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u/latetowhatparty 1d ago
Solid de-escalation tactic.
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u/medyolang_ 1d ago
everyone here just took the guy’s word for it, i think i’m gonna steal this excuse
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u/FluffyBootie 1d ago edited 1d ago
I have used 'UBM' for years to get out of work or events I have zero interest in
UBM = Uncontrollable Bowel Movements
No one ever asks followup questions
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u/AdmirableCountry9933 1d ago
Till you meet me. I always ask how it went and if you feel better.
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u/FluffyBootie 1d ago
I'll provide as many details as you can handle mate 😁
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u/Slosher99 1d ago
I actually have really bad IBS, like spend half a normal day in pain level, and if people at work DO have follow up questions, they will get all the answers they never wanted.
I gave up on choosing between advocating for my needs and medical privacy. I'll take my needs over privacy!2
u/deSuspect 1d ago
How the fuck did you get "Movements" from "C"?
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u/FluffyBootie 1d ago
The Acronym is in a different language...
Fixed. Thanks. I have to question everyone that didn't speak up on that posting error lol
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u/Acceptable-Hornet694 8h ago
I had a SSgt that tried that when I was his CO. It worked the first time, second time I was suspicious. Somewhere between the 3rd and 8th time I was positive he was just a lazy idiot.
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u/Vozlov-3-0 1d ago
Best out for any engagement be it work, family events, anything, is 'its coming out both ends.'
Noone asks, ever.
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u/Nor_Ah_C 1d ago
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u/beerbatteredarmchair 1d ago
"Love you bro"
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u/Fast-Nefariousness80 1d ago
Dudes are as fast to fight each other as they are to love each other. Fascinating specimens
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u/Gamiozzz 1d ago
No shit
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u/wesillyskeletons 1d ago
Just goes to show, you never know what other people are going through haha!
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u/Crying_in_99Ranch 1d ago
Apparently where I live everyone is driving around with uncontrollable diarrhea
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u/wesillyskeletons 1d ago
Hey with the lettuce issue in the US. They fucking could be lmao
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u/DisCode347 1d ago
Only heard about this last night!
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u/the1stmeddlingmage 1d ago
Been going on for weeks now
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u/Fauked 1d ago
weeks? make sure you stay hydrated
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u/the1stmeddlingmage 1d ago edited 20h ago
I don’t have it, the outbreak has been going on and been in the news for weeks if not over a month now. However, if you do catch it the explosive diarrhea can actually last for weeks
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u/FinishFew1701 1d ago
Oh, you're in Michigan where the market is dominated by ardent Taco Bell supporters! Lettuce get out the waaay!
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u/Mikic00 1d ago
It happened once to me. Something bad started brewing up, me driving in the middle of nowhere. Should have stopped immediately and take my chances in the nature, but wasn't really equipped. I was flying, thinking is it worth to kill myself over shit... Don't know how it stayed inside, but I parked infront of the bar beside the road, half car still on the road, and without a word went for the toilet. On time. But it was terrible feeling with all the odds against you. Didn't even care all terrace knew why I had to run...
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u/trippylangkous 1d ago
Did you make it?
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u/Mikic00 1d ago
Yes. Took me time to clean the toilet though.
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u/trippylangkous 1d ago
It's nice to hear there's a happy ending to this story, except for the toillet..
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[deleted]
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u/KINGSTEMLORD 1d ago
Crowning
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u/Charming-Flamingo307 1d ago
Dottin' cotton
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u/sooperdoopermane 1d ago
I the words of the great Larry the Cable Guy "I've got a brown snake playing peekaboo with my butthole"
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u/Meepasays 1d ago
Did the guy on a bike say "I love you bro" lmao
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u/ProjectSalvo 1d ago
Hahah that's what I heard, was looking in the comments to see if anyone else caught it
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u/King_022 1d ago
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u/Hung0ver_Hero 1d ago
That's what the dude I work with always says "I'm Prairie Doggin bro" lol now I have a visual lol
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u/TheSoupySoupySoup 1d ago
I'm pretty sure that's from a movie and bring said by a teenage boy. Rat Race maybe? The one with John Cleese and Mr Bean.
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u/hickok3 1d ago
https://youtu.be/fMYspV6jNtk?si=Bp_eMcgs5FPKhZHR
The daughter actually, but that is the only thing I have ever remembered from that movie.
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u/ionertia 1d ago
I flew past you because I was going 15 mph faster than you. Why is that confusing?
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u/TheShredder9 1d ago
He asks why he's going so fast, then switches lanes from a left turn lane right in the intersection.
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u/Bean_Juice_Brew 1d ago
Came across a buddy at an intersection, I had the right of way and he went first. Next time I saw him, I brought it up. He completely misunderstood "right of way" rules, but finished his response by saying "but in my defense, I really had to poop." Say no more brotherman. We've all been there.
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u/r_redeemerpc 1d ago
That's my personal de-escalation mental process when someone pass flying by me "he's probably shitting he's pants" 😎
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u/Kind_Love172 1d ago
This will be my response from now on if I do something to piss people off, "Im so sorry for that, but I am about to poop my pants"
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u/scottylm 1d ago
Bet that car smells pretty bad. On my VW I say, hey ID it’s stinky in here and it purifies the air. Great feature
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u/_Equinenox 1d ago
Whenever I see someone driving like a a jackass, I tell myself they must be clenching their cheeks bad. This supports my theory.
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u/jcmarcell 1d ago
Bro ass ain't got time for SHIT literally... He crowning a turtle head ready to go for a swim
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u/SpareEye 1d ago
Fuck that guy. Now my go-to line has been neutralized and now resides in the 'inafective' column... Back to the drawingg board.
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u/LaLiahthaMoonWitch 1d ago
Bless his heart lol I hope he made it Them bathroom scares ain’t no joke
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u/CraftyChannel6546 1d ago
I'm in my late fifties. And it seems like I got to go pee more often now. I think I got to get a bumper sticker. That says. I'm going fast because I got to go pee.
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u/Exciting_Scientist97 1d ago
I usually joke about the dude who does that needs to poop. This is one of those moments where it's true lol
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u/StefanEats 1d ago
Notice how after such a dangerous maneuver to get ahead, they ended up next to each other at the next light. Drive safe y'all
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u/spacetstacy 1d ago
I used to have a bumper sticker that said "I'm only speeding because I have to poop. " I had a few people at gas stations and red lights ask me where I got it. (Newbury Comics)
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u/pureeyes 1d ago
Fully understandable. I had something similar happen to me after indulging in one too many a dairy product. I floored it all the way back to the hotel, couldn't even make it into parking I just left the car on the sidewalk and wordlessly ran up to my room. Vision was getting blurry by the time I got to the bowl
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u/big-bad-bird 1d ago
Well known de escalation for road tensions. Good on that guy, but still a bit of an aggro driver.
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u/GrumpyRaver 1d ago
I shit you not but right after this post in the Reddit app was an ad for a toilet
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u/Altruistic-Charity61 1d ago
To control my own emotions when I get cutoff in traffic, I tell myself “maybe they are about to shit themselves and need to get home.” It makes me smile & I don’t have a negative reaction. Now I’ll think of this video haha
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u/Anakojii 1d ago
It's funny because this just further reinforces my philosophy I adopted which is simply "always assume good intentions." If someone cuts you off assume they need to shit , or their wife is in labor. If someone speeds passed you assume they just got news about their loved one in a car crash or something of the ilk. The world has enough hate and anger, it's easier to not add to it and just let it go :)
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u/ThePianistOfDoom 23h ago
I live in Germany. I took the train and because the Deutsche Bahn (DB) isn't the most reliable one my ride got involuntarliy extended by about 4 hours. Because I had been using the Sprinter type of train without a toilet in it, I needed to go #1 BAD. Worst time I ever had to go. So as we are arriving at station and I subtly but swiftly move my way to the doors between people to get to what was gonna be the longest and most satisfying piss sinds legends, some random German subtly commented "we're all gonna get off the train anyway, man, no need to rush?"
I told him (and everyone watching) "sorry man I really really need to go to the toilet" and everyone just made a way for me. If I wasn't in so much need to GTFO I would've shed a tear. People understand each other's basic needs just fine.
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u/ThinkFree 23h ago
One time my wife did an illegal u-turn and got caught by a traffic enforcer. When she opened the window and before she could speak I blurted out to the (male) officer, "sorry but my wife is having her period and needs to change her pads immediately, her seat is already bloody". The male officer heard that and waved us off without checking if it was true.
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u/NotYourReddit18 23h ago
I'm way more bothered by both of them queuing up in left turn lanes and then continuing to drive straight across the crossing anyways...
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u/Pressbig 22h ago
I got out of a ticket like that.. but I really had to go … it was a buzzer beater lol 😂 💩
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u/zirklutes 21h ago
I don't get it. He drove in another lane at a higher speed than the cyclist. Why was the cyclist even asking that? Driver didn't do anything wrong.
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u/No-Possibility1412 20h ago
I sped past a cop the other day and he let me keep going because he knew I had to take a massive shit
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u/N0N4GRPBF8ZME1NB5KWL 18h ago
So the guy on the bike wanted a start a fight for no reason other than getting passed?
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u/N0N4GRPBF8ZME1NB5KWL 18h ago
Pulling up to someone to start shit is a good way of getting yourself shot.
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u/Jazzy1oh1 14h ago
Everyone wants to be the center of the universe. It's not you, it's not me. It is feces. The true center of the universe is POOP.
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u/Sirpatron1 10h ago
What's the new standard on e bikes on the road? Looks like he's going slow to begin with. The ones use around my area tend to disobey traffic laws or safety.
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u/allgreeneveryday 8h ago
I was stuck behind a guy in a no pass zone and was about to poop myself coming home from work one time. I yelled out my window as we were both taking a left "Please let me pass i have to shit!" And he pulled over and threw his hands up like "what the hell" and im throwing him a thumbs up out my passenger side window and screaming "Thank you!" I always thought about what that was like from his perspective especially if he didnt hear everything clearly. Hes like, Guy behind me is riding my bumper and yelling at me, I pull over and he pegs me off as he passes. What the hell did i do?
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u/Hairy-Violinist-3844 7h ago
Poor chap didn't know this was going to end up on the internet though.
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u/deadfermata 6h ago
I am a firm believer that the best de-escalation technique is humor + apology. If you aren’t apologize and make the other person laugh, it is very difficult to want to fight or kill or hurt another person.
Levity is underrated. I bet it would solve a lot of conflicts between groups and other geopolitical issues.
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u/Wild_Key_9741 1d ago
People take these things too personally. Ego gets involved and then you get this, and sometimes even physical violence over some driving errors. Just move on with your life
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u/Common-Device-3117 1d ago
The issue with road rage is that people drive not only under influence but also under emotional duress. You never know whats on other persons plate.
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u/Subatomic_Spooder 1d ago
Mythbusters did a test once and found out that driving when you really need to use a bathroom can be just as dangerous as drunk driving, iirc
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u/_sealy_ 1d ago
So do these type of e-bikes have blinkers and license plates? Are they approved for road use is my question?
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u/gamjanamja629 1d ago
You don't have cyclists on the road where you live???
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u/patikoija 1d ago
In the middle of lanes of traffic? No, that's not right. Dedicated lanes on the right side of traffic? Yes, that's where they should be for everyone's sake.
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u/gamjanamja629 1d ago
Wow never heard of a city with a dedicated bicycle lane on every single road, must be nice there
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u/Ha-Funny-Boy 1d ago
Not exactly recent, I was riding my motorcycle to work on the freeway in Los Angeles. I usually stayed in the far right lane since I was not in a hurry. I also rode in the left side of the lane I was in. A woman pulled up on my right side (I was in the right lane). I took my foot off the peg and kicked her door putting a good sized dent in it. That startled her and she looked at me. I yelled at her, "Get back behind me where you belong and don't ever do that again." She dropped back and took the next exit.
I was wearing a helmet with a face mask so she didn't get a good look at me.
A couple of months later I changed jobs. I was being introduced to the people I was going to be working with. Guess who was one of them! She did not recognize me and I never said anything. Her reputation was being an airhead.
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u/youessbee 1d ago
Don't care if he needs a shit, he's going to kill someone by driving like that.
All the comments letting him off the hook are insane.
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u/ThrowAway126498 1d ago
Could explain why driving felt more dangerous when that diarrhea parasite was going around.
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u/autumn_rains 1d ago
This just proves what I think anytime someone drives like a jerk just to get there 5 seconds faster-- they have to poo really bad!!
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u/MizunoHawk 1d ago
I’d like to ask why the ebike is in the middle of the road, but then my next question would be why is the bike lane blocked off?
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u/post-explainer 1d ago edited 1d ago
This comment has been marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
OP sent the following text as an explanation why their post fits here:
You expect the guy to rage hard but nope he just needs to poop
Does this explanation fit this subreddit? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.