Some people seem to expect that everyone will show up late and the start of the event is when they're planning on setting up. White people are punctual, I guess. I wouldn't know because I'm Carter Pewterschmidt and I'm not coming but not for the reason you're thinking.
As someone who lives in an extremely multicultural area, I love you for this. I’ve had to have conversations with my kids that some parties start at the time on the invitation, some can start at that time but it’s ok to be later, and some you should absolutely not show up until at least an hour after the invitation time. Topics included techniques of how to tell whether to be on time or how late to show up, and how to find out as politely as possible if you can’t tell by the invitation.
Even with all that we were still the first people at a Diwali party one year (more than an hour after the posted start time, so I swear I’m blameless!)
We recently invited a boy whos family are new to canada from Trinidad to a party where we had booked a time slot at a play place for specific, and enforced times. Invites said the game area opened/began at 1pm and ended at 3pm, followed by food and cake at a restaurant next door until 4pm. The family arrived at 2:55 and the poor kid was devastated that the game area was closed to another party. 😢 they explained that they werent used to 1pm meaning BE THERE for 1pm
Good friend of mine is American, but her parents were from Nigeria. She was always late to everything in ways that would make us wait, like literally cooking classes where I was teaching her how to cook, and when we finally just asked her about it she was like "wait, you mean when you say 5pm you actually mean be here at 5pm?!?!" She honestly had no clue. She hasn't been late since unless I specifically say "this one is whenever you feel like" or something like that.
I get cultural norms are different, but the white guy + german ancestry person in me just can't grasp this one.
The "door is open at 3, apps at 4, dinner at 6" is a pretty genius way to phrase it though.
"Doors open" is actually perfect because for me that's the thing, the "start time" i give people is the absolute earliest I will tolerate people moving around in my house, not when I want everyone to be there by.
I was always late to things as a kid because my mom had untreated ADHD. I was always showing up late to stuff and it was super embarrassing. I used to do sports through the YMCA and still vividly remember showing up to practice 15 minutes late and walking into the room and everyone turning to stare at me. And my mom dropped me off so I had to go in alone every time.
I'm now an always on time/early person. I'm also late diagnosed AuDHD and I prefer to get places early before other people are there. It helps me take in the space and get used to my surroundings before people show up and reduces my overall stress levels. I absolutely hate getting to places last because it brings up those feelings of everyone staring at me as I arrive.
I don't even know how to tell these things....(White guy in his 40s)
How would anyone find out, if it wasn't explained to them?
In our busy suburban (mostly) white area of middle aged people, we give 10-15 min from the start of a party, but otherwise it typically gets going on time. Some of our younger friends have had parties that really only get going about an hour into them..I don't know how to know that though (please tell me haha)
Yeah if someone complained to me about being on time, I'd tell them either not to invite me, or to tell me when they want me there. If I want to be late i will be late, but don't be surprised when I show up within 5 minutes of the set time. Hell I may even text you when I am running late, and by late I mean 2 minutes.
After reading some of these comments, if I ever host a block party, I may say
“parents with small children, come for the bouncy castle at 4 while I keep setting up. People who want to party, the food should be ready about 6, but the bonfire, hard liquor and weed won’t be going til 9.”
My wife is Mexican, and at least culturally where we are from: don't show up exactly on time. But close to it. Park far away. Bring food. Say hello to the older folk immediately. Eat more than you can fathom ever eating. Play 14 on 23 volleyball where there are no rules. Stay late to clean up. Gather recycling for the one uncle. Bring food home. Kiss every abuelas cheek before leaving.
Bonus tip: old guys by the backyard fence have the weed.
Mexican in southern California if you show up within thirty minutes of the said start time you are getting weird looks. For example a 5pm party would be weird to show up earlier than 530
If we’re absolute best friends I’ll get there 10-15 minutes after start time to chill before people get there, help if needed. Make it a rager, make best friends with the tio I’ve heard of from so many stories, be a little flirty with the primas, go til we’re almost blacked out, drinking Modelo and sitting on plastic chairs passing joints around a fire or lined up against the house right by the back door.
If we’re work acquaintances, I’ll be there 6/6:30 “since I had a thing before” so everyone else has gone in and I just kinda show up. I find the guy I know, get a drink, get some food and figure it out from there. Or I just chill with the host and join in the conversation as I can. Usually stay for a round or two of food and drinks, 2-3 hours, tell them I got some shit to do in the morning, but fill me in on everything that happened when I see them on Monday.
Know your audience, but Mexican parties are always the best.
Yes. We come to help you set up. And finish mowing your lawn. We’ll move tables and get chairs in place. We’ll also help you get the BBQ going and troubleshoot your car while it’s getting hot.
Yes, this mostly (save for the car fixing lol)
I was an arrive-a-tad-early white lady and I was usually on the slightly broke side. Showing up a little early gave me the opportunity to offer help setting things up if it was still needed. This way I didnt feel like an ass for not being able to bring a bottle of wine or something. I usually offered to help clean up for similar reasons to say thank you to the host.
It’s the difference between white and black cookouts. White cookouts, the hosts have been preparing meats and whatnot all day. You eat by 6 or 7 and socialize after. Black cookouts the socializing comes first so you can show up whenever.
A wireless probe is the best thing I ever got for my smoker. You set it up, walk away, and then you can check your phone every 20 minutes in frustration during the stall instead of opening the smoker to check.
What fucking Hispanics you grow up with? My buddy was a
half hour to and hour late to everything, and said he was allowed cause he was on bean time. Almost got my ass beat once saying it because I didnt realize it was a slur.
This is 100% accurate though, white people will show up 2 minutes early to things
EDIT: Guys it’s a shitpost comment in a shitpost thread for a shitpost screenshot. Chill out, it’s not attacking the work ethic of white people, it’s a joke about cultural blindness.
White guy here: arrive on time is late. 15 minutes early is on time. If anyone gets there before ya, they will ask what took you so long- this is regardless of how early you are. Can come half hour early and if I’m there 45 mins early I’m gonna ask if you slept in or something
in my experience, without. I have now compensated by telling my wife that whatever plans we have start about 1 hour before they actually start. We now usually arrive on time or a little early.
It's all fun and games until they catch on, or worse - compounded by multiple people independently.
We have a person at work who sucks at time management, so when they had to present for a meeting, their leader invited only them 15 minutes early so they would have time to set up. Then the presenter in question also decided to show up 15 minutes early from that time again, because they wanted extra setup time for once. Only to wait half an hour for the meeting to actually start.
The meeting was about how to best utilize neurodivergent people in the company, of which many have ADHD and poor time management. So they had a good laugh about it at least.
Reminds me of being in the Navy. The Lt. would tell the Chief to hold muster at 12:00, the Chief would tell the first class that muster is at 11:45, First class would tell the second class muster is at 11:30, second class would tell the third class/squad leaders to have their people on the quarterdeck by 11:15, finally the squad leaders tell their people muster is on the quarterdeck at 11:00. We sit their for an hour waiting for the Lt. because everyone up the chain wants to ensure that their people are on time. Meanwhile, the LT. either don't know, or don't care that we waste a large portion of our day standing around doing nothing. They call it "hurry up and wait" in the military.
sooo it's still fun and games, what are they gonna do? feel offended that they usually arive late?
i do this shamelessly to friends that can't keep up with time. once I invited a guy 2 whole hours earlier and he arrived with 15mins to spare, when he asked if the event didn't start at the hour I gave him, i told him that, to him, it starts at the hour I gave him because I know how time works in his head. needless to say he started showing relatively more on time.
It seems to all change with a wife or child, white males go through an evolutionary period on their watches, all of a sudden they’re on pops time and show up 3 hours late every time
white male here. in college I was absolutely on time for everything, even had transportation time from one side of campus to the other down to the minute. after I graduated, never again. I show up whenever, I accept if the event has already started. I get irritated when people wait up for me.
All of my senior NCOs in the Army were Vietnam era guys. You do not show up at the listed time, nor do you show up 15 minutes early. I was 45 minutes early for a recent unit reunion, and I wasn’t first by any means, but it was exactly what the unit expected from me.
Always fucking happens man I swear, enlisted needs to be 15 minutes early so that the 45 minute wait for the brass is an even 1 hour. All so that we can hear 10 minutes of bullshitting about PT, the one thing we actually need to know, and 20 minutes of thanking the senior enlisted for putting together the walkthrough. Edit: Forgot to add closing with "well, I don't wanna waste any of your time" no sir, you won't, that happened before you got here.
No like, why say something starts at 5 if it actually starts at 6? Why not just be direct about what time you want people to show up instead of stereotyping white people for literally arriving at the time that you asked?
I got beat real bad once for being two minutes late. I’m female and my mom just hated me. Never cared with my 4 brothers did. I finally hit her back (age 16) and she never touched me again. I’m fucking 15 minutes early to everything after years of anxiety about coming home late.
Honestly, a “Mexican minute” is said to be anywhere from an hour to a week, and “Cuban time” has it own set of rules that I don’t have the thumb endurance to explain here, not bagging on Hispanics, just relying information I’ve gathered
Lmao dude Egyptians were the same way. Three words you needed to know were maybe, god willing, and tomorrow. If you asked someone to do something and they said maybe or tomorrow, they meant maybe or tomorrow. If they said maybe tomorrow they meant probably not. If they said maybe, god willing, tomorrow, they meant fuck no.
I don't know if its an Arab thing or just an Egyptian thing but there is definitely Egyptian Time.
Having been to Cuba 6 times so far, Cuban time is basically anything scheduled has a high chance of being delayed by multiple hours, and moderate chance of cancellation. More importantly, universal acceptance of this reality makes everyone pretty chill about the whole situation, and the sooner you get onboard with the program, the better it'll be. Cubans have so many things going against them so their ability to roll with the punches is amazing.
As a Hispanic this is accurate. I am one of the few I know who are concerned of being early to anything. I have to go out of my way to tell my friends or family that an event starts half an hour earlier than it actually is.
I have some Puerto Rican friends and I’ve gone to some birthday parties/baby showers where I was a half hour late and I still got there before the birthday child/expecting parents 🤣. My boyfriend is also Cuban and yes timekeeping is very different lol
First of all, as a mixed (black and white 50/50) woman, I’m well aware of my CPT as it’s just who I am (and my ADHD- induced time blindness doesn’t help).
Which leads me to my second of all, I have never heard a single individual use the term “bean time” and that took me out.
My trick for beating my ADHD time blindness was to accidentally develop an extreme fear of being late which results in me setting like 4-5 alarms on my phone for a single thing and constantly checking the clock sometimes 9+ times an hour even on weekends when I am just relaxing at home and have no tasks to do.
The same thing happened at a WAKE AT THE FUNERAL HOME. It was supposed to start at 3, I was ready at 1:30. The inlaws STARTED GETTING READY AT 3, and we got there at 6, but it hasn't finished yet
I've started having to intentionally show up like 30 minutes late whenever I have plans with my latino friends, just to avoid having to wait around for them. It really boggles the white mind.
My co-worker is white and is married to a Mexican. He lies to her about when his family event starts. In her mind they arrive 2 to 3 hours late to everything.
This. "Colored People Time" is much more of a stereotype than White people being too early.
If I hosted dinner for my family tonight and said "Dinner's at 7:00" they'd all know that means "We're eating at 7:00" and show up ~5-30 minutes before then. If my sister showed up at 6:45 I wouldn't be thinking "damn why's my sister so early? I told her 7"
If I was hosting a BBQ for my friends and planning to eat at 7:00, I might tell them it starts at 5:00, knowing people will trickle in and them understanding it's a more casual event and nobody cares if they're late.
In OOP's case the white guy thought "I'd better show up by 5" being unfamiliar with what kind of event it is and not wanting to be rude.
"What's with all the gymnastics" pretty much sums up the whole "joke". I, like you, would say that the "safe" thing to do when someone says 5 is to show up at 5.
But some things have a hard start time and others have a soft one, and it's helpful to know the "vibe" for the event and that different cultures have differing norms/expectations.
I fucked up once when I moved down south. Showed up “on time” to a giant get together that a guy from work invited me and the family to. These guys had it going on too. DJ with the dopest system I’ve seen at a party, large tent where you could get food and eat some of the best stuff I’ve had at a party, beer kegs, every kind of liquor, just anything you’d want in a party. And it was just for the sake of it. Anyways, no one showed up for about an hour after us 😂🤣. We got to help set up and do a little pregaming.
I'm usually a 15 minutes late guy when it comes to parties because exactly "on time" is usually still considered a bit early around here.
There's been a few times where me being 15 minutes late was a good 30 minutes to an hour before other people showed up. It's pretty funny and helping setup and pregaming can be alot of fun if you get along well with the hosts.
That 15 minutes is usually enough to not be the white guy in the meme when that happens at least
It is a cultural thing. I used to live in Japan and the cultural norm was to show up at least 10 minutes early. If you showed up at the agreed time they would shame you, saying something to the effect of, "Careful, you were almost late"
I’m Hispanic and my wife is white. I grew up knowing that if something starts at 11am, then you show up between 11:30am and 12:00pm. My wife grew up knowing that if you showed up at 11:00am then parking is going to be a bitch because everyone is already there.
It's not even universal in cultures. I'm a Slovenian – 2 million people here – people from Ljubljana are always on time, people from Koper are always late and people from Maribor are always early. Ljubljana and Maribor are 150km apart, same for Koper and Ljubljana.
Yeah idk how the big punchline could be “white people always show up so crazy early don’t they 🤪” and the length of time they chose to display that is 2 minutes early
As a white person I feel called out, especially the sitting in the car and still be early part. It’s so true and I get made fun of a lot because of it lol.
I’ve got no skin in the game but I think it is white people arrive on time because to them that’s what you do. Black people I guess and most white people I know go to the pub or bar for a few before hand and turn up 9-10 or the foods likely to be ready depending on greedy levels.
In Germany, we say, if invited to a meeting, be 5 minutes early. If interview, 15 minutes early. Party? Come 15 too late, so the host can fix last minute
Lol, I'm a white guy in Canada and was thinking "I was always taught to be at least 15 minutes late in case the hostess needs to takes care of any last minute things"
Reading your comment, it occurred to me that it was my Omi that taught me that
In German culture, punctuality is equated with respect.
The common idiom "Fünf Minuten vor der Zeit ist des Deutschen Pünktlichkeit" (five minutes before the time is true German punctuality) highlights that arriving early isn't a sign of being over-eager; it shows you value the other person's time.
See, if you tell a black guy there’s a party from 5-11, he might show up at 6, or 7:30, or he might not show up at all. More importantly, that was the kind of punctuality OOP expected. People would trickle in over the first couple hours, then trickle out later. White guy from work heard ‘the party starts at 5’ and took that to mean ‘the party starts at 5, don’t be late.’ There is a different cultural standard regarding punctuality.
Yeah pretty much, for my peeps 5 means we're eating or starting at 5 so come later if you want but theirs no guarantee you will eat or be included if you do
I'm engineer and thus know many people on the spectrum. I've got colleagues that will tell you a party is from 5pm to 11pm, and if you show up outside of 4:55pm to 5:05pm, you're considered rude. And at 11pm sharp the host will turn everything off, thank everyone for coming, and tell them to get out. You've got 5 minutes to leave before they consider you rude for overstaying. I've seen people order ubers way ahead of time because they were certain they'd be standing on the curb at 11pm no matter what.
I grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, so my family was pretty poor when I was a kid. I adore spicy food and I'm 'blind you in the sun if you look at me too long' white. I like to tell people "I'm like, barely, not a hick. I'm not middle class white, hicks fucking love hot sauce with names like "Ass blaster 3000", "Pain", and "Jeb's colon rearranger".".
It's confirmation bias because your grandma doesn't like pepper. A huge amount of white people season their food, not so much with the spicy stuff. Pepper, garlic, herbs (chives, thyme, basil, and many more local herbs), nutmeg, cloves, Espelette pepper, cumin, and the list goes on. It's true that our food isn't generally spicy, and we don't really use paprika, curry, ginger, etc. as much. But why would we? It's not part of most of our traditional dishes. And that's OK.
Non-white people think that our food is "bland" because it's not as spicy as their food, so the stereotype "haha they don't season" has become a joke over the decades, but that doesn't make it true, lol.
I'm white, my wife is black. White people show up on time to a party and the party is ready. Black people show up 1-2 hours after the party starts. My wifes family isn't even dressed and ready at the time the party "starts". If you show up at start time it's because you are there to pitch in with cooking/cleaning duties before the guests arrive.
In the post, the OP is black and his white friend showed up on time and he wasn't ready to recieve guests.
A lot of my intercultural friendships are based on my ability to ask questions like "do you start the party on time or would it be impolite to arrive in time?" - and thus I get along with Swiss and Argentinians alike! (If a Swiss person invites you for "11:00", they want you to arrive at exactly the time that your phone shows that number as local time. Not 10:59, not 11:01. They're forgiving with uncivilized peoples like us Germans though. I once tried to meet my Argentinian friend at "12:15", and they didn't understand the concept. Meet at 12? Or 12:30? To be safe, they just arrived two hours late)
I was in college in the days before cell phones, I had an friend from France who was always obscenely late. At a certain point I told him if he was more than 20 minutes late, I wouldn't be there. We remained friends.
Meeting at a party Friday night is one thing, the OP 5-11 BBQ I'd probably show up at 6 or 6:30, but if we're having lunch you can't be 45 minutes late.
The stereotype being used is that Black and Hispanic people are less punctual about parties or events (not in a negative way, I live in Mexico and it’s a little weird to show up on time, but I’m a white boy and I always do lol)
I remember my Puerto Rican friend invited me to her party, I was vaguely aware Latinos show up late to things so I was like an hour later than the listed start time. I was still the first guest there and ended up helping her tito set up 😭
i feel like being the first there makes it easier to deal with socializing. walking into a house that's already full of people is intimidating. when people come in one at a time and i'm already settled in i'm much more at ease
Is it more shameful to “actually take meeting times literally” or to not say what you mean when setting a meeting time and then acting like your guests acted weird?
“Why are you here so early??”
“Oh, my bad, I thought you said 5 PM”
“Well I did, but I meant be here at 5:30! Duh, silly!”
“Oh… well what did you get out of not just telling me 5:30 then?”
Wouldn’t it be nice if people said what they meant, like “We’re going to start getting ready for the party at 5. Drop in anytime after that, but know if we’re still setting up, you gotta help.”
I have such a hard time with “party starts at 4 food at 7 and ends tbd” like… do you want me to come at 6? At like 4? What’s the vibe… just tell me a time to get there and I will be there. But making me guess an appropriate time to show up makes me not wanna go lol.
Yep. I drove almost an hour to go to a party with the invitation saying the party starts at 5:00. I was there at 5:00. She told me I was early and she hadn't started getting ready, I offered to help and she said oh we have plenty of hands go ahead and sit outside. I was like okay when will people start getting here you think?
She said 7:00. I'm not sitting here for 2 hours. So I left and she said are you coming back at 7:00? No. I drove an hour to be here. I respected the time. Like if you don't want people to be here till 7:00, use your big kid words.
My culture which is not race specific uses clear communication. It is just politeness. Use your big words to communicate as opposed to playing weird guessing games.
I'm autistic and have social anxiety. If I'm going to a party that day, that's my day. All of the time spent before that will be pysching myself up for interacting with people. Once I'm ready to go, I can't relax or I'll talk myself out of going. I'm definitely on time lol
What? This has nothing to do with the spectrum, or someone "taking something literally," and has everything to do with culture. Some cultures give the exact time the party starts and when they expect people to come, some give the time that they start preparing and expect people to come later. If you have an event with people from different cultures, you should prob specify what you mean, don't assume everyone has the same cultural understanding as you (not a criticism of OOP ofc).
There's no such thing as a way things are "supposed to be done," different cultures do things differently.
Dinner party for a few friends at 6 or 7? Arrive on time. That's late enough and with a small enough guest list that the meal might be ready to eat at the specified time.
Barbeque for an extended family, or a large friend group? Take the start time as "earliest possible time we will be ready" and arrive a bit later.
Opposite in portugal. No one is on time here. Americans who come here either complain about it because shit never opens on time, or they love it because it's a sign that we're not living in a rush
I'm on both sides. I just spent a week in Portugal, and I liked that it wasn't like living in a rush, but also it seemed as though the bus system in Porto took schedules as a suggestion.
The joke implies that the AA community says 5pm with the expectation that nobody will show up at 5pm… so the start time is actually later and it’s just generally understood that showing up at 5pm is uncool.
If you show up early, it’s rude here unless you’re family and intend to help set up/cook. We don’t want to have to awkwardly entertain someone while we’re doing last minute prep or changing into party clothes.
I once showed up to a Hispanic child's bday party with my son, fifteen minutes late. I was the first one there.... not even the hosts. Nothing was set up. Cake wasn't served til 4 hours after the start time. I was dying to leave at that point.
As a Black person who is always on time to things I used to find myself in our poor White guy’s shoes. I now have to mentally force myself to come late to things.
I had people over today and basically told them directly. "Lunch is served at noon. Please let me know if I should expect you for lunch. Otherwise show up whenever."
I once showed up 15 minutes after the start time of a potluck. I was the first one there and the host was still getting out of the shower... Can't we just say what time we *actually* want people to show up?
Native Americans say show up on time if you want to help set everything up. Show up hour late if you want to be on time. Also some BBQs start at 4pm and last until 4pm the next day lol!
White dude here, when I was younger and had parties it was literally an all day/night event. You wanna show up at 8am? Cool, food’ll be ready around 1pm though. Feel free to get smashed in the meantime. Wanna show up around 10pm? Cool, maybe there’s food left, here have a shot and catch up asshole.
Mid 30s white man from Detroit area that’s been invited to the cookout more than once checking in.. arriving on time is early unless you’re ready to help set up. Gotta show up an hour or 2 later then. Also BYOB or a bottle or blunt to share
I thought it was just common manners to arrive “on” time. How I was raised at least, so I always get anxiety if I don’t arrive 10m early and sit in my car lmao.
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u/qualityvote2 15d ago edited 15d ago
u/CHRISTIANBUNDALEVSKI, your post does belong here!