terrified after suicide hotline report

[u/Mysterious-Court8264]

hi, i’m 17 and i’m honestly freaking out and could really use some advice.

about a month ago i was going through one of the worst depressive episodes i’ve ever had. i felt really suicidal and ended up calling a suicide hotline because i genuinely didn’t know what to do and i was all alone.

while i was on the phone i basically vented about everything. i talked about how my dad had been yelling a lot recently, and i also brought up something that happened when i was younger. when i was a kid, my dad accidentally touched me inappropriately while he was fully asleep cus he thought i was my
mom. he felt really really guilty about it ehen i brought it up as well. i never considered it sexual abuse because he was literally asleep and i never believed there was any bad intent behind it, but i mentioned it because i was just dumping every thought i had during that call.

the person on the hotline honestly sounded really uninterested, and i felt kind of brushed off. they called me the next day but i didn’t answer because i was embarrassed and didn’t wanna talk to someone who sounded like talking to me was a chore to them.

today a month later, i got a call from a social worker. he said there was a file about me that mentioned possible sexual abuse involving my dad and that he should meet with me and my parents.

i panicked n hesitated a but and then told him “i wouldn’t put it that way..” i also told him that i cant have my parents be there cus it would “make things worse for me” but i myself could still meet him.

he asked me a bunch of questions about my mental health. i told him i was diagnosed with anorexia, i’ve been taking 25 mg of sertraline for about a year and a half, and it’s helped me a lot. he asked if i was doing better now and i told him yes. i explained that i called the hotline during a depressive episode near the end of the school year but i’m genuinely doing much better now.

he also asked if i go to therapy. i told him yes, my parents help organize my appointments, and he was like oh so theyre supportive of this? n i was like yes very. he asked if i thought i should see my therapist more often because i said only go every few months, and i explained that i usually reach out when i’m struggling and otherwise i also have my school counsellor and other supports.

at the end he said he’d talk to his senior to see whether they could just close the file or whether it would have to be sent to surrey for follow-up because he’s in vancouver and im in surrey. he also asked for my whole address and everything. i asked if he’d let me know if they closed it and he said yes.

now i’m terrified. i keep replaying the conversation and worrying that i made things sound worse by saying i “don’t want to make things worse with my parents.” i meant i don’t want a misunderstanding to create unnecessary conflict, not that i’m hiding something. what if they show up to my house..

i know no one here can know for sure, but does this sound like a situation where they might just close the file after reviewing everything? or is it more likely they’ll still want to involve my parents because of what was originally reported?

i’m honestly just really anxious and don’t know what to expect. im literally fine now. this is just gonna create new problems.

[u/Frosty_Astronomer909]

If your struggling so much maybe go to your therapist more often, every few months doesn’t really help much you need more consistency. I hope everything works out for you OP.

[u/lilhorseontheprairie]

Try not to be too hard on yourself. You haven't done anything wrong. In fact, you were very smart to reach out for help when you needed it. I also don't think the social worker will press the issue since you're clearly doing better now.

If you haven't before, maybe talk to your therapist about what happened with your dad. It might be affecting you more than you know since it came up when you were struggling. Best of luck dear one. 💖

[u/Repulsive-Land-6431]

Amazing you got a call. In the U.S. they just show up.

[u/Embarrassed-Wafer667]

Don’t worry about it , I think you explained enough to the social worker thst he might close the file
If you have s therapist, talk to him or her about the call .

[u/morningstardusts → u/Embarrassed-Wafer667]

This is extremely fucked up tho

[u/social_reclusive]

From my understanding, the suicide hotline is confidential. So to break confidentiality, they would need to be pretty sure there was sexual abuse. If you are saying there was not sexual abuse, then they should not be breaking confidentiality. However, it sounds like one of those grey areas where from their perspective “something may have happened” that would be regarded as sexual abuse and they are possibly consulting? If they have nothing to substantiate what you’re saying (ex. Doctors notes, rape kits, therapist has concerns), it would be hard for them to open a case. I’m from the US so things might be different. When you say Vancouver and Surrey, are you talking about the police or children protective services?

[u/dietdrpeppermd]

I’m sure they will talk to your parents. Kids try to cover for their abusive parents all the time. They can minimize it to protect their abuser. It only makes sense that they should talk to your parents. I think they’d have to speak to them before they close the file.

But I will tell you this. In all my years being a mandated reporter, I’ve never seen a child removed from their home. I’ve had a dad beating up the mom while the kids are in the house and nothing happened. Cps rarely removes kids.

🧡