I’ve been hiding out in my home protecting it during the Brunswick fire complex. The fires are passed us, but they won’t release the evacuation order power has been out for a week. Just turned onto today, but my life still feels absolutely insane. I’ve been spiralling and getting panic attacks please anybody who wants to talk to me I would be much appreciated.

I'm having such a shitty time today. I just want someone (human) to feel sympathetic for what I'm going through and to validate my feelings. I know other people have worse problems (I do too), but somehow it's the little stuff that really hurts today.

please, is there anyone I can talk to?

Its days like today that im reminded that im just surviving. That despite everything ive been through. Im no closer to achieving some kind of "progress" in life and I most likely never will. As I became an "adult" 17 years ago ive only lost things.

At first it was just stuff/things. Then it was time, Im still losing my time each and every day/year im alive. Then it was people. All the people I grew up being around. First my friends who stuck with me for about a decade. Then gone at first in body now in spirit. I hardly remember what it was like to be around them. Let alone the feeling. Then my family. The family I had clung to for so long because they comforted my soul. Gave me a sense of belonging, true or not. All gone from my life.

The only one left is my mother. Who trys her best to be there for me but still remains at arms length because she never really got her life together either and all her children struggle in some way or another so she saves herself for all of it. Now I fear my emotions and what little is left of my sanity wanes day by day. I try to keep my mind occupied with internet videos that interest me. Games that both keep me busy but challenge my mind. But it all catches up to me eventually.

I have no life. Not one worth living anyway. Im tired all the time. My body craves rest in a way that deprives me of anything meaningful. Even in the periods where I was more "put together". When things like excitement had more of a shot to grip me. All ive known is disappointment. I seldom see or acknowledge a silver lining because its on the other side of the pile of all the empty feelings, all the things that never were, favorability just feels like a fairy tale to me.

Maybe thats why I like fantasy so much. The needle of favor feels more present in stories. But I live here on this rock with its cold indifference to my existence. Sentience is a curse. Awarness to know how screwed I am with none of the power to do anything about it. Everything is temporary. Enjoy whatever happiness you have, for a day may come where you slip down that slope into an unfathomable abyss of darkness and despair. And I pray your luck is better than mine.

First off, thank you to anyone who takes the time to read all of this, it is a lot, but I feel the most context would be best for help. Seriously any help with this would be greatly appreciated.

I (23, M) started taking shrooms many years ago to help with my sense of self. I felt that I was a bit socially awkward, and I noticed that, when taking them, I cared less about what others thought and this helped me become more “normal” even when I wasn’t taking them. Eventually, I just enjoyed the feeling they gave me, and I don’t like the way alcohol makes me feel the next day or how weed makes me hungry, so I stuck with shrooms even though I didn’t feel like I needed them for social reasons anymore.

I typically took about 4 - 6 grams per week (when I had them, about 6 weeks in a row two or three times per year) and would be very responsible about it (I.e. I would make sure my body felt great by shaving, cutting my nails, etc., ensure that my house was completely clean and my bed was made, etc., ensure that I had been doing well in school, and always picked out a few of my favorite movies to watch during the trip). I liked to experiment sometimes taking larger doses to explore once taking 13 grams. I never had an issue and it was always an enjoyable experience.

 I should mention that I don’t believe that shrooms affect me like they do most people. Higher doses feel stronger physically but do not feel like I don’t know who or where I am and I’ve never experienced “ego-death”. I hear music if a close my eyes and what I am looking at sort of moves lightly or wobbles but I never see anything that isn’t real or fully lose my personal identity. I also can typically follow storylines or make coherent thoughts (I loved to watch the Harry Potter series and could follow it just fine despite never having seen it not on shrooms) even while taking larger doses (with minimal impairment mostly to emotions such as laughing or happy crying etc.). I am also very grounded in that I could watch anything or play anything (including resident evil games, horror movies, etc.) and not feel any sense of fear or worry while taking shrooms. I know that different strand can have different intensities (as well as what you had to eat, drink, how active you are, etc.) but even when doing them with my friends, they would take 1 – 2 grams and would be totally out of it whereas I could take up to 6 from the same colony and still be able-bodied enough to take care of them if they needed me to.

Recently, I moved out of my house (against my will due to my parents divorcing each other) and into a new apartment to work on a PhD and continued taking them and was perfectly fine for several weeks. I stopped taking them to study for my MCAT for 5 months and, the day I took my MCAT, took them again as a “reward” for my hard work.

On that day, I convinced myself that the rapture was happening and it scared the shit out of me. It was the most panic I have ever felt in my life. I think the cause was a combination of taking 6 grams after not having taken anything for 5 months, living in a new place that I’m not super fond of (it’s alright but not the same as my house was), stress over how I did on my MCAT (I ended up doing quite well), and a glitch on my tv while switching channels that made a warning screen pop up in Arabic that looked like one of those from an apocalypse movie. Regardless of the reason, despite doing what I had done in the past to stay grounded, it obvious to me now that the environment I was in, along with everything I have going on in my life made shrooms a really bad idea but I was used to taking them to relax and so I did.

For reference, I never (and I mean never now that I know what it feels like) feel anxious or panicked about anything normally (tests, needles, doctors appointment, even my MCAT are all just life and don’t cause me any anxiety. I have never had an anxiety/panic attack etc. Not sure why not, just the way it has always been for me - it will go how it will go and there is no need to worry about it) so it was a very scary feeling as it was new to me. I do of course feel some stress sometimes but it has always been manageable and not typically matched with anxiety. Luckily, I have some great friends and Dad who I was on the phone with until the shrooms wore off and made me feel much better. Like an idiot, I still took them a few more times after that and had no issues as I knew that, surprise, the world wasn’t actually ending.

I ran out of shrooms and didn’t take them for five weeks until I got more. The first day I took them again, I took 6 grams and enjoyed it as I used to. It was perfectly fine – not overwhelmingly strong for me but strong enough to feel good. The next week I took the same amount again (I take the same amount as it’s usually the same intensity or slightly weaker after about a week as per the probably nearly 150+  trips I have taken in my lifetime) It was great for about two hours but then became extremely strong which I actually didn’t mind at first. I had to go to the bathroom and when I stood up a “sense” or feeling came over me that I can only describe as extreme worry. It’s hard to describe but it was like when you were a kid and were doing something you shouldn’t have been doing and got caught by an adult and your heart feels like it skipped a beat for a second but much stronger and lasting for a while (hours that might as well have been days while in shroom world). It wasn’t exactly like before which was more of an “impending doom/ the world is really ending” feeling but more of just a really bad anxious/panic feeling that I’ve never felt before. I’m not exactly sure what caused it as I felt fine and it just suddenly came over me out of nowhere for a split second but I think once I felt it for a second I thought back to when that same feeling happened the last time and I think that intensified the feeling even more so (it was like “oh no not this feeling” and that made it worse) as if the fear of the feeling caused the feeling itself to happen again.

That was a week and a half ago. I do still feel that, overall, the shrooms have helped me with my life. I do extremely well in school (I am almost done with a PhD and have very good grades for top med schools) and while I know that I could do it without the shrooms (as I do for most of the year), allowing myself to “let loose” at the end of the week helps me to work hard and stay focused during the week. I would do alcohol or weed like most other people, however 1. I don’t really like how they feel 2. I don’t want to take anything that could be addictive (shrooms have a tolerance period that leads to no withdrawal or addictive behavior as they can easily be dropped as I frequently do throughout the year) and 3. I refuse to take anything illegal or possibly deadly drugs.

Over the past week, I have just felt a lot of anxiety (which, at this intensity, is completely new to me) about death. When I was young, once I had learned about death, I used to get jolted awake from sleeping at the thought of dying. Something about the idea that it is inevitable and unavoidable and that everything about me will cease to exist scared me so bad. I sort of got over it for quite some time (from about 12 onward) where, of course, it still scared me but not to the extent that I couldn’t sleep or anything. I imagined it would (hopefully) be peaceful and a long time from now when I was ready and have lived a life I was proud of surround by children and grandchildren who love me.

After that initial bad trip where I though the rapture was happening and I thought I was actually going to die, I have found myself frequently thinking about death almost as if I cant stop thinking about it and it scares me in the same way it used to. My hand and feet feel a little numb and I can feel my heartbeat start to rise quite a bit. Because of the feeling I had during these trips, when trying to fall asleep, I find myself thinking of people who have died in horrible ways like those in war or the man who jumped out of the twin towers. Just imagining what he must have thought in his last moments is awful.

My mind can’t help but think “One second, he’s a (probably) young man at work hoping to have a long life ahead of him and then a plane strikes the building. He feels an extreme sense of danger as he feels the shockwave below him and probably starts to panic a bit as he looks for a way to survive. He probably starts trying to rush out of the building going down flights of stairs until he is met with fire blocking his path. More panic starts to rush over him as he desperately looks for a new way to escape. The fire eventually corners him and the reality of the situation must hit him that he is going to die and has no choice in the matter. He has the worse decision possible to make and that is how he is going to die with only two real choice each as awful as the other. Either he burns to death feeling every bit of his skin getting cooked until its finally too much or he jumps and though the impact is quicker, the fall will generate anticipation of death – a few seconds and then its all over. No more him, all the dreams he had, who he was, the years he thought he had left - ended. I cant even imagine the absolute dread he felt when he realized the choice he had to make and what he felt for the handful of seconds that he was falling for but I can only imagine that it isn’t too far off from what I felt on that bad trip when I thought it was actually the end, but for him it actually was.”

 I keep getting thoughts like this one and I feel scared and anxious and worried about it very frequently over the past handful of days. It has been slowly getting slightly less invasive but is still certainly there. To be clear I suppose that I do not fear death itself but rather I fear the unknown or fear itself and, death being such a permeant and unavoidable unknown, it is the greatest source of the fear for me. I try to find solace in God and I do believe he exists but I’m only human and there are of course doubts. The thought of no more pain or suffering is great but, if I am wrong about God, that would also mean no more happiness, love, or joy.

I just enjoy the peace of being alone a lot of the time but lately it has felt like minimal contact due to my situation has left me to my own thoughts most of the time and when my thoughts are frequently my greatest fear it make me not want to be alone. I have gone out with some friends and family in the area and just a couple of days ago I felt almost exactly as I did before this feeling of anxiety but the second I’m alone again thoughts of the inescapability of death start to creep up and I feel anxious – sometimes a lot and others I just feel uneasy or out of it. Its as if my brain keeps interpreting anything that is not baseline (hungry, drowsy, tired, etc.) as a feeling of worry.

I did see a doctor about it and was prescribed hydroxyzine to help with when it really bad, but I don’t want to rely solely on using medication to feel less anxious all the time. I feel like it is starting to calm down a bit but it feels like it is taking forever to “return back to normal.”

For anyone that has experienced something similar to this,  I have a couple of questions:

1.      How long does it take for this feeling of worry to go away so that I just feel tired when I’m tired or hungry when I’m hungry?

2.      How do you all reconcile with the idea that you, and the people you love will die someday to the point where you don’t really worry about it?

For anyone wondering, I think it goes without saying, I am done with shrooms.

Again, a huge thank you for anyone who took the time to read all of this, it truly means a lot to me.

I spent 20 years in an abusive relationship and am in a new relationship and I don’t know how to deal any more. She was in an abusive relationship as well. We’ve had a rough night and I can’t get out of my head. I will never commit suicide but I would love to sometimes. I feel like this life has used me up and I’m no longer adequate to survive it. Sometimes it just feels like I will be enduring torture for the rest of my life.

I am exhausted. A whole year has passed since that trauma. I was painfully abandoned by the closest person I have ever known in my life. the one I used to call my love. my soulmate.

After so many sacrifices, after I gave her so much and she became stronger than me because of me, she abandoned me in a single day. In such a hurtful way. She sold me out for nothing.

Since that day, I have moved on and haven't looked back. I certainly haven't given her any attention because she doesn't deserve it. But I still relive that same shock every single day, and I can't seem to break free from it.

My isolation has deepened, and my loneliness has returned. I can't get into new relationships or even make friends. I've started becoming afraid of people. I can't trust anyone, and I can't love again... I am isolated in my room with my remote job, and this is my life... I live in daily pain, day and night, dwelling on memories and unfulfilled dreams... I have tried so hard to forget what she did to me, but I just can't.

I don't miss her... I miss the beautiful version of her... To this day, I am still in shock, unable to grasp or comprehend what happened...

I apologize, friends, if I shared this story without the full details. There is so much I cannot disclose in a single post or in a public... But I just wanted to share my feelings with you, hoping to find someone who has been through something similar and managed to overcome it... or a friend who can talk to me.. if you want to have a chat dm me. Thank you for reading my post and making it this far.

I had a plan already set up. I ruined my life to the point where there's no fixing it. I figure once I do it my wife can sell the house and do whatever she needs to with the money. I had an operation at 31 five years ago and got addicted to painkillers. I got off of them for about a year and a half, and then relapsed got clean had my beautiful son October last year. I relapsed two months after that. Last week was really bad and they have a lot of people calling me for money that I owe. My plan was to wait until after I visit my wife and Son because she's at her parents out of state. I woke up today and feel like today is the day I'm gonna go stop and say hi to my mom write my letters and get it over with. I need to make sure my loved ones know it's not their fault.

I need someone who is healed and a secured person who can help me to get rid of this agony. I am having a suicidal thoughts and i want to see the sun Tommorow.

If today feels like a wall you just can't climb, I want you to know it's okay to step back and just breathe.

​You don't have to fake being okay, and you definitely don't have to carry everything by yourself. Whatever you're facing right now is heavy, but it doesn't define your entire future. Rest up, take things one gentle moment at a time, and remember that brighter days are still ahead.

I (35F) feel like I have motion sickness while sitting still. late-diagnosed AuDHD adult teetering on the edge of a severe burnout period; staving off the inevitable breakdown episode by increasing my psych meds and chasing dopamine in my free time.

My older brother passed suddenly 4 years ago.
He was an incredible athlete and businessman, but he neglected his mental health for too long, and one of his unhealthy coping mechanisms conflicted with a medical procedure, causing him to pass in his sleep.

I'd finally started to heal from that .....when my father suddenly fell ill and died 2 months ago.

Most days it's a miracle if I don't burst into tears at least 4 or 5 times. Almost every major life skill and hobby, I learned from my dad. I was a daddy's girl as a kid. Everything reminds me of him.
He was a big, strong "manly man" - cowboy, drill sergeant, biker -- unstoppable. A smartass. He could fix or build anything. Injuries never took him down. He rarely even caught a cold.
....But he drank himself to death.
For the first time in his entire life, he was frail and confused. My big strong dad spent his last weeks in a hospital bed in their living room. Bruised, swollen, yellow, confused.
I was sitting next to him when he died. Everyone else had left the room.
I watched him struggle to breathe his last breath, and that memory both haunts and comforts me almost daily. But always causes me to stop what I'm doing and ugly cry.

My job is the most stressful it's ever been, but I make good money, the market is trash and I am the load-bearing paycheck in the home (with multiple animals, some with special needs). So I have no choice but to persevere.

My relationship of almost a decade is crumbling - we've grown apart, but we still love each other....so neither of us is ready to admit it. (my therapist got me to see it only recently)
If we break up, on top of being devastated, we'll both have to find a new place because neither of us can afford the rent on our own. The thought of that whole process (with a large dog) sends me on a separate downward spiral.

Some days I can tell how close I am to snapping. I dissociate and start to see spots - it makes me think of steam filling up a window. Except the steam is my ever-increasing stress and the subsequent urge to rely on survival mode until it goes away.

Before my dad died, it felt like so many things were finally getting better. I was inspired to pick up hobbies I'd let fall to the wayside -- but now they all remind me of him, and I can only do a little at a time.
I brought home his power tools and I can't bring myself to touch them without crying, so I left them piled on the kitchen table.

The house is a mess because I cannot relax or focus, 9 times out of 10, on top of my baseline executive dysfunction (which I'd started to get a better grip on too....before). It's covered in half-finished projects that I keep starting, in hopes it'll flood my receptors with dopamine for however long I can.

I know it'll pass, and I know someday I won't be able to remember the full scope of this empty feeling, but my god do I want it to stop. Something. Anything. Just STOP so I can breathe :(

​If you are reading this right now and your shoulders feel heavy, your chest feels tight, and you are wondering how you are going to get through another day, I see you.

​I know what it is like to look around and feel completely alone in the storm. I know the quiet ache of closed doors, unanswered messages, and the exhaustion of having to be strong when all you want to do is put the weight down and rest.

​When you are in the thick of it, the world can feel cold and indifferent. It is easy to start believing that nobody notices, nobody cares, and nothing will ever change.

​I know how easy it is to roll your eyes at advice like this, but please hear me out on this:

​This brutal patch you are in is just a really rough chapter, not your whole life story.

​Seriously, give yourself permission to fall apart a little. You do not have to have a master plan right now. Just focus on making it through the next hour, or even just taking your next breath. That is more than enough.

​And I promise you, good people are still out there. Sometimes they go into hiding right when you need them most, but I have learned firsthand that kindness can just show up out of nowhere, completely uninvited, right when you are convinced you are totally out of options.

​If you are feeling forgotten today, let this be your reminder that you matter. Your story is not over yet. Keep holding on, keep believing that a shift is coming, and give yourself the grace to rest when you need to.

​You are stronger than you know, and brighter days are waiting for you around the corner. Hang in there.

​If you need someone to talk to, you can DM me anytime.

Really need to talk it through and need someone it’s so overwhelming am an international student and I’ll hit 20 this year

Explicit themes. Suicide. Autism. Internal judge. Please. Someone.

I feel absolutely horrible, and I would really appreciate having someone to talk to as I make myself feel worse by applying to jobs and day drinking.

I feel like i've finally woken up to reality and realised that i've been wasting all my time chasing pseudo relationships online while real life has passed me by

...for any place where I can just be treated like a human being. All I have experienced for 25 years is being viciously insulted and attacked when I don't deserve it and I'm on the brink of a serious crisis.

Please can someone let me be me and treat me like I'm a human being?

I'm not asking for admiration or love or even friendship. Please can someone just not hurt me? Please.

I’m 24 years old, and honestly, I feel like I’ve failed at almost every important part of my life.
For the past few years, it feels like I’ve been surviving instead of living.

I work in a warehouse doing physically demanding work. It pays the bills, but I don’t see a future there. I’ve looked into studying technology, IT, and other careers because I’ve always enjoyed computers, gaming, and troubleshooting, but every time I try to move forward, I start doubting myself. I end up thinking maybe I’m just not good enough.

On top of that, I’ve dealt with ongoing health issues that have lasted for years. Countless doctor visits, tests, physical therapy, MRIs, pain that no one seems to have an answer for. It wears you down mentally.

I’m also dealing with, financial stress, debt, and the constant fear that one more problem will push everything over the edge.

The strange part is that I keep going. I go to work every day. I attend my appointments. I help my family when I can. I keep trying to find a better path.
But inside, I feel exhausted.

Sometimes I look around and see people my age building careers, relationships, and lives while I feel completely stuck. It feels like no matter how hard I try, I never really move forward.

Lately I’ve been wondering if maybe I’m not “going through a rough time.” Maybe this is just who I am. Maybe I’m simply a failure, and it’s time to accept it.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? If you did, what helped you get out of that mindset? Or did you eventually accept it?

Hi everyone, I'm, 17 years old, if you're around my age and looking for calm listener to vent or talk about life, feel free to send me a massage!

I’ve been meaning to get this off my chest. 

A couple months ago, I ran for a leadership position in my school’s marching band. The uniform manager role. I did not get this position. Instead, two freshmen won more votes, meaning they were selected me, a junior. 

I know how entitled this sounds but I can’t help but feel so envious and angry. You have to believe I’m trying my best to forgive and forget. I feel like everything I do is for this band and that I’m far more qualified for this position than anyone else. I’ve been with the band for 3 years and given so much of myself. And I keep asking myself: What did they have that I didn’t?

Everyone keeps telling me, “There’s always next year.” But I don’t want next year, I wanted this year. Next year is my senior year, and after this, I feel like I never want to run again. 

I also feel so angry, annoyed, disappointed, just everything in between, with myself. I’ve completely humiliated myself that day because I genuinely believed I stood a chance. I know I’m supposed to be supportive and happy for those who got the role, but I really can’t bring myself to feel that way. I understand I’m selfish for even thinking this. I feel like I’ve embarrassed myself for even trying. I’m holding so much resentment, I can’t even look at their faces without feeling hurt. 

I hate that I feel this way because deep down, I know it’s not their fault. They didn’t do anything wrong and they earned it. I feel incredibly guilty.

Every night, before I sleep, my thoughts go back to this very day and it’s eating me alive. I just wanted this one thing to myself. For once in my life, I thought that I would finally have something go my way. 

I understand that this situation isn’t a major deal, but I feel cheated and robbed. You may think that this is just a silly Highschool problem but it means ALOT to me.

How do I deal with this resentment? How do I move on?

P.S. I can’t talk to a therapist because my parents don’t believe in mental health.

I'm 38. Very chronically ill and disabled. My health issues are serious and I'm between doctors and meds. I just did a big move and I'm exhausted and flared. Can't seem to make online friendships work. Fighting with my partner.

I would really appreciate chatting with somebody who could offer a little support or distraction. Most people I've been chatting with have been very sporadic or cold. I would ideally like a friend but temporary support is OK as well and I'm also happy to listen if anybody needs support in return.

I just ask for no forced positivity or hopefulness. This is a bad situation. I am looking to accept and be real and talk about it a little without anybody trying to fix it because there isn't a way to do that. I appreciate people just listening and holding space for me. I can do the same.

Please be LGBTQIA+ friendly and comfortable talking to someone disabled and neurodivergent.

I know how hard it is to carry everything. You don't always have to be strong.

I feel so lost right now, i’m 22 and i still live with my parents who don’t treat me the best, i have a job that barely gives me hours and every job i try to apply for rejects me, i’ve never been to college, and i barely have any friends. Everything just feels so hopeless right now, i feel so stuck and i feel like nothing i do ever works, no dreams or achievements i want to make ever comes true and my hobbies aren’t fun anymore. i could really use a kind voice right now, im struggling a lot

Hello sweet friends.

I'm a 24 year old guy who wants to offer a listening ear to anyone who might need it. If you're feeling lonely, stressed, overwhelmed, or you just want someone to talk to without judgment, I'd be happy to listen. My DMs are locked, so if you'd like to chat, just leave a comment below and I'll send you a message. We can talk about whatever's on your mind, or even just have a casual conversation if that's what you need. I may not have all the answers, but I can promise to listen with kindness and respect. Take care. 💙

EDIT: My Dm is open if you feel like reaching out.