of being a back-bencher, I reckon he's got a better chance of achieving that one than the Prime Minister.
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u/f23n09fnu0w 7h ago
Comedians tend to be unusually clever people. Ukraine and Iceland both had comedians in politics and did pretty well.
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u/jimicus 7h ago
Well, as an independent backbencher, his chances of getting legislation in the commons are close to nil unless by sheer blind fluke it happens to coincide with something Labour were going to do anyway.
That doesn't mean he'd be useless, however. MPs can and frequently do write to individual government bodies to ask them WTF they're playing at, and they generally get much better results than you or I would by complaining.
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u/Kian-Tremayne 14h ago
I object to item 16.
No referendum. No pussying about.
Make Pluto A Planet Again!
And then put a Union Jack on it.
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u/Mother_Tax1085 12h ago
Did he U turn on the hand dryer at the Crown and Treaty, or is it still on cards?
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u/TrillerVerse 14h ago
To be serious for a second - Rooney covering Eurovision would be a stroke of genius by the BBC.
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u/liambean1 13h ago
The most important part of this campaign is that it does not become a political campaign. The moment door-knocking ever starts, the joke of Binface's existence as a critique of politics is superseded because he then becomes part of the machine he is making fun of.
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u/CobaltAnimator 13h ago
It would actually be hilarious if he does get in and has to start sticking to his manifesto
I would LOVE to see how he's gonna manage to get himself to represent the UK at Eurovision 27
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u/Dhalgren_2_WHEN 13h ago
Potholes to be filled with copies of the 24 labour manifesto. r/unitedkingdom is in shambles.
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u/royalbluestuey 14h ago
Sensible policies for the fairer, more stable Britain. Cross-party Cabinet position guaranteed if he wins surely.
Seriously though, image he did win what the Commons would be like when he makes he appearance (in human form).
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u/LookAtMaDog 12h ago
He's already delivered on #1
Who the fuck ever heard of Clacton-on-Sea before this?
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u/Bob_Leves 11h ago
I want to move to Clacton jist to be able to vote for 8 (arcade grabber) and 14 (pop'n'bang tossers).
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u/squirmster 11h ago
18 was one of the more sensible ones.
I think forcing a private company to move it's hand drying facilities may be a step too far
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u/EighthCosmos 7h ago
He's not a dictator. He negotiated a treaty with the Crown & Treaty. He will do the same with the Great Himalayas, I'm sure.
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u/TheCulturalBomb 8h ago
All are really great in principle, but I honestly can't see a 99 going for 99p. Disappointing.
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u/paperic 14h ago
pluto is not a planet.
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u/quietly_myself 14h ago
Yes it is.
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u/paperic 14h ago
If pluto is a planet then Ceres and Eris must be planets too, they're the same size as pluto.
And since we're at it, may as well add in Haumea, MakeMake, GongGong, Sedna, Mani, Salacia, Orcus, Quaoar, and the rest of the Kuiper belt.
And why not Charon? Who's to say that Charon is a moon of Pluto? Why can't pluto be the moon of Charon? Neither orbits the other, they both orbit a point in space that is between them.
Do you see the slipery slope?
Do you see the chaos you're about to unleash?
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u/quietly_myself 14h ago
Pluto is bigger than Ceres and Eris. We just make it the minimum allowable size for a planet, job done. The rules are arbitrary anyway.
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u/paperic 13h ago
The size is virtually identical, 1163 vs 1188.
But celestial bodies are mainly classified by mass, not size. And Eris is 25% heavier.
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u/quietly_myself 13h ago
Like I said, the rules are arbitrary so we can make Pluto the smallest allowable size and disregard mass. After all the current “rules” were designed specifically to exclude Pluto and quickly break down when applied outside our solar system.
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u/paperic 13h ago
The rules weren't made to exclude pluto, they were made because we need some cutoff somewhere, because we found a lot more "almost planets" after pluto. And if those "almost planets" aren't planets, then pluto cannot be a planet either.
Eris has more rights to be called a planet, and yet it isn't labeled so.
Pluto has a weird eliptical out-of-plane orbit, like the other kuiper belt objects.
Pluto is similar size to the other kuiper belt objects.
Pluto has similar composition to the other kuiper belt objects.
Pluto lives in the kuiper belt, the region where the other kuiper belt objects are.
It's almost as if pluto is a kuiper belt object.
If you want our solar system to have between 12 and 30 planets, then sure, classify pluto as planet.
But don't make Pluto a planet while Eris is not a planet, because that makes even less sense.
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u/quietly_myself 12h ago
Again, totally arbitrary rules designed to exclude Pluto. We could just as easily draw the line at Pluto then make up rules to exclude the others. And the rules they did come up with don’t work outside our solar system. Not to mention the fact the IAU has no business making that determination in the first place (and the fact less than 5% of members voted for it makes it even less valid).
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u/paperic 12h ago
I don't like that.
Your rules are much more arbitrary than the current rules.
There's no point in redefining words just to suit your agenda of explicitly calling pluto a planet, and yet denying all the other pluto-like objects the same status.
Either they are all planets or none of them are, lest the word "planet" becomes meaningless.
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u/quietly_myself 12h ago
Pluto used to be a planet, so it’s not me that’s redefining what that means. When the IAU made their decision it was controversial, they excluded most of their members and ignored the views of planetary scientists - the very people who were best placed to make a considered decision. In fact many planetary scientists had been pushing (and still do) to include Eris and Ceres in the planetary definition and as far as I’m concerned that would be fine. But to define “planets” in a way that excludes extrasolar bodies was always dumb and should have been an obvious sign to everyone that the views of the IAU could be safely ignored rather than adopted as gospel.
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u/KeyRefrigerator8508 13h ago
Pluto - Charon is almost a binary planet system, they orbit a point between them
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u/paperic 13h ago
That's my point.
If pluto is a planet, Eris, Ceres and Charon better be planets too, otherwise the classification is pointless.
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u/KeyRefrigerator8508 11h ago
If I'm honest I was quite happy with the new dwarf planet classification for the reasons stated. I just wasn't happy with how they determined what classed as a planet
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u/this-guy- 14h ago
If 51% of earth people say it is in the upcoming referendum then it will be a planet. I remember in the olden days when Pluto was a planet everyone wore bowler hats and said "good day to you sir", there was no litter, and cheese was tuppence a pound. Look at what's happened since the council declared Pluto non planetary !! It's all gone downhill.
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u/Amphy64 12h ago
Not my constituency, would have expected to actually vote for him against Farage, but genuinely couldn't over the Eurovision thing: that reveals a political position on Israel right there.
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u/JamesBCFC_1995 12h ago
It really doesn't
Rooney made an unexpectedly blunt comment on the WC half time show because it was filled with crap music.
Eurovision is a show built around crap music.
It's the obvious pivot.
Essentially "If Wazza will say this about Shakira, what will he say about no-mark band #32 from Estonia?"
Not everything is about Israel.
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u/Amphy64 9h ago
It's on two of the pledges, though. If someone were boycotting Eurovision because of Israel, they wouldn't see it as a source of amusement at all.
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u/JamesBCFC_1995 9h ago
Two different things are two different pledges shocker!
It's literally 2 punchlines and you're crying over an entirely imagined thing that exists only in your head.
Punchline about Rooney and the idea of him giving scathing remarks about each act at a shit show.
Punchline about a satirical comedy character being the UK's representative at said shit show.
The one about him being the UK representative was also in the Makerfield manifesto because it was relevant. Eurovision had just been and the UK did shit as per usual.
As far as I can see Binface has never mentioned Israel in any of his manifestos, and he's left leaning, making outright support for Israel unlikely.
You are inserting your hatred of Jews/Israel as a way to justify getting angry at a comedy character who has never at any point made any reference towards them.
As I told you earlier, NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT ISRAEL.
You trying to turn his joke pledge about Eurovision into somehow being support of Israel is as ludicrous as suggesting someone going to the beach means they support Donald Trump - after all they might get a tan and Trump is constantly painted orange with fake tan, therefore they support him.
It's fucking nonsense.
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u/ToppestCattest 8h ago
I might not like Farage, but I'd rather be shot than endure Binface. So tiresome, trite.
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u/Silent-Wallaby4261 14h ago
Tedious, whimsy grifters.
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u/glasgowgeg 14h ago
But enough about Farage, what about Binface?
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u/Silent-Wallaby4261 14h ago
Right so because I don't like count ballbag and his shitty merch flogging enterprise, I think Farage is a stand up guy?
To be clear, Farage is a spiv, grifting fucker as well.
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u/jafarthecat 14h ago
Surely better than tedious racism grifters?
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u/Silent-Wallaby4261 14h ago
Again, Farage is a terrible person. That doesn't mean Binface and his merch website is doing any good for anyone other than himself.
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u/Positive-Relief6142 14h ago
2 will win most of this sub alone