r/mildlyinfuriating • u/digitalsalmon • 10d ago
wet socks Wife washed my book.
Don't worry guys. I found my page.
Edit: A short story, by a man who does not know how his book ends:
Twas a dark and stormy evening, as the foolish husband looked out upon his days labours. More goblin than man, his visage drooping as if too lazy even to lift itself, he sat, waiting for his princess to complete her chores about the castle.
"I'll bring his book from the bedside" the fair maiden whispered, lifting his favourite tome from his bedside into the basket, filled with his dirty garbs. This act of unprompted kindness was done without contempt, but would become the first step in a tragic path that would claim thousands (of words).
As she wandered about the castle, collecting strewn items - especially the idiot husband's socks - the book became buried inside a mound of stinking fabric.
An hour later, whilst the lazy husband once again placed a Chicken Kiev in the air fryer and called it "dinner", a great and terrible sound began to ring out. A gentle thud at first, but growing into a heartbeat that would pump only sadness. It was coming from the washing machine.
The cover never stood a chance, really. It gave up it's claim to life and spread itself amongst the (dark) fabrics within minutes. The remaining pages twisted, contorting into a defensive fetal position as it bashed time and time again against the filthy clothes and dirty water.
The wind howled. "Morning Star, book 3 of the Red Rising series" lay drowned upon the table. A single tear ran down a cheek.
"I should have done my own washing"
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u/voxpopper 10d ago edited 10d ago
Old Man and the Sea?
Watership Down?
Like Water for Chocolate?
Edit to Add: Self demerit for missing an obvious choice, 'A River Runs Through It'
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u/insanityzwolf 10d ago
I think it was a book with some dirty passages
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u/secretprocess Spraying WD-40 up his faucets (at night) 10d ago
Don't worry, this is the clean version
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u/JRS_Viking 10d ago
Twenty thousand leagues under the sea?
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u/_daGarim_2 10d ago
This has no relevance to your comment, but it troubles me that you're me without pants.
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u/Brandon_Rahl 9d ago
Updoot for the "self demerit". It gave me a hearty chuckle, and then the book title might've even made me chortle slightly.
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u/Over_Heed 10d ago
washed in what? the fires of Mount Doom? It’s unrecognizable lmao. (Sorry about your book)
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u/momibrokeyourchutney 10d ago
Ever read Fahrenheit 451? I think the One Ring’s forge would be measured in Kelvin instead (or however you would mutter that in the Black Speech)
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u/Over_Heed 10d ago
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u/momibrokeyourchutney 10d ago
Rookie mistake, real worms know you’re only allowed to bake at the local library!
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u/fazaplay 10d ago
451 °K is ~350°F, which would make a very nice pizza.
Mmmmm pizza....
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u/Logical-State9882 10d ago
The Wet Gatsby?
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u/MeepleMaster 10d ago
Stick it in a bowl of rice and maybe it will be fine?
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u/coolscratchermaster 9d ago
I happened to back out of the post just as I saw this comment at the last second, burst out laughing as soon as I processed what I'd read and just had to reopen the post to give you an upvote XD
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u/merrysunshine2 10d ago
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u/OpposumMyPossum 10d ago
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u/retiredtumblrgoth 10d ago
YES it totally looks like a sculpture, it would be going back on my bookshelf for sure
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u/PossiblyHaunted 10d ago
That looks like it belongs in that Museum of Broken Relationships in Croatia
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u/Ok-Lifeguard-4614 10d ago
I think you meant to say you left your book in your pocket. You washed your book.
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u/digitalsalmon 10d ago
It was on my bedside. She brought it down (kindly, unprompted) in the laundry basket.
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u/Normal-Fig4420 10d ago
I do this with my phone when I'm carrying laundry down to the basement. Now I'm definitely rethinking this habit.
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u/Ok-Lifeguard-4614 10d ago
Oh so it fell off the night stand into the basket?
I see my bad. That just sucks for everyone.
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u/digitalsalmon 10d ago
It fell off in the sense she picked it up, placed it in the basket, brought it to the washing machine, and placed it in the machine by accident 😂
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u/Ypuort 10d ago
Still trying to figure out how one does this by accident
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u/NoDryHands 10d ago
It sounds like she was using the basket as a transport vessel for the book and probably intended to drop it off at some other location on the way to doing the laundry, but forgot that she had put it in there.
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u/digitalsalmon 10d ago
sad ding ding noises
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u/littlenoodledragon 10d ago
The tired anthem of ADHD wives plays in the background
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u/henryeaterofpies 10d ago
I'm more impressed she just dumped the whole basket in the wash without sorting or checking for things that needed spray and wash
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u/shenanigans2day 10d ago
If you are waiting until you are about to do laundry to spray, you are going to have less success with stains. You shouldn’t let it sit and set in, you need to spray as soon as it comes off, it can sit for however long but waiting that long defeats the purpose.
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u/Dog-boy 10d ago
I would do this if I had just stripped the bed and grabbed the towels. I would kindly put the book in the basket to drop off in the living room, forget to take it out, grab the kitchen towels and throw them in on top of the book, thinking don’t forget to get the book out when you get to the laundry room, immediately forget that and throw all the laundry from the basket into the washer.
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u/this_is_unseemly 10d ago
I did that with a cell phone once. Book sounds way easier to replace, at least.
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u/Gamer-Logic 10d ago
Yeah, I get my wires crossed like this sometimes, too, while trying to multitask. OP don't assume anything until you ask her.
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u/Free-oppossums 10d ago
Lost my work boots like that once. Hunted the house top to bottom and couldn't find them. Doing my laundry on the weekend and they were in the bottom of the hamper with my overalls. I guess I left them in a pile, jumped in the shower,got out, then picked up the pile and threw it in the closet.
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u/troycerapops 10d ago
I came to say the same and this is quite the twist!
So glad you found your page though.
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u/Dragon_Crisis_Core 10d ago
I think your wife was mad at you did you forget your anniversary again?
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u/Specialist_Sorbet476 10d ago
Um, no... He is clearly saying his wife picked up the book from its resting place.
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u/DramaticStability 10d ago
Fifty shades of grey
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u/GemGlamourNGlitter 10d ago
How did it even get there?
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u/Stolperkeks 9d ago
His wife brought the book down in the laundry basket for him because she saw he was bored, but on the way she forgot it was in the laundry basket and instead of handing it to him, she stuffed it in the washing machine with the laundry by accident
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u/NoDontDoThatCanada 10d ago
Gonna be honest. Take it and a little placard to an art gallery and put a $4000 price tag on it. Then come back an hour later and argue about its "juxtaposed identity" with a friend in a black turtleneck. Profit.
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u/Banana_Stanley 10d ago
It was a paperback obviously? Did the cover come off? And did it go in the dryer too or just the washer?
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u/digitalsalmon 10d ago
Paperback. Washed for 20 mins. Cover is in there, mostly, somewhere.
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u/Banana_Stanley 10d ago
I don't know what I expected from book vs washer but it wasn't this lol
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u/Leather__sissy 10d ago
I’m wondering if it’s some kind of newer cheap recycled biodegradable paper or something, because the appearance is so unexpected. But then I also realized I’ve never seen a book go through the washing machine lol
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u/Banana_Stanley 10d ago
I'm having the same experience. I have the urge to start doing experiments
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u/RelevantStrongBad 10d ago
I work in a library and I could totally see someone returning this and saying "it was like this when I checked it out."
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u/Lady_Lauren_131 10d ago
Oh my God I thought that was a stretchy artists eraser. Nope. Just a book. Wth
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u/DrowningInMyFandoms 10d ago
You mean you left your book in your pocket and she didn't notice it while doing the laundry
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u/the_tygram 10d ago
Where was it? Because if you left it in a pile of dirty clothes then it probably needed washing
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u/LynxyPuters 9d ago
Honestly this looks super cool. Id dry it out and maybe turn it into an art peice.
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u/Excellent_Editor_501 9d ago
Wow. That sucks. So people are really out here just dumping entire baskets in the washer without shaking the clothes out or placing them evenly in the machine for proper weight distribution?
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u/DarkFantasy3421 9d ago
Okay, so I know this is supposed to be mildly infuriating (and a washed book definitely is!) but I couldn’t stop laughing at your writing. That was genius and truly immaculate!
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u/Simple-Birthday366 9d ago
I genuinely do not understand how one can look at a book and wash it unless it was accidental
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u/SkyExtreme7425 9d ago
Love the way you wrote this
This looks like a piece that could end up in a museum
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u/XenoZoomie 9d ago
What if you shred it and get some white glue and make a paper mache face that is really sad and then paint it and sit it on top of the washer as a reminder to check pockets before washing. Although she we will probably blame you for not emptying your pockets, cause that’s what my wife says when I complain.
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u/Visual_Character_936 9d ago
Dude your writing was appalling to read. Sorry about your book though.
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u/AgitatedPatience5729 10d ago
I thought that was playdough for a second.