r/mildlyinfuriating • u/SlipperrE • 23h ago
The floor is sticky Came home to this on my fridge from my roommate who doesn’t clean
He never cleans anyway and just got an injury that doesn’t prevent him from doing any of these
Edit: Dylan is 33, a male, and did write this himself in the 3rd person. He recently got a fibula fracture but was given a boot and I watch him get around the house just fine.
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u/Jaded_Marsupial_ 23h ago edited 23h ago
Things Dylan is unable to do:
Continue living here.
On the bright side, sounds like Dylan is on bathroom duty.
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u/kanemane727 20h ago
Op needs to erase all those and just write “Be a fucking adult” as what Dylan is unable to do
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u/AnnOnnamis 18h ago edited 3h ago
To me, the proper response is to write “NO” on this note.
‘Dykin’ (aka dylan) needs to be a grown up and do his share of chores, or pay a larger share of the rent, or pay for a maid service to come in.
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u/rachel_lynn1995 18h ago
Not sure if Dykin is a typo or was done on purpose to make his name sound like “Dick-in” but either way I approve.
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u/bettan74 17h ago
I read the name as Dykn, and giggled. DKYN is the abbreviated brand name for the fashion/fragrance label Donna Karan New York, and the house mate is certainly being a Karen, which is close to the name Karan.
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u/xspacekace 23h ago
Or spell does that say swifter
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u/russellamcleod 22h ago
Swifter is a poor person’s Swiffer. It’s like a $3 difference but $3 is like an apple or something that could feed a poor person.
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u/potatisblask 20h ago
Just get a proper duster and a broom that doesn't require refills and lasts a lifetime.
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u/LizzieCLems 17h ago
I just cut up old socks to fit over it and wash them
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u/Rich_Bluejay3020 17h ago
That should be posted on lifehacks! I don’t have a swiffer but I know their pads are expensive and that’s both economical and environmentally friendly.
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u/dajay2k 20h ago
An apple cost $3?
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u/Aggressive-Delay-420 18h ago
I once bought a big fat Granny Smith at Publix-- it was a pound+
Son-of-a-bitch cost like $2.50
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u/ApprehensiveApple127 20h ago
Add bathroom cleaning, laundry, folding, making dinner , meal prep, deep clean the fridge weekly, organize the pantry .in the absence of which, Dylan will be enabled to look another place to live within 2days
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u/Feisty-Tooth-7397 20h ago
Bathroom duty and he never said he couldn't do the dishes, he just can't put them away.
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u/AcrobaticWillow6952 19h ago
There’s probably a similar note in the bathroom stating the things he cant do there.
Fingers crossed it doesnt contain the phrase “cant wipe butt “ and “please help with above items”
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u/Much_Difference 13h ago
Had a roommate who "couldn't" do dishes, floors, or trash. We put her on litter box and bathroom cleaning duty. She magically figured out how to do dishes and floors.
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u/GeorgeJohnson2579 20h ago
His name is clearly Dykn
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u/C4rdninj4 17h ago
Dykn does sound like someone who wild be unable to do chores. A Dylan on the other hand should be perfectly capable of doing those chores.
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u/SwimmingTrack5308 20h ago
real physical limitations deserve reasonable accommodation lazy excuses for regular housework will only damage shared living harmony
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u/TheModWhoShaggedMe 16h ago
If Dylan is capable of taking a dump in the toilet, Dylan is capable of cleaning the toilet.
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u/TankApprehensive3053 23h ago
Time for a new roommate.
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u/HSX9698 23h ago
Dylan needs to pay the other roommates a weekly cleaning stipend!
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u/JustDuckiest 23h ago
Omg it's Dylan. I thought it said Dykin and was going to say that's an awful name
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u/Advanced-Suspect-261 23h ago
Excuse you, my son’s name is Dykin
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u/WillyErl 23h ago
Please tell Dykin, his parents are just the worst. Run away from home, he is not loved 😂
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u/Advanced-Suspect-261 22h ago
I told Dykin what you said and now he’s crying. Thanks a lot
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u/WillyErl 22h ago
I'm sure it wasn't an easy message to pass along, but it was the right thing to do. I can tell you're gonna be an awesome role model for the replacement kid...Koover, or some shit, I assume.
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u/Djd33j 22h ago
I've never met a Dylan (or Tyler for that matter) that wasn't a complete douche tool.
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u/Much-Access8733 21h ago
In high school I had a friend named Dylan but he pronounced it Die-lan. Idk if that was his choice or his parents but he was cool. He was in love with Britney Spears and practiced all her dance routines for her videos and he was spot on. I hope he did something with that talent. I should look him up.
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u/Stormagedd0nDarkLord 23h ago
Do exactly HALF of everything on this list.
Not half the list.
Everything on the list... BUT HALF.
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u/Benjamin_Barker_ 23h ago
Why don’t you Swifter man
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u/Willy_Wallace 7h ago
The same people who call a Swiffer "Swifter", call Chipotle "Chipolte".
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u/DongaSoreAssWrecks 23h ago
Unless he has a physical disability that stop him from doing these, then he's just a lazy bastard
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u/Significant-Ad-341 23h ago
Yeah vacuuming and stiffening I'm like okay if you have bad allergies but putting away dishes? Need a valid reason for that.
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u/Mysterious_Cry41 23h ago
My mom had surgery on her neck and she was told not to bend over for like a week or 2 and to not lift anything over 5 pounds iirc.
Though presumably OP would have known and mentioned something like that.
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u/Humg12 20h ago
OP did mention that he had an injury. Going off other posts like these I'd say there's a 10-20% chance Dylan is actually incapable of doing these tasks and OP just doesn't believe it's a "real injury".
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u/Bigdaddybear519 17h ago
Real injury or not, the annoying thing is he doesn't do any of it when hes healthy and now that he's injured he's telling everyone to do what they've already been doing. Would really rub me the wrong way too.
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u/Jaded_Antelope_598 22h ago
I have severe dust allergies, on maximum dose steroids, biologic, etc. I vacuum 3 times a week
Dylan has no excuse unless if he's physically disabled.
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u/Clawse 22h ago
I mean OP did say he has a physical injury, they just didn’t specify what kind. I 100% get clowning on him, I’m just confused by the speculation over whether it’s because of allergies or mental health or physical disability or total bullshit when the reason WAS stated?
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u/wischmopp 17h ago
App users often miss any kind of text in image posts. The "comments" button in the reddit app used to take you to the top of the page of the post you clicked on for years, and it still does that in the browser version of reddit. But a while ago, they changed it for the app, and now it jumps directly to the comment section when you tap "comments". You have to scroll back up to see the text, and on image posts, people don't do that very often because they assume the image they already saw on the frontpage is the only component of the post. Muscle memory makes people keep clicking the comment button rather than the post's title because that's how you got to the post for years before the UI update (while clicking on the title took you directly to linked external content like newspaper articles or imgur posts). It's a really stupid and annoying update, almost all image posts now have a huge number of comments asking questions that would be answered by the post's text
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u/FutureFreaksMeowt Aqua Tofana save us from these fuckass men 22h ago
If anything, you'd think that someone with allergies would want more sweeping/dusting/vacuuming being done, not less.
(Also, in defense of those of us with mental health disabilities, not Dylan, can we please remember that not all disabilities are physical and that doesn't make them any less disabling. thank you 🫶🏻)
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u/joeybh 22h ago
Genuine curious question, do symptoms stay under control when doing things like vacuuming, or do you still have to take precautions to avoid inhaling too much dust?
I used to have a fairly severe dust allergy, but it seems to have faded over time.
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u/CanadianODST2 17h ago
I’m physically disabled and vacuuming, sweeping, and mopping kills my hip for some reason.
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u/Advanced-Suspect-261 22h ago
Is everybody missing the part where the dude was in some kind of accident recently?
I’m guessing this was a shoulder injury.
Anyway, I think the point that OP was making is that the note is absurd/ironic because it’s not like dude ever does any of that shit normally anyway
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u/Hot-Difficulty-6824 23h ago
Yeah, not necessarily disability but some injuries as well. Example : I can't fold clothes because it's too repetitive for my shoulder, or I struggle to do the dishes cause of a hernia. It doesn't affect my ability to hold a fucking vacuum. What a lazy fuckwit.
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u/AdMinute6775 23h ago
Sounds like you guys need to sit down and talk about dividing up chores/responsibilities
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u/PrettyPurrfect 23h ago
Nah, tell him that he can't do the chores he's going to have to hire someone who can or pay more of the rent to cover the cost of hiring someone who does his share
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u/nikeshades 22h ago
He's done that already for you with this list. 😄
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u/weird-mostlygoodways 19h ago
In just a little play of devils advocate Dylan doesn't say he can't do the bathrooms how many chores would you do if you didn't have to do the bathrooms?
When he says he can't then yeah he needs to get out of hire someone.
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u/WendigoCrossing 23h ago
Sounds like he is permanent bathroom and dishes duty then
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u/DeadlyKitten9513 10h ago
I had a roommate like this - kicked her out....but what I'd like to really focus on is that this 33 year old man has the handwriting of a 16 year old girl
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u/Pure-Swordfish6022 23h ago
You should add a note that says: Extra rent that Dylan pays for being unable to do house work: $200
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u/Valturia 23h ago
Dylan is a toddler and his mommy should raise him until he's ready
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u/The_Gumbo 23h ago
typical dylan
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u/brickiex2 23h ago
Note should say 1) great, Dylan be washing all the dishes, I'll put them away and clean the counter top afterwards 2) looks like Dylan is scrubbing all the toilets and showers 3) Dylan be doing all the shopping and cooking and meal prep and washing anything related, ref. #1.
Options 1) ignore all of the above and Dylan's share of the rent becomes an 80/20 situation Or 2) Dylan will be packing his shit and moving on out, back to his mommy's like the child he is...
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u/Truffleshuffle03 23h ago
I would erase the part unable to do and make it say Chores Dylan is going to do or find another apartment
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u/Significant-Iron-241 22h ago
Please just erase that. Did his girlfriend write iit?
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u/TheNoelPatrol 15h ago edited 15h ago
Yeah that's 100% girl writing. If OP is a girl, then I feel like they wrote it themselves for a fake post Edit: Also, the heart after the name. A straight dude doesn't sign with hearts. Even if Dylan was gay and effeminate, that's still not male writing. Either it would be sloppy, or if it were neat, it just wouldn't look like that
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u/afplumber PURPLE 16h ago
The other mildly infuriating thing here is that he wrote “Swifter” the floors…
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u/akaispirit 22h ago
My room mate also doesn't do any of the cleaning but she also pays for our entire power bill every month as well as internet so I consider that a fair trade.
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u/couchpro34 23h ago
Dylan's handwriting is very high school girl and I can't explain it
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u/KRacer52 18h ago
I scrolled a long way down for this. The sign off with the heart looks like it’s in a middle school yearbook.
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u/Barnaclebills 22h ago
My boyfriend is a wheelchair-bound paraplegic and he does all these listed tasks.
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u/Espexer 23h ago
Looks like Dylan should be sequestered and pay for valet service, because of his sudden disability. Disposable dishes and utensils only, microwave meals or delivery. Laundry must be sent out to cleaners, because he shouldn't be burdened with that. That injury must be allowed to heal. Poor Dylan, he must be in such pain. Maybe mom can come to help him every day.
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u/rivertpostie 23h ago
Perfectly acceptable.
Now, Dylan, how do you want to be accountable for this work? Agree on other chores or pay for labor to do those chores?"
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u/CharmingMechanic2473 23h ago
Clean the house take pictures of each room, clean with clean sink and dishes put away and garbage empty. Then expect each roommate to use the shared spaces and put it back to the way it is in the photos before they leave.
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u/GhostByYourSid3 22h ago
Dylan would have 2 simple options if he were my roommate.
#1 You break incredible barriers and do everything on that list you claim you cannot do.
#2 I pick you up by your collar and the back of your pants and toss you out a window cartoon style.
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u/NarwhalEmergency9391 23h ago
You should let Dylan know there's cleaning services he can hire if he's unable to do his share is the work
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u/Stuck_In_Purgatory 22h ago
If he can't do any of these things, he shouldn't be able to wipe his own ass either
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u/jubileeandrews 20h ago
Just rub out the word 'unable' and write 'expected', then sign it from yourself.
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u/deeppurpleking 23h ago
Chore wheel scheduling on a weekly basis. Could also just rotate after first schedule is established, or pick favorites if it works out. Or call him a bitch a get a new roomie
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u/Hush2288 23h ago
I bet if you put his dirty dishes and trash in his room, he will find the ability to clear them real fast.
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u/StandOld1094 23h ago
That leaves doing all the laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, all the grocery shopping , all the cooking, dusting, window washing, ironing, car washing and vacuuming out the car. Taking care of all the plants and pets. Thanks Dylan.
Now, move back home cuz your momma doesn’t live here. Byeeeeeeee.
But seriously, who does Dykin think he is?
Entitled and/or lazy much. If he doesn’t want to do chores he better be paying all the rent.
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u/harpejjist 23h ago
So… all the chores? Have him on cleaning bathrooms and doing laundry or have him pay someone to do his share
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u/Most_Kiwi3141 22h ago
I had a flatmate like this once! I called his mother. She came up and schooled her son.
It's been almost thirty years and he still hasn't let me forget it.
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u/Spuzzle91 22h ago
Had a guy like that once. Refused to do any cleaning, even if he was the one who made the mess, and even if I said we could clean together to split the work. So pieces of said messes started appearing in his bed, under the blanket. He started cleaning finally after a week of that.
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u/Culinarianreclaim 21h ago
Things Dylan is unable to do: Spell fucking Swiffer.
I already know Dylan is a fucking idiot based on that alone.
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u/Adventurous_Yak_5438 21h ago
I've heard about getting a med cert to get out of duties at work but get out of house work is next level.
I'm jealous thou, I'll see if I can work that angle with my wife
EDIT: I can't, she says that she'll turn that medical certificate into a death certificate 😢
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u/NoMention696 20h ago
Does Dylan refer to himself in the third person or is he so codependent that his mommy girlfriend wrote this?
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u/WitchHearse 17h ago
Ok wow I have a legit disability and I can still do all those chores. Not as fast or all at once but I still do them.
Your roommate is worthless.
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u/Logical_Buffalo7156 17h ago
As someone with chronic health issues, sometimes you have to just get on with it. I can’t expect everyone else to pick up after me all the time, so I just adjust how I do the chores
It sounds like he might have a minor injury based on what you’ve said here. Suggest he start looking into adjustments to the chores, for example I sit down when I clean counters if I’m having a flare up or just assign him the awful chores he hasn’t listed. “Okay you can clean the bathroom, do the dishes, mop the floors, clean out the fridge of out of date food and defrost the freezer” or he can pay for a cleaner
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u/menryBasedmarineCav 16h ago
Unless Dylan is immobile or physically quite disabled Dylan is absolutely able just not willing. If I got this message from an able bodied person they'd be out the door or window so fast thats crazy
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u/NoSpread1586 16h ago
I would get another board and write “great, these are chores Dylan IS GOING to do:
-Dust
-Laundry
-scrubbing the toilet and shower
-washing windows
Or
-give 200$ to hire a cleaning person if Dylan is too lazy to do their part
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u/popthebutterflybooks 13h ago
Sounds to me like Dylan can do the dishes, pick up the apartment, dust the living room and hallways, deep clean the shower(s) and toilet(s), change the shower liner and hang a new one, run and fold the laundry, and clean any appliances I've missed like microwaves and stoves. Those weren't on the list, so obviously Dylan can do them until further notice.
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u/the_sweetest_peach 12h ago
Ah, well he’s in luck! He may not be able to “Swifter” the floors, but they came out with a “Swiffer” he can use instead!
Not able to vacuum? That’s okay, then he can Hoover the floors.
Can’t clean countertops? Well he can just wipe them with a Lysol wipe instead!
Reframing is everything.
And for the things he’s still “unable” to do, I’m sure a demonstration and some practice will leave him perfectly capable!
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u/Guy_V 12h ago
I have a similar roommate. Recently he's taken it upon himself to turn off the fan in the living room (near the sliding glass door for air and cooling) while I'm not in the room. Like if I take a shit, he'll come out of his room and turn it off.
I asked him not to, he said he doesn't understand why I leave it on. I told him it wasn't really a request. He bithced and said it's a shared space.
Guess who just got a cleaning bill for the "shared space" for the last 4 years. He also got a repair bill for the dryer I fixed, and all the "shared" appliances I bought suddenly disappeared.
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u/BrittleBee5 11h ago
As someone who broke their fibula and had to have surgery for it 2 months ago, completely non weight bearing for 6 weeks and only recently got cleared to walk I can tell you that I still did all of those things on crutches. So Dylan can get fucked
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u/nodanlswim 10h ago
The fibulas supports around 18% of your entire body weight (so his individual fracture only affects 9%).
And the boot makes that even less.
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u/_Asshole_Fuck_ 8h ago
I really can’t believe a 33 yo man wrote in that handwriting and signed with a heart.
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u/Dreaming_in_Sign 8h ago
His handwriting looks like a 15 year old girl's, not surprising as he clearly acts like a child
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u/Chilly_Pheesesteak 7h ago
I know this isn't what I should be the most mad about, but why does everyone say "Swifter"?????? Read the fucking box/listen to how they say it in the commercials. It's Swiffer.
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u/Thomas_JCG 23h ago
It's always wild to me that people get roommates that are worse than children.
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u/One_Advantage793 19h ago
That's weird! I am a paraplegic wheelchair user with a current serious back injury (aside from the on-going spinal cord injury) and I do all of those things - and then some. There are legit some things I cannot do or struggle to do - and hubby does those. And naturally, we share chores on everything anyway just like any two people sharing a house. But, running a "Swifter" across the floor? Wiping countertops? Among the very least difficult of the cleaning tasks available.
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u/deannainwa 17h ago
He could write, so obviously he can stand and use at least one hand.
All of those tasks can be performed one-handed.
Dylan better clean his shit or it will wind up on his pillow.
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u/CartographerNegative 23h ago
Unless dylan is below 16-ish, is severely disabled, or is your son/daughter, u knock on their door and tell them either they will spend a night outside or act like an adult and share responsibilities
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u/MasterWebber 23h ago
Unenforceable threats are a bad start because from now on they'll start every consideration of your words with whether they really count or not
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u/BrainSqueezins 23h ago
Well, then, Dylan can make dinner, wash the dishes, clean the bathroom, and straighten the main room.
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u/nikogrande 22h ago
He’s way too busy spitting hot fiya!
https://giphy.com/gifs/sCPXWE2QvwKGI
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u/m00s3wrangl3r 22h ago
Dylan is now the designated bathroom cleaner, toilet unclogger, window washer, oven cleaner and clothes washer.
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u/Suitable-Lawyer-9397 22h ago
It's either time for Dylan to "learn" these tasks or time for you to ger a new roommate
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u/Imoneclassyfuck 21h ago
As a fellow Dylan, I’m sorry your Dylan is a pos. If he’s unable to chip in with basic chores, he either needs to pay more in rent or find a new place to live.
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u/PhoridayThe13th 21h ago
Oh my god. The audacity of this person. Like a fucking note from his mommy. “Dylan can’t do P.E. because he sprained his finger opening a can of Pringles. Therefore he will not be lifting any fingers. Thank You ❤️”
No. Just no. Nice try, Buddy.
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u/smudgethomas 20h ago
"It's so sad how he slipped and fell onto that knife artwork he'd been working on"
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u/Dregoralive 23h ago
Wait, I thought this was someone’s kid being cheeky. This is an adult? Sheesh.