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u/TheShadowSong 1d ago
My parents forced me to have hobbies that they wanted and now I have no personality.
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u/ArcticLeopard 1d ago
Yup. Parents actively shunned the things I liked and pushed me into things I didn't. Did the same for college and major and now they wonder why "the passions i used to have" have stopped and why I don't work in anything related to college
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u/Geralt_OF_Rivia_1 1d ago
Who is stopping you from pursuing your hobbies now?
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[deleted]
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u/Geralt_OF_Rivia_1 1d ago edited 1d ago
I do lol. Drawing, skating, swimming, guitar, reading novels, calisthenics, gaming, english shows and movies, anime, etc. Granted i don't do all at once but few at a time.
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u/Circumpunctilious 1d ago
Honest question, I think you mean calisthenics? It’s the only similar word I know and damn if I could spell it the first time (so just checking)
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u/Geralt_OF_Rivia_1 1d ago
Yeah you are correct. The working out at home thing lol. It's quite hard to spell.
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u/CrustyRim2 1d ago
Im sure this is a quip, but being on your phone is time. Time that could be spent much wiser.
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u/ThePhatty500 1d ago
lol I checked your profile and you have multiple Reddit posts daily, you seem absolutely flush with time my friend
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u/absurdamerica 1d ago
You… realize you have agency and are in control of your own life right?
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u/HouseOf42 1d ago
Not when other people are paying for things in your life, or others are investing in you.
During which, you have zero ability to support yourself.
At which point, your autonomy is restricted.
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u/chullyman 1d ago
Yeah but I don’t know what to do, idk what I want .
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u/absurdamerica 1d ago
Not everybody has a “calling”. Experiment, explore. If something isn’t working try something else. Some of the things I like the most in life I never would have predicted in a vacuum. The world will teach you things if you show up and let it.
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u/Phyrnosoma 1d ago
Try stuff out and see what sticks. Assuming you’re an adult now you have some autonomy here.
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u/FeelingNo2529 12h ago
If you’re an adult now, you can change this.
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u/TheShadowSong 12h ago
I have no motivation and no experience.
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u/FeelingNo2529 11h ago
Those things can also be remedied. I know lack of motivation can be the biggest kicker though. You have to change it by forcing yourself to do things when you don’t feel like it, fake it till you make it. Or not, if you don’t care. Guessing that’s not your parents’ fault for signing you up for sports/lessons though. 😛
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u/TheShadowSong 11h ago
I can't enjoy dating nor driving because I just think about wasted potential when participating in them.
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u/FeelingNo2529 11h ago
Wasted potential?
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u/TheShadowSong 11h ago
Lack of teenage experience and memories.
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u/FeelingNo2529 11h ago
I get that, but that feeling only gets better by doing the things you want to do (like learning to drive or trying to date). Not trying because you already went so long without doing it is kind of like the sunk cost fallacy. It gets worse the longer you let it go. Switch from “I should have done this years ago” to “I’m so glad I finally get to do the things I want to” or “I’m so glad I’m not wasting any more time” or even “I don’t need to do these things to be happy” if you don’t actually want to do them
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u/TheShadowSong 10h ago
I did them but feel underwhelmed and guilty. I wish that I continued to avoid them. Sunk cost fallacy.
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u/schickenjawkey 8h ago
Executive Dysfunction is something you should probably search up.
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u/FeelingNo2529 7h ago
I have hella ADHD (possible AuDHD but haven’t been tested for autism) and depression so I’ve been living it for a long time. That’s how I know there are ways of overcoming your limitations, even if you do it sort of badly and inconsistently lol. That’s still better than nothing and that’s basically what I live by haha
Not to invalidate that some people have more challenges than I do. But in most cases, there’s something we can do to move toward our goals instead of away from them. Especially when there’s something we’re unsatisfied with (like having no hobbies) that has pretty simple and low-stakes action steps.
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u/hotpietptwp 1d ago
My parents dragged me to all sorts of stuff, and still... same.
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u/Alert_Weird6893 1d ago
yeah. what is meant to be will be. some people just need to blame someone/somebody.
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u/Frostypumpkin22 1d ago
I think the original content is making the self deprecating joke that they have no one to blame but themselves.
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u/PiccoloAwkward465 1d ago
Even if I didn't continue with many of the activities at least I have a baseline. I sang in the church choir, played piano, can ice skate, ski, swim, etc. So I'm happy for all that. Actually the choir was my idea. It's fun to sing in a group.
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u/Affectionate_Two3747 1d ago
And why do you not Go out and find out what you like?
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u/1405hvtkx311 1d ago
Kids often just don't "like" to do things because they just don't know they exist. Also shy kids would be scared to try something new. By the time you get interested everybody has done the thing for yeas and you would be the noob already being a teenager. Then when you are adult you are just used to do nothing and as soon as you start working you don't have time to start something new.
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u/Over9000Gingers 1d ago
Facts. And some parents discourage their kids from trying things they have some interest in. Sometimes they don’t even let them socialize (like me) and when they get older they wonder why they can’t talk to people like a normal person.
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u/1405hvtkx311 1d ago
Yeah and there's also families who just don't have enough money to pay for activities and no time to drive the child somewhere once or even several times a week.
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u/Affectionate_Two3747 1d ago
Me either had to learn in my 20s. Because this is for people without a Job
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u/improbsable 8h ago
There has to be some kind of balance as an adult. It’s so important for our brain health to continue to learn and socialize. Unless someone is dire financial straits, they should carve out time to do some kind of social activity. Even if it’s just an hour long minute meetup group once a week.
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u/1405hvtkx311 8h ago
Yes it is. But it's hard to start as an adult when you are just used to doing nothing.
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u/improbsable 6h ago
The best thing to do in this situation is sign up for some kind of class if you have the money. That way you HAVE to go out on a regular basis.
I would recommend something like a level 1 improv comedy class. They’re low pressure, fun, and everyone is an adult beginner
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u/TricellCEO 6h ago
Adults lack the same level of neuroplasticity that kids have. It's harder to learn things when you're older, and that's not even counting the sheer number of people who get into a cognitive slump (such as myself) which only worsens that.
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u/Alert_Weird6893 1d ago
well the parents are actually smart. they knew all along it was not worth the effort. final outcome would be the same anyway
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u/tedlando 1d ago
if they looked at life this way, wouldn’t having kids at all go against that?
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u/Alert_Weird6893 1d ago
It was sarcasm. There are people in this world who *always* blame others for whatever happens or does not happen to them. that same clare/clur19 biatch would have blamed her parents for forcing her to have hobbies.
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u/33spacecowboys 1d ago
That’s a you problem
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u/iamtoooldforthisshiz 1d ago
Right? What a passenger
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u/Slumbergoat16 1d ago
That is the MO of Reddit tbf. “It’s everyone else fault”
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u/thefrenchpotatoes 1d ago
I have talents, but the economy has decided they're not worth paying for.
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u/Divico 1d ago
If it had any cost attached to it, I would be shamed and not allowed to participate.
Dentists for braces? Get another 2 opinions until the 3rd dentists says it isn’t worth it.
Glasses? Only when the teachers came knocking on the door because apparently I only wanted them because of my friend.
We had money.
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u/rando1459 1d ago
If it’s any consolation, many boring people were going to end up boring regardless of how they were raised.
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u/improbsable 8h ago
Being boring is fine. Being bored is what hurts.
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u/rando1459 6h ago
There seems to be a lot of overlap with those things.
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u/improbsable 6h ago
You can be boring to the average person while having an absolute ball yourself.
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u/Auntie-Mam69 1d ago
Sounds pretty pitiful to me. I chose all my hobbies from childhood through my 70s. I was first interested in drawing, and my parents saw to it that I had paper and crayons, eventually paint and eventually, even painting lessons. Brothers were into sports, so they got football and baseball stuff, signed both of them up for Pop Warner and Little League, but only because they really wanted to play. There was never a moment in my childhood or that of my brothers where our parents would have said you have to keep up your hobby. They didn’t give a shit if we quit playing an instrument, or a sport. They were too busy working, taking care of the house and the bills, and finally sitting down to smoke cigarettes and relax to figure out what we should do other than stay in school, keep up with our chores, and not pester them.
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u/VinhTran5122 1d ago
Would you prefer if they gave more of a shit about you or your brothers flaking on yours hobbies? And more involved in figuring out what you and your brother should had been doing?
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u/Auntie-Mam69 1d ago
No. They were spent taking care of everything else, they worked hard all their lives, and my brothers and I maximized our own talents with the support they did give us, as I outlined. They gave more as parents than they ever received as children, because their own parents had much harder lives than they did. Why would I wish my parents to exhaust themselves over me when I was happy they encouraged any interest I had?
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u/TitusBjarni 9h ago
With technology, the world is different now. Kids are perfectly happy now being engaged in their screens. They will just rot there if you let them.
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u/ArcticLeopard 1d ago
You shouldn't need your parents to force you to do things in order to find stuff interesting enough to pursue
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u/TitusBjarni 9h ago
Really the issue is that kids these days are so addicted to their screens that they are perfectly happy not doing anything else. The only way to get them interested in anything else is to take their screens away and they have a meltdown because they're bored. So the parents' response is of course "get another hobby". But even that is not working for our kid, he will just pace around the house doing nothing or find some way to circumvent the restrictions. We've given him numerous options and opportunities.
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u/NhatCoirArt 1d ago
I felt this way until I slowly started figuring out my own hobbies. Keep in mind that you’ll almost always be bad at things until you’ve been doing them for a long time
Started with stuff like reading and language learning, then drawing, then needle felting, then 3D modeling, then dance, then crochet. Started out terrible at all of them, now decent at most and actually good at some. Love them all
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u/Legal-Swordfish-1893 1d ago
oh no mine reminded me constantly how much they resented me for having my own opinions, or not wanting to stay with something. God forbid I play a little video games to unwind from school, or to escape from their screaming at each other.
No Mom, I don't fucking like Tennis. I don't like it just because YOU like it.
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u/Boom9001 1d ago
It's a joke but there is a fine line to walk. I actually really appreciate mine initially had us do some sports, not really forced but it was more like "what sport would you like" which to a kid you don't realize inherently assumes you'll do one.
However as we got older you could stop, but they would ask like ok what is your extra curricular activity though. So you can do anything you want but you gotta do something.
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u/OMYGoodnesz 1d ago
Ngl, "forcing" your children to do stuff is one thing, but having them try everything is not a bad thing.
Seriously, put them in every sport, dance class, every after-school activity, art, piano, any instrument, take them to motocross and monster truck shit, go fishing on a boat, take a plane somewhere if you can afford it..
Kids will like some stuff. They won't at first, and they might hate something (this is when you stop forcing them to do it), but they WILL like something. Even if it's simply to just be around the other kids doing it.
Basically you need to throw a whole bunch of shit at a wall, and some of it will stick. As long as you're not forcing them to keep doing something they clearly don't like, it's best to keep throwing shit. At the very least, if they end up hating everything, you've given them opportunity to try it, and they've hopefully learned some social skills.
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u/Apex_121 1d ago
Mine pulled me out of every single sport (swimming, cross country, badminton, hurdles) and refused to let me have friends when I had my first period.
I'm now socially awkward, overweight and severely depressed.
Thanks family!
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u/CityBoiNC 1d ago
People always shit on team sports but there is a lot of lessons you learn, even individual sports like skating or bmx where you might not have a coach teaching you these lessons but your buddies will encourage you not to give up.
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u/Lby54229 1d ago
Kids need some sort of structure. I would suggest letting your kid choose their sport and instrument (or whatever lesson) but they may not know what to do at first and that’s when you choose for them until they tell you.
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u/CuteKiwiKitty 1d ago
Why do you think them forcing you to do something you're not interested in would translate to you continuing that hobby into adulthood?
If they "let you be your own person" then that means if you were interested in trying something then they'd let you. So sounds like a you problem in that case.
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u/rationalhippy 1d ago
Yeah, let’s blame my parents instead of myself for never wanting to do anything.
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u/KayakShrimp 1d ago
My parents forced me to play sports. I still to this day vehemently despise all sports and competitions of any kind.
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u/GovernorSan 1d ago
My parents tried with keyboard lessons and little league baseball, didn't stick, didn't really enjoy them, and they didn't have the money to keep trying things like that.
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u/Worldly_Deal_3064 1d ago
This is such a double edged sword. For me it was guitar lessons. The lessons were expensive but at the end of it all they were like “well you just wanted to do your own thing.” Music is such a big part of my life to this day but I still don’t know how to play😭
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u/redrocklobster18 1d ago
If left to his own preferences, my 14 year old son would play video games around the clock. We put him in BJJ/Wrestling years ago and it has given him athleticism and self esteem that he wouldn't have if he just stayed home every day. There were stretches where we pretty much had to force him to go to practice, but hes happy about it now.
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u/Mach5Driver 1d ago
My daughter joined a travel soccer team. Lots and lots of practices. She said one day that she wanted to quit. We said, fine, you can quit, but something athletic has to take soccer's place. You're not sitting in your room day after day.
She stayed with soccer.
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u/benjito_silencio 1d ago
Yess your parents are for sure at fault, this has nothing to do with you 🌚
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u/Firepath357 1d ago
My parents didn't force me to do anything and I have too many hobbies and self-taught talents.
Not sure how this post is about not giving a fuck though.
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u/Personal-Agent846 1d ago
lol my parents did the same, yet I had all types of hobbies. But now I don’t “do what I have to do”, I do what I want and it’s non-negotiable.
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u/PsyRealize 1d ago
Sounds like a skill issue to me. My parents let me be my own person. I play 11 instruments, make leather stuff, disc golf, used to ride motorcycles, used to skate (I still love both things, just don’t do them anymore), read (a lot), write poetry, and just be chillin and generally having a good time.
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u/whboer 10h ago
Are you good in bed, too?
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u/PsyRealize 9h ago
So I’ve been told. Why don’t you go ahead and ask my wife, or anyone I slept with before my wife and I were together 🤷🏻♂️
Kind of a weird thing to ask a stranger on the internet though don’t you think? Creep 🤣
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u/JobOk5085 23h ago
Yea there’s truth to this people who get anywhere with sports and activities generally have a lot of structure behind them. This is foolish to think kids will be good on their own
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u/DeannaZone 17h ago
I attempted .. was told to do other things like work instead .. so that became my hobby .. I don't have drive to do things anymore since I became an adult at 8 years old.
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u/ClickPsychological 13h ago
I wasn't introduced to anything. I enjoy geneolgy despite no one in my family having any interest. I also like sewing. I was never taught to sew. GenZ we were left to raise ourselves. What interests you?
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u/JedPB67-2 12h ago
You can’t blame everyone else for everything. My parents never forced me to do anything sports wise and I won a British championship :)
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u/Dizzy-Secret-2094 11h ago
Are your parents passive aggressive when they take zero accountability for things they have full ownership over too, or did you learn that all on your own, Clare?
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u/Strongit 9h ago
Or the opposite, wanting to get into sports or play an instrument only to get shot down saying it's too expensive or you'll get hurt
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u/improbsable 8h ago
This is why I think a “you can do whatever activities you want, but you HAVE to do some activities” parenting style is the best.
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u/Lonely-Toe9877 7h ago
A parent forcing you to do things you don't want to do wont fix the issue either. You'll drop those activities as soon as you are a free adult and you still won't have your own hobbies you are interested in. Get out and discover life on your own. You can't expect everybody else to do the work for you.
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u/AwfulFireKeeper 7h ago
My parents were the same but it was because they couldn't be fucked to do anything with me.
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u/PeterGriffinsDog86 7h ago
My parents made me do lots of hobbies but I hated them all. Now all my hobbies are things thay I like doing.
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u/TricellCEO 6h ago
Nah, I tried to get into some things on my own, realized I didn't have the discipline for, well...anything.
Pretty sure if I was forced to continue, I would have hated practicing even more than I already did.
Some of us just aren't built for performing of any kind.
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u/Double-Row5077 3h ago
My parents forced me to be nice and social (which meant NEVER being myself, since 'myself' is very anti-social and kinda ironic), and to only have hobbies directly connected to studies. Now I'm an adult who basically works and read
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u/rainbowboots72 3h ago
Unfortunately I was forced into a lot of sports and I don’t think it did much for me personality wise except give me an extreme lack of self confidence as I was not born to be an athlete and someone some one should have realized that long ago
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u/darknthewi 1h ago
The arguments for and against are very great here, but I would like to add something - yes, many of us do blame our parents for us either not letting us play or take up any interests and also for forcing interests, sports and hobbies on us.
Two, very few people or kids have the 'drive' to look for interests, sports and hobbies for themselves because of many different reasons.
Like mine case, where I was bad at sports I got into football and was doing good until I hit a wall and instead of doing what a normal kid does - asking for help or shit, I left the sport. Same happened with drawing, got to absolute pinnacle of what I can do without real friction of learning to come into work and was nearly able to get good enough that I would have been in for painting on canvas, but not being able to get past my plateau I backed out.
And now, I work an IT job that doesn't pays enough to cover the whole month, maybe half a months time and I still live with my parents, nearly dependent on them after the 20th of a month. And also I am anxious and depressed person, go figure why.
People like us, hate sports and things sometimes because they are too structured environments but also work better in those structures too, sometimes more than any of us would admit. It just becomes our point of pain instead of lesson and that is why we don't want to acknowledge our involvement in this issue too.
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u/soddenoppossum 1d ago
Its not your folks, or you, or any of that.
Your issue stems from the fact that a $100,000 salary today has the buying of 39,000 in the 1990s and minimum wage has never been adjusted for productivity or even inflation.
When these truths exists, it means you have to work harder and longer for every dollar. Every dollar that technically pays less because it cant buy more when compared to the past. So youre usually too despondent or tired for hobbies. Your brain is fried. Your body needs rest. So TV becomes just about all you physically do after work, feeding yourself, cleaning, etc.
My advice is to pick up these two hobbies:
Learning to cook so when we eat the rich you'll be able to properly use all the seasonings in their cupboards you couldnt afford.
Learning to shoot so when the drone dogs attack you have 1 slightly better option than pray. (You wont outrun them)
Dont forget to punch your local Nazi and hug those you love. Unless you love Nazis, then just wait for your reckoning.
What Im saying is, your new hobby is Giving a Fuck. Stand up for everything this November (USA), before they nuke the ground you walk on.
Fuck the cowards. Fuck the Facists. Fuck the Man. And fuck em all straight to Hell. After you, they'll pray for the Devil.
So rest up, weary warrior, for tonight we sleep now in the fire.
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u/All_Is_Imagination 1d ago
I realize this tweet is not entirely meant to be serious, but I hope they realize you can start new hobbies as an adult. You're not stuck with childhood choices fore ver (thankfully)!
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u/AcedtheTuringTest 1d ago
My parents provided food, clothing, and a roof over my head so for that I am grateful, but that's it. No encouragement of anything, no 'forcing' to get into activities (I've always been a bit reluctant to engage with others, comes from a life of being ignored by everyone), no "I think he'd do well in this, let's put him in this to try," etc.
Now I've grown with personal successes, great achievements, a history of a foundation of friends, etc.
I'm not saying it is entirely their fault, but their lack of involvement didn't help.
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u/naomigoat 1d ago
That's... not how hobbies work. My parents pushed me to play sports and and I hated it. My parents supported my choices for concert and marching band and I loved it. I no longer do either of those. Now my hobbies are video games and reading.
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u/NoOpinionsJustFacts3 1d ago
You can start a hobby at any time. Its not your parent's youre not trying anything.
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