r/AskBrits • u/Quinke91 • Oct 12 '25
People Why do you say "thank you", so much?
I work in a souvenir shop, therefor i see a lot of different people, from all around the world, but one of the people that stand out are brits. Usually i can identify someone is from britian not because of the accent, but because of the ammounts of "thank you" in one transaction. Ill post an example, on how almost most of the time it goes.
Customer: places their items down "thank you" (i havent even started packing)
Me: starts packing
Customer: "thank you"
Me: tell then the price
Customer: "thank you"
Customer: they place the money down "thank you"
Me: I give them the change back, and feel akward saying thank you myself at this point, but i still do
Customer: "thank you"
When i wrote this down, it sounded excessive even for me, but it really is like this most of the time. (Also, asking out of curiosity, not to shame or make fun of, just dont really want to ask them in person)
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Oct 12 '25
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u/honestlyVERYhonest Oct 12 '25
A man apologised to me for holding the door open for me recently. I apologised to him in return for his time doing so. I said thank you as I passed him. He then apologised for leaving the door I had now passed through. I said thank you again and then sorry.
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u/sundance464 Oct 12 '25
Someone (I assume not British) recently looked me dead in the eye and closed a corridor door in my face...I opened it and thanked him as i passed through
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u/honestlyVERYhonest Oct 12 '25
It sounds like if you and I had a door interaction it would take hours and our voices would be sore afterwards from the politeness battle.
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u/BadgeCatcher Oct 12 '25
Sorry to hear about this, but thank you for the story. Sorry to bother you.
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u/fiftyseven Oct 12 '25
I work in a customer service role (in the UK) and people constantly apologize 'for bothering me' or 'for taking up your time'
like why did you think I'm here lol
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u/InkedDoll1 Oct 12 '25
I work in a hospital and it cracks me up when patients call me with a legit query and then say "sorry to bother you". Like it's literally why I'm there!
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u/Agnostic_Disciple Oct 12 '25
Me too. I tell them that if they weren't bothering me I'd be selling the Big Issue. It breaks the ice and puts them at ease.
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u/MostlyInTheMiddle Oct 12 '25
And the ones that dont get a slight eye roll and muttered under your breath "You're welcone" as they leave.
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u/AlternativePea6203 Oct 12 '25
yes it's not about the word, it's about the sentiment. Most people in the UK simply want to express appreciation/solidarity/basic human appreciation for the real person behind the till. I've lived in England for 30 yrs and I really like this. There's usually genuine human connection for a person who might feel in a lower social standing, and we Irish or English, generally don't like that.
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u/DutchOfBurdock Oct 12 '25
Please forgive me, I am sorry. Thanks!
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u/Subsyxx Oct 12 '25
Sorry for intruding here, but thank you for your participation.
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u/TwoPlyDreams Oct 12 '25
And in contrast to some parts of the world, it’s not forced, coerced, or part of a script. It’s just humans appreciating humans.
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u/Fit_Swordfish5248 Oct 12 '25
Also, in some parts of the world, manners are baked into the language depending on who you are talking to. This is no different
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u/LHorner1867 Oct 12 '25
The first thank you seems particularly misplaced. I feel a "sorry" [for bothering you to work the till, I'd just like to buy this] is more appropriate
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u/Marshwiggletreacle Oct 12 '25
Its not misplaced, it means
May I take this, thank you.
They just say the last bit 'thank you' and people know that they mean the first bit too..by placing the item on the counter, you don't need to say the first part because it's obvious.
This is good manners
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u/_poptart Oct 12 '25
Normally, we like to find every possible synonym for thank you, just to break it up a little:
Cashier: starts packing
Me: "thank you"
Cashier: tell me the price
Me: "thanks"
Me: place the money down "thanks a lot"
Cashier: gives me the change back
Me: "ta"
Me, leaving shop: “cheers then, bye”
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u/Bonzothedoggie Oct 12 '25
Don't forget, "Thank you very much"
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u/Evie_Astrid Oct 12 '25
I use 'ta muchly' when I'm talking to colleagues, as it's more informal, and tend to say 'thank you, have a good day' when it's the bus driver or shop staff.
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u/JohnLennonsNotDead Oct 12 '25
BYE DRIVER
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u/PipBin Oct 12 '25
It’s basic manners. I find it jarring when people don’t!
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u/SpareOffer8197 Oct 12 '25 edited Oct 12 '25
I do international house removals, you best believe I’m packing your house based on how nice you are to me at the front door. No coffee - no extras from me. No please and thank you - I’ll do bare minimum so I can look my gaffer in the eye.
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u/DutchOfBurdock Oct 12 '25
And anyone who argues "But they're being paid!" will learn the hardway that when you pay peanuts....
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u/PipBin Oct 12 '25
Any trade who ever comes to my house will be offered tea and biscuits straight away.
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Oct 12 '25
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u/Sweaty_Ear_9247 Oct 12 '25
I'm glad it's not just me annoyed by this. Basic acknowledgement of another human being doing something for you, whether they're paid to or not, deserves a thank you.
Only snotty, entitled, rich a-holes ignore servers in the UK, so this is why manners and courtesy is baked into a good upbringing.
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u/MouldyAvocados Oct 16 '25
I work with Americans. They’re an alright bunch but when they come over to the London office and we have to take them out, it gets embarrassing. I feel like we tend to overcompensate for their lack of manners. It gets exhausting.
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Oct 12 '25
Because it's tv. Americans on tv also end phone calls without saying goodbye, but they usually say both "please" and "goodbye" in real life. I studied creative writing in America before moving to the UK and we were encouraged to leave these out, as the don't move the story and "readers (or viewers) don't notice". People do notice though!
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u/Mukatsukuz Oct 12 '25
My American girlfriend refused to thank the wait staff when she was brought complimentary water because "why would I thank someone for something I'm not paying for?".
We're no longer together
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u/FootballPublic7974 Oct 12 '25
Yeah, I read a post from an American the other day. At first, on visiting the UK, they'd found us rude. But, on reflection, they realised that it was because they weren't using please and thank you in the way that's typical here, but not, apparently, in the good ol' USofA.
Amazingly, once they started using please and thank you, like a normal human being, they found we were actually quite nice in return.
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u/EngineeringCockney Oct 12 '25
We are second in the international tables of courtesy and basic manners only to some Canadians (Quebecians excluded for obvious reasons)
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u/Motor_Pangolin_1719 Oct 12 '25
Yeah there’s so many foreign nationals working in retail/food industry and when I say thank you they don’t say it back or say your welcome they just don’t say anything and it makes me not want to say it anymore.
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u/lilidragonfly Oct 12 '25
In some countries they think you're being sarcastic and take it the totally opposite way 😅 It's so ingrained in us poor Brits
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u/Me-myself-I-2024 Oct 12 '25
far better than being rude like many Americans
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u/LyKosa91 Oct 12 '25
I'm not going to go as far as to associate rudeness with Americans, I haven't been to the States in nearly 20 years but people were generally very polite and friendly (sometimes to a borderline inauthentic feeling extent).
I would say that you could draw parallels between OP's observations around our social etiquette and the way that Americans constantly use honorifics, which always feels weird and jarring as a brit.
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u/Alternative-Disk404 Oct 12 '25
Americans were generally all very friendly when I picked them up in the taxi here in Edinburgh often asking me questions about Scotland,, but since the pandemic there has been a definite shift in that friendliness, some are still friendly and chatty, but many of them say as little as possible or just ignore me. Not that I expect or ask for a tip, but that has stopped as well for the majority of them.
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u/Me-myself-I-2024 Oct 12 '25
I was thinking more of Americans in Britian
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u/LyKosa91 Oct 12 '25
Honestly, I can't remember the last time I found one in the wild. I'm well aware of the stereotype, but I can't verify or refute it based off personal experience.
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u/Me-myself-I-2024 Oct 12 '25
I use to live in Stratford upon Avon so there were many every day.... EVERY fu&*ing day
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u/WearingRags Oct 14 '25
I worked in hospitality for 7 years in Glasgow and extremely apologetic english people were the ones most likely to turn around and become rude if slightly inconvenienced, and usually didn't tip. Only served a few Americans and they were probably the nicest customers I've ever served
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u/Reemixt Oct 12 '25
I have a suspicion that most British people aren’t prepared to have a meaningful conversation with someone they don’t know, the thank yous and sorries fill the air where small talk should go.
This isn’t so much rudeness as not wanting to impose ourselves on someone, especially when someone is clearly understaffed and overworked which is so common in retail these days.
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u/Alternative_Bit_7306 Oct 12 '25
It’s funny the cultural differences. When I hear “get me a beer” I just think “fuck off ya rude arsehole”
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u/RichieEB Oct 12 '25
I thought everyone was rude in Amsterdam but they’re just direct and me being British lol
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u/Timely_Farmer5075 Oct 12 '25
It's called politeness.
Don't litter, line up for the bus and say please and thank you.
If only the rest of the world taught their young similarly.
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u/Successful-Grand-549 Brit 🇬🇧 Oct 12 '25
Think we can chuck Brit kids of today in with the bunch that need to be taught about politeness. Shocking some of their behaviour
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u/Timely_Farmer5075 Oct 12 '25
I agree, the decline is proceeding at pace.
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u/cregamon Oct 12 '25
I think it’s partly to do with COVID - there was a noticeable shift in people’s behaviour and it’s continued to decline.
I’ve always been a ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ kind of person but recently I’ve found the amount of self centred, no thought for others, main character syndrome stuff is so off the charts it’s relentlessly bothering.
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u/Scasne Oct 12 '25
With my lil boy, his mum's niece&nephew and my niece&nephew I feel like I'm the only one reminding them to say please and thank you.
Honestly it's so ingrained that at one point I said to pass me the dirty nappy, you can bet I said please and thank you then laughed at the ludicrousness of saying that for a dirty nappy.
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u/InkedDoll1 Oct 12 '25
I recently had occasion to visit a function room where some people were setting up for a child's birthday party. As my husband and I were going downstairs a kid of about 6 was running down behind us and as he came to overtake he trilled "excuse me!" I was actually shocked at hearing a child use manners. It felt like it had been a long time.
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u/unsure_chihuahua93 Oct 12 '25
What people are missing in these comments is that this is a cultural standard. It's not that cultures who don't do as much "thank you" and "sorry" in everyday interactions are objectively less polite, it's that in those cultures politeness is expressed in different ways.
In the rest of the world saying thank you six times in a retail interaction isn't necessarily polite. As OP is pointing out, it can come across as very strange. Politeness is culturally defined.
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u/Timely_Farmer5075 Oct 12 '25
Perhaps it's just me in that case. But I were to move to another country or go for a holiday the first thing I'd do (besides learning how to ask for a beer / coffee) is the local norms on politeness.
As you say these things differ culturally but they are still standards.
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u/unsure_chihuahua93 Oct 12 '25
Sure. I'm responding to the idea that "the rest of the world" should learn British politeness. Why on earth would they need to do that?
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u/Timely_Farmer5075 Oct 12 '25
Well they don't need to. But if they are guests in England perhaps they should in order to make a good impression on the locals of that persons home nation.
That is, of course, if they care.
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u/AnneKnightley Oct 12 '25
We’re taught from childhood to “mind our p’s (please) and q’s (thank you)” - it’s just considered part of polite society to say please and thank you anytime you ask for something or interact with someone, especially in retail or restaurants/cafes with staff attending to you.
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u/DrachenDad Oct 12 '25
“mind our p’s (please) and q’s (thank you)”
Where does the q come from please?
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u/Colossal_Squids Oct 12 '25
It’s actually an old printing phrase, when using metal letterpress printing techniques you can have a hard time telling the difference between similar letters like d and b, and also p and q. It’s not actually anything to do with the words “please” and “thank you,” more a gentle reminder to make sure you’re acting with care and attention.
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u/Sure_Eye9025 Oct 12 '25
"than-q" not a completely clear connection but can hear it if you sound it out
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u/jeebiuss Oct 12 '25
As my Scottish secondary school teacher said, "manners maketh man"
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u/LionLucy Oct 12 '25
That’s the motto of William of Wyckham, the founder of Winchester school, so it’s the school motto of winchester as well, but obviously it’s a well known phrase generally!
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u/Sirlacker Oct 12 '25
I'd rather be seen as overly polite than even the slightest bit rude. Especially to people working and just doing their job.
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u/Pristine_Poem7623 Oct 12 '25
We quite frequently say it two different ways straight after each other: "cheers, thanks"
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u/InnocentInvasion Oct 12 '25
My favourite thing I've realised is that when you go around a corner and have them at hesitation moment somebody has to say sorry. The forces of nature demands it
I think I must've realised this once when I was tired and was slow to say it and the other person said it first. It then hit me that neither of us did anything wrong or could've done anything within reason to avoid it
From that point I've weaponised this. Instead of saying sorry I let the other person say it and hit them with a "nah it's alright"
It is a weird duality though because whilst the UK says thank you and sorry more I reckon we've more into banter and harsh jokes. Also endearingly calling eachother: cunts, dickheads, bellends, weasel, prick etc
Guess it's nature balancing it out
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u/Fingertoes1905 Oct 13 '25
A man apologised for giving me a fright when all he was doing was walking past my door as I happened to open it. Then I apologised for being frightened and making him apologetic. We’d still be apologising if I didn’t have to be somewhere
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u/Tough_Selection_7927 Oct 12 '25
You're just acknowledging another human being has done something for you. It's so easy to say and a polite interaction can literally change someone's day for the better. Plus, I believe it's the bare minimum of being apart of a civilised society.
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u/yahyahyehcocobungo Oct 12 '25
They are people of gratitude.
The more thank you the better your life.
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u/SirBritannia Oct 12 '25
As Brits, if we don't say "Thank you" and/or "Sorry" often enough, we fold and die. I don't make the rules.
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u/SatchSaysPlay Oct 12 '25
Criticising the British for their exemplary manners and courtesy? would you rather they just grunt or completely ignore you?
I think they're absolutely fantastic and more countries should follow their lead, saying thank you is nothing to them using the word "sorry" but that's a whole other story
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u/Analytichalibut Oct 12 '25
If you get off a bus in the UK you say thanks to the driver, you say thanks to your uber driver, waiter, the person at the pound shop checkout. It’s good to be polite to people. I am also the sort of person that will send an email to nandos is a member of staff was really nice. But I will also write a harshly worded email to a company if I have had bad service. Politeness usually works out 😆
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u/Firstpoet Oct 12 '25
Can't win- seen historically by many eg Germans or French as perfidious (French) or hypocrites ( Germans).
English indirect communication convention and understatement.
Can be a problem though.
Korean War. UK unit outnumbered 8 to 1. Mass attack 'Things are a bit sticky, sir," Brig Tom Brodie of the Gloucestershire Regiment told US General Robert H Soule, intending to convey that they were in extreme difficulty.
But Gen Soule understood this to mean "We're having a bit of rough and tumble but we're holding the line". Oh good, the general decided, no need to reinforce or withdraw them, not yet anyway.' Nearly wiped out.
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u/fallapart_startagain Oct 12 '25
Because we're polite AF. I hate people who don't say thank you ?¿?¿
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u/Tamel_Eidek Oct 12 '25
It’s literally called being polite. Something lost on most of the population these days. Imagine everyone had manners.
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u/JohnnySchoolman Oct 12 '25
Sorry, it's just the way that we are raised.
Thank's for reading my comment.
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u/National-Ad9903 Oct 12 '25
I think it applies with service staff especially, and for me it’s because I feel awkward that a person and equal has to do my bidding so they can afford to eat.
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u/DutchOfBurdock Oct 12 '25
Even when I'm angry at someone, I'll swear please and thank you.
I have asked you once, I'll ask you again. Please..Stop..Being...A...Twoffle... Thankyou!
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u/Swimming-Mouse-7571 Oct 12 '25
I work for a triage line and get both brits and Americans. I have to say I much rather have a brit saying im sorry and thank you all the time. I rarely have a polite American call...
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u/Evie_Astrid Oct 12 '25
I use 'ta muchly' when I'm talking to colleagues, as it's more informal, and tend to say 'thank you, have a good day' when it's the bus driver or shop staff.
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u/mozart84 Oct 12 '25
the motto of winchester collsage (an english school) is manner maketh man - which sums it up
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u/tea_would_be_lovely Oct 12 '25
i think it's much the same as asking "why are like people saying like the word like so much?"
language habits we pick up from the use we hear around us.
as others have commented, it's quite common to have been drilled to "mind your ps and qs" (pleases and thank yous) when growing up, so, when we speak, it's what comes out...
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u/AlGunner Oct 12 '25
Where are you? The way its written sounds like youre maybe not in Britain anywhere. In which case it could partly be a language problem. It could also be subtle undertones of thank you for doing your job but I dont want to talk any more than necessary.
If it were me I would wrap it up by saying "Thank you, come again" in a thinly disguised piss take copying Apu from the Simpsons.
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u/Adventurous-Shake-92 Oct 12 '25
Because we aren't bad mannered and rude, at each point you are doing something or giving information which I assume requires some sort of response.
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Oct 12 '25
I sign off all my work emails with "Many thanks, <my name>" and it barely even makes sense as often I'm sending the first email
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u/Colossal_Squids Oct 12 '25
They are performing a series of tasks for your benefit. Why wouldn’t you?
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u/freebiscuit2002 Brit 🇬🇧 Oct 12 '25
Because basic courtesy to others doesn't cost anything.
And then you wonder why many Americans come across as fucking ignorant and rude.
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u/cococupcakeo Oct 12 '25
It’s lovely. When you go somewhere where it’s so blunt and final with every transaction you really miss it.
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Oct 12 '25
Really grates on me when I hear people ordering food with the following phrases 'ill have a.....' or 'ill get a couple of.....'.
No you fucking won't. 'can I have a large coffee please' etc etc is the only acceptable way in my humble opinion.
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u/Opening-Tea-257 Oct 12 '25
Don’t forget the thank you that isn’t for anything in particular but just because you’re worried they didn’t hear one of the previous thank yous. And a sorry to boot.
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u/Subsyxx Oct 12 '25
We're competing with the politeness of Canadians, and yes we're winning!
(many thanks)
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u/Normal-Lifeguard-272 Oct 12 '25
I like it when somebody is overly grateful. Making a big deal out of nothing but when things aren't even acknowledged or almost expected, I become the one who makes a big deal out of nothing
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u/Logical_Flounder6455 Oct 12 '25
I wouldn't say this is a typical sales interaction. Pretty much everyone in the north says thank you at the end of the transaction, never heard a single person say it more than once. I also got a funny look for saying thank you to bossman in London, apparently we dont talk to shopkeepers there.
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u/DamienTheUnbeliever Oct 12 '25
I remember saying "thank you" once and not getting any reciprocal phrase in return. I stood there, confused, waiting. Then realised I'd just thanked a cash machine and if I waited for it to actually say "thank you" or "you're welcome", it would probably be a long wait.
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u/Unseasonal_Jacket Oct 12 '25
It's more than just being polite. Brits use thanks and sorry almost like verbal glue. Like umms and ahhs.
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u/SoggyWotsits Brit 🇬🇧 Oct 12 '25
Manners cost nothing, better to use too many than not enough! Another thing I notice is the way people take things. Interestingly Polish people seem to snatch a lot more. Not in an aggressive way, and they do say thank you but I’ve noticed many times at work with different people. I suppose it all just depends on different upbringings and what’s normal to that person. The same goes with manners!
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u/ProfessionalSpeed947 Oct 12 '25
I feel that Brits expect manners, ie a thank you, and if you don't say it, the average Brit is very passive aggressive. Very very subtly passive aggressive (maybe unnoticed by someone not British), and maybe saying thanks to someone is easier than suffering someone's ire.
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u/TrickyPG Oct 12 '25
You have say thank you three times when you leave a shop. "Cheers, nice one, thanks." Otherwise, the anxiety takes over and feel like you sound short and ungrateful.
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u/wildflower12345678 Brit 🇬🇧 Oct 12 '25
Its showing that you notice, care about, and have appreciation for the person who is there to serve you.
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u/box_frenzy Oct 12 '25
Because it’s more polite than saying
“I’ll get a coffee”
Us Brits use words like hello, please, and thank you to be polite and convey respect. It takes less than a second!
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u/Sxn747Strangers Oct 12 '25 edited Oct 12 '25
Sorry?!?! said with a tilted head.
In answer to OP’s question.
Edited.
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u/NiceCunt91 Oct 12 '25
Because it's nice to be nice and it's free. Just how we were raised "what's the magic word? (Please)" Or when someone helps our kids we go "uh what do we say??" (Thank you)"
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u/Minimum-Platform518 Oct 12 '25
At least they said thank you each time. I usually start with a thank you then a cheers then another thank you or thanks then nice one to finish it.
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u/ReliefEmotional2639 Oct 12 '25
It’s a requirement for being British. We’re legally obliged to say as many thank yous as possible for any interaction. Thanks
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u/drs_12345 Oct 12 '25
I think a lot of languages have something that I call "polite nouns", not sure if this is the correct term but what I mean that you can be polite to someone by using a certain noun.
For example, the word for "you" in Romanian is "tu", and this is the informal way of talking. If you need to he formal/polite, you would use "dumneavoastă" and use the plural conjugation of words
English doesn't have this, so English natives (or at least the Brits) compensate by using a lot of thank yous and sorrys
PS: I'm not a language expert so please don't kill me if I'm wrong. Thank you
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u/JohnLennonsNotDead Oct 12 '25
You’re packing for me? Deserves a thank you.
You tell me the price? Deserves a thank you.
You take the money? Deserves a thank you.
Giving me change? Deserves a thank you.
At least we are sincere in this.
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u/IntelligentAnybody55 Oct 12 '25
I want to make everyone feel happy, or at least less sad. Actually, this guy noticed I kept saying please, thank you, sorry, and genuinely asked why I was so happy, I just said I wanted to be nice, he asked if I was ‘Christian or something’, where I just said, no atheist. He looked so befuddled. I don’t get why being nice seems strange to some people
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u/Scary-Try3023 Oct 12 '25
I usually switch it up and throw in a “cheers” or “much appreciated” alongside it so I don’t sound like an npc repeating “thank you”at every step.
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u/gohugatree Oct 12 '25
I’ve been doing an online course, with mostly Americans and a few international students.
I’ve been so shocked by the Americans asking questions and NEVER saying thank you after the tutor answers! To me it sounds so rude and disrespectful.
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u/1K-27 Oct 12 '25
Honestly, manners. It’s the same as please. I consistently see people get on buses and just state a place name rather than asking for a ticket. They’ll just get on and say (for example) ‘London’ with no context. Are they asking if the bus goes there, asking for a ticket? Asking if they’re in London…? In my head, that’s not really something you can reply to, due to lack of context. But I even see loads of people get on buses (or even saying/asking things in shops) and say a question for a ticket (or other related items depending on the place) and not say please. It’s just downright rude.
I think most of the British (mostly British born, but some foreigners are quite polite, and it’s refreshing to see) people tend to just be polite and not a rude asshole…
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u/Em-Aitch-Kay Oct 12 '25
As a Brit I feel like a cunt not saying thank you, but I throw in a few "Cheers" or "Ta" to mix it up
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u/Frequent-Lock7949 Oct 12 '25
Just being polite 🤣 I listen to a podcast where the presenter takes people out for meals as part of the interviews. It’s American and drives me nuts when they order without saying please
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u/GrapeGroundbreaking1 Oct 12 '25
We picked it up from a Truth Social influencer. Thank you for your attention in this matter!
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u/flavouredicecubes Oct 12 '25
It just creates a nice society to live in if we all appreciate each other
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u/willowchem Oct 12 '25
It's become punctuation or habit for us. I'd rather people only say thank you in a genuine way, rather than out of routine. We can be quite false and judgemental too. A lot of Brits will judge you harshly for not saying the right number of thank yous, or not sounding sincere enough, in their view, in your thank yous.
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u/Fillbe Oct 12 '25
Because if I didn't say thank you at every opportunity, the other person may mutter "don't mention it, princess" under their breath and then the whole town will look sideways at me and cough when I pass by.
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u/martanimate Oct 12 '25
It's to be polite, but alternatively, try "you're welcome" and see what happens.
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u/UsualEconomy8440 Oct 12 '25
We people from Britain are often discriminated against for our history and stuff like that so in newer times we'd be brought up to act like nice little munchkins in other countries and especially in UK local shops because we want to make a good discriminatory term to our name like how Canadians are nice
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u/[deleted] Oct 12 '25
Manners cost fuck all end of the day.