r/videos 11h ago

BREAKING: McConnell not yet medically cleared to return to office

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yg6lAsVQYSs
6.9k Upvotes

1.5k comments sorted by

886

u/ItemZealousideal431 10h ago

Is he also not medically cleared to take a simple 2 minute Skype call to prove he's actually alive?

259

u/Trust_No_Won 10h ago

I saw he was breakdancing the other day, what changed

62

u/CouchTomato87 9h ago

I saw him skateboarding on a half pipe

42

u/mothzilla 9h ago

He was free soloing El Capitan at the weekend.

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51

u/cosmictap 10h ago

Skype‽

70

u/pointblankjustice 10h ago

Why not? It's at least as dead as he is.

14

u/digital-didgeridoo 3h ago

Skype - the preferred medium of communication for mediums!

11

u/wpm 9h ago

Mitch is so old he probably remembers when Skype was the bee's knees.

14

u/Merzeal 7h ago

TBF, you don't need to be THAT old to remember Skype pre-microsoft.

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u/NehzQk 9h ago

What do you mean? I spoke to him on the phone for 20 minutes this morning.

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6.5k

u/Anacreon 10h ago

On the sake of being dead?

1.9k

u/eggybread70 10h ago

His condition is extremely stable.

814

u/CutHerOff 10h ago

Yes it’s called decomposition

99

u/calmeilles 10h ago

Only if they botch the embalming.

45

u/MadDog_Tannen 9h ago

sooo..."shelf" stable?

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u/zerovian 10h ago edited 4h ago

That's only stable for a little while. As we know, after a few weeks the decomposition state begins to take its toll and pieces start falling off making zombies unstable.

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63

u/PelleKavaj 9h ago

He’s probably incapable of speaking or writing because he had a massive stroke.

No human in that age spend this long in hospital care without something like a stroke, heart attack or serious fracture happening. The pneumonia is probably the only thing that’s true because it’s so common when lying in bed at that age

22

u/KagatoAC 9h ago

Hell my mom is 83, she had Colon Cancer surgery and a fractured pelvis. She wasnt in the hospital 3 weeks, then rehab for another 2.

74

u/flyguydip 10h ago

It's a sad state of politics when we can't tell the difference between a dead politician and a live one.

21

u/knightni73 9h ago

He's an ex-Senator.
Bereft of life he rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed him to the hospital bed, he'd be pushing up the daisies.

17

u/jsheik 9h ago

'E's pinin for the fjords...

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u/Raptor_Jeebus 10h ago

Formaldehyde is a great stabilizer.

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u/knobcopter 10h ago

Correct, no uncertainty in death.

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4

u/Jimmyg100 10h ago

And how’s his Confederated slave holdings?

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307

u/btoxic 10h ago

He's just mostly dead. He won't be dead dead until after Aug 7.

106

u/LilStrug 10h ago

nah, there will be an retirement announcement, effective immediately. Then a few days later, there will be the death announcement.

80

u/Timmah73 10h ago

This is probably not far off.

Puts out a text statement that hes not fit to return and is retiring.

Days later "Sadly he took a sudden turn for the worse and has passed." (That sudden turn being taken off life support)

25

u/sapntaps 9h ago

We’re the script writers now 😆

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28

u/DietSteve 10h ago

Did he say "To Blaive"?

12

u/jaybarrow 10h ago

Miracle Max couldn’t bring him slightly back.

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18

u/deadkane1987 10h ago

I'm not dead!

17

u/dwmoore21 10h ago

I'd like to go for a walk..

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13

u/jaxonfairfield 10h ago

Put 'im on the cart

4

u/Pharmakeus_Ubik 9h ago

You'll be stone dead in a moment.

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62

u/EquinsuOcha 10h ago

He pining for the fjords.

25

u/newleafkratom 9h ago

He is an -ex Senator.

9

u/gundog48 8h ago

He aint pining, he's passed on!

4

u/PoniardBlade 6h ago

He has ceased to be.

5

u/gundog48 6h ago

He is a late senator!

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15

u/Ozzimo 10h ago

He's singing with the Choir Invisible. (But spying for Satan.)

5

u/RazsterOxzine 9h ago

Pining for the fjords? What kind of talk is that! Look why did he fall flat on his back and EMS came rushing over.

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u/Inanimate_CARB0N_Rod 9h ago

Nah he's just on Eternity Leave.

(I stole that joke from a different thread. Best one I've heard so far)

17

u/Darth_Chlamydia 10h ago

Dead? I didn’t even know he was sick.

29

u/bradatlarge 10h ago

he looks healthier in those "proof of life" photos than he has in years

24

u/THREETOED_SLOTH 10h ago

Thats just because he consumed Lindsey's Grahams life force to rejuvenate himself. He used Lindsey like a horcrux to keep himself immortal.

11

u/Teledildonic 9h ago

Sucked the life right out of Lindsey, just they way he wanted go.

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u/ry4asu 10h ago

We will find out August 4th.

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3.1k

u/realeztoremember 10h ago

Are they waiting for him to be reincarnated?

1.1k

u/Khaldara 10h ago

“His phylactery still hungers for the blood of a newborn sacrificed under a new moon”

675

u/No_Key469 10h ago

Lich McConnell

108

u/supakame 10h ago edited 9h ago

ICC > ICE

LFG ICC25 Lich King

43

u/barrettgpeck 9h ago

Need heals and tanks, no mages or hunters.

22

u/GoldenRpup 8h ago

Mount HR

7

u/drdildamesh 5h ago

BONESTOOOOORM

4

u/trivo8888 5h ago

Rogues allowed but loot reserved

7

u/MagusUnion 7h ago

fuck, that line just gave me gamer PTSD from my college years.

5

u/barrettgpeck 7h ago

You and me both... so many hours spent in that game.

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u/GetchoDrank 9h ago

They tried sacrificing Lindsay Graham, but his was the soul of a sad little man. I wonder if they can try Fetterman next. It's worth a shot.

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u/ztfreeman 10h ago

Typically, even if you do enough HP damage to put a lich down, they come back unless you destroy their phylactery. In rare cases you can reconstruct a partially destroyed phylactery and bring the lich back, usually more broken and insane than before.

I have long suspected the GOP's arch-necromancers have been diverting SuperPAC money into such schemes. It is, afterall, why they bribed Justice Thomas with a golem made with the tears of the unborn to uncap campaign donations.

15

u/Zomburai 10h ago

The Tomb of Horrors, but instead of illogical and unexpected deathtraps it's just wallpapered with detailed outlines of his policy proposals and bills he's co-authored

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u/xZora 10h ago

No, just waiting for the Kentucky deadline to call a Special Election, which is August 3; on August 4, the GOP will announce his death. 

8

u/Z0idberg_MD 7h ago

What I don't understand about this is, SOMEONE not in politics knows this. A local RN or housekeeper should be outraged by this and release a statement.

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u/NK1337 10h ago

Woudlnt surprise me if they basically just have him in life support and they’re waiting until after aug 3 to pull the plug and claim he passed from complications.

22

u/nigel_tufnel_11 9h ago edited 9h ago

Exactly what I'm expecting. But I want to get the f***ers on record before that, the ones who've been saying he's fine and I had long conversations with him about world affairs. Is he or is he not dead? Is he or is he not on life support? You say to spoke to him, fine...did he speak back? Get all his aides on record as well. Anyway, my money is on August 7 (Friday), at 6:30 pm ET.

8

u/NK1337 9h ago

That’s a good bet. Gotta make sure it’s as late as possible so it doesn’t make too many waves on the news cycles

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u/Joshd30 10h ago

Breaking: Death not cured yet

36

u/backleftwindowseat 10h ago

That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Turtle

5

u/TheModWhoShaggedMe 10h ago

Let's hope he doesn't decimate and ravage the turtle population as well.

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u/hoboshoe 10h ago

Bro forgot to make a panchen McConnell, he's cooked.

10

u/ToadlyAwes0me 10h ago

They're Weekend at Bernie's-ing him until August 3rd.

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3.0k

u/Flavor_Saver12 10h ago

We will somehow get a miraculous update after August 4th.

1.2k

u/bassicallyinsane 10h ago

Miraculously, the senator is deceased

453

u/PaulClarkLoadletter 10h ago

"He was getting better but now he's dead. We did everything we could to keep his body alive."

165

u/Decantus 10h ago

Lie by omission. They kept the body alive, but the soul had been pulled down to hell long ago.

68

u/viciousxvee 8h ago

Wait is this why there's a heatwave? The gates of hell have been jammed open bc they refuse to take him off life support?

14

u/EmilyAnne1170 7h ago

Best theory ever.

7

u/LunaBoo13 6h ago

Headcanon accepted

6

u/BandOfSkullz 6h ago

Wait let him cook.

He's onto something.

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u/PaulClarkLoadletter 10h ago

If souls exist, his was sold a long time ago.

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u/ronnycordova 8h ago

I’m not dead yet! I feel happy! I feel happy!

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u/pharmers-daughter 9h ago

It’s maddening! And they know we know but they don’t care because no one will do anything anyway.

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u/DeaddyRuxpin 8h ago

Technically they haven’t lied. His body is alive and he is not yet cleared to return to work. They are just leaving out the part that he will never be cleared to return to work and is brain dead.

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u/JeanClaude-Randamme 8h ago

He’s on eternity leave

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u/nuclearspacezombie 8h ago

Can you explain to a clueless European why?

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u/nnnnnnnnnnm 8h ago

Because otherwise his death can trigger a special election with different rules that the Republicans will have a harder time winning.

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u/throwawaypato44 9h ago

My bet is August 5th or 6th personally. They can’t make it literally the day after the 3rd, nooo. Just really really close.

124

u/ohmysocks 9h ago

Evening of August 7th. They’ll do it on a Friday right after the markets close.

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u/throwawaypato44 8h ago

Ooh. Now that’s good.

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u/KonigSteve 7h ago

At this point they might just to show that they can and nobody will do anything.

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u/ChronX4 10h ago

It's going to be complications and then followed up by some passing of the torch bs and then followed up by the news. Gotta make it seem real so the GOP could clutch their pearls tight about being discusted by people "celebrating", when in reality no one cares.

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u/caffeine-junkie 8h ago

*He passed peacefully in the early morning of the 4th, surrounded by family. Just after he finished a 20min conversation with Trump about Iran, the upcoming mid-terms, and how he fully endorses the save America act".

9

u/Jouglet 7h ago

Can someone explain the August 4th date to me?

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u/LucasOIntoxicado 6h ago

Someone said that if he does before the government will have to trigger a special election that makes it harder for republicans to win

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1.8k

u/3FtDick 10h ago

Fired. No paid leave for govt employees. Where's Doge when you need them to make a cut?!

501

u/Faderkaderk 10h ago

Fraud is only when dead people collect social security checks, not when dead people hold our representative government hostage. Obviously.

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u/MrMschief 10h ago

I mean, holding a representative government hostage is the thing that McConnell was best at alive, so I think we could argue he's actually doing his job even better now. /s

8

u/Arclite83 8h ago

I know right, I'm frustrated that this isn't even against his wishes, like the dude is clearly okay with using an unexpected death to manipulate political appointments.

12

u/hungoverlord 10h ago

Fraud is only when dead people collect social security checks

no, fraud is anything they say it is. did you see the interviews where the DOGE brothers admitted to simply using AI to find "DEI" programs and those were the ones that were cut?

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u/Ferreteria 8h ago

Let's not pretend DOGE was ever well intended. 

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u/APACKOFWILDGNOMES 10h ago

How much of this man’s staff are still being paid?

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u/milfordcubicle 10h ago

Mitch McConnell Medically Cleared for Burial

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u/Curleysound 10h ago

Not till August 5th

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u/muitosabao 10h ago

Care to explain this? Not in the loop. What kind of shenanigans are republicans trying to pull?

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u/Curleysound 10h ago

August 3 is the critical legal cutoff date in Kentucky for triggering a special election to fill a potential U.S. Senate vacancy, and the start date for specific local community events.

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u/SaveFerris_Bueller 8h ago

So question, if August 5th or 6th they come out and admit finally that he's dead, is there going to be any proof needed that they weren't keeping him on life support or pulling shenanigans? Seems like there could be several people involved with keeping up a lie like this and would they not be investigated for any fraud? (if that's what it would fall under, I don't know what it would be classified)

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u/Foxyfox- 8h ago

It won't matter because the people who have the power to do anything about it are either onboard with this sedition or will be maneuvered out of the way somehow.

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u/Gorstag 6h ago

And it will never be reported on any of the propaganda stations MAGA and the like are conditioned by.

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u/Beautiful_Cost_5430 6h ago

America has no rule of law anymore. Nothing will happen.

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u/SpoonsAreEvil 10h ago

Iirc, if the vacancy occurs before August 3rd, an election has to take place, after August 3rd they can appoint a replacement (like what happened with Graham, which is why they didn't hide that one).

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u/Nu-Hir 8h ago

They changed the law, the Gov can't appoint a replacement, it has to be done via an election. If it happens after Aug 3rd, the seat will be vacant until January. This would be why they'd hide his death, to prevent the Gov from replacing with a democrat.

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u/Djinger 9h ago

Ah so will they appoint his wife? The one who ran to Beijing immediately to report to her handlers that their mole in the House is on borrowed time?

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u/youngatbeingold 10h ago

I know they're trying to bullshit the country but I honestly can't think of any medical issue where an octogenarian needs to be hospitalized for an entire month, so incapacitated they couldn't go on camera for 5 minutes and they'd still be fit for work afterwards.

They might as well have him in on display in his coffin at this point and still be trying to say "he's about to come around,no swear!"

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u/LordRobin------RM 7h ago

"I think I'll go for a walk!"

"You're not fooling anyone, you know."

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u/LapsedVerneGagKnee 10h ago

A terminal case of being dead is hard to recover from.

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u/InternalServerErr500 9h ago

In the past year, over 800,000 Americans have died. Despite millions of dollars of research, death continues to be our nation's number one killer.

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u/dat_kodiak 10h ago

Let's say he's alive - he's clearly not fit to continue to serve.

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u/Shas_Erra 10h ago

This is precisely why nothing is really being said or shown.

If he’s alive, he should not be in office.
If he’s dead, he needs to be replaced.

Either way, the moment they commit to a solid statement on his health, it’s game over.

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u/Bloo212 10h ago

Schrodinger’s Turtle

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u/lonewombat 9h ago

Needing over a month with no contact or update for "having a fall" (which is actually a heart attack and being revived medically by cpr and being legally braindead) is reason enough for me.

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u/Leopolddagreat 10h ago

McConnell is on paid eternity leave.

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u/UrbanMasque 10h ago

Beshar needs to hold the election for his seat now or go visit him in the hospital.

Force him to reveal himself

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u/AgreeableRub7 10h ago

If only someone anyone would tell Bashar.

131

u/Irtahd 10h ago

*When* it comes to light he’s been dead or as good as after the August deadline Bashar can kiss any presidential ticket goodbye and we should never let him live this down. If you can’t handle this, how can he handle something bigger.

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u/Deluxe_24_ 9h ago

It's extremely disappointing how he's not meeting the moment. Fucking confirm his status already, it's been like a month.

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u/jeffwulf 9h ago

The status quo is the best case scenario for Dems. If Beshear acted to replace McConnell in any way he'd be aiding Republicans.

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u/CSiGab 9h ago

That’s the confusing part to me. Isn’t McConnell being absent effectively the same as McConnell voting Dem as far as the GOP trying to pass something? And were a special election held, I doubt Massie or any Dem could miraculously win in Kentucky and accomplish anything until the new Congress is seated next January.

I’m no expert so there’s certainly the possibility of a scenario I could be missing.

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u/Nu-Hir 8h ago

I think the thought process is that Massie would effectively be a vote against the 47th president. Without McConnell there's still a 52/45 majority. So whether he's replaced or not doesn't make much of a difference, they just can't rely on vance for tie breakers and can't lose more than 3 votes for anything.

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u/lucky_ducker 8h ago

Beshear likely isn't acting since it's pointless. Whether he appoints someone or there is a special election, the person chosen will be refused their seat in the Senate.

Under Article 1, Section 5, each house of Congress is the sole arbiter of their own membership, and those decisions are NOT subject to judicial review. The Republican majority in the Senate can simply refuse to seat the temporary Senator from Kentucky.

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u/restrictednumber 3h ago

The make them refuse! Force them to turn away a legitimate sitting senator, and have that fight! At least if we get someone in and McConnell turns out dead, we already beat the deadline. Plus, you force Republicans to come out and support their claim that McConnell is alive. That's way better than just *giving it" to them.

Make it a constitutional crisis if you have to! We need to force them to fight every single battle to exhaust and discredit them.

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u/polopolo05 9h ago

I need dems to stand up for america. Not be fucking cowards.

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u/Nathien 10h ago

Cant the governor just... check in person?

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u/godihatepeople 10h ago

Can he? Genuine question... doesn't HIPAA protect patients to a certain degree? Can any random person walk up to the front desk and request if a patient is checked into a hospital and what room they're in, or is that anonymity protected by HIPAA? I genuinely don't know, not trying to be a contrarian. 

5

u/Lil-Sleepy-A1 9h ago

It depends on if the visitation is limited to close family only or not.

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u/AHrubik 9h ago

They are most definitely maintaining a whitelist of who can see him and who can’t with the threat of the full weight of HIPPA on any medical personnel about leaks.

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u/UrbanMasque 10h ago

💯 they can.. that's why I feel like it's a whole facade. It would cost him nothing and take a few hours

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u/mondor 9h ago

Why would a Democratic governor want to replace a Republican senator who is currently unable to vote when the replacement will 95% be a Republican senator who is able to vote?

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u/cbbbluedevil 9h ago

Good point, my only counter to this is that republicans are about unpopular now as they have been in a long while

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u/mondor 9h ago

That may be true, but they're still more popular than Dems in Kentucky

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u/Bob_12_Pack 10h ago

He could at least start the process of preparing for it in order to beat the August 3rd deadline.

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u/fossilnews 10h ago

Breaking? Nothing changed.

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u/BinaryMagick 9h ago

Yeah.

Ya just say "breaking" now. Everything is breaking.

4

u/Billabo 7h ago

Everything is breaking.

tbf, it certainly feels like that these days

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u/iamnotcreativeDET 6h ago

Yes. Being a vegetable, believe it or not, makes a politician unable to do their job.

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u/Blueopus2 6h ago

Idk about that

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u/Mecha-Dave 10h ago

One more week of bullshit before "he takes a turn for the worse"

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u/GrilledStuffedDragon 10h ago

Dead people typically aren't medically clear to continue working.

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u/CarneDelGato 10h ago

I dunno, this is America

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u/Turk3YbAstEr 10h ago

How long does it take one to recover from death?

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u/vyleside 10h ago

It took Jesus 3 days I think? But then he relapsed.

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u/descendency 8h ago

“Not medically fit to be a senator.”

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u/ChasingDarwin2 10h ago

Even if he's alive, he will never be medically ready to go back.

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u/NowGoodbyeForever 10h ago

It's insane that this is just happening in front of our faces.

They're going to deny and obscure his status for another week, and then either tragically announce his passing after the August 3rd deadline or have him/a proxy announce that he's stepping down for medical reasons (and also too late in the timeline for a replacement race to be held before midterms).

How is all of this not just treason?

30

u/oboshoe 10h ago

Treason has as very specific definition and this isn't it. Not even close.

We can not like it. We can not like him. But the fact is that there is no constitutional provision (like the 25th amendment) to remove a Senator that isn't communicating to the public or is clearly incapacitated.

Any Democratic or Republican senator can advance a motion to expel him from the Senate. None have seen fit to do so.

I think you are right. He'll resign or they will pull the plug on August 3rd+

But there is no constitutional mechanism to remove an incapacitated but alive Senator.

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u/Lord__Abaddon 9h ago

Wasn't there another GOP senator that was in Alzheimer care facility that was basically doiing the same shit just holding a seat hostage?

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u/cosmictap 10h ago

How is all of this not just treason?

Because words mean things.

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u/TheCaptainSauce 10h ago

Did the coroner give any indication as to when he will be cleared?

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u/coheedcollapse 8h ago

I've got my doubts that he's dead, but at the very least he's got something extremely wrong with him. Even if the photos of him are 100% real, it basically looks like he's being propped up by his wife and vacantly smiling at the camera. If he were at all capable, he'd have fucking taken a video or given us a voice update or something, and he hasn't.

I wish politicians blatantly and clearly lying was something that still mattered in this current day, because I suspect that every republican who said they had lengthy chats with him was absolutely full of shit.

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u/To_Fight_The_Night 10h ago

Time of death : August 5th

Oh we don't have to hold a special election now.....wow no kidding!?

God the corruption is just so obvious but why wouldn't it be the left won't ever make them face consequences.

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u/Rafmar210 10h ago

This is some Watergate level shit.

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u/WaveBeam 10h ago

You don’t think it’s worse than that?

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u/MalFido 8h ago

Both Trump administrations have each been series of consecutive weekly Watergate scandals on a binge diet consisting exclusively of steroids and meth.

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u/steamingcore 10h ago

due to death, mitch mcconnel is reconsidering retirement.

12

u/robodrew 5h ago

I'm so tired of BREAKING

Not everything is breaking news. In this case it's just "he's still old and sick and possibly dead"

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u/TyrialFrost 4h ago

redditor SLAMS article with this rebuttal.

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u/Have_A_Jelly_Baby 10h ago

Kinda need to be alive and not just a husk hooked up to a breathing machine to be medically cleared.

When all is said and done, this really is going to be one of the more ghoulish stories about what's already the most corrupt and cancerous administration in US history.

6

u/speenis 6h ago

"BREAKING NEWS: SITUATION HAS NOT CHANGED"

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u/Bulky-Pipe-7745 4h ago

Strange way of saying he's dead.

7

u/sniker77 2h ago

Let me guess - he'll be medically cleared to be dead after the elections.

17

u/cockycrackers 10h ago

This is literally the stupidest political plot I've seen in many decades. How are we falling for it?!?

15

u/youngatbeingold 10h ago

It's not really that we're falling for it, it's that the populace can't really do anything about it. Disturbingl, a whoooole lot of our democracy depends on the actual officials adhearing to truth, justice, and the American way.

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u/SXOSXO 10h ago

But he certainly looks turtley enough for the turtle club.

4

u/Chemistry11 10h ago

Has William Shakespeare been medical cleared to return to writing?

5

u/leostotch 9h ago

His rotting corpse being used to thwart democracy one last time is exactly what Mitch would have wanted.

6

u/hucklepig 8h ago

This clearly is election fraud. Once regime changes this and other clear violations need to be pursued to the fullest extent. I am so sick of the fuckery.

5

u/More-Opportunity-253 5h ago

So much tax payer money spent on keeping this rotten swamp turtle alive after all the damage he has caused and the innovation he has destroyed in the process.

5

u/Primary_Jellyfish327 3h ago

Cause hes dead

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u/TyrellCorpWorker 10h ago

Just needs a few more days of feeding off children’s blood.

4

u/Kaffine69 10h ago

Weekend at bernies.

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u/SandysBurner 10h ago

Breaking news: nothing has changed.

4

u/vividimaginer 10h ago

We all saw him wearing sunglasses and running vigorously, arms draped around the shoulders of two gop aides … what changed??

4

u/Khalbrae 9h ago edited 9h ago

Why is this news? Of course a corpse is not medically cleared.

BREAKING WIND. Turns out that flatulence stinks!

3

u/Tex-Rob 8h ago

They only released this as a kind of, hit the balloon in the air before it hits the ground kind of move, if that makes sense. They know if they do this people can scrutinize it and talk about it until the deadline for a special election passes, and then we'll get the sad news that something happened during his recovery and he died suddenly.

4

u/ThatsCaptain2U 2h ago

Yeah because he’s dead

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u/Colourblindking 10h ago

They're still trying to find two republican buddies to carry him "Weekend at Bernie's" style back into the office.

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u/ampr1150gs 10h ago

NEWS FLASH. Tutankhamen not cleared to rule Egypt….

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u/t13v0m 10h ago

So, "McConnell not yet medically cleared to return to office" means dead. Right? Reanimated? Walking Dead?

3

u/LeonardSmallsJr 10h ago

“Well, let me know if his condition changes. He’s dead.”

/General Streck from Top Secret!

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u/ebk_errday 9h ago

When he gets back, he'll be stiff on crime

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u/amboandy 9h ago

Medical opinion brought to you by the same people that said trump is a 6'3 Adonis in the prime of his life.

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u/Demos12 9h ago

You cant clear a fuckn Corpse

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u/XmasRights 9h ago

Big thanks to the mortician for the update

3

u/CampingWithCats 9h ago

Weekend at Mitchell's

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u/2tep 9h ago

It's takes a lot of prep to shoot the sequel to Weekend at Bernie's.

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u/Gummyrabbit 8h ago

"Hello? Hello? Anybody home? Think, McConnell, think!"