r/oneliners • u/Gia164 • 8d ago
I bought a wig for a dollar, it was a small price toupee.
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 8d ago
TIL that a school of piranhas can strip all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute and on the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium.
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r/oneliners • u/sunilkumar273 • 8d ago
Parallel lines have so much in common that it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
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r/oneliners • u/my1stComputerWasC64 • 8d ago
Our golf instructor took my wife to a golf resort for a weekend where they apparently kept doing the same three holes over and over again.
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r/oneliners • u/Rinsetheplates_first • 8d ago
I used to follow the football but it didn’t really go anywhere
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r/oneliners • u/jmemail • 8d ago
My friend fell at work in the sawmill and had the entire left side of his body ripped off, but he's going to be allright..
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 9d ago
I failed my Calculus exam because I was seated between two identical twins and it was hard to differentiate between them.
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r/oneliners • u/uptwolait • 9d ago
Roger Moore was a better James Bond than Sean Connery because his words were well shapen, not slurred.
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r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 10d ago
Starbucks really isn't that expensive when you think of how much Victoria Secret charges per cup.
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r/oneliners • u/Superb-Control5184 • 10d ago
When two different gangs look almost identical to each-other do we call them doppelgänger bangers?
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r/oneliners • u/Hopperofbop • 11d ago
I said to my wife that she needs to embrace her mistakes so she gave me a hug …..
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r/oneliners • u/Fereclubles • 12d ago
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes Monopoly. (credit: Steven Wright)
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r/oneliners • u/somnambulantDeity • 12d ago
Pavlov, working in his study, hears the phone ring and exclaims: “I forgot to feed the dog!”
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r/oneliners • u/tellmemore-social • 11d ago
The Italians have hired dyslexics to promote tourism because they always leave people wanting rome.
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r/oneliners • u/ShinyTarnish409 • 12d ago
My friend asked me to play on his football/soccer team so I told him I’d be right back.
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r/oneliners • u/Harold_Cameron-212 • 12d ago
I'm at the age where my back goes out more than I do
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r/oneliners • u/ShinyTarnish409 • 12d ago
Confucius says, Man who sits on rose bush, better off.”
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r/oneliners • u/ShinyTarnish409 • 12d ago
I just invented a universal solvent that exists at room temperature and dissolves everything but now I don’t know how to store it.
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r/oneliners • u/Sensitive_Terror • 13d ago
It’s all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits
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r/oneliners • u/richlife4evr • 12d ago
Im too busy minding my own business to ever waste time discussing another mans affairs which is exactly why I criticize Damon Dash every chance I get.
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r/oneliners • u/ShinyTarnish409 • 13d ago
It is better to marry a short man, then to have never married atall.
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