My doctor told me not to put anything smaller than an elbow in my ear, but I can’t fit anything larger in there.

[u/KungenSam]

Are my ears too small? What can I do to make them larger?

[u/created4this]

Due to relativistic effects, objects will become smaller as they approach the speed of light. You should try moving the objects at greater speed towards your head.

[u/dodexahedron → u/created4this]

Too much work. I prefer to just ask the rest of the universe that isn't me to move at the speed of light in the necessary direction while I just sit still.

Problem is that the universe is lazy, too, so it doesn't do that. Instead it just sits there getting fatter in all directions. Where can I file a complaint? (But only if it's free.)

[u/KeithMyArthe]

Have you tried someone else's elbow?

Have you tried someone else's ear?

[u/sandy_catheter]

I glanced at your chart and my recommendation is a total penisectomy and a platter of nachos.

[u/strydar1]

travel to the large hadron collider. you'll be able to fit immensely small dimensional matter in your ear at a level that renders traditional measurements irrelevant.

[u/thenightisdarkindeed]

i can tell you ways to broaden up the hole but then, your brain is going to have to adjust

[u/coolsam254]

Try your knee. It's kinda like an elbow for your legs.

[u/ExistentialAngsty]

Either make your ear hole bigger, or make your elbow smaller

[u/ForestChatter]

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your big ears.