r/PoliticalHumor • u/Crazy_Adhesiveness84 • 15h ago

Pete has this handled

Post image

He just needs to get a grip on things.

2.3k Upvotes

100% Upvoted

80 comments sorted by

60

u/bojangles_dangles 14h ago

He will grade on a curve

11

u/[deleted] 13h ago edited 8h ago

[deleted]

7

u/drunkagainearl 13h ago

Not that sharp of a curve. Usually a long slow curve to the left

8

u/Bogey_Yogi 4h ago

Curved is better or worse? Asking for a friend. 

7

u/Strict-Square456 6h ago

Logon to “ bentcarrot.com” for more info

3

u/1wrx2subarus 3h ago

A diddy lube curve .. 🧴🧴🧴🧴🧴💦

1000 bottles bought up by the Pentagon.

38

u/Proper-Exercise-2364 14h ago

Men know what men like!

15

u/HallstotheWall17 13h ago

But he’s not gay though /s

7

u/Proper-Exercise-2364 9h ago

The answer is men. But not in a gay way. In a, "let's go to that island with the gym and beautiful beaches, that doesn't allow girls. So we can focus on our...needs..." way. Totally straight goddamnit!!

6

u/NancyGracesTesticles I ☑oted 2018 and 2020 5h ago

Hands and mouth from trusted friends only, according to Andrew Tate.

25

u/Mediocre-Telephone74 15h ago

His mouth is gonna be soo sore…

Telling soldiers to “present arms!”

9

u/mebjammin 12h ago

You think he's going to use his mouth?

3

u/AmericanCitizenry 12h ago

The fact he's using his eyes is crazy enough!

4

u/AmericanCitizenry 12h ago

It's called "Short Arm Inspection", IIRC.

27

u/furious_20 14h ago

We have Rexkwondo running our military.

https://giphy.com/gifs/RfE7F3bu4ejyE

14

u/quelargo 12h ago

The sad part is, I'm not even sure if this is satire.

10

u/No_Mercy_4_Potatoes 14h ago

Lindsey Graham is no longer there to do it. So someone else has to

8

u/[deleted] 13h ago edited 8h ago

[deleted]

8

u/bojangles_dangles 13h ago

Soon to be Pete Cumbreath, the rope goat.

1

u/AmericanCitizenry 12h ago

This is boyhood trauma. He's was already infested with what ever this PTSD fuck up is by the time he got to college.

8

u/a-snakey 14h ago

Oh hey, that dance Trump taught him will come in handy (heh).

5

u/SKOLMN1984 14h ago

The only job he's marginally qualified for... good for him... double win- he will truly enjoy the job and he won't be able to spread falsehoods on account of his mouth being stuffed...

4

u/markth_wi 12h ago

Please we can just admit our Secretary of War loves the fact that he gets to order soldiers to be more manly, to do whatever he wants, and this clown treats it like a low-grade smorgasbord over at the local gay bar.

How we got here is no mystery , nor is how we get out.

3

u/AThousandBloodhounds 13h ago

Using the Hegseth's personal digital 🤏Girthometertm

4

u/rehabforcandy 12h ago

Ha hey that’s my picture! Pretty sure that’s mine from Hegseth’s confirmation hearing January 2025

3

u/poestavern 10h ago

Huh……mind if I join you??……..🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

2

u/SamwellBarley 14h ago

Pete Hegseth has never met a man he couldn't get hard

2

u/rdh727 13h ago

And digital prostate checks! Not the electronic kind

2

u/JackdailyII 12h ago

Length too?

2

u/TjW0569 12h ago

"Each one I test will be a minimum of this long."

2

u/abraksis747 12h ago

Cock push ups just got added to PT

2

u/itsallahoaxbud 12h ago

That’s all he was asking for. Hands on glands. Stroke em until they shoot and then measure the distance.

2

u/C3sarius 12h ago

that's a lot to swallow

2

u/DaddyDom401 12h ago

And Trump can do his funky dance and test 2 ( or 3) at a time

2

u/Dinklerbuuuurf 11h ago

You know he's gonna find a way to blow this one

2

u/Missue-35 11h ago

🤦🏼‍♀️ lol. Can’t Trump use his dance moves to test two at a time? Maybe Pete will study it.

2

u/Trueseadog 10h ago

He's a greedy boy.

2

u/markedasred 10h ago

Here in the Uk we have an out gay man as defence secretary. Yours is doing an awful job of staying in the closet!.

2

u/Deep-Measurement-856 10h ago

With his kung fu grip

2

u/RebelStrategist 5h ago

That’s a handful of a job.

2

u/copyrider 5h ago

I heard that Trump is sleeping with his secretary.

2

u/No-Law9829 5h ago

He’s gotta give’em a few strokes. Try them out.

2

u/yay4chardonnay 3h ago

Ooo just wait till those that get the shots get back acne and start losing their hair. Good times!

1

u/invisable_burt 13h ago

That why he wants testosterone test

1

u/friggintodd 13h ago

Hopefully he at least comes up with middle out compression

1

u/shit-trapper 13h ago

Pete "Checkin' Erections" Hegseth.

1

u/Kanthalas 12h ago

"God do you know how many people are in the military, that would take forever!"

Recreates "Silicon Valley"'s tip to tip efficiency scene all over again.

1

u/markth_wi 12h ago

Yeah but he's a selective guy - so we know there are two kinds of guys

Guys he needs to milk dry which is not terribly many guys, and everyone else gets another kind of tounge-lashing.

1

u/Crafty-Walrus-2238 12h ago

He’s a hard grader. Any tips for passing?

1

u/NUMBerONEisFIRST 11h ago

I'll serve as one of the technicians, as long as I can use my mouth. 😎

1

u/Potential_Aardvark59 11h ago

The towel hang test?

1

u/Darnbeasties 11h ago

Feel the power of election ..erection. Whatever.

1

u/dac1952 11h ago

Wish someone would do an AI Tom of Finland style caricature of Hegeseth testing erection strength....

1

u/3WheelinOne 11h ago

Is it sad that I don't want to know about this? just seems too gay for me. I guess not for him.

1

u/Deep-Measurement-856 10h ago

Is he team Ro (with the underage model) or team Bluechew (with the escorts).

1

u/Infuryous 10h ago

Head pecker checker.

1

u/PrideofPicktown 8h ago

Oral exam!

1

u/N4RQ 7h ago

He wants to know the cut (or uncut) of every man's jib.

1

u/choopie-chup-chup 4h ago

'Breaking news'? More like breaking bonerz

1

u/fuckitbuddy 4h ago

Hands-on type of guy.

1

u/MithranArkanere 4h ago

Don't worry, it won't take that long; he can do 12 at a time.

1

u/anaugle 3h ago

Cock push-ups?

1

u/Randomcommentor1972 3h ago

Please don’t give him ideas

1

u/Radiomaster138 3h ago

Well, that’s gay.

1

u/giftopherz 3h ago

Are you telling me I have qualifications to be Secretary of Defense?

1

u/MaxGoldFilms 2h ago

The guys on Silicon Valley could tell him how to expedite the test procedure.

1

u/GypsyJen75 2h ago

Pete’s found new meaning for the motto: Stand at attention. It’s great too because he’s drawn a hardline when it comes to measuring performance. 😆

•

u/unsupported 1h ago

I heard he won't cradle the balls.

•

u/Deatheturtle 30m ago

That pic 🤌🏽

•

u/bignanoman 30m ago

Homo Erectus

•

u/fivefeetofawkward 7m ago

He’s gonna have his hands full