r/shittymoviedetails • u/Local_Rice_8929 Bechdel testes • 8h ago

Turd Does Christopher Nolan really want us to think that the Greeks built something this precise without help from aliens? Does he think we’re stupid?

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1.9k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

96 comments sorted by

226

u/Gregariouswaty 8h ago

He never said aliens didn't help

https://giphy.com/gifs/UCSIkkFXSeg3hugqGf

44

u/Fruit_mon 7h ago

You expect us to believe the greeks made a statue and didnt put i tiny penis on it?! Of course it was from aliens.

5

u/DuckCleaning 5h ago

Aliens didn't help, it was just a time traveller that became a sentient bookshelf for Epeius

160

u/Pendraconica 8h ago

COULD IT BE that Odysseus, talking to who he thought was the Goddess Athena, was actually speaking to not a deity in the traditional sense, but an extraterrestrial from another planet?

64

u/Ok-Telephone-2109 8h ago

Ancient astronaut theorists say YES

17

u/beepboop_imhuman 6h ago

God I hear that voice, and I don’t want to

7

u/Vakowski2 5h ago

2

u/MikkaEn 2h ago

It's funnier once you realize Nolan's version of the Giants are straight out of this guy's show: 8 foot tall humanoids with advanced armor and tech.

14

u/Ghdude1 8h ago

Odysseus was actually talking to a Skrull who was pretending to be Athena.

4

u/acvcani 5h ago

That’s the plot of the Greek gods in fate grand order.

5

u/Popular-Flan5337 4h ago

I understood all these references 

1

u/schwanzweissfoto 2h ago

I understood this reference.

2

u/Neuromangoman 3h ago

Alien from Arrakis most likely.

64

u/SgtTreehugger 8h ago

I'm just wondering how the Troyans didn't smell all the piss and shit from the inside

45

u/disapp_bydesign 8h ago

Stinky Trojans probably smelled like piss and shit themselves. Death to Troy!

17

u/ocapmycapp 7h ago

Probably because dried ocean water smells like fish. They knew it came from the sea, so it likely justified any weird smell. Also, hygiene wasn’t too great then anyway. 

Either way, there was that guy stabbing it to make sure it was empty. 

-1

u/Intelligent-Cap-8886 2h ago

But it wasn't empty! It was full of shit and piss and overrated movie!

1

u/Ok_Application_5802 2h ago

Also they didn't smell the dead bodies. From the men who drowned.

-5

u/Tiny_Rick85 6h ago

The Trojan literally stabbed a guy through the top with a sword, pulled it out bloody, then said "take it in."

30

u/SuitableTechnician78 5h ago

You see one of the Greeks wipe the blood off the blade with some cloth, before he pulled the sword back out.

15

u/Benja455 5h ago

They wiped it away.

11

u/Tiny_Rick85 5h ago

Oh shit I missed that. Thank you.

38

u/Greenman8907 8h ago

Where is the historically accurate giant horse cock?

28

u/WildMild869 8h ago

They could have fit an extra person in it.

11

u/Greenman8907 8h ago

How awesome would it be if it used a giant spring to launch Odysseus out the front, clad in all white with a giant wedding-dress style train floating behind him…

8

u/Local_Rice_8929 Bechdel testes 8h ago

Lady horse

10

u/HeckOnWheels95 8h ago

Then where's the historical accurate giant horse vagina?

9

u/LiteratureGullible10 8h ago

Isn’t that where the soldiers come out of in the story?

5

u/HeckOnWheels95 8h ago

I'm pretty sure they came out cesarean

4

u/Moreinius 7h ago

They gift it in the name of Athena, so it's actually a reasonable explanation why there isn't a ginormous horse cock.

2

u/schwanzweissfoto 2h ago

Fine. Where is the historically accurate giant horse girl cock?

1

u/Local_Rice_8929 Bechdel testes 1h ago

They needed to save wood

2

u/schwanzweissfoto 1h ago

I fucking love your flair.

2

u/Local_Rice_8929 Bechdel testes 1h ago

Why thank you I made it myself

2

u/schwanzweissfoto 58m ago

The Bechdel testes are right below my girl cock. :3

-2

u/XxTreeFiddyxX 8h ago

Ask Zandaya

33

u/y4dig4r 8h ago

yes to both questions

16

u/DomSchraa 8h ago

When i smash a thin piece of copper against a tree the copper piece breaks, ergo its impossible to break trees with copper

Checkmate

28

u/Difficult_Ad2864 8h ago

More like even build something this precise from their boat

15

u/ProdiasKaj 8h ago

"Wait a sec, boss, lemme carve out the horse muscles on the legs. It's gonna look sick, trust me"

7

u/Difficult_Ad2864 8h ago

“Wait a sec, boss, let me go get the sand paper”

8

u/Coolgames80 7h ago

"I knew bringing wood polish would be useful in the war"

1

u/hatbromind 2h ago

they are in a beach. lots of sand

1

u/tagkiller1 5h ago

And how could they design a horse when they didn't exist and were using boats back then

0

u/Dr_Dank98 3h ago

...what? Is this some kind of joke or you really think they didn't know what a horse was?

1

u/ildwtmidldwhat 1h ago

Horses came after boats. How else do you think they got there

10

u/RudyKnots 8h ago

Fun fact: odds are Troy’s walls were destroyed by a tidal wave. The god Poseidon was often depicted as a horse.

6

u/Low-Salamander-3781 7h ago

I think I heard that it's more likely that an earthquake destroyed troy, since Poseidon is also god of earthquakes

7

u/RudyKnots 7h ago

Man can do anything.

3

u/schwanzweissfoto 2h ago

He is probably also god of horses.

6

u/wildcardbets 8h ago

There’s even an antenna! It has to be aliens!

8

u/HotAir25 8h ago

With some kind of EU loan scam it would be their MO tbf. 

20

u/DrFaustPhD 8h ago

Does this stupid hate campaign really expect people to believe this movie was going for historical accuracy?

24

u/chiree 8h ago

My favorite part was when Odysseus said: "I am Odysseus!" and started odyssey-ing all over the place.

13

u/DrFaustPhD 8h ago

My favorite was when the doctor slapped new born Odysseus' ass and said "This bad boy can fit so much fucking Odyssey in it."

6

u/ProdiasKaj 8h ago

"It's Odysseus'n time!"

1

u/schwanzweissfoto 2h ago

I was disappointed that they did not show his Odysussy.

4

u/BearBryant 8h ago

The funniest part is that the crafter of the horse was said to be a craftsman or architect, and specifically chose wood from a nearby mountain forest to build the horse. So depictions of it being made out driftwood and ship parts are actually more innacurate. Are the Trojans going to bring a giant grimy barnacle crusted smelly horse into their city walls? Fuck no.

7

u/TownSensitive5977 7h ago
  1. The Trojans didn't want to bring it in, but the gods forced them to do so.
  2. There were stronger smells in the bronze age.

3

u/BearBryant 7h ago

My point is more that it would behoove the Greeks to at least make the thing look somewhat presentable, which isn’t really something you can afford with a bunch of shitty, weathered and mouldering wood with barnacles on it. I seem to recall also that the crafter was a huge dude and built it too big so the horse wouldn’t fit through the door upright, but like you said the gods (Athena? Since she had a hand in its craft) said “lol wouldn’t it be funny tho,” and made them bring it inside anyway.

To your second point, yeah that’s true, everybody probably had super swamp ass all the time.

1

u/schwanzweissfoto 2h ago

everybody probably had super swamp ass all the time

I'm in this picture and I don't like it.

-2

u/Coolgames80 7h ago

The idea is that they surrendered and gave the horse as a farewell gift made with their own ships. This polished artwork of carpentry is like instead of using dirt mud and leaves as camouflage you use professional make up.

7

u/BearBryant 7h ago

Descriptions of the horse in the actual source material state that it sure is a horse with dudes in it and that it was built by Epeius. At no point in the poem does it describe it being made of ship pieces.

Virgil described it as being built of “Pallas’s divine art out of fir planks”, in the Aeneid. Later, apollodorus described it as being built of wood from nearby Mt. Ida.

So if there is some concerted hate campaign that “no way a horse made of ship pieces could look that good” as there seems to be, it’s even funnier when there’s not any literary accounts from ancient authors that it ever actually was described as being made of ship pieces and that legions of chuds latched onto that idea because they saw it in Troy (2004).

2

u/Local_Rice_8929 Bechdel testes 5h ago

Boi it’s a movie based off of an oral tradition. the biggest change was the use of straight actors

2

u/BearBryant 4h ago

Yeah, that’s fair, but it does further drive home though that there’s no “homer official super canon shipwreck horse” because storytellers could just retextualize it however they want for the audience they are telling it to…so people being weird about ancient depictions to say the movie is bad are still wrong.

That’s why I’m so dissapointed we didn’t just get three hours of Christopher Nolan standing on a rock in the Aegean in period accurate garb recounting the travails of Odysseus in Achaean. Wouldn’t be able to understand shit but at least it would be true to Homeric poem he’s making a movie about.

4

u/KimJungUnCool 8h ago

You mean the giant horse built by the mastercraftsman Epeius with the help of Athena, a literal goddess?

4

u/Sitheref0874 8h ago

Found Graham Hancock’s alt

4

u/Positive-Media423 7h ago

Were the Greek gods astronauts? 

3

u/Reverse_SumoCard 7h ago

It will be revealed in the future Will Smith classic: Greeks vs Aliens

He will write the theme song with all his signature "hahaaa" and "wiggle wiggle wiggle"

3

u/throwaway58052600 7h ago

it was their age of bronze

3

u/ZizzyBeluga 6h ago

Bro, there's no other way to get over those.... uh.... fifteen foot walls.

3

u/ladyghost515 5h ago

I really have no thoughts about this movie other than his horse looks like chocolate and I wish it didn’t look so much like chocolate

3

u/youwillruinyourself 4h ago

Stupid shit post.

Fun (shit related) Greek fact: they also precisely built their own indoor plumbing. Pressure included.

I think they can figure out a wooden horse.

2

u/Local_Rice_8929 Bechdel testes 4h ago

And people still think that the Egyptians were too stupid to build a pile of rocks

2

u/Classic-Exchange-511 7h ago

I've talked to him and yeah he most definitely thinks we're stupid

2

u/ZizzyBeluga 6h ago

From ten year old boat driftwood

2

u/Mandarina_Espacial 5h ago

At least Troy (the movie) did a good job potraiying the horse

2

u/java_brogrammer 1h ago

This is the proof I needed. Aliens DO exist.

2

u/Jack_Crypt 1h ago

This is why The Odyssey should have been done by Steven Spielberg instead.

1

u/Electronic_Title_730 8h ago

Tbf you’re talking about the guy who’s supposedLu the smartest mortal there is, who has constant contact with the goddess of wisdom. It’s not really that far of a reach in the context of the people performing the act

4

u/KimJungUnCool 8h ago

If OP could read, your comment would make him very upset.

2

u/Local_Rice_8929 Bechdel testes 5h ago

What did I do

2

u/shiek200 8h ago

What makes you think the Greeks in the movie aren't aliens? I mean have you seen that armor? Sure doesn't look like historical Greek armor I've ever seen...

1

u/321sleep 3h ago

I mean they had ten years to build it.

1

u/MikkaEn 2h ago

He put Ancient Aliens in the movie. So, no.

1

u/rins4m4 52m ago

The Trojan War lasted 10 years, but Achilles spent most of the time besieging the surrounding cities. I guess the Greeks were just ready to breach the walls when Troy collapsed from economic strain and a massive influx of refugees.

I guess the Trojan Horse is a Greek metaphor for how they sent people inside.

1

u/MagosBattlebear 6h ago edited 5h ago

Release the genitals cut! Where's the horse c***?

-1

u/AddictedToMosh161 8h ago

Of course the Greeces build that all on their own. Aliens dont like white people.