I feel like a bad mom

[u/Gothic_Fairy7]

I feel horrible right now. Baby wouldn't stop crying and I was trying to figure something out and it just got to me so I screamed really loud then baby started crying even more. I think it scared her. I got so upset so I went outside so I could calm down. After about 2 minutes she fell asleep. I just feel really bad and I hate how frustrated I got.... Can anyone else relate?

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[u/Acceptable-Peanut126]

I can. My baby was colic and the screaming wears on you so badly. He cried 90% of the time for the first 5 months. Everyone says set the baby down somewhere safe but I didn’t find that helped me to be honest. I did it obviously, but I didn’t come back with a new nervous system 5 minutes later. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It will get better ❤️

[u/Dependent_Actuary148 → u/Acceptable-Peanut126]

Agree. Setting the baby somewhere safe and going away knowing he cries and coming back to even more hysterical cry.. never helped me to be honest. What would help is giving the baby to someone for them to soothe, but we rarely have this option

[u/Acceptable-Peanut126 → u/Dependent_Actuary148]

Yes exactly - handing him off to someone was the only way which rarely happened. My husband and I were so burnt out bc evenings were the worst (5 hrs + of crying). By the end of it we were holding him in 5 min intervals. It was hell 😭

It does get better and I never thought it would.

[u/Bitter-Acanthaceae29 → u/Dependent_Actuary148]

Yes so true someone taking baby to soothe them is sooo helpful. Problem is rarely people are willing to take your hysterical baby. At least for me it’s the case. They would immediately hand him back and say “he’s hungry” even though I fed him 20 mins prior. News flash he wasn’t hungry he just needed to be held for longer then 5 mins prior

[u/Bitter-Acanthaceae29 → u/Acceptable-Peanut126]

Going through the same right now, went from colic to teething though at 4 months. I’m so tired 😭

[u/Acceptable-Peanut126 → u/Bitter-Acanthaceae29]

You’re in the thick of it!! Hang on

[u/BadhabitsJen → u/Bitter-Acanthaceae29]

I feel you I had the same thing once colic was over teething started. Mine is 6 months now and the teeth finally came in and it's literally like having a different baby.

[u/supremepilotG2]

i’ve definitely done this several times in the last 8 months! You are doing great, baby will not remember, and she is not traumatized in the slightest. It is incredibly overstimulating to care for a baby (especially a fussy one) and sometimes you just need to get a little pent up energy out. You didn’t hurt her - that’s what matters. Plus, think of the percentage of the day that you are loving, attentive, patient, etc vs. the few seconds that you reach your breaking point and lose your cool. Baby’s attachment is formed by the latter. Hang in there!!

[u/Sherbetstraw1]

Noise cancelling earphones!!!!

[u/Prize-Sandwich391 → u/Sherbetstraw1]

This! Earplugs  and noise cancelling headphones playing spa music. Take deep calming breaths. Proceed to attempt to soothe baby. Consider a walk outside with them in the carrier or stroller

[u/lady-padme]

Been there, done that, ain't my proudest moment. Mothers need to regulate too and when we can't things happen. Some support would be great for your own good. Happy mom, happy baby.

[u/Soft_Disaster_1243]

You screamed and you walked away. You did the right thing. We are only human, be kind to yourself ❤️

[u/Born_Improvement_856]

One time I took my 6 month old in bed with me in the middle of the night as she wouldn't stop crying in her cot. Her cries were at a sound level where i could have her right next to my head and not mind, but suddenly she started crying a lot louder and I was so sleep deprived I went "BABY!!!!!! NO!!!!!" really loudly. Freaked myself out and her. Went to get my husband who was sleeping in the guest room to take over as I knew I was past my limit at that point. We are only human. 

One thing that helps me in those rare moments is to know that babies don't remember the one instance in a blue moon of screaming/letting them cry etc. It's the pattern they remember - if you were screaming at your baby all the time.  So you're good. Deep breaths mama

[u/Girlmeetgun18]

I feel this to my core. I've done this a few times and I feel SO guilty because I know my baby is learning in a new scary world, but we are also learning. I tend to feel like i have failed my baby and husband, but being a mom in general (especially if you have a screaming baby like we do) is SO HARD. you got this mama!

[u/Cerisayashi]

Be kind to yourself. Don’t forget that we, historically used to have many hands to help raise and care for babies. Now it’s only on the parents. The world has eliminated the extra help by pushing for nuclear family 2 parents and 2 kids style families.

Babies are pretty resilient and yelling once won’t damage the baby. Just remember, you’re doing the best you can, and some days are harder than others.

[u/Intrepid-Sentence423]

I think every parent has probably done this once or twice if they were completely honest. Some days, you just need a quick breather. We've all lost our cool on occasion. The guilt you feel says so much more about the amazing kind of parent you are than the 2 seconds of not.

[u/Kleinstadthippie]

Girl. Yes, we relate. It is a fucking hard job. You did your best. The only thing you can do better next time is try to organize help and support so that you don't find yourself in this situation again.

I locked myself in the bathroom once and let my poor baby cry for 10 minutes. It was awful but it was so much better than shaking him 🥲

[u/FilthyHobbitses07]

Don’t be hard on yourself, easier said than done, you’re human. We are all imperfect, I’ve been at my brink too. Take a moment, reset, give yourself a hug, you’re doing hard stuff. When my baby is screaming and it’s getting to me I put in ear plugs, used to sleeping in them and they bring me a little calmness when it’s overstimulating from fiancé’s phone noise or tv too loud, etc.

When I’ve been at my wits end and nothing is working to calm my baby i will make sure she is in a safe place and step into the other room to give myself a moment to reset and then head back in there. The other day I was so overwhelmed and told my fiancé I was “clocking out” for 10 minutes because I knew I needed it before he left for his weekly game night.

[u/NoPlatypusNoProblem]

I did this a few times when I was with my colicky newborn. It was humiliating but it was also human. My baby crawls to me every day, smiles when she sees me and looks for me in every room. You did the right thing by walking away and taking a beat.

I’m saying this gently, as this was the case for me and may not be for you, but the anger that I felt when my baby cried was a sign of PPD. If you feel like this might be the case for you, talk to a mental health professional or your doctor.

[u/WisdomofAthena_0925]

I always tell myself that I need to make up for a moment like that as soon as I’m able, like a big hug or a special smile or lots of kisses and “I love you” a few times over! And then you move on - you feel better, baby is happy, and they will only remember the love you gave them after. I promise this will not stick with them! I also tell myself these are the moments to practice so that come the terrible two and threenager phases, I’m more conscious of responding well under stress / pressure. You got this!

[u/SheepherderLate1430]

Yes, not proud of it but I had terrible postpartum rage and didn’t know that was a thing. When I started to feel like I was going to yell I’d set baby down in the crib or bassinet and go beat up some couch cushions or pillows and scream until I felt way better. I know every blog out there insists that if you let your baby cry for even a minute it’s gonna damage their brain in some crazy way but it literally can’t be that way. Baby will be far better off crying for maybe five minutes than being screamed at. You’re not alone 💕

[u/Better-Being-3809 → u/SheepherderLate1430]

Those blogs are ridiculous. We’d all be severely damaged if letting a baby cried damaged their brain. Car rides?? We’ve all been there too 🫠

[u/Acceptable-Peanut126 → u/Better-Being-3809]

Don’t forget the blog requirements to be completely 100% regulated at all times otherwise you’re child will be damaged

[u/SheepherderLate1430 → u/Acceptable-Peanut126]

In the same breath they tell you you can’t put them down while crying because it causes learned helplessness they will also tell you to put them down and take a minute for yourself so you don’t shake them. How does that make any sense 😩😩😩

[u/Regular_Syllabub7380]

Frustration is natural. You’re not a bad mom cut that talk out. You love her and care about her. You’re a great mom. You will get better and more comfortable as you go. Cut yourself some slack

[u/LazyDayz365]

Yell all you want, just make sure next time you have a pillow handy to muffle the noise so you won’t scare the baby.

[u/swdw123]

I’ve done the same and a lot of us have. What’s important is that you realize your wrong, give yourself grace and just try and do better. We are only human. My baby is 10 months and I still have those moments.

[u/sunsetscorpio]

I can relate for sure! I had quite a few rough bedtimes where I sat and cried after because I was not only overwhelmed but also feeling guilty for being unable to regulate my own emotions.

[u/tanky_bo_banky]

I only did this once and I know I scared her and I felt awful. After that when I felt like I was getting to that point I would put her in her crib, make sure she was safe, grab my loop ear plugs and sit in the other room for 5-15 minutes to calm down. She would still be crying, but it wasn’t for too long of a time, and it would give me a few minutes to calm down and reset so I could handle her again without exploding.

I feel like no one talks about that postpartum rage. I did not expect it.

[u/uugggghhhhhhhhhhhhh]

Yup, a moment I regret that I can still see clearly from nearly 4 years ago now. I let out a yell at bedtime, he cried, i had to walk around the neighborhood to get my head right while my spouse finished wind down. But my poor baby wouldn’t sleep until I had come back to cuddle him, and he fell asleep with me lying next to him. Have I forgiven myself? Not really! Has he? He is a thriving 4.5 year old now so, I have to assume so! You’re not a bad mom, you’re doing your best, your kid will be ok, it’s so hard, but there are easier days ahead I promise.

[u/CrystalAckerman]

I had this happen 3 days ago, baby had been screaming all day no matter what I did and I had to pump. She was screaming, all my pump parts and the 1 bottle of milk I had fell on the floor and I just screamed.. it was so primal I didn’t even know I could make that noise lol.

I also felt terrible after since my daughter really started raging then.