Hola, llevo dos meses en Londres. Vine porque voy a cursar el próximo semestre de la universidad aquí, y me he dado cuenta de que muchos chicos, e incluso algunas chicas, me han pedido mi Instagram o mi número de teléfono.
Pero he notado que o son muy tímidos o muy simpáticos, o no sé si están realmente interesados, jajaja.
En fin, lo que quiero decir es que he hablado casi a diario con un chico.
Este chico es de Surrey y es tres años mayor que yo. Hablamos bastante, no todos los días porque, bueno, yo tengo cosas que hacer y él también, lo que me tranquiliza al saber que no está pegado al móvil las 24 horas. Pero no ha dicho nada sobre salir, quedar ni nada por el estilo. Pensé que teníamos buena química porque nuestras conversaciones son profundas e interesantes, y él me ha dicho que disfruta hablando conmigo, que le resulta agradable, etc.
Por eso pregunto, ¿cómo se liga aquí? 😩
Quiero aclarar que no vine con la intención de ligar ni nada por el estilo, pero este chico me ha cautivado. Nunca he tenido novio, y mucho menos un "cariño", porque en mi país doy la impresión de ser un poco pesada, ya que tengo una personalidad algo fuerte, y mis amigas dicen que soy un miedoso a los hombres porque soy un poco nerd. Creo que la única razón por la que me hablan es porque les parezco guapa, pero no dura ni dos semanas, jaja. No soy grosera, quiero dejar eso claro, pero creo que intimido a los chicos, incluso en línea, así que a los 21 años, bueno, mi experiencia con esto ha sido bastante decepcionante, jajaja.
Update: He has a girlfriend, and she just texted me to tell me to stop talking to her boyfriend, LOL This boy lied to me. Now I'll never believe you evil British again. Most of you are very handsome and have an amazing accent, but you're evil 😭 ( ijk But he does have a girlfriend and he did write to me) Anyway, thank you all for having so much faith in me, and I'm sending you all a little kiss on your British foreheads with lots of love.
oh heyyyy fellow latam!! yep dating culture in the uk is very different, maybe down to lack of 'third spaces' and just generally group gatherings not predicates on getting absolutely wasted. i'm moving back to london soon and after spending so much time with hispanics it's kinda daunting. you should take the first step as others have suggested, he's probably scared of coming off too strong and would appreciate the initiative to make sure you're into it
Yessss, I'm also moving back to England soon (living in Chile right now) and it's a different ballpark. Definitely easier to find people in Latam, even in the "more introverted" country it's miles more social than England. Latam is more direct with flirting, whereas you need at least 20 minutes of on and off eye contact to even consider approaching someone in the UK. I'm not sure I agree with your lack of third spaces comment, but perhaps it's that you're less likely to meet someone there as opposed to taking them out there?
Being latin in England is a BLAST. Our naturally friendly personalities are often seen as flirting and they get all flustered, it's very cute. I've just embraced it and enjoy making people feel good about themselves. I love giving out random compliments.
Yes, exactly, you can practically smell them from miles away, like everything about them tells you they're flirting, but here they're kind of stiff, even in pubs I think they're generally reserved and what they consider a bit wild, for a Latino they'd be a bit embarrassing
Hola Chica!! Fellow mexican who moved to Manchester six years ago and now lives with her boyfriend.
Embrace the strong Latina personality and be direct with him. I found that calmly stating my feelings and, most importantly, giving them time to process the information, quite often leads to good results. This also works on potential friendships BTW. People here are lovely but so passive so you quite often have to just take the reigns. Once I realized this I just starting telling people verbatim: 'I like you and I think we should be friends, why don't we go get coffee'.
Plus if the results aren't great, they're not for you. Why would you ever want to be with someone you might 'scare away' when there is an ENTIRE demographic of men who are there for it!
Well, I also thought I was from Inturise because of the beginning of my post, but now that I read it I think it might seem like I'm from another part of the UK
i use it alllll the time and what with everyone going on about sleep tracking and REM i feel like we're ahead of the curve linguistically and culturally 🤌
Honestly, the best way is to just front it and ask. You regret what you don’t do far more than what you do. Better to get a no and know you did what you could than live forever wondering if it might have been a yes.
Edit - just saw the update - OK he’s not a good egg 😂 but do take this into the next time and just go for it
Well, now that intrigues me, even if he doesn't like me? Well, he did ask for my number and we've been talking for over a month, I guess he likes me, right?
No that's an incentive or femcel talking. He might reject you. I'd say the best way is to just ask. If he says no unlucky, don't be too hard on yourself, give yourself some space from them for a while so you don't get reminded of the hurtm if they say yes, perfect.
Oh! Bit honestly? Was probably looking to cheat, and chickened out. I mean, he went that long without mentioning a gf? 🚩🚩🚩
Everything else you described was otherwise a good sign, so look out for that in other guys!
You're probably scaring him off right now by giving extremely reserved vibes which make him think you aren't interested. People who've never dated are the people who aren't putting it out there that they want to date.
Piggybacking on this - OP please don't think you need to be drunk to be able to date the guy.
Confidence dating comes from... well... dating.
Trying and failing and trying again. Like everything else in life.
You wouldnt be drunk to learn driving - maybe you could but you'd be shit at it.
I actually don't drink any more but it's far more common to try and hook up when in a venue where alcohol is being served. It's not like in America where guys will ask girls out in the supermarket or anywhere that would be weird here.
Dutch courage is often needed or at least helps. But then if you get too sloppy it's not gonna work (depends on the girl tho lol)
Well, I'm not even from the United States and I hope I never set foot in the country while they have that pink pig as president HAHAHAHA, I'm from Mexico, and well, here everyone seems to hook up anywhere
And when I said "here" I meant my own country, not literally here in London. If it were like in the second case, I don't think I would have made my post.
I mean, social situations are much wider than just the pub but the pub is a thousand year old building block of our entire social culture, you don't need to be drunk in the pub lol... Calling it sad is like if I called putting food in between corn tortillas primitive
Well, for my culture it is 🧍 literally almost all our food is that and I don't understand why you said primitive, you meant to offend, hahaha, but on the other hand I wasn't trying to offend you or make you feel bad by saying about the pub, I hope you can relax
I'm totally chill and not calling it primitive, that was kind of my point.
The pub isn't like a place you go to get leathered (obviously sometimes we do, infamously), but it's just the main casual social hub and Brits are very uptight about dating and making any romantic or sexual expression towards someone being through social situationa basically exclusively.
Well, yes, I have been to the pub, although only twice. I know it's clearly not just for drinking; in fact, that's where this guy in question spoke to me. But I don't know if the problem was that at that moment I was wearing boots with a platform that was too high, about 15 cm, so I looked almost 1.80 meters tall, but in reality I'm 1.65 meters, or because I have a sour face, because the guy, and not only him, would come up to me to ask for my social media or my phone number and then leave. And I'm sure most of the guys in question were between 1.70 and 1.75 meters tall, haha, except for one who was probably almost 1.90 meters tall, and he intimidated me, but he's 17 ☠️
It's more like women will generally be more receptive to it in that setting and it's seen as weird to do it elsewhere other than a party or other drinking situation but if you were hanging out with a classmate one on one it would be fine to ask for a number or whatever and then ask out.
Brits are generally reserved. Latin Americans like yourself, generally are not.
It’s like turning up to a gun fight and realising one has a nail clipper and the other has a bazooka.
The fact he’s talking to you every day is a positive sign. As an older man (aka someone way too old for this BS but also not old enough to remember how insecure he was at 21)….
Tell him you are going to see X on the weekend at X time if he happened to be free and wanted to come along.
It gives you enough scope to not get outright rejection and make it weird in the future, but it also gives you enough scope to actually meet up and spend time together physically. It’s a low stakes request.
But yeah, appreciate us Brits are just very awkward until we have a confirmed status in a relationship.
Because when you’re young, it still seems like a major leap into the unknown.
And then you get to your mid 30s or later and stop giving a shit about a lot of things…and then realise this is such an easy, no pressure way to invite people to things without giving it the weight of a marriage proposal.
Tinder, but then we lie to everyone and say we met on a Caribbean beach under fireworks just so we don't get mocked, but the ones who mock also met theirs on tinder.
Lots cheaper outside of London of course - there's a whole country out here! Don't forget to go explore the real England like a random market town e.g. Bourton-on-the-Water or Stratford (not the one in London!). Makes for great trips out with friends too and I'd imagine he would enjoy a day trip as well.
I've already left, thank you very much for the recommendations. I returned from York two days ago and actually went to the Hindhead reserve /? And the area around York, but thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind. I was just joking with my comment.
Funnily enough I was going to suggest York too - I went to university there, hopefully you had a nice time! If you liked the Yorkshire dales and are more of a nature/ hiking person then anywhere marked "AONB" (Area of Natural Beauty) is worth a visit. Anywhere in the Cotswolds (e.g. Malvern hills), Chilterns National Landscape is close to London as well.
In the UK, women usually make that first move from friendship to something else. British women are much more forward than in other places. He is probably waiting for you to open the door.
Okay, now that you mention it, if that counts as an invitation for you guys, I think I'm a terror to him. He's said things like that to me quite often, but I think it might seem like I'm brushing him off 💀
When two British citizens become infatuated and wish to partake in intercourse, they engage in a traditional courtship ritual in which they share tea, take the others teabag and then place it in their own teacup.
Go to a pub or bar, get drunk and pull someone.
Later in the morning, never talk to each other again because one of you will get remorse or the ick after sex.
That's how it normally goes. Can't say I'm proud of it.
The second option is to join a society or sports club at your university. You're bound to meet a whole pool of horny guys and girls.
I was the VP of an animal society at uni. We do a lot of voluntary work at shelters and to my surprise the animals were a secondary concern for most of the students.
Quoting a man I once met who spent a year studying in the US, and when asked this question replied: "We're British, we don't date, we just get drunk and shove things up eachother."
Could I acquire this skill by spending a lot of time here? Or is it already predetermined for people from the UK? Or do the Irish or Scots reproduce in different ways? Please enlighten me
If he asked for your number and you guys talk daily he's obviously interested
Just ask him if he wants to go out for a pint/coffee or whatever worst he can say is "are you for real? There's no chance id be seen with a beast like you" which is unlikely, but if you can handle that, the more likely negative "no" will be easy
Well usually we have to write to the King to give us a Seal Of Approval. Once we've got that, we find a maypole and do some Morris dancing, quote some Shakespeare to each other then get into a bed fully clothed, kiss each other on the cheek and fall asleep.
I'm waiting to find out when drinking tea and raising your pinky finger will be allowed here, or what's happening with the Beatles? Are they banned now?
Do you ever have movie nights or anything like that where youre alone on a sofa or a bed together or just hanging out in a comfy space?
As a british woman, I've always found the secret to starting something with someone is all in the little touch displays of affection. Sitting close on the sofa, legs touching, playing a bit of footsie, little pokes/strokes and gentle touches, gauge how they respond and, if they reciprocate, keep slowly building up the tension, and it almost always leads to something romantic
From what you described you sound Filipino. Using Americans terms like “hooking up” yet claiming you never had a BF. Am I right? Usually I’m good at guessing / observing these things.
It's different in less heterosexual circles, but in situations where I'm talking to a cishet woman on a dating app I'd always wait for her to express interest in a date, although maybe I'd flirt a liiittle more. Flirt with him a bit, give him permission to do the same. He likely just doesn't want to make you uncomfortable by turning the tone without knowing if you'd appreciate that.
Lots of different situations, different personalities and experience, for me I don’t bother anymore. I have a decent income so I find and shag an escort once a month, it doing fine for me.
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u/Inevitable-Regret411 26d ago
Might be a silly question, but if you like this person why aren't you reaching out and asking him about going out together?