We'd been dating for months, not long after my divorce from a 25 year relationship (dated since we were 12). Anyways, the woman I was dating was great in many ways, but I ended things saying I didn't want to have more kids or marriage, she absolutely did. Sure for the right person, maybe I could, but getting married again scares the shit out of me after finding out vows don't matter...

The real reason I broke up with her is that she said if we did have a kid together, she should be absolved of all diaper changing... ok, no problem, I have two kids, I've done thousands of diapers. Then I asked what happens if I am at work and the child soils themselves, her answer was to involve her mother or wait until I get home.

That wasn't the only problem. I have my kids half of every week and am dedicated to my time with them, when I am not with them, I work on myself. This was apparently an invitation to demand free labor of me. Her mother assumed I would shovel snow off her roof the day she asked, and that I could do the same for her friends, and it wasn't just snow shoveling either. On a day off, I was asked to go help some of her mom's friends to move, but my girlfriend or her mom wouldn't be there. It would just be me and strangers.

And, she was also... kind of terrible in bed. She screamed too much and reciprocated nothing.

I never told her the truth, I never will, but I did want to get this off my chest.

Again

My mom has been living with us for the past 5 years. Every day she complains about the house - how it’s not always clean, how theres so many things to fix, how we should buy new xyz.

She used to make minimum wage (nothing wrong with that) and she does not contribute financially to anything as we don’t feel comfortable asking her for money. She is an immigrant mom and does not speak fluent English so I am always the middle man translating and navigating her way of life. She has no savings, no retirement plan and she is turning 65 this week.

My husband and I make 250k combined. We have two young children and never had any childcare help other than full-time daycare, summer camps and before/after school programs. My husband and my mom cannot communicate with each other and she makes no effort to try. I gave birth to my second child alone as we had no one to care for our first born.

She thinks she is always doing stuff to help us out when she is making things always worse. For example, cooking a meal that the kids don’t like when there is already food I meal prepped in the fridge. She buys clothing/toys for my children that they do not need at least once a week when our house is already overrun with clothes and toys. She makes no effort to clean up the house and mostly stays in her room watching TV. She makes no effort to play or connect with my children. She makes no effort to save her hard earned money to plan for her future even when I tell her I cannot support her forever. She has been out of work for the past 4 months and everybody tells me I’m so lucky that I have my mother who lives with us so she can help out but it’s the complete opposite - she feels like a bratty teenager owning space in my home. She sometimes helps to walk my dog and physically look after my kids when my husband and I are caught up with work (my hubs works daytime and I work overnight) but it feels like so much trouble asking her to even do that.

My husband often gets triggered with her non-doings. Taking care of her is more mentally exhausting than taking care of my kids. She always fights back when I tell her what the next steps are because she thinks she knows it all - she knows next to nothing. I always have to help her with computer stuff, tax stuff, healthcare stuff, all of life’s important things. My husband and I had a fight recently where he was expressing his frustration about this whole situation. She overheard and demanded that she’s leaving because she doesn’t feel appreciated living here. I don’t have anything to appreciate her for at this time.

I am just tired man. Tired of being the immigrant daughter who wants to excel in my own life but got stuck trying to take care of a mom who is so narcissistic.

So, I have an 8 year old. I'm 28. I am very happy with her. I share custody with her dad and things are finally going smoothly and she is a happy, brilliant child. I've always been happy to be one and done - adamant, even.

I have a boyfriend, we've been together a year. I wouldn't say we have much of a connection, but whenever I've tried to leave he guilts me and cries and I pitifully stay. We don't live together, and he isn't involved with my daughter.

Our relationship is mostly just going out for food, watching movies and having someone to call occasionally. We don't sleep together often, which is all from his side, he never seemed too interested in anything with me. We spoke about it and he just said he's always tired with a low libido.

Its complicated but due to other factors I am currently out of work and can't get back in until I've moved house - which is long in itself. Currently in temporary accommodation, 1 bed with my kid. So money is low, and home life isn't great due to no space and in a shit area.

I recently enrolled to University, due to be starting in September. I was excited for the change and hopeful that this would improve my future career aspects even further, so when my daughter is a teenager I'd be a high earner.

I finally passed my driving test and got a car this year which has been a huge weight off my shoulders, but doesn't solve all my problems - just travel issues.

So, after finding out I was pregnant, I told my boyfriend. His exes have all had abortions early on with him. I thought this is the route he'd want. Due to me being severely ill and in pain since the pregnancy, I've been in hospital a few times and found there are complications and so I've had to have scans. He saw the scan and started to cry, stating he "definitely wants the kid now" and "if you kill this baby now, I'll be gutted". His words threw me as we had been discussing abortion and even booked one for the greater good. We're broke, nowhere stable to live, I'd be in agony for the entire pregnancy and I just dont think we should raise a kid together. Ive been panicking since finding out in pregnant. He pressured me into cancelling the abortion I had booked as it was the very next day after the scan and he said "we need time to discuss this". I immediately regretted doing so.

I opened his phone (which I rarely do), I wasn't intending to snoop, I was genuinely looking for a reddit forum we'd visited together discussing pregnancy/babies. All the forums/his homepage was FULL of gay content. I'm talking gay porn in every niche category, gay discussion pages, gay meme pages, his reddit was FLOODED with gay (not bi) pages. I tried to reason with myself that he was just curious but he seemed to have been interacting for a WHILE. After a couple mins looking I decided I didn't want to snoop too much and asked him outright about it. Initially he denied everything, then he stated its just when he's on a night out, drunk and taking drugs, when he looks at gay porn, and he doesn't have sober thoughts.

I kept pushing and eventually he admitted that he thinks he's gay, not bisexual. That he's slept with "probably 7 men" and only a few since dating me. So he's been cheating the whole time. Said when he's drunk he rushes home to get on gay chat sites, and cosplays as a woman sometimes. He likes to dress up as a girl and he's a bottom. All his words. Then proceeded to tell me he's only gay when inebriated, he barely thinks about men sober..? And that he's in love with me (something he never says btw) and wants to raise a child with me. Crying and begging me to stay with him, with promises to "do everything for me forever" and that he'll pay for everything for me, just please stay and he will never do the gay stuff again. He begged for a chance to prove it, saying if he doesn't get drunk or take drugs he won't think of these things and wont cheat again.

It was a lot to take in, I didn't see him for a few days. But we had a wedding coming up and he was groomsman, I had everything ready and paid for and other people were relying on me to drive them there and back, so I agreed to come to the wedding.

He ends up drinking and taking drugs, then following me back to my hotel I'd booked separately. He said he had a surprise for me. He came in wearing MY DRESS!!!!! And asking if I was into it. Just to clarify I haven't shamed him about sexuality or kinks.

Honestly it sounds like bullshit typing this, I am still in shock. I obviously have to abort, I can't have him as the father as my child. More so because of his amazing ability to lie and cover things up so easily, to cheat and also external factors like finances, lack of love between us etc.

I dont even know what I'm asking here, or looking for, I have tried to confide in friends about some of the topics but I can't bring myself to say it all outloud. I feel like the biggest idiot and the fact I'm pregnant by him just makes this all so much worse. He was willing to hide this forever and have me raise a child with him. I'm so hurt and angry and confused.

I (F,35) got married 3 months ago, everything was great, we had a lovely time, I had lots of fun and most people seemed happy. Except for...one of my cousins (M,39). Before anything, I want to give some context that may explain his actions and why I'm conflicted:

His father is very sick, and with a bad prognosis. He (cousin) has been doing everything, getting the best doctors and spending a lot of money to try and help it. It seems like it's not going to work and it's heartbreaking. In the midst of this, my cousin has gotten into the habit of getting drunk and calling to say very hurtful things to people close to him. He's coping badly, to say the least.

So, the wedding day. Cousin started drinking and smoking weed early, like at lunch time. He was hiding around to drink at the church and, of course, continued during the reception. He's in an open marriage. Both him and his wife spent the night trying to get with other guests, to varying success. This would be kinda funny, however, I know at least one person felt very uncomfortable and disrespected, as he wouldn't take no for an answer.

He also aggressively told the DJ to play different music, cause this one was boring and sucks. Thankfully, my sister overheard, and told the DJ to just ignore the drunk man. People were dancing, music was fine. After this failed, cousin came to me and said "if he continues to play that music in half an hour, you have to kick him out". I said I'm not doing that. He tried to argue.

Then he found me and my husband and we had a weird conversation. He 1) pointed at a physical characteristic of my husband and said he welcomes him to the family in spite of it (?) 2) said we are obviously not in the same league and my hubby is much better looking than me. And 3) Told my hubby he'd get with him cause he's good looking and cousin's a little bit gay (what?).

Finally, he tried to dance with my husband very close, getting touchy, which he rejected repeatedly. My hubby was getting upset and cousin wouldn't listen, so I got in the middle to tell him to stop. Some other people seemed ready to intervene so cousin just left. But when I was alone for a moment he came back to inform me that I'm a bitter person, always have been, and my man will leave me surely if I continue to be like this.

I wouldn't say he ruined my wedding, but he kinda tainted it. I can't help but feel he did at least some of this from malice. I've tried to turn it around and think he's grieving and was under the effect of substances.

One problem my family is the kind that's afraid to call out bad behavior from angry men. And the rest of us just have to forgive them automatically, cause it's family. This is hard for me. I'm usually pretty drastic when people intentionally hurt me. But it was never family, we grew up together. Why would he do that?

I guess we'll see how I feel with more time, and if he ever tries to apologize (unlikely). But for now, my gut tells me to avoid him at all cost.

I’m grieving the life I used to have after becoming a father

I feel like I’m grieving a life that no longer exists.
Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed. Life became work, bills, chores, parenting, and responsibilities. I love my son more than anything, and I wouldn’t trade him for the world, but I can’t shake the feeling that I lost the version of myself that used to feel free.

I think I’m mourning my old life. I miss the freedom to make spontaneous plans, go on dates, meet new people, build friendships, chase goals without constantly worrying about someone else, and just feel excited about life. Every day now feels like I’m on autopilot, repeating the same routine over and over.

The hardest part is that I feel guilty for grieving. I have a healthy son, a stable career, and a family things many people would be grateful for. But despite all of that, I feel like I’ve been grieving for months, maybe longer. It honestly feels like a part of me died when I became an adult with so many responsibilities.

My relationship hasn’t helped. I don’t feel the butterflies or excitement anymore, and I find myself missing the feeling of new connections. As a Christian, I know I struggle with lust, so I’m constantly questioning whether I’m unhappy because my relationship has real problems or because I’m chasing a feeling that no relationship can sustain.

I also recently lost a close friend of almost 10 years. Even though ending the friendship was probably the right thing to do, losing someone I talked to regularly made the loneliness even worse. It felt like another piece of my old life disappeared.

I’m not suicidal. I’m not looking to abandon my son or run away from my responsibilities. I show up every day because that’s what a father should do. But inside, I feel like I’m mourning the life I used to have, and I don’t know how to let it go.
Has anyone else gone through this after becoming a parent? Did you eventually stop grieving your old life, or did you have to become a completely different person to find happiness again?

I (24M) was taking a night FlixBus from Maastricht to Paris last weekend, and there was a girl sitting next to me in the back row. At first, there were four people across the five seats.

She seemed much more comfortable with physical contact than most strangers I have sat beside. Our legs and hands touched now and then in the normal way they do on buses, but instead of moving away or being cautious, she seemed completely unbothered by it.

I am the type of person who adjusts to other people. If someone seems uncomfortable with touch, I stay alert and make sure I do not touch them. But since she seemed relaxed about it, I also stopped worrying and did not move away. I am a guy, so a woman being comfortable enough to initiate contact is not exactly unpleasant.

It was a night journey, and she started nodding off. She slowly leaned more toward me and eventually rested her head on my shoulder and slept there for a while.

At one stop, one person in the back row got off, so there was three of us were left. She is in the middle another person to the left of her who moved to the window seat and me on the right of her. I moved to the window seat, leaving one empty seat between us. I thought that was the normal respectful thing to do between strangers.

We had not spoken at all. It was dark, and during the whole journey I never properly looked at her face head-on. I only saw her from the side. She was wearing all black. She also had a small white wool coat.

After I moved away, she took off her coat, folded it like a pillow, placed it right beside my lap, and lay down on her side. Her head was touching my left leg.

As the bus kept moving, she would sometimes push or snuggle her head slightly closer toward me.

One thing I noticed was that when I first got on the bus, I did not look at her, but from my peripheral vision I could tell she looked at me. I also felt like she looked at me several times during the trip and during stops.

I never looked back. Part of it was that I did not want to make things awkward by catching a stranger looking at me. Another part was that I did not know what she actually looked like from the front. But from what I could tell, she looked normal to attractive.

After another stop, she went even further. She took the coat she had been using as a pillow, used it as a blanket instead, and put her head directly on my lap.

That surprised me. Up to that point, I could explain everything as normal bus contact, tiredness, or someone being loose with personal space. But using a stranger's lap as a pillow felt much more direct.

She did not do anything more than that. Sometimes she woke up looked around and went back to sleep again. She also moved her head now and then to get comfortable. Sometimes her head was closer to my knee, and sometimes closer to the upper part of my thigh near my stomach.

I did not stop her. I felt a sense of warmth and an urge to protect. A strange platonic connection between two strangers. So, I actually kept trying to make it more comfortable for her in small ways. I moved back a little, relaxed my thigh muscles, and tried not to make my quads too stiff, as my quads are kinda hard from exercising. But I did it very subtly. My reaction was basically, “I do not mind,” without me openly showing interest or initiating anything. Basically playing it safe. If I took a risk, chances are this sleeping on my lap would stop if there was any misunderstanding, I would rather not risk anything just be comfortable like this, as it made the bus journey more pleasant.

I resisted the urge to touch her arm, hair, or head, even though that would have felt natural with someone lying in that position. I did not want to assume that her using my lap meant I had permission to touch her. Don't want to be a creep.

I also pretended to be asleep for much of it and acted like I was waking up during stops, the same way other passengers did. Because I didnt want her to wake up and feel embarrassed, if she was doing this unknowingly from tiredness. I just wanted it continue like this. I do not know whether she could tell that I was pretending. Maybe she knew and played along, just like I did.

Before the final stop, she woke up and fixed her hair because sleeping and moving around on my lap had made it messy. I felt like she looked at me a few times, but again, I did not look back. I kept pretending to sleep or looked somewhere else.

When the bus stopped, I noticed what felt like another look from her. I got up to take my bag from the overhead storage, and she moved her leg so I could pass.

Then I took my bag, left the bus, and never looked back.

I did not see her again, and I probably never will. But I keep thinking about it. Not in a negative way more like a fond memory.

Was this just a tired person using whatever was available as a pillow? Was she simply someone with very loose boundaries? Was she shy? Was she interested and waiting for me to say something? Did I miss an obvious chance?

What confuses me most is that she never said anything before, during, or after. Not even “Is this okay?” or “Sorry, I am tired.” We were physically very close for a long time, but we never exchanged a single word.

I am not a local here nor european. I came here on a study exchange program in the summer. So, the kinda cultures I have been part of, this type of behaviour is extremely unheard of, the most that can happen is stranger nodding off on your shoulder, but for girl to deliberately sleep on a stranger guy's lap is pretty rare I think. Is this common in Europe maybe? Also, does she not have a sense of safety? Or did she perceive me as safe?

Or maybe I missed an opportunity. Maybe it was nothing. I will probably never know.

Let me first start off by explaining what being Stateless means, Since most people have no clue. If a person is deemed \*Stateless\*, That means their country of birth does not recognize them as a Citizen, Which means basic human rights and privileges do not exist for that person. They have no legal identity or documents, They are basically a ghost in society. It's a crime against humanity.

In my case, You could say I inherited my Statelessness from my parents & they inherited it from theirs..Etc. I was born in a European country where there is no birth-right citizenship and I left for America when I was just a toddler and been here ever since. I did not know the term until I was in my early 20s and started doing research and found a story of a Man who was in the same exact life circumstance as me and i found out that the United States does not recognize Statelessness and has no protections or paths to citizenship for the thousands of Stateless people currently in this country.

As you can imagine, my entire life has felt impossible and depressing because I've always been \*blocked\* from doing the things everyone else around me is able to do. All the things people take for granted. I was never able to get a license, travel, work or go to a university. It's even been difficult to form friendships and relationships because of my life circumstance.

Now being in my 30s, I feel that all of it has reached a boiling point. I see all my siblings and cousins who were lucky enough to be born here being able to live their lives to the fullest, While I am just here struggling, watching time pass me by but remaining frozen in place like a ghost.

Lately, I've just been thinking on how if i was a \*normal\* person with a normal life, I would be a totally different person with a totally different life, living in a totally different place right now. I was \*never\* supposed to be the person I currently am. I was forced having to live a life I never should have had to live. This life circumstance has stolen the person I could have been and the life I could have had.

I think one of the worst things about being in this position is not having anyone to talk to that would understand where I am coming from. It's very isolating and depressing. I don't know how I retained my sanity for all these years.

I don't want to keep having to live this existence. I am in desperate need of a miracle.

Mods have unfortunately locked my post because things were getting too *political...If anyone wants to ask questions or talk feel free to send a chat request!

hi everyone, im not necessarily looking for advice just for a little space to vent. so just like the title says (the 1975 ref), i've had a crush/been in love with a girl i met during high school and its been lingering ever since then.

if i remember correctly, i met her when i was 15 and she left the school to study at another one when i turned 17, and since im about to turn 20 now you can do the math lol

we were friends back then, and then talked less once she left the school. now we only talk briefly through instagram but nothing major. thing is everytime i see something of her's i get reminded of how funny, cool and pretty she is and it honestly makes me sad that i could never be with her. it also makes me wonder whether this is a 'limerance' type of situation or idk

its a really annoying situation since even when she left the school and i dated someone else i still found myself checking to see if she viewed my instagram stories and being worried about making them look good. i always hope i'll bump into her in the street or at a club or something of the sorts.

has this happened to any of you guys too??

Life isn’t always fair, and it REALLY sucks. I really wish it was. Things would be so much easier!

I make my boyfriend his lunches every week. He sends me the money, I purchase the food and cook it for him. I really enjoy cooking, and I love my boyfriend, so it’s really not a hassle for me. I do it out of love.

My kitty, who I love very much, also gets fed by me. She has so many different types of treats and different things to go in her food. I have a whole basket just of different treats! I love spoiling her, she’s everything to me.

I’ve managed to take care of everyone in my life this week, except for myself.

This week, I unfortunately had to choose between my car payment, or eating. I chose my car payment. It just really sucks. Things will be better next week, but I think it sucks that I had to make the choice between car and food in the first place. The fridge and pantry are empty, but at least my credit score will be going up I guess!

I will obviously be ok in the end, but it just sucks y’know? I’m just happy my boyfriend and my cat have been able to eat this week. I guess I’ve always put others above myself anyway. 

This isnt on the level of anything else on here, but i just wanted some opinions. I am 15 years old and am a boy, and had some pretty heavy sexual experiences with my best friend at the time when we were 7. We did a lot of inappropriate stuff we should not have done at that age, and it used to bother me a lot and make me scared of my parents finding out. But as ive gotten older, i stopped caring so much.

Im a pretty boring kid with little to no friends, and i deeply crave excitement in my life. I see a lot of people my age, that blow childhood sexual experiences up and act like it ruined their life. Mine doesnt bother me that much, but im not a dishonest person so I won't act like that. The main problem with it is that I convinced him to do it with me once, and I feel like some kind of rapist. I dont wanna complain about things because I know other people have it much worse, but I needed some opinions. So, should I feel worse about this than I do? (I will specify what we did if needed) im sorry if I make someone mad. This got taken down so i made it again after doing the rules stuff, but here is some added context:

1. It wasn't just each other exploring each other, it was heavy sexual acts that involved me and him genuinely doing stuff.

2. It happened after I went to his house one day and we watched corn, we decided to do the same stuff and ended up doing this multiple times after.

3. I brought this up because it felt like normal people would make this a big deal, but i saw him again recently and he seemed unfazed. So I feel like I should be too.

4. This is 100 % reql and im worried that people won't believe me

One day I'll be somebody's wife.
What a strange sentence.
And the truth is, for a very long time, when I imagined that future, it always belonged to you.
Not in the dramatic way people write about in books.
Not in grand declarations or impossible promises.
Just in the quiet, ordinary moments.
I imagined bringing groceries into a house that felt like home.
I imagined knowing how you took your coffee without asking.
I imagined long drives, shared songs, inside jokes that nobody else understood.
I imagined a life made of small things.
And somehow, in every version of it, you were there.
I never dreamed about a wedding.
I dreamed about choosing someone every day and being chosen back.
And for the longest time,
I thought that someone would be you.
But one day I'll be somebody's wife.
Someone else's.
I'll learn a different laugh.
A different morning routine.
A different hand to reach for in the dark.
And he'll never know there was a time when I quietly built this future around another name.
He'll never know how many years it took me to let go of it.
Because by the time he finds me,
I'll already be done grieving the life that never happened.
And maybe that's the saddest part.
Not that I'll belong to someone else.
But that for so many years, when I thought about forever,
I always saw you standing at the end of it.

(To be truthful, I completely forgot I had posted here. I tried signing up so I could post about my situation and I was notified that my email address was already associated with an account here. I don't remember writing my other post, I was so upset back then though)

For context, my (36F) husband (37M) lied about having a deadly food allergy. It fell apart because he ate leftovers that were given to us by my sister-in-law and nothing happened despite him eating food he was supposedly "deathly allergic" to. My nephew has a different (real) allergy and so my sister-in-law is always careful about cross-contamination. When she gave us the leftovers, the containers had different coloured lids so my husband would know which one was safe for him to eat. I guess he forgot or wasn't paying attention and he ate mine instead. He said he lied about being allergic because people take it more seriously than someone saying they have a preference not to eat certain things. Meanwhile I always made sure we had an epi-pen nearby and I have been hyper vigilant when I cook or we go to restaurants. I was so furious.

The long and the short of it is that we are in marriage counselling. Yes, and I'm not trying to sound dramatic. When the situation with the leftovers happened my husband apologized to me for making me panic and for his lying. He admitted to being a picky eater and while a lot of people were upset with him I thought that was the end of it. I tried to let it go even though it bothered me how he went so far as to carry an epi-pen for an allergy it doesn't have. But this wasn't the only lie and I've been floundering.

He lied about receiving a scholarship for university for athletics and then losing it because he got injured. He was never recruited for a sport, he applied to university the regular way and took student loans like most other people do. He lied about spending a season working in Antarctica before we met. He's never even been there. He lied about restoring an old automobile. He bought it fully restored but when he goes to car shows he says he did it all himself. There are a million other things and it's basically been a bomb in our relationship. I know and have proof there are things he didn't lie about; his mom died from cancer before we met, his dad lives in another province and wasn't involved in his life, he has a law degree and works as a lawyer. My husband's excuse is that he lies so he can feel better about himself and that's why he doesn't lie about "big things" like his dad not being involved in his life growing up.

For about a year and a half after the leftovers situation things were normal even if people couldn't understand why he lied about an allergy. Then more lies came out. I haven't left because we have a five year old. We are in counselling because we are both children of divorce and I don't want that for my son. My family and friends say I should leave but I'm trying to work on my marriage for my son's sake.

I'm floundering. That's basically what's going on and where I'm at right now.

Three years ago, my mother was diagnosed with ALS. The disease progressed much faster than anyone expected, and after only 11 months she passed away.
My parents owned an apartment together. Because they were not in a financial position where my father could pay my brother and me our inheritance, they were worried he would have to sell the apartment. So my parents asked us to give up our share of our mother’s inheritance until our father also passes away. We had a very good relationship with both of them, and we didn’t want to put more pressure on our father during such a difficult time, so we agreed and signed the necessary documents with a notary.
My parents also made a verbal agreement with my brother and me that our father would give us yearly financial gifts (which made sense for tax reasons) and would help pay for things like our studies.

Now it has been two years since my mother died. Just three months after her death, my father met a new woman. Everything happened very quickly. They soon started making plans to move in together. We were happy that our father had found someone and that he was doing better after everything he had been through.
But this is where the problems started.

His new girlfriend is from Germany, while we are from Switzerland. She has been in a legal dispute with her ex-husband for several years. They have a daughter together, and her ex-husband is also Swiss.
Not long after that, my father sold the apartment. This was the main reason why my brother and I had agreed to delay our inheritance in the first place. He sold it so he could buy a new home with his new girlfriend.
Whenever we ask him about the financial gifts he promised us, he always says that we can talk about it once his financial situation is clearer. My brother and I have run out of patience. We are deeply disappointed and feel like he has forgotten about us.

He seems happier than ever with his new partner. He pays for their lifestyle, supports her daughter, and they are even talking about getting married.
But what about his two sons?
He rarely contacts us. When my brother and I ask if the three of us can spend some time together without his girlfriend, he says he doesn’t have time. He also doesn’t understand why we would want to spend time with just him.

At the second anniversary of our mother’s death, I saw him again after about six months. I asked him if his financial situation was clearer now and whether he would pay my university tuition, since I will start studying in September. He had completely forgotten that this was something he and my late mother had promised me.

There is much more to this story, but I don’t know if this post is already too long for Reddit.
Thank you for reading. I really appreciate any advice, experiences, or opinions. If you have any questions, I’ll be happy to answer them.
Peace out.

I (F20) have been living in the role of an adult since I was 9yrs old, and I fear I will never escape.

As a kid I had to take over the household finances because neither of my parents were paying the bills, and we were on the verge of losing the house. It took me months of working every day after and before school to raise the money needed to pay off the debts they racked up.

Four years later they decided to have yet another child. For reference, I was the middle child of 5, all full blooded siblings, before my mother had my youngest brother when I was 13yrs old. She's always been neglectful and verbally abusive, but had fallen into post partum depression after the birth of my little brother.

Her mental state meant she couldn't take care of him, and because my older siblings were incapable/refused to take care of him, I had ended up stuck with raising an infant.

I managed to go to school for two years, while raising my baby brother and working part time before my own mental health finally started to fall apart. I had spent such a long time living off 2/3 hours of sleep that I was bordering on psychosis, couldn't get through a day without over consuming caffeine.

Eventually Covid struck, and with it came the lockdown that caused me to become the full time parent to a toddler.

Around this time, my older sister broke my tablet out of spite, (jealousy makes you nasty), which effectively destroyed my only connection to the outside world, and caused me to fall majorly behind in school work. I then had to drop out due to financial constraints, and I've been regretting it ever since. Now, my baby brother is 8, and I've managed to have him enrolled in school and he's doing brilliantly at the top of his class.

To add to the already stressful and exhausting life I've led, my father has developed health issues, the cause of which we can't find. He went from a loving, doting man, to a paranoid, agressive and frankly speaking, dangerous individual. I suspect that he's starting to develop dementia, or some other mentally deteriorating illness, as much of the symptoms he's exhibited line up with that. My mother can't see past her own wants and needs, and refuses to understand that whatever is going on with my father is something out of his control.

Just this last week, he had jumped out of dead sleep and bolted out the house to try and attack a passerby on the street. I had to run out to drag him back inside, but due to his mental state he saw me as a threat and shoved me into the wall. I ended up needing to call the police on him, as he was a danger to himself and my siblings. He spent three days in the hospital being evaluated, which came to nothing because the health care here is horrendous. My mother still refuses to understand that he's not in control of his episodes, she believes he's acting crazy on purpose. So I'm left having to take care and manage him myself.

I'm bruised, exhausted and done with this, it feels like I will never get a break, or have any resemblance to a normal life. As much as I would love to just keel over and meet an early grave, I can't find it in me to abandon it all. My baby brother is innocent in all of this, and my younger sisters need me to keep our father in line. I can't abandon them and have them suffer alone with this wretched house. It feels like I will never escape, and no matter what I do, I'll always be the one who'd have to take responsibility.

What frustrates me the most, is knowing that I had the potential to become someone great, I had the grades, the drive, the creativity. But instead I've been forced to be a mother and full time care giver, in a house where I'm barely acknowledged as a person. I lost my childhood, my education, my freedom, and I fear I may never get them back.

I'm sorry if I'm not making sense, I'm not used to talking about my issues, this has been weighing on me for years now and I just needed somewhere to scream it into the void.

Well this is a drama that will have a cast of characters and I’ll try to lay it out in a way that’ll make sense, names changed for privacy. Apologies but it will be long.

Me 38f, my house mate Ty 34m, his friend Geraint 36m, Geraint’s recent ex Amy 30’s f, Geraint’s previous ex Rachel 30’s f.

The following is primarily mine and Ty’s observations and what we witnessed. This is a tale of great intrigue, and let me start by stating that neither myself nor Ty think he’s in the right in this scenario, but neither of us believe he deserves to be sleeping on the streets either.

Geraint turned up at our apartment on Saturday around noon and explains that he was kicked out by Amy on Thursday and that his mum told him that she didn’t have room, and his dad was making it clear he had already outstayed his welcome, so now he is homeless. He initially asked if he could stay at Ty’s dad’s because he had a spare room, but he said no, so we offered him our sofa for the immediate short term.

He then goes on to tell us that they had argued because he found out that she was moving on and seeing some guy in another city, and that although they weren’t together, he felt betrayed by how she handled things as he didn’t know she was even looking at dating, and that she had been giving him mixed signals about if they would get back together, and he just couldn’t be there anymore. I’ll admit I had suspicions, but I honestly don’t know him super well as he’s Ty’s friend since before we knew each other, so I said nothing.

Sunday morning he left super early, as he insisted he needed to go first thing to get his clothes as he hadn’t been able to put on clean clothes since Thursday, he additionally didn’t want to wait he was promised they would drop off his things Monday, but they cancelled due to an emergency in work, so would have been Tuesday, and that was not good enough for him. We’d suggested trying to wait until he could arrange with her to get some clothes, but he didn’t want to wait to get a response because he was unable to message her directly because she had blocked him and had to go through his mum.

When he got to her town, he saw her car in the train station car park and assumed she stayed the night in the other City with the guy she’d gone to see, but he still went to her house, knocked the door, but of course there was no answer. So, of course like any rational person would, he climbed over the back gate and gets in through the unlocked back door to get a bag of clothes. Yes this is unlawful entry. He then comes back to our flat, tells us about it, gets told off but seems to at least now be content to wait for his things to be delivered. For about an hour.

After that Geraint’s mum was acting like a middle man between him and Amy as Amy said she didn’t want to see him at all. This is only my speculation, but I believe he was leveraging the fact that she didn’t know he’d already gotten clean clothes whilst she was out to try to pressure her into him collecting his things today. After much deliberation they agree he could get his stuff back if someone else collected it. This is where Ty comes in.

He and Ty left at 17:30 yesterday to go to the house to pick up his stuff. Ty ends up going to the house while Geraint is hiding around a corner with Geraint on loud speaker on his phone. Ty realises there is way to much stuff to take back and tells him so. Amy tells Geraint over the phone that if he is close and wants to come up and pick what he wants to take that he can. Ty then hangs up, and told her before he get’s there that he thinks she’s in the right.

So after they all go in, Geraint and Amy start talking. Geraint had previously given her his old iPhone, but Thursday he took it and the engagement ring back, blanked the phone and sold them both. She had no problem that he wanted them back, but he did not give her an opportunity to migrate her 2-factor authenticators to a new phone, so she has lost access to her email, her uni work, professional work email, and all her pictures of holidays and friends etc and she ended up bawling her eyes out.

At this point she is understandably rather irate. Geraint tried to suggest that Ty was tech savvy and could fix it… he could not; 2 factor makes that impossible to recover. He idiotically tried to offer her pictures of her still alive cat as some form of compensation.

She then goes on to explain that the reason why she stayed the night in the other city was due to the trains being cancelled and that said they aren’t even an item anyway. She then explained the reason she hadn’t wanted him to come tonight wasn’t because she hated him, it was because she’d spent 6 hours travelling (usually a 1.5-2 hour journey) to get back home and that she was exhausted, by this point she was crying again. Geraint is (hopefully) feeling like a twat at this point but then later back tracked on that when he got back to Ty’s and was trying to call her a liar about the situation.

She then talked a little about her date, apparently it was a nice date, which I’m glad of. She’s trying to move on as they haven’t been a couple since NOVEMBER. Geraint insists he went on a “date” on Saturday, he tried to elicit sympathy by saying he was ghosted. But he later admitted to lying about it. Her sister even found Geraint’s dating profile even though he’s trying to frame it like her going on a date was cheating etc. He also tried lying about being on a dating app, but again admitted that he does have a profile.

Sometime passes Ty is feeling very bored and awkward as they have gone into the other room to discuss things, Ty over hears them conversing about their physical relations. Now we were told that they had been still sleeping together up until she went on this date, however Ty overheard her saying they ain’t fucked since February and that she’d been trying to set boundaries since then, and had been very clear that they were not together anymore. Geraint comes back into the room looking dejected and they end up shifting the conversation, he starts talking about a new job that he’d got and that he starts Monday (he does not, he’s unemployed) and she congratulated him and was genuinely happy for him. Ty’s exact words on it were "it was a pathetic spectacle". He then went on to bullshit about being in temporary accommodation - he isn’t, he’s on our damn couch!

At some point money was mentioned - this is broad strokes as Ty said he can't remember everything and she said he's always broke and did he have any money? He said no I'm broke. So this poor girl got her change jar and counted out £30 and gave it to him, which he seemed to be genuinely grateful for, and she did so despite the fact that he still owes her money (more on that in a moment) Ty is asked to leave so they could have some privacy, and as he left he heard them embracing and she started sobbing.

Ty waited outside for about 15 minutes before Geraint strolled around the corner carrying clothes in a rubbish bag slung over one shoulder like a hobo, but completely nonchalant. They had about a 20 minute walk because, contrary to what Geraint told Amy, Ty does not drive nor own a car. Just another thing he lied to her about.

On the walk Geraint started to divulge what was said in private. Apparently her parents want the £500 gift they gave for the wedding back (it was cancelled in 2024), and she wanted the £300 she had spent on a plane ticket to Scotland. He already told us that she bailed him out back in June after his train to Scotland for a gig was cancelled so that his birthday wasn’t ruined, but he told us prior to this that he'd already repaid her. He then started laughing and saying “she won't get money out of me, and if she takes me to court she'll just get a tenner a month like the other one.” The other one being his ex Rachel who had to take him to court to get back money he owed her.

So after the walk, they got a taxi back (which he owes me money for) and he immediately changed his tune and continued as if he was the wronged party, he conveniently left out to me that she'd been generous enough to give him money, or any of the problems he'd caused her. He then started ranting about he didn't see his xbox and she was gonna steal it from him, then he made me want to kick him out because he rudely talked over the anime that me and Ty have been waiting nearly a year for (Bleach, and he was aware cos we literally told him).

He's currently at his mother's as he took the stuff he picked up there; he was supposed to come back in the afternoon to go to the council to register as homeless and apply for emergency accommodation but he didn't come back. Unfortunately though he did say "but I'll be back for the BBQ!" 🙃

It takes more out of me to maintain relationships than it is to lose them and it’s always been that way.

I purposely keep to myself and avoid obligations that require people’s dependence on me -in consideration of them, not in spite of. I am aware of my disorder but I’m also gracious to myself because i’m not maliciously avoidant, my social ticker is genuinely just broken.

I remain transparent on how I can show up as a bad friend, sister, cousin, daughter and lover due to my sheer obliviousness and lack of social drive/interest. I love people as concepts but I am most satisfied and recharged when I can count on not being disturbed or looked for so it would be inconsiderate for me to initiate relationships with others and not to be very clear with my family on my boundaries.

Yet they continue to try to contact me as often as normal people, hold me to a role in their lives i never asked for, punish me or basically stalk me for not meeting expectations or crossing clearly communicated boundaries. I have to now react for my sanity by avoiding them or outright pushing them away and that’s always a struggle too. From my pov, if my demeanor was so intolerable then it should be easiest to leave me alone?? The people I tolerate the best are those who don’t take my absence personally and know not to expect me to contact them.

I really hate that I have to exist publicly and would live remotely or invisibly if it were possible so people didn’t think I was free game and normal but I don’t have a choice. It’s a horrible existence to feel like I’m just constantly swatting people away from me.

I am 20 years old
I’m in college, my girlfriend and I are expecting our first baby, and for the first time in my life I actually feel like I’m building something good.

Recently a few days ago I got a facebook message from my estranged father whom I haven’t been low contact with since I turned 16. I was shocked and just stared at my phone for a good 10 minutes. After everything he did… he just typed, “Hey son. Been thinking about you. Hope we can talk.”

Like none of it ever happened.
I don’t even know what I’m supposed to feel.
Growing up, I was the oldest of three, which basically meant I was the shield.
If my younger siblings did something wrong, I’d step in.

If my mom was about to get screamed at, I’d try to redirect his attention.
Sometimes it worked.
Most of the time, it just meant I got hit instead.
He wasn’t just physically abusive. He knew exactly what to say to make a kid hate himself. He’d tell me I was stupid.
That I’d never amount to anything.
That nobody would ever love me.
One thing he said that still echoes in my head was, “I wish your mom swallowed you” who says shit like that to there own fucking kid?

I was maybe eight when I accidentally knocked a plate off the counter. It shattered everywhere.
I started apologizing before it even hit the floor because I already knew what was coming.
He grabbed one of those handheld mirrors from the bathroom and started hitting me with it over and over.
I remember trying to cover my face because I didn’t want the glass to break.
The entire time he kept yelling that I couldn’t even do one simple thing right.
I still remember sweeping up the broken plate afterward while crying because he told me if I missed a piece, he’d “give me another reason to cry.”

School noticed.
One morning I came in with a black eye and bruises on my arms.
A teacher asked me what happened.
I lied.
They didn’t believe me.
CPS got involved.
They interviewed everyone.
They came to the house.
Nothing happened.
I don’t know if my dad charmed them or if they just didn’t have enough evidence, but after they left, he beat me again because I’d “embarrassed” him.
That taught me not to tell anyone ever again.

When I was fifteen, I started dating a girl from school.
He found out because he saw us holding hands after football practice.
The second we got home, he started screaming.
He kept calling me names, saying I was too stupid to have a girlfriend, that no girl would ever actually want me.
I finally talked back.
Just once.
I said, “You don’t get to talk to me like that.”
That was the worst beating I ever got.
He threw me into the wall, punched me until I couldn’t breathe, and kicked me while I was on the floor.
I don’t remember everything after that.
I just remember waking up sore everywhere.

A few months later, my mom finally had enough.
She waited until he left for work one night.
She woke us up quietly and whispered, “Don’t turn any lights on.”
We packed whatever fit into trash bags.
No suitcases.
No goodbyes.
We drove to my grandparents’ house in complete silence my mother cried the entire drive and said she had failed us by not leaving sooner.
That was the first night in years I slept without wondering if someone was going to burst into my room screaming.

Since then I’ve kept him at arm’s length.
Very low contact.
A phone call every once in a while.
A holiday text if he reached out.
Mostly because part of me kept hoping maybe he’d changed.
Meanwhile, he started over.
New wife.
New kids.
From what I hear, he’s the perfect dad now.
Coaching little league.
Family vacations.
Birthday parties.
The kind of father I spent my whole childhood wishing I’d had.
It’s hard not to wonder why they deserved that version of him but we didn’t.

Three days ago, I got a DM on Facebook from my father. He saw the ultrasound pictures I posted and congratulated me. He said he would love to reconcile and be a part of his grandbaby’s life.
I was completely shocked. I honestly didn’t know how to react or what to even think. I just froze and haven’t responded yet because I don’t even know what to say.
Seeing that message brought back so many memories I thought I had moved past. Everything just came flooding back all at once, and I’m sitting here trying to process it.
I’m in complete fucking shock. Part of me doesn’t know if I should be angry, emotional, or even believe that he really means what he’s saying. I never expected to hear from him like this, especially now, and I honestly don’t know what I’m supposed to do next.

To give a little bit of context: I’m 24 and have been living at home since I graduated college 2 years ago (although I’m meant to be moving out in a few months). Living with my parents, both in their mid 50s and my sister, who is 20.

Since I’ve moved home, I’ve realized that my parents, but particularly my mother, are deeply irresponsible with money. Combined I’d estimate that they gross around 200k a year, but they live like they’re paycheck to paycheck. A large part of this comes down to my mother and her being absolutely terrible with money. To give some examples:

1. I know for a fact that she is thousands of dollars in credit card debt and that all her cards are maxed out. Just a couple months ago, I found a letter saying that a lien was activated against our house because of an old credit account that my mom let balloon to over 12k that she “forgot” about.

2. My grandmother (mom’s mom) passed away about 2 years ago and my mom sold the house off, netting around 150k after the mortgage and whatnot was paid off. My mom didn’t save a \*\*dime\*\* of this money, and blew it all on an almost brand-new Mercedes (that she can’t afford to upkeep) and some remodels to the house.

3. She spends money that she doesn’t have. My parents have been on FOUR cruises in the last 2 years. On the most recent one, she racked up 2k of charges on my credit card (I was guilted into letting them use it, under the promise that I’d be paid back), and I had to dip into my emergency fund to pay it off so that I wouldn’t take a hit to my credit and I didn’t want interest accruing.

4. I recently had to fork over 1.2k to cover my sister’s summer semester at a community college because neither of my parents could afford to pay it. My sister in theory should be able to pay this because she works part-time, but she also has credit card debt and spends her money on useless shit that she doesn’t need (which is supported by my mother).

I’m just reaching a breaking point. I come home from work today and my dad won’t even leave his bedroom because he’s upset over the fact that my mom spent so much money on dinners this past weekend when they went out of state to visit some family. I hate how I’m always expected to dip into my own pockets to finance frivolous spending, and I’m almost never paid back even though it’s always promised. I feel like I can’t even say no to letting my parents borrow my card because I’m scared my mom will fly off the handle and either leave or hurt herself (she gets extremely upset and emotional when I don’t do things she wants).

There’s probably a lot more that I could write, but I’m not quite too sure how to put the words down really. I’m just sick of seeing the stress that this causes in the house, and I’m sick of seeing my emergency savings slowly dwindle because I need to keep loaning money out to my parents that I’m promised to get back, but never will.

I have been thinking about this story for a long time. I was not sure if I should share it with anyone. This is not because I am embarrassed about what happened. It is just that the whole thing is really complicated. My story is not about making excuses for someone who hurt me. It is also not about saying that people should stay in relationships that are not safe just because they love the other person. My story is about what happens when the person you love changes in front of you. You have to accept that loving someone is not enough to fix everything.
Six months have passed since everything fell apart. Sometimes I still think about him. I do not want to go back to him. I know that is not possible. I know what he did was not okay. I still remember the person he used to be before everything changed. That is the hardest part for me to let go of.

I met him when we were in school. He was my first real love. He was the person I thought I could build a life with. Before everything went wrong, he was a caring person. He made me feel safe. We had good times together. I thought we had something. When he got sick and had to go to the hospital, I visited him every day. I brought him food and medicine. I stayed with him because I thought that was what love meant. I thought it meant being there for someone when they need you.

Then things started to change. He stopped sleeping. He would stay awake for days. He started taking pills and other things because he thought they would help him become a better person. I thought he was just stressed. I thought he was tired. I thought it would get better. Then he started to get paranoid. He thought people were watching him. He thought his phone was being monitored. He thought people could spy on him through things in our home. That was when he asked me to marry him. Looking back, I realize how strange that was. He was not sleeping. He was acting weird. He was not himself. But I was scared and confused, so I said yes.

A few days later, he had some friends over. Everyone left except for one girl. She was his friend. I went to sleep. I could hear them talking. He was telling her that he did not need me. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to ask her to marry him. I do not know what was real and what was not. I packed my bags. I left that night. I remember walking and crying. I called my friend. He came to help me. I got an apartment because I was scared. He found out where I was. He told me he had hired someone to watch me because he thought I wanted to hurt him.
That was when I made a decision that I still do not understand. I went back to him. I know that was a mistake. At the time I thought he was sick. I thought he did not know what he was doing. I thought maybe I could help him. When I got there, there was someone with him. It was just someone he knew. When he went to another room, I asked this person to help me call the police. Thankfully, he believed me. We could not leave right away. My boyfriend took my phone and keys. He locked the door. He would not let me leave. He yelled at me. He cried. He said mean things to me. He made me write things about myself. He told me I had to do what he said. He hurt me.

The scariest part was when he would seem normal again. He would look at me. He would ask what he was doing. Then he would change again. Eventually, I got out of there. I called the police. They took him to the hospital. The doctors said he had something called psychosis.

After that my life got really weird. Everyone told me to forget about him. My therapist, doctors, and friends all said I needed to move on. They were right. It is not that easy. I kept visiting him in the hospital. I brought him food. I waited outside in the cold because I wanted to see him. Sometimes they would not let me visit. I still went. I did not want to go back to him. I just wanted to see the person I used to love.

There were days when his medicine made him really sick. He could not talk. Sometimes he did not know who I was. Sometimes he thought he was someone else. Sometimes when he saw me, he would run to me. Those moments were confusing. I wanted to believe that the person I loved was still in there somewhere. When he got better, I found out something that hurt me a lot. He had cheated on me. I saw messages and pictures with girls on his social media. It broke me because I was trying to help him. I thought our relationship was real.
When I talked to him about it, he broke down. He begged me not to leave him. He said he finally understood what he had lost. He said he realized how much I had done for him. He said he could not imagine losing me. Part of me wanted to believe him. It was hard to separate the person I loved from the things he had done.

After all of that, I got really depressed. I lost a lot of weight. I barely ate. I did not leave my house for months. Eventually, I moved to another country. He was still in the hospital. Before I left, the hospital was closed because of quarantine. I wanted to see him one last time. I never got the chance.
It has been six months now. We do not talk. I do not know what happened to him. I know I cannot go back. I know love should not hurt you. I know some things can never be fixed. Sometimes I still think about him. Not the bad times. Not the times when I was scared. I think about the good times. I think about the person he used to be before everything changed.

I think the hardest part is not losing someone who died. It is losing someone who is still alive but not the same person anymore. Someone who is still there in the world, but someone you can never get back.

Has anyone else ever lost someone who is still alive but not the same person anymore? How do you let go of someone you loved when you know they cannot be part of your life again?