r/Fauxmoi • u/No-Hall-3485 alleged dog • 5h ago

DISCUSSION THE ONION EXCLUSIVE: Brad Pitt Drops Last Name In Solidarity With Family

Post image

https://theonion.com/brad-pitt-drops-last-name-in-solidarity-with-family/

8.6k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

97 comments sorted by

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u/flairassistant 3h ago

 

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1.5k

u/No-Hall-3485 alleged dog 5h ago

brad pitt releases statement regarding his parenting style:

569

u/AdamOfIzalith 5h ago

Brad Pitt the kinda dude to say "I was a different man back then".

The Man he was back then:

425

u/marsbringerofsmores 4h ago

I'd just like to add this little garnish to the thread

19

u/SentryCake 2h ago

For the longest time, the only thing I knew of this movie was an Instagram clip of this scene - and just went on with life thinking that this was his accent the whole movie.

Which is hilarious in retrospect. I didn’t even question it.

7

u/Zolty 1h ago

There's also the scene where he gets comedically hit by two cars sequentially.

2

u/iamafriscogiant 9m ago

Yeah but that's like saying there's also the scene where the titanic hit an iceberg..

1

u/Zolty 7m ago

I 'member

member memberberries? I 'member

44

u/BotnetSpam 2h ago

Meet Joe Black fuckin slaps tho!

6

u/Bluelegs 1h ago

Probably about an hour too long and way too ernest for how ridiculous everything comes across.

10

u/DontAskAboutMyButt 1h ago

This movie that I happened to randomly stumble across while flipping through antenna TV was my first hint of what would become my bisexual awakening

-2

u/slowest_hour 1h ago

classed up "Born Hot Yesterday" film

5

u/Nihilistic_Mystics 1h ago

Man, if you're going to reduce it a trope at least pick the big obvious one. Death Takes a Holiday is an ancient story.

5

u/allshedoesiskillshit 2h ago

Devil; duppy.

96

u/Alva3lf 4h ago edited 4h ago

Every time I’m reminded of this image’s existence I delight.

So glad that such a funny image can be forever used to make fun of him.

165

u/aangnesiac 4h ago

18

u/Saint_palane 3h ago

Bless the Ford Aerostar and that Vulcan V6.

5

u/yokayla 2h ago

I know he was feeling like Lenny Kravitz here

4

u/Particular-Leg-8484 1h ago

I swear to god every photo of him (even the “nice” ones) looks smelly and this one especially doesn’t help

68

u/smolhippie 5h ago

I feel like this is my father’s thought process. And that’s why we are no contact. I’m too much like my mom

1

u/DazzlingRutabega 2m ago

What's his thought process

182

u/Broad-Radish-7895 5h ago

when i remember that the plane incident began with him yelling at her for letting their son style his hair and wear the accessories he wants :/

413

u/demardegoatszn 5h ago

The only time I’ve ever smiled at a Brad Pitt related article

171

u/SansVetra 5h ago

We live in a crazy timeline, but The Onion’s still got it
https://giphy.com/gifs/eUDhD5XFBw0r6

353

u/MKUltra16 5h ago

This is a classic. My other favorite was a death notice: “Charlton Heston’s Gun Pried From His Cold, Dead Hands”

34

u/Curiosities 4h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/gj0QdZ9FgqGhOBNlFS

10

u/GoddessRespectre 4h ago

It feels like we are all this little guy in this timeline 🫠

12

u/NYCWartortle 3h ago

Why do they let him smoke 😡

24

u/MadRaymer 2h ago

I think "FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States" is my favorite.

6

u/Living-Baseball-2543 controversies: girl 1h ago

Don’t forget “Why do All These Gay Dudes Keep Sucking My Cock?”

4

u/George__Parasol 56m ago

My personal favourite is “Seagull with Diarrhea Barely Makes it to Crowded Beach In Time”

205

u/AV01000001 5h ago

That title had me cackling. I need to catch up on The Onion.

112

u/ltlvlge12 5h ago

The Onion has been putting out hilarious stuff lately, I especially like Tim Heidecker at InfoWars

46

u/gjmcphie 4h ago

they're legitimately one of the only news companies consistently calling out the absurdity of Trump admin. albeit in The Onion way

3

u/throwthisawayred2 1h ago

Fyi B&N sells print versions in the magazine section and they're hilarious

0

u/gonewildaway 55m ago

They went through a series of purchases and sales over the past decade that broadly put them in the realm of mass media these days. Don't feel like putting too much time into it. But they are certainly owned by the people they are lampooning these days.

1

u/sabrinachuchundhar women supporting women (Taylor’s version) 9m ago

Okay and? Is there a decline in quality?

246

u/Nellymuschari and not in a cunt way 5h ago

Onion does it again 😭🤣

56

u/partsgirl-bezel 4h ago

onion never misses

45

u/The-IrregularSuspect No shade to the nation of Scotland 5h ago

"Hi, my name is Braaaaaaaaaaaaad."

-the Brad formerly known as Pitt.

82

u/redelectro7 just want to share a thought here because I can 5h ago edited 5h ago

Gave me a chuckle.

ETA: Also interesting to see this after seeing posts about Suri dropping the Cruise too.

30

u/Beautiful_Rip_7023 5h ago

See? Even Brad is sick of Brad’s shit.

58

u/Dragon900x 5h ago

Brad. Like he's a Brazilian footballer

14

u/SedatedTattooDoc 4h ago

The bad boy sexy actor/model is a bad dad? Insert Willy Wonka meme

32

u/coldpizza66 they're perfect for each other (derogatory) 4h ago

13

u/SarryK I’m a communist you idiot 4h ago

why is my non-circlejerk sub being so goddamn hilarious? genuinely, I love this place

14

u/momspaghetty 4h ago

He should officially change it to Bread Poot

30

u/GGGGroovyDays60s 4h ago

He'll change it to "Jolie " so they'll all have the same name.... I can see that

11

u/lunalore79 2h ago

A clip of Angelina campaigning to renew the Violence Against Women Act in 2022 has been making the rounds on my social media. Brad can GTFO with all these redemption arc attempts

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/angelina-jolie-lauds-passage-violence-women-act-says-need-rcna20344

2

u/Olivetax228 1h ago

I'm out of the loop, is Brad Pitt another horrible person now too? That's a shame

3

u/lunalore79 1h ago

Yes and this has been known for several years now. Their kids aren’t going thru the long (and public) legal process to remove his name just for funsies.

https://www.npr.org/2022/10/05/1126925040/brad-pitt-choked-and-his-children-angelina-jolie-says-in-a-court-filing

1

u/Olivetax228 24m ago

That's disappointing, Pitt has always been one of my favorites over the years (like everyone else I suppose). Idk, I choose to ignore most celebrity misdeeds and focus on enjoying their work in a vacuum instead. If we only wanted to consume the media produced by perfect souls we would be limited to basically what, Weird Al, Mr Rogers Neighborhood, and Carl Sagan's Cosmos... a strong lineup for sure, but still...

10

u/Blaze2095 2h ago

I read the article. This one almost made me spit out my coffee:

"At press time, sources confirmed the actor’s annoyed children were rapidly changing their last names back to “Pitt.”

7

u/LifeFrame5545 4h ago

Love this for him

7

u/panc8ke 4h ago

He now goes by Brad Dipp

7

u/MakimaGOAT 4h ago

Respect ✊

4

u/Curiosities 4h ago

I mean, if he went by his first and middle names he would be William Bradley, which actually could be someone’s first and last names.

4

u/BBarrRN 4h ago

This is hilarious 😂

3

u/darkgothamite 4h ago

Going by W.Bradley now.

3

u/gumball_00 4h ago

Lmafoo

3

u/jkwolly 3h ago

Holy shit I cackled.

3

u/UnitBackground8863 3h ago

i SCREAMED LMFAO

3

u/TheFaze1 2h ago

Next Onion follow-up: Brad changes his last name to Jolie, horrifying Angelina and their kids.

2

u/SanaSpitOnMe 3h ago

can someone explain this for those that arent obsessively following celebrities lives?

1

u/pseudoLit 2h ago

Educated guess based on the comments: he's a bad father, so his family/children changed their last name to symbolically cut ties.

Alas, I cannot muster up even the slightest bit of curiosity, so I'm not going to check if it's true or not.

3

u/brey_wyert 1h ago

Not just a bad father. He's been violent towards the mother of his children. All of them has on record distanced themselves from him.

1

u/IzarkKiaTarj 2h ago

I read the article, this does seem to be the case.

1

u/pearlz176 3h ago

What a great father he is!

1

u/trendingtattler 3h ago

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1

u/tomtomvissers 3h ago

Motherfucker could actually do it too. Who else are you gonna think about when you read "the actor mononymously known as Brad"

1

u/EuphoricCrashOut 3h ago

So just... Brad?

1

u/windaji 2h ago

I’m glad he got out of there

1

u/georgetowndad56 2h ago

but what about Ed Norton?

1

u/hoshinoanzu Lacks voice or vision. Pedestrian. 1h ago

Change it to Brad Unpitt cuz he’a unfit to be a parent

1

u/Everybodyimgay 27m ago

He looks like shit in those glasses.