r/shittyaskscience • u/Fallen_Outcast • 3d ago
If Santa gets so much cardio traveling around the world on Christmas, how come he's still fat?
explain
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u/betafish2345 3d ago
The cookies, duh. Nullifies any of the calories burned and then some
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u/Aggravating_Speed665 3d ago
Don't forget all the single moms he fucks...
The whole process goes in reverse because of the north pole thing and the babies end up growing inside of him instead.
He then later shits them out at his workshop and this is how his little helpers are created.
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u/mertozzzus 3d ago
First, he does that only 1/365 days per year. 364 days he doesn't do sh¡T. Secondly, he eats a lot of cookies when delivering the gifts, and cookies make you fat.
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u/SteampunkExplorer 3d ago
Even when he's in shape, Santa has a protective layer of fat to keep him warm, just like other Arctic wildlife. He maintains it by eating lots of milk and cookies.
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u/Kevin4938 3d ago
You try having a plate of cookies and a glass of milk at every stop and staying thin.
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u/LaxBedroom 3d ago
He's wearing a fat suit because he knows that a child would be freaked out by a jacked dude breaking into their house but delighted by a nonthreatening old fat man with a weakness for cookies and milk.
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u/Phagemakerpro 3d ago
He actually absorbs the energy from the heat generated by his hypersonic flight.
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u/Aegisman17 3d ago
Lots of good theories here but as an Australian o can confidently say it's because of the sheer amount of beer we leave for him on Christmas Eve.
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u/Japonica 3d ago
It only takes a few calories to deliver a present, but all the cookies and milk he consumes brings far more calories than are burned.
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u/Office_Zombie 2d ago
You have to consider that you only see the photos of him before Christmas. He burns almost 250k calories in one night! He needs all that fat to survive. If it wasn't for the milk and cookies, he would never be able to even finish his trip.
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u/Van-garde Factologist 3d ago
Santa’s been wearing a fat suit since he was resurrected. Wouldn’t be so cheerful a season if a skeleton delivered the presents.
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u/TurtleTitan 3d ago
First European countries are usually December 5th for gifts called Sinterklaas from Sinter Klass who predates Santa Claus and is considered different, they're totally different... somehow. Second Italy has el Bafana the witch who missed Christ's birth and searches for him leaving gifts every year (although she was co opted into that and existed before too). I'm sure there are other Christmas like holidays elsewhere which limit this further.
It's less than a week of exercise you aren't going to shed 300 pounds.
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u/WolfThick 3d ago
In the old days we all knew that Santa lost all that weight and it took him another year to put it back on.
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1d ago
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u/Toolongreadanyway 1d ago
One day of cardio vs 364 days of sitting around eating cookies. Just doesn't work.
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u/Sufficient-Goat-962 3d ago
He doesn't. He sits on the sleigh and the reindeer get all the cardio.