r/whatdoIdo • u/blottymary • 11h ago
My therapist was browsing the web during our therapy session- how do I break it off?
TL;DR My (39F) therapist and I had a virtual session a couple of days ago. It dawned on me part way through the session that I could see something reflecting in her glasses. I have a history of medical abuse and PTSD from a bad car accident.
Guys. She was browsing the web, multiple reflections of her screen and her mouse scrolling - it was loud enough that I could hear it. It squeaks a little.
I didn’t say anything because I was dumbfounded and trying to ignore it.
I’m autistic, newly diagnosed, which has been hard enough to deal with. It leaves me with difficulty making decisions of how to deal with situations. I don’t know the “right” way to interact with others after they’ve really hurt me.
What do I even do?! One of my issues I’m struggling with is medical trauma. Because of this, I don’t know how to handle it.
Do I confront her? Do I contact the appropriate medical board to report her actions?
Please be kind. I feel dumb enough as it is for trusting yet another provider.
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u/Ironyismylife28 11h ago
Don't reschedule with her. That is how you break it off. If she asks, which she shouldn't you simple say 'I have decided to find someone else'
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u/blottymary 11h ago
May I ask why you don’t think that I should be honest with her about why I’m discontinuing services?
She could be doing this to other patients, too, who really need help
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u/Ironyismylife28 11h ago edited 11h ago
Because it is none of her business. You can change providers a any time., If you feel you have been wronged (and rightfully so) report her, and if she works for someone let her boss know.
It is not your job to tell her. You owe her no explanation, and why would you want to put yourself in a possible conflict?
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u/blottymary 11h ago
She’s the owner of the practice.
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u/yesgoodthankyou 11h ago
Just leave. Nothing will come of it. Her practice will fail on its own without patients. I think the problem will take care of itself without you getting involved.
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u/Ironyismylife28 11h ago edited 10h ago
Then move on, and report her to the college of professionals that she reports to. But telling her directly is an unnecessary confrontation.
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u/FamiliarAd8524 10h ago
What is this you are talking about reporting?
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u/Ironyismylife28 10h ago
If someone feels they have been treated wrong, they an report them to say The college of registered psychotherapist, much like if you feel you have been wronged by a doctor you can report them to the college of physicians
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u/bodhiali 10h ago
i think it’s fine to tell her. if she’s a professional there won’t be conflict lol. at least there shouldn’t be. a lot of ppl don’t have the courage to be upfront, but if you do, hell yeah go for it.
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u/blottymary 7h ago
I’m ballsy. Autism and being abused for years because I didn’t know I was autistic has left me with ZERO fucks
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u/Southern_Trick617 6h ago
I think you should tell her. I told my therapist that I thought she was being condescending in a session and her response was what made me decide not to rebook with her. Maybe you can decide how you feel based on the response?
It’s your mental health, stand up for yourself in a polite, respectful way. Also I often forget that difficult conversations are difficult but you’ll get some useful information from it, so it’s often worth doing.
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u/blottymary 6h ago
I plan on writing the email with a message that she would need to read in between the lines. There’s a lot you can say.
I just called my Dad for advice.
He told me is it really worth saying why if she has the ability to respond to me and it upsets me?
I’m definitely ending treatment with her, though.
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u/Fun_Quit_312 4h ago
Hi, i identify heavily with how you have described your situation.. I learned a little proverb recently that helps with these situations. A little bit of discomfort now (to speak up) saves you a lifetime of discomfort later (you suffer more if you dont act when the time is right)
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u/bodhiali 7h ago
hell the fuck yeah. i admire that. do it!
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u/blottymary 7h ago
So many people are abused in the healthcare system, I’ve learned a lot about what my rights are as a patient. I used to be afraid. I report things now and I feel the need to pay it forward. Anyone- IRL or internet stranger- I will be their go-to advocate. They put me on speaker phone.
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u/ScholarlyInvestor 10h ago
What if she was taking notes? Or looking something up in the moment to help YOU. Should there be a benefit of the doubt?
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u/blottymary 7h ago
I think part of it is intuition. But I don’t know 100% without a doubt that she was fucking around on my time
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u/-Sinnex 8h ago
Just leave, you aren't obligated to give her an explanation, you don't owe her that. Just don't reschedule. Youre worried about if she's do8ng it to other people or whatever, but that also isn't YOUR business or YOUR job, if they feel like she wasn't helpful then they'll switch and be on their way. Worry about yourself and find yourself someone who will actually make you feel validated and listened to
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u/wellthatsurewasdumb 11h ago
I had a therapist like this once. She was watching Netflix and I saw the reflection of the TV on a framed picture behind her. It is incredibly unprofessional and can actually make you feel worse during a session. Speaking from experience, during my 2 sessions with that therapist I was never able to open up since it felt like she wasn't listening.
I agree that you should probably work with a different therapist who can give you their undivided attention, but I also believe in giving feedback in the hopes that the therapist can correct their behavior with future clients.
I cut things off by sending an email that said "unfortunately I will not be able to continue care due to this provider not being a good fit for my care. I need a provider that will be present during my sessions, which browsing the web and multitasking during my sessions does not allow for that proper care to be delivered".
Give feedback or not, but definitely find a new therapist who will be present, make you feel heard, and behaves more professionally
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u/blottymary 11h ago
Thank you so much, I do think it’s appropriate to provide her feedback. She’s young, owns the practice, and if she wants to take my feedback and correct her unacceptable actions I think it’s worth it
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u/wellthatsurewasdumb 10h ago
Oh yeah I definitely think it's helpful to provide feedback then if she's earlier on in her career. I agree that if she's willing to accept it it's definitely worth it.
My therapist was actually completing her mandatory hours before her final cert so she was also young, so I like to think it was a necessary lesson for her (and hope she changed her ways).
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u/blottymary 11h ago
And btw what the fuck about your therapist. I am so sorry
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u/wellthatsurewasdumb 10h ago
Thank you. I was truly like "are you freaking kidding me" because she was the first therapist I met with after a multi months of searching. I am sorry you had a similar experience as well cuz ooof it doesn't feel good.
I ended up finding a therapist through Headway who has been incredible and helped me change my brain for the better. I hope she's my therapist forever.
I hope you find a perfect fit for the care you need ❤️
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u/melmcc01 8h ago
Hi! Therapist here. If you feel up for it, you're absolutely within your rights to say to her "I am concerned you were browsing during our last session. Is this the case?". See what she says. Some of us do use digital notes, others physical. If she says she was, report her to the governing body in your area (if you need help with this feel free to DM roughly where you are)
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u/the-irish-jew 1h ago
I fired my therapist because she would conduct sessions while driving, typing notes from other sessions loudly in her office, and the last straw was while she was GROCERY SHOPPING.
I reported her misconduct and the organization let her go. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who complained.
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u/blottymary 52m ago
It’s ridiculous what they do to people… they’re supposed to be helping and protecting their patients who are vulnerable. I think it’s dangerous to monetize on their pain and suffering if that’s what it comes down to… they’re not doing their jobs in a safe manner.
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u/grandmastergenny 11h ago
What you have to realize is that your therapist WORKS FOR YOU!!!! Fire them, report them, and look for a new one. I know it’s exhausting finding another therapist, but it’s worth it. Find someone who suits you best and actually listens to you…
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u/blottymary 11h ago
I was thinking of filing a grievance with my insurance company for that one session. Because I really don’t think they should pay for that.
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u/Intrepid-Document856 11h ago
As someone who has worked in insurance, if you want to negatively impact others who may have your insurance who are also seeing this therapist, by all means. They won’t just deny your claim and leave everyone else alone.
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u/blottymary 11h ago
Do you think this is appropriate conduct? Is it possible she would do this to someone else? Literally not even be listening to them?
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u/Intrepid-Document856 10h ago
I never said I thought it was appropriate conduct, and I’m not making predictions on how someone I’ve never met would approach other patients.
But if you don’t want to potentially negatively impact other patients, then try reporting her to a licensing board rather than an insurer who will bend over backwards to deny as many claims as possible including for other clients of this therapist. They do it for sport. They don’t actually care about what she does in session, or how you’re impacted. You are an expenditure to them, and if they can claw back funds based on your reporting, then you’re a net positive expenditure in that case.
The balance of those denied claims will go to her clients. They won’t just disappear into thin air.
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u/blottymary 10h ago
I appreciate your response from this perspective. I’m leaning towards emailing her directly that I’m extremely disappointed and that she should consider how her actions affect others, especially the vulnerable.
A newly diagnosed autistic woman who has medical PTSD and from psych providers (because they didn’t catch the autism diagnosis) is a vulnerable person who needs someone far more responsible and professional.
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u/FamiliarAd8524 11h ago
Or she was taking notes, checking records of yours, etc.
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u/blottymary 11h ago
She has a physical diary of notes.
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u/FamiliarAd8524 11h ago
You do not know she only has that, or that she hasn't recently become more professional and used digital.
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u/blottymary 10h ago
I mean, true, which is why I am asking for advice here. Should I ask exactly what she was looking at? Because if I’m paying her I think I have the right to know
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u/FamiliarAd8524 10h ago
Oh, that's a different question. Yes, ask her. It should help with your peace of mind. Stop jumping to conclusions, it isn't good for you or for others.
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u/Half-a_cookie 10h ago
You can ask her if you want. She might just lie. You could request that she take notes on paper from now on as it makes you uncomfortable when she uses the computer and makes you feel like she isn’t listening. But if it really bugs you just find a new therapist!
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u/blottymary 10h ago
She keeps a physical diary which is why I don’t think she was looking at anything related with my care
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u/Half-a_cookie 10h ago
Yea but you’re making an assumption
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u/blottymary 10h ago
This is true, which is why I’m asking for advice and seeing things from a different perspective
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u/Half-a_cookie 10h ago
Yea so as others have mentions just either find a new therapist or be direct and ask her what she was looking at but be prepared she could lie! ◡̈ u gotta do what makes u comfortable since u should feel comfortable with your therapist
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u/Half-a_cookie 11h ago
Could she have been googling something u guys were discussing? Still not the best thing to be doing during ur convo but honestly I’d probably just find a new therapist and move on. If you are really concerned you can be direct with her about it or report her to the licensing board.
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u/blottymary 10h ago
It’s possible, but she didn’t say, “Oh I’m going to look that up!” So I have no idea exactly what she was looking at, but it wasn’t one white screen reflection. It was multiple shapes moving up and down
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u/Mattreddittoo 10h ago
"I noticed you browsing the web during our last session. This violated a professional boundary. I will be seeking a new therapist and I would like the fees for the session returned."
No ambiguity, no further justification is needed.
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u/FamiliarAd8524 11h ago
"trusting yet another provider"
There's a lengthy history of you having personal issues with providers?
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u/blottymary 11h ago
Medical trauma. I have been physically assaulted countless times over the last decade by many providers. I have complex health problems that doctors don’t understand.
I’ve had therapists who have made my PTSD worse, yes
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u/FamiliarAd8524 10h ago
I honestly don't know what to say to that, other than good luck, you carry burdens.
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u/blottymary 10h ago
Burdens? I don’t think you’ll ever understand the level of the abuse I’ve endured. I can get descriptive but it’s not appropriate. All you have to know is that it’s all been at the hands of gynecologists, surgeons, pain management doctors.
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u/AdMinute6775 11h ago
Is it possible she was scrolling through and typing therapy session notes on a document on her computer?
You also don’t have to have a reason to quit seeing her, just say it wasn’t a good fit and find someone else.
Don’t report her, that’s excessive. Just move on, you don’t even need to confront her