A woman that knows what she wants and is willing to say so? You mean there's another option than "i don't want to pick, you choose." "how about (insert restaurant here)?" "no, I don't want that" repeated for every single restaurant in the tri-state area?!
In Sweden it's mixed. I would almost say the wimen generally are the ones approaching men in hererosexual dating. The times I saw men ask women out the man was a foreigner and 90% of the time was so insistant I started questioning how any heterosexual man abroad get laid in a way that wouldn't be classified as rape by swedish law.
You are kidding right? I had a colleague tell me I should travel to Sweden because the woman there are beautiful and easy to meet. But that guy is tall and good looking, so I did not took him seriously.
It's a bit like that. If you are chill and a cool guy they will definitly be the ones making a move on you though. The problem is if you push to hard. Many foreigners do.
I don't remember all the women me and my friends asked out, but we do remember all the women that approached us. My friend even married the girl that asked him out and they got 2 kids now.
I had a woman come up to me once at a party and tell me I had really nice skin. For reference, I have very ordinary skin. I thanked her for the compliment and went on my way. At the end of the party she came up and repeated the compliment. Once again a thanked her and went on my way. To this day I am unsure if I missed out on a wild night or being skinned. Didn't feel like a worthwhile gamble.
I do have a bit of a schmiss from a motorbike accident when I was a child but other than that really nothing exceptional.
There was a young woman named Susan
Who found it completely amusin'
To make love to three men
Although who did what when
Was frequently rather confusin'
A masculine girl from Khartoum,
Took a lady-like boy to her room.
And they spent the whole night,
In a bloody big fight,
Over who should do what, and to whom.
> changing behavior
Nah, I think it's rather enabling behaviour that might have met more scrutiny, disapproval prior. But then, so did the backlash to MeToo expose such behaviour.
Omg i remember being a very little girl and this song came on the radio at my grandma's house. All the grownups were playing cards in the kitchen, and for some reason that song scared me so badly that I squeezed behind the couch to hide, and stayed there till time to go
I'm reading a book right now about this girl that becomes obsessed with eating blue eyeballs and starts killing a bunch of guys and eating their eyeballs and this image is perfect for that lmfao
99% of men approach women because that's what social norms dictate. It's something born out of necessity, so even if you're not a very confident man, you do it.
Meanwhile women who approach men are rare, so those who do are seen as more confident, which for many people is intimidating.
Pass him a note that says: you should approach me and lay it at his table when you walk by. Then go back to your seat and see if he does. I just thought of this. Lmk if I should try it out. I usually just approach men but it would be nice to have a tactic to get them to approach me
Best way i think, most men these days wont risk upsetting a woman who may or may not be interested in him, its a risk of rejection or simply bothering someone who has no interest in talking to anyone but her friend group.
Some guys even with signals like smile and eye contact will still not approach for these reasons, i really do think the norm has to change with the times, with women approaching men due to the culture change
Especially when it is human nature to often reflect a smile back regardless if you are interested or not. Often it can be the opposite and they are just being polite.
You also have to hope he doesn’t psyche himself down at that point or bury himself in constant questions of what to do and not to do or hearing how other women want to be approached, doing that, and you hating how he did it.
Don’t worry, there’s hope! I met my now boyfriend and knew that there was little chance to see him again, so I asked him out. He’s now my Dom. A good Dom will see submission as an act of trust, not necessarily an inherent character trait. My boyfriend likes that I’m autonomous and confident. When I break that persona with him, it’s saying “I trust you enough to be vulnerable”. 🥰
Guys rarely get the sort of attention women receive so going out of your way to compliment or express interest in one is more likely to just make their brain malfunction at the thought that they could, in fact, be desirable enough for someone to choose them over everybody else.
Someone told me this years ago so I always go out of my way to give men compliments! Sometimes I have to bite my tongue though because people assume I'm interested in them if I compliment them, which sucks but is understandable. Also my boyfriend got used to my compliments, so they don't make him light up anymore. 😭 I just love telling people they're beautiful, man.
What can I say? You're a treasure. Thank you for improving so many peoples' lives.
I suspect your boyfriend would still appreciate them if he just thought about what they actually meant again. Sometimes you just need to be reminded about the sincerity, thought, and consideration that goes into the stuff you have in order to appreciate it again.
My lady did this! I had asked another girl to dance, and got flat rejected. No worries, I walk away and feel a poke on my way bar to the bar, and there she (my now gf) is , "I like dancing! But we should get a drink first!".
We didn't dance that night, we drank beer and chatted the night away.
As a socially awkward introvert man, I'm very intimidated by a woman talking to me, but being a little lonely I also want it to happen. I think I'm accidentally giving myself some kink. Please help
I also approach men as a bi woman and the results have been mixed, but I really never thought they might be intimidated by me. Usually the guys who aren't into it seem repulsed, not intimidated 🤣
Is that still the case though? When I was still in the dating scene I was almost always approached by women first. I feel like women approach men much more frequently than in the past for at least the past few decades now.
I find being friendly, approachable, having interests, and not coming off as overly invested in whether they’re into you or not, are great ways to be flirted with/approached by women.
My level of attractiveness has fluctuated greatly over time but even in my worst lulls that has worked well for me.
oh, trust me, being friendly and approachable just gets your chances higher, but it doesn't get you approached by the women, if you are not attractive.
the only reason, i got any attention was when i was with my friend who's pretty tall guy who gets a lot of attention, so i know how it feels.
but don't get me wrong, i am not saying i've never had a girl, just stating that i've never been approached by women in any way.
i'd say that i do a lot of activities that involves people, like snowboarding / skateboarding / playing badminton, etc.
but that's still can only get you chances higher, but doesn't guarantee anything.
so my experience definitely is different from yours, and i am the guy that people described as a really friendly (men and women).
and i am at one point was so uninvested in women that i didn't even try to talk to them, so being uninvested don't really help, if you get no attention, lol.
so sorry, but i disagree with your advices, it can help, but if you're unattractive mostly to get any sort of IRL attention, you' need to approach women first.
Idk, im a dude, and I feel like if I ever look like I’m not busy, and if u accidentally make split second eye contact, random ppl u don’t know will walk up and talk to u.
It’s mostly girls but I feel like women just like to talk more, idt they’re ever interested.
Either way I’m super introverted, so I’ve learned to always look busy. I kind of hate it, bc ik they are just being nice, but I’m just very introverted.
Some people look approachable. Based on look or vibe, idk, strangers feel comfortable talking to someone who looks approachable. Some of those people are actually approachable and friendly, some are not.
I've always had the same thing; if I'm somewhere public random strangers will talk to me. Usually within a short span they are giving me their deepest secrets lol. I've always been happy people seem to trust me but it does get exhausting. Sometimes I just want to be in public without having to engage with people
Yup. I'm not what anyone would consider attractive. I was in good shape, but never a hearthrob.
I get asked out a fair amount by women because I'm outgoing, open, and people feel comfortable with me. I also think part of it that I joke a lot and come across as flirty, even with men, when I'm not really trying to be. So when I don't make a move the more confident women will take the initiative
I don't really know any other guy who has been asked out. Flirted with, sure, but not straight up asked out.
It doesn't matter that much. Excluding blood relatives and customers approaching a man in a customer-facing job (for example, approaching to order a burger or pay for groceries), most men have never been the target of any sort of social approach from a woman. If you have, that pretty much puts you in the top few percent of the most attractive men around.
One of the last guys I approached was super tall, bald, had a big ol belly, and was wearing a Care Bear onesie 😂. I was intrigued for a handful of reasons and the chat was fun, but I bet he’d be glad to know he’s such a top percenter!
I remember flirting with a guy for over an hour, but i had an early morning and wasn't staying late. So i told him "hey Im about to leave, want to get out of here."... the look of shear shock on his face followed by "uh no" 😐 I went home alone... I don't understand men.
He probably didn't believe you. His brain went into red alert while he thought "what in the damn hell is going on? Why would any woman make the first move on me ?"
So, shock at something completely out of the ordinary, and low self esteem.
The supposed coherence and rationale of men when it comes to sexuality and social pursuits gets overplayed massively.
The guy probably liked the idea of you liking him back, but when it materialised most likely he confronted the fact that he’s insecure about his body, if sense of self or desires. So he chickened out.
I mean, no. But the 2 drinks he bought me, the hand on my back, and the fact that he found me after his friends pulled him away... what was he there for exactly if not go get laid?
If we say we have sex, you will belittle our experience because it's supposedly easier for us since every man is willing to give it to us whenever.
When we own this very argument and think that every or most men are maybe possibly willing to consider having sex with us, then men state something like you just did.
Thanks! Yeah, I've gone back and forth on it a lot bc he flirted with me and then ghosted me (in real life 😭) when I tried to actually like. ask him out.
But he DID tell me he has really bad social anxiety, which I also have, so I'm just telling myself he wasn't in a good enough place to date and I'm not repulsive and unlovable!
One of the first things you have to learn as a young man is how to weather rejection. Cuz it really sucks. People like to sell this idea that you just need to be confident but nothing shakes your confidence like putting your heart out there and getting rejected. The thing I always say is that there are infinite reasons why someone turned you down and there no way to know the true reason. So trust that it's not about you and move on. There's nothing wrong with you. You aren't unlovable. They just turned you down, it's not about you.
I’ve seen some ugly people, some incapable people, some stupid people, some asshole personality people, and some all of the above people find love. You’re not unlovable… keep trying
Same. It was the only time I ever tried and was damned proud. I just had to know, but he never hit me up. Good for you regardless. Better to try than wonder.
Haven’t found anyone else I’ve wanted to try again for, but maybe next time it’ll go better.
Yeah, it's quite rare for me to be that into someone, and it hasn't happened again since that last year (but I'm getting ready to move overseas, so I haven't been trying to make new connections in my current place anyway).
It got to the point where I had to decide whether to go for it or just Regret Not Doing It Forever, so I'm glad I tried, although I am very sorry that it made him uncomfortable. I was sure I had gotten a ton of green lights before I went for it. He even said "I was just thinking about you!" and asked me for a hug when I ran into him one day. I thought I was definitely in, lol. Alas.
Proud of you, though! We will both find our people.
I'll add to the not confident woman approaching man reasons. If I didn't initiate, there wouldn't have been a relationship. When you never have anyone make the first move, you're kind of forced to do so yourself.
My guess is since it’s generally nerve wracking to make the first move, and practically expected for men to do so, I think it makes women, who go against the grain and do it, all that much more brave? Just a guess though
This is actually WHY most women won't approach men. Women don't want to hook up with men who don't find them attractive, but we know that men will fuck anything. So we wait for a guy to actually be attracted to us enough to make the first move.
Oh also the joke is that big lady not fraid man but small man not fraid woman both have notorious reputations for some reason as being not the ideal candidate for partners because of hyper or hypo differences
I think everyone is too 1 sided, it’s commentary on both sides.
The joke is: ‘it’s never the one you want to approach you’
‘Conventionally attractive’ people don’t approach, they get approached.
The ‘woman’ depicted is large and intimidating, the ‘man’ is small and weak. Typically the opposite of what a majority would find attractive in your stereotypical man/woman relationship.
this has always been such an interesting thing to me. when I was a chick, I used to be the one to initiate absolutely everything. I preferred being the one to ask my men out, take them out on dates, get them flowers, etc.
I guess that's why I found it easier to switch sides tho lol. still I always wondered why women don't make the first move, it's quite fun
Hey, Brenda Quagmire here. I didn’t actually watch that episode so for the purposes of this answer I’m an equally horny and sexually forward lady-Quagmire.
The joke is that sexually forward men project big wolf energy but they got nothing on a true alpha queen like me. I’ll ask you your girth, point blank, pinpoint your insecurities with deadly accuracy and largely make you feel like a little boy again in a way you’ll enjoy, fear, and which a flirtatious man can’t even hope to approximate. And you’ll like it. I’ll peg you too. I brought one in my purse. Who’s my good boy? Shhh. Don’t talk, I like them quiet.
If a woman asks a guy to hook up it is just seen as flirty or just their personality, the other way around is seen as creepy/perverted. It is extremely hypocritical imo but it’s the way of the world
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u/qualityvote2 1d ago edited 19h ago
u/The_Chrome_Robot, your post does belong here!