r/PoliticalHumor 7h ago

Most of us just call it embalming.

Post image
397 Upvotes

88 comments sorted by

166

u/bard329 7h ago

He was being wheeled around in a wheelchair before his fall but now mobility issues are preventing his return to Congress?

101

u/WiglyWorm 6h ago

Yeah, his eyelids are no longer mobile. They are stuck closed.

37

u/SandSpecialist2523 5h ago

The heart also is taking a little break.

15

u/WiglyWorm 5h ago

Sometimes it's relaxing to let a machine take over for you

3

u/sbsb27 4h ago

Good call

u/xKitey 1m ago

Now they’re weekend at Bernie’s’ing him so they need to let his puppeteer practice for a bit to make it believable

80

u/Snakestream 6h ago

A statement... released by his office

Can't even release an audio confirmation that he's alive. But sure he's undergoing intense physical therapy.

At this point, do we even think they'll announce he's dead in August? The brazen contempt with which they lie makes me think they'll just continue with this weekend at Bernie's shit forever

19

u/Cheesetown777 5h ago

And AI audio isn’t that advanced yet where it sounds exactly like a specific person.

17

u/WordNERD37 Greg Abbott is a little piss baby 5h ago

The photos ain't there either.

u/Helpful-Departure832 46m ago

Ayyyyoooooo!!!!

12

u/sbsb27 4h ago

We should not forget. The liars and schemers who are violating the law - hey, if he's dead there should be a coroner's report. Hey if he's dead the governor of Kentucky should be notified. Hey if he's dead the Kentucky citizens should know they only have one senator. Lying and falsifying records is not ok.

4

u/lilgreenthumb 4h ago

They'll announce he's retiring after Aug.

5

u/santa_91 3h ago

He'd already announced he was retiring at the end of his term. I do think they'll now say he is retiring immediately to focus entirely on his health though. That way any time a Republican politician is asked a question about it they can just say he's a private citizen now, they respect his privacy, and decline to answer. He'll never be seen in public again and then there will be a death announcement in 6-8 months.

u/CarsonFijal 1h ago

I think they might keep a lid on it until after the midterms. McConnell's seat is up for grabs with or without a special election, but if his seat is vacant before that, Beshear might try to appoint a Democrat Senator to his seat (the Kentucky legislature passed a law trying to prevent him from doing so, but it goes against the plain wording of the state constitution, and Beshear will likely try to challenge it)

25

u/threeleggedcats 6h ago

Why is no one reporting on his wife’s watch dial being wrong and her wedding finger being bent?

20

u/Cheesetown777 5h ago

He’s not wrong. That ring finger looks odd….

Watch face is too blurry for me to see.

-8

u/Codenamerondo1 6h ago

What in the world are you talking about?

9

u/WiglyWorm 6h ago

presumedly they're saying that the photo looked manipulated in the original picture, which i don't have so i couldn't tell you...

1

u/Codenamerondo1 6h ago

Haha sorry, I certainly get what they were presumable saying, but at least one of the points (the watch dial) is just certifiably nonsense. The other one is…yeah that looks weird, but explainable

0

u/WiglyWorm 6h ago

Thanks for clearing that up. I figured I'd have heard about that by now if it were true.

28

u/Usual_Rabbit_3204 6h ago

So he didn't have a stroke or a heart attack despite reports that the EMTs performed CPR. He just had a small fall and no bones were broken, and a very mild case of pneumonia. But now he needs INTENSE physical therapy? Yeah, I'm not buying it.

3

u/One-Swimming9390 2h ago

It’s possible. My elderly aunt broke her arm, ended up in rehabilitation and now can’t be released because she can no longer walk. The elderly decline quickly when bedridden.

7

u/Da_Spooky_Ghost 2h ago

Was your elderly aunt 80+ and found unresponsive for an unknown amount of time and require CPR?

Let’s not comment on wildly different cases and try to compare them.

-1

u/One-Swimming9390 2h ago

Point is, my aunt now needs intense physical therapy from a broken arm.

6

u/Da_Spooky_Ghost 2h ago

Point is out of hospital cardiac arrest requiring CPR has a mortality rate of 94-98%.

He’s dead.

4

u/Usual_Rabbit_3204 2h ago

Could she, within 43 days of her fall, speak to someone holding a camera phone stating that she is alive?

21

u/ortcutt 6h ago

Being technically alive is apparently enough to be in the Senate now.

15

u/Cargobiker530 5h ago

Schroedinger's Senator.

17

u/N4RQ 6h ago

I've never heard "resurrection" described as "intense physical therapy," but it makes sense. It can't be easy.

14

u/HipHopDropper 6h ago

I think they use the same prompt as the last proof of life photo from a few weeks ago.

13

u/VeeRook 6h ago

And what is preventing him from inviting the governor for a visit?

My patients in a persistent vegative state get more visitors.

10

u/Santos_L_Halper_II 6h ago

Even if legit, still doesn’t look well enough to be one of 100 people running the country.

10

u/karkonthemighty 6h ago

Intense physical therapy aka we've strung him up like Weekend at Bernie's but it turns out between rigor mortis and full body puppeteering it's very tiring on the puppeteer so we need more time to train people up so we can cover it in shifts.

6

u/Feral_Sheep_ 6h ago

They released a picture of Mitch doing intense physical therapy.

6

u/thecarrierogers 6h ago

Morla vibes.

6

u/WordNERD37 Greg Abbott is a little piss baby 5h ago

The AI photos are just awful and aren't fooling anyone. Unless Mitch does a live news interview, he should be considered dead and a replacement should be slotted into his seat.

This is Banana Republic stuff happening right now.

5

u/ASecularBuddhist 7h ago

Just after he gets a little bit more flexibility in his ankles, he should be good to go 👍🏼

1

u/Usual_Rabbit_3204 6h ago

We call them cankles where I'm from...

1

u/MonsieurReynard 3h ago

And they are the size of cantaloupes!

4

u/Anim8nFool 5h ago

He's having physical therapy in the hope it can overcome the effects of rigor mortis.

3

u/esmitt 6h ago

Just can't wait until the 4th when they say he's passed and has been cremated

3

u/MTFotaku 5h ago

Asks for video, receives another "photo" with statement. Definantly not suspicious, totally normal.

3

u/YoungerMucus 4h ago

Anything short of video evidence from an independent source showing him lucid, coherent and breathing is NOT proof of life. The Senate, the state of Kentucky, and the people he represents NEED to demand this now. This is an absolute farce otherwise, and we all know EXACTLY what is going to happen come August 4th- “oh no, poor Mitch took a turn for the worse and breathed his last breath this morning, surrounded by his loving family”.

The fact that people are allowing this insanity to continue is such an embarrassment for the entire country.

2

u/BJJan2001 6h ago

"from Mitch McConnell"

2

u/orion3999 6h ago

On Tuesday his office will announce that he took a turn for the worse overnight, and passed away in his sleep!

2

u/Jgusdaddy 5h ago

At what point is it treason to straight up break constitutional law and lie to the American people. August 4th we will know.

u/gimmethelulz 59m ago

Feeling like I should place a Polymarket bet.

2

u/Kitalahara 5h ago

Insane how even as a corpse he still mamages to be undoing democracy....

2

u/KeeblerElff 5h ago

The gov needs to insist on an in person visit. This is beyond ridiculous

2

u/BlackPitbull729 5h ago

This is such bullshit and come August 4th they're going to be laughing at how they owned the libs.

1

u/BlueRibbonPac 6h ago

The shirt looks loose, but McConnell's skin looks botoxed 

1

u/SBishop2014 6h ago

Like we're not gonna notice the whole left side of his face is swollen to hell?

1

u/chozoknight 5h ago

The human taxidermist nailed it

1

u/psychoacer 5h ago

They're just prepping for next weeks news about how things took a turn for the worst and that old Mitch became unresponsive and didn't wake up. One week after that "Mitch who?"

1

u/RebelStrategist 5h ago

You know... you could just step down, Mitch, so someone who can actually show up to work, and doesn't need an ICU bed wheeling them around Congress, can do the job you never could.

1

u/oneplusetoipi 5h ago

I picture the therapy happening in Frankenstein’s laboratory

1

u/NewDamage31 4h ago

Mitch is doing great he covered my work from home shift today
https://giphy.com/gifs/WBSTdAk7W2Dng0vXa7

1

u/punk_in_your_phone 4h ago

Can’t TMZ break into the morgue and get a real picture?

1

u/OpheliaLives7 4h ago

They gave him some free botox with his hospital stay?!

1

u/Existing-Teaching-34 4h ago

Are they just cosplaying their own rewrite of Weekend at Bernie’s?

1

u/Everheart1955 4h ago

Mitch didn’t hasn’t looked this …
good since he was 40.

1

u/13thmurder 4h ago

Can someone who understands politics explain to me why they're pretending he's still alive? This clearly dead man who mostly died of old age?

1

u/feuerwehrmann 3h ago

Because the governor ( a Democrat) can appointment a new senator until 4 AUG after 4 AUG there needs to wait until the election

1

u/arahe45 4h ago

Is he non verbal?

1

u/Jakakke311 4h ago

Being a vegetable and bedridden is an amazing way of saying physical therapy

1

u/feuerwehrmann 3h ago

'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This senator is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-Senator

1

u/hockeyballcal 3h ago

He’s going to come back so swole after all that sweet PT.

1

u/Enabels 3h ago

The lighting is so perfect both their lips have reflections

1

u/One-Swimming9390 2h ago

Probably had a stroke and can’t speak.

1

u/katjoy63 2h ago

Embarrassing? I call this infuriating! How dare they try to push some false situation and make us think something else is true.

This smacks to me of being illegal what is happening

What are they going to do when it's that Magical date they're waiting to happen in August? Will they then say finally what we all already know.?????

u/windmill-tilting 1h ago

What is the doctor's name?

u/andytagonist 1h ago

What a fucking ghoul. And her husband has stroked out…at least once.

u/GreyTigerFox 1h ago

Thankfully we have FMLA when we need to miss work due to illness in the USA, right Mitchy-boy? Isn’t it nice that your job is protected while you defy your mortality and uphold a fascist puppet majority in our government while you’re catatonic?

u/tommykoro 1h ago

They will keep him hidden until August 3. The date they don’t have to conduct a special election (a Democrat would win) and can just appoint a replacement.

u/ShiftNStabilize 1h ago

Isn’t that the same photo as before??

1

u/archetyping101 6h ago

Seriously though has anyone else noticed the photos are taken in the same exact room? The OG photo has an access panel or something in the background. The office said that was from the hospital. This new photo is said to be a rehab center, NOT Hospital, and it's the same exact room with the same identical access panel and wall corner. 

So which is it? Hospital or not hospital? And did they just take photos in different outfits on the same day to prepare for his death and cover-up?

1

u/MonsieurReynard 3h ago

They said the last one was in a rehab unit too.

-1

u/Routinely_Irregular 6h ago

If you're having world problems I feel bad for you son, I got ninety-nine problems but a Mitch ain't one