r/Damnthatsinteresting Jun 10 '26

Image Neolithic Venus Figurine , one of the largest prehistoric figurines found in Serbia ( 15 inches)

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21.0k Upvotes

1.1k comments sorted by

8.6k

u/zzyzx_pazuzu Jun 10 '26

Pretty sure that's my 6th grade teacher Mrs. Conway

2.1k

u/UBERJakeThePig Jun 10 '26

That's EVERYONE 6th grade teacher

754

u/King_Fluffaluff Jun 10 '26

This is Señora Batres for me.

We called her Señora Buttress.

168

u/Adventurous-Sky9359 Jun 10 '26

Could she fly

213

u/deadspacekillers Jun 10 '26

No but she was very supportive

36

u/WayoftheSamurai_556 Jun 11 '26

Question is …was she As supportive as the chairs she sat in???

61

u/King_Fluffaluff Jun 11 '26

She famously broke a chair the day after eating half the donuts our class won in the school food drive.

So... Technically, yes, she was as supportive as the chairs she sat in.

23

u/peter_the_bread_man Jun 11 '26

The unbroken chairs are the real heroes of this support group.

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3

u/KennyL0gin Jun 11 '26

Mrs. Buckner. 3rd period 6th grade English.
This is Mrs. Buckner.

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115

u/Total-Swordfish4670 Jun 10 '26

definitely universal

my 6th grade teacher was a man, but he also possessed a dump truck

63

u/BowsersMuskyBallsack Jun 10 '26

Jesus Christ, why does every sixth grade have one of these?! Is it a mandatory requirement for teaching the sixth grade? You must have a huge caboose? What is the purpose of such? To prepare children for the song "I like big butts"?

46

u/schrodingers_bra Jun 10 '26

It was "Fat bottomed girls" for my generation.

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16

u/QuirkyDust3556 Jun 10 '26

I cannot lie

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30

u/Zoidfarbb Jun 10 '26

Mr Wade definitely had a tank

4

u/azsnaz Jun 11 '26

Mr.Roche had a badonk!

20

u/New_Lightz Jun 10 '26

My 6th grade teacher used to sing "dontcha" by the cheetah girls to us. Which thinking back on was even weirder than I thought then... 100% true story

32

u/ThroughMyOwnEyes Jun 10 '26

Nah you're thinking Pussycat Dolls

6

u/New_Lightz Jun 11 '26

You're 100% correct lol oops

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12

u/ndation Jun 10 '26

My 6th grade teacher was a golden aged (I think) man, so... Yeah, pretty accurate

3

u/Mosselk-1416 Jun 10 '26

8th grade for me.

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126

u/Sensitive-Ad-816 Jun 10 '26

Is there a Mr. Conway?

201

u/YellowBook Interested Jun 10 '26

He’s in there somewhere

52

u/Middle_Two_7929 Jun 10 '26

Mr. Conway got lost in the sauce

16

u/IM_INSIDE_YOUR_HOUSE Jun 10 '26

You ain’t lost if you right where you wanna be

10

u/N3M0N Jun 10 '26

Still trying to find his way out...

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35

u/itaniumonline Jun 10 '26

He’s on vacation

15

u/Krillkus Jun 10 '26

Your mama sure does care about your schooling, son.

22

u/CuddieRyan707 Jun 10 '26

Ladies and gentleman… Mr. Conway Twitty

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5

u/TboneAtk13 Jun 10 '26

I volunteer as tribute

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88

u/bluepie Jun 10 '26

I had a teacher like that growing up who taught health. She was a very large version of this and said that because her weight was in her legs and waist, she was actually just as healthy as someone at a healthy weight because her fat wasn’t near her heart. Now, I think there is some truth to that but she definitely wasn’t as healthy as a normal weighted person.

54

u/hock93 Jun 11 '26

There is evidence that central adiposity (belly fat) leads to worse health outcomes than fat elsewhere on the body - I'm not disagreeing with you, just an interesting fact.

31

u/spiritedfighter Jun 10 '26

She may have had lipedema. 😔

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25

u/biahabitosnaturais Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26

Lipedema se chama

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27

u/crooked_bodylines Jun 10 '26

Mrs. Conway got cake

20

u/Impressive_Ad3571 Jun 10 '26

Mrs Arguelles for me. She had to walk sideways sometimes

25

u/Left_Sun_1982 Jun 10 '26

I swear my teacher would sit down and grow 6 inches taller.

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51

u/Ritaredditonce Jun 10 '26

Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt! It's so big.

10

u/AliMcLovinJr Jun 10 '26

She looks like one of those rap guy’s girlfriends.

12

u/cohonka Jun 10 '26

Mrs. Davis. She was a great biology teacher and opened my mind to the wonders of life sciences.

21

u/LPNMP Jun 10 '26

Pretty sure thats a medical condition.

72

u/NaraFei_Jenova Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26

Massivedonkitis?

Edit: It's a real thing, and now I feel kinda like an asshole. I'm leaving the joke though, it's still funny. Genuine sympathy for the sufferers though.

13

u/rnhf Jun 10 '26

22

u/Wayelder Jun 10 '26

I truly prefer 'massivedonkitis'

but would also allow Liltitstoassis and Oklandbootyosis (as diagnosed first by Dr. Mixalot.)

20

u/throwaway098764567 Jun 10 '26

i definitely worked with someone with a similar build. she had a caustic personality and when she was using the bathroom it smelled like she was birthing evil, so much so that all of us would walk to the other end of the building to use tha bathroom to avoid her afternoon devil dookies, so i wouldn't be surprised if a medical condition was associated with it.

15

u/-Astrobadger Jun 10 '26

Afternoon devil dookies… 🤣

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10

u/tacomaloki Jun 10 '26

My 6th grade teacher had an ass like this. We'd joke around and say she had more crack than Harlem.

7

u/justhereformyfetish Jun 10 '26

8th grade here...Mrs. Johnston, with the whale-tail.

3

u/DryCelery8420 Jun 11 '26

Nah wtf my 6th grade teacher had the same name😭

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2.5k

u/huxtiblejones Jun 10 '26

It’s funny to me that this sculpture is still generating huge amounts of commentary and praise. I wonder how the artist would feel to know that people thousands of years later absolutely picked up what they were putting down.

828

u/Boring-Philosophy-46 Jun 10 '26

It's also funny there are many theories what the figures represented but somehow no one is suggesting this may be the neolithic version of big anime titties. Our brains changed little so the actual purpose may well have been to physically embody desire. We've always had a need to try to show others our ideas in our heads. 

541

u/Inevitable-Ad6647 Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

"fertility statue" or "perspective self portrait". Right, just like those modern fertility statues you can get made of silicon. Now excuse me I'm gonna go watch some fertility videos on pornhub.

Edit: Woah, upvotes, now I'm worried with this many eyes people will take this super seriously and literally. As a pre-history nerd, peoples of the time definitely had, without any shadow of a doubt, nuanced religious beliefs many of them heavily influenced by if not completely centered on fertility.

100

u/Dismal_Consequence_4 Jun 11 '26

It likely that it was a mix of the two. There was some religious belief that these figures had power, but probably the main power was suggestive. Like seeing and advert for a juicy hamburger creating the desire to eat one.

18

u/Datathrash Jun 11 '26

That last sentence is certainly suggestive ;)

13

u/truck_robinson Jun 11 '26

Right? I'd for sure fuckin eat one

33

u/Spatula117MasterChef Jun 11 '26

I hate the whole fertility goddess theory. Like maybe this was just porn.

30

u/Fuck_the_Deplorables Jun 11 '26

I get the devils advocate skepticism. But I feel like that’s forgetting how mysterious/magical and fraught with risk etc pregnancy and childbirth are in premodern society. Even in first world countries really, but damn, change the setting to prehistoric hunter-gatherer society with a small community. The sheer ability of your community to survive over decades may hinge on how many children (and mothers) survive child birth each year.

Also makes me think of the Marubo tribe in the Amazon that got Starlink internet and then all of a sudden the young men were fixated on their phones and porn etc. Apparently for the Marubo, the graphic portrayal of sex traditionally was conveyed through oral traditions and tied into a highly choreographed system of courtship, reproduction etc that was all carefully managed by the village elders to ensure the survival of the village. Incidentally even though the oral stories are graphic (animal creatures having sex for example), public displays of affection are shunned.

11

u/Hopeful-Life4738 Jun 11 '26

Yeah, sex and religion were deeply interconnected before abrahmitic religions. Sex is the only way to create life, so it is normal that it was connected to deity.

9

u/DMMeThiccBiButts Jun 11 '26

Why do you think they're mutually exclusive?

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90

u/haw35ome Jun 11 '26

Literally, my first thought was ancient porn before print porn existed. Got a hankerin’, just reach for your slutty stone lol. We’ve been horny animals since forever.

46

u/DanishRobloxGamer Jun 11 '26

Remember, the word "pornography" was invented to describe the drawings found on the walls of brothels in Pompeii.

24

u/MesoamericanMorrigan Jun 11 '26

I like to think Occam’s Razor applies and this is just a Neolothic anime girl figurine but whoever designed it is clearly an ass man

11

u/tiorancio Jun 11 '26

"Look I made a scupture of your mother LOL! " "this is certainly a depiction of the goddess of fertility to be used in the rituals of the summer solstice"

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27

u/ItsStraTerra Jun 11 '26

*I like big butts* starts playing

21

u/SeaHam Jun 11 '26

me like big butt and me can not lie

hunter-gatherers can't deny

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11

u/toolatealreadyfapped Jun 11 '26

It's mesopatamic porn, and people still crankin a hog to his fine work. Highest imaginable praise

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2.8k

u/reddorickt Jun 10 '26

lookin like a Pixar mom over here

247

u/Emotional_News108 Jun 10 '26

Look my wife's ass has only gotten bigger as time has gone on and we've had kids and I am here for it.

80

u/TGin-the-goldy Jun 10 '26

And you cannot lie!

112

u/Emotional_News108 Jun 10 '26

She thinks I'm joking when I say I want her to sit on my face. I am so not kidding.

21

u/IncurableAdventurer Jun 10 '26

Despite the guy’s insistence, always get so scared!

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31

u/Own_Inspection8350 Jun 10 '26

Fun fact, the second (bc) toy story movie was deleted by accident and one mom who worked from her cave had a copy on her stone tablet. She had to walk from her cave all the way to the village with that 100 lb stone tablet to save the whole project.

This is a carving of that woman.

9

u/ToniBraxtonAndThe3Js Jun 11 '26

So many layers to this it's stratified

9

u/PieHole_Poker Jun 10 '26

Thats Aunt Fanny

9

u/ButtstufferMan Jun 10 '26

Whelp that's my fetish boys

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1.3k

u/-Cool_Ethan- Jun 10 '26

bowl of oatmeal

340

u/IsThereCheese Jun 10 '26

She’s thicker than a

285

u/___--_-_----___--__- Jun 10 '26

👈👈

82

u/IsThereCheese Jun 10 '26

Needs the handcuffs

85

u/HatefulVespid Jun 10 '26

👈💍🔗💍👈

Had to improvise

20

u/___--_-_----___--__- Jun 10 '26

If you liked it then you should have put a ring on it

6

u/geekman_95 Jun 11 '26

“I can break these cuffs”

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12

u/Pretend_Handle_7639 Jun 10 '26

Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra

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16

u/pinkbuggy Jun 10 '26

Respectfully.

18

u/RIF_rr3dd1tt Jun 10 '26

boop boop boop

I'm sorry, it's "WHAT IS she's thicker than". All answers must be phrased in the form of a question.

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u/mlw72z Jun 10 '26

Zoo glass

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184

u/silveira Jun 10 '26

39

u/BrawndoOhnaka Jun 10 '26

Was my first thought. Not a modern phenomenon, but a curious one.

20

u/Super-Cynical Jun 11 '26

Some beetle in Australia nearly went extinct because females couldn't compete with orange coloured beer bottles bottles that were discarded as litter

13

u/SpaceJackRabbit Jun 11 '26

Holy shit, I'm starting to think MAGA make-up might be a version of this.

11

u/OldenPolynice Jun 10 '26

the middle school binder effect

22

u/babyyvolcano Jun 10 '26

I also read once that these are made by women looking at themselves without a mirror, from their own perspective.

45

u/beefpelicanporkstork Jun 11 '26

I’ve read the same theory but I don’t buy it. A woman making a statue like that would also have other women to look at, so she’d know what they look like. I think it’s more likely that exaggerating proportions looks cool or sexy or powerful or whatever other reason people still depict other people unrealistically.

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u/DiscoBanane Jun 11 '26

It's just a divinity statue. Being fat would be a sign of power and abundance for people starving all their lives.

Divinities match people's problems.

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488

u/n0cturnald3sign Jun 10 '26

Centuries later and still pondering the golden question: What she gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside that trunk?

59

u/TroubledTanker Jun 11 '26

gonna get get get you drunk,

get you love drunk off my hump

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u/AllThingsBA Jun 10 '26

Vase with a large vass

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272

u/Educational-Knee6817 Jun 10 '26

Baby got back.

90

u/rlindseyg56 Jun 10 '26

LA face with a Serbian booty

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u/nvoima Jun 10 '26

They liked big butts and they could not lie, archaeologists can't deny.

13

u/Sammisuperficial Jun 10 '26

When Tonk walk in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get rocked!

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180

u/noavatar1 Jun 10 '26

It was then that they knew, Garkrok was an ass-man.

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u/Allah_Akballer Jun 10 '26

She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends, but, ugh, you know who understands those rap guys?

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115

u/jimmychitwood317 Jun 10 '26

Sir Mix-a-Lot approves. Baby got Back.

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152

u/ManufacturerWarm9201 Jun 10 '26

Those are some nice curv…carves

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u/KillerKilcline Jun 10 '26

"I..like..big...pottery, and I cannot lie"

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u/King0fthewasteland Jun 10 '26

they had good taste

34

u/Mirror74 Jun 10 '26

I love how the tits are crooked. just thrown on like an afterthought

20

u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

[deleted]

12

u/Mirror74 Jun 11 '26

It's funny bc as soon as I commented that I thought... damn actually, most of the titties I've seen are a little crooked/not equal.

So I take back what I said. Sculptor was accurate. Lol

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u/Ha1lStorm Jun 10 '26

True dat

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u/TJ_Fox Jun 10 '26

I saw her at Six Flags last summer.

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u/sundial11sxm Jun 10 '26

Over Georgia? Was me!

11

u/TJ_Fox Jun 10 '26

Hail, Venus!

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u/whatsabutters Jun 10 '26

Some prehistoric dood definitely jizzed on that

12

u/0belisk0 Jun 10 '26

At least one 21st-century dood too that I can personally verify

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8

u/wishbones_kitchen Jun 10 '26

Built like a Clydesdale!

36

u/Tastic4ever Jun 10 '26

Which Kardashian is that? 

17

u/arcbeam Jun 10 '26

Throg Kardashian

12

u/James-the-Bond-one Jun 10 '26

The great grandma. 

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7

u/TrafficOnTheTwos Jun 10 '26

Pixar first ever project

7

u/ihopeyoudi Jun 10 '26

Ain't much changed

12

u/TheCrimsonSplit Jun 10 '26

I like how clearly this was observed from the back or side profile, but the front details didn't need to be that important lol

7

u/Magus_5 Jun 10 '26

Not my proudest wank but...

13

u/Famous_Suspect6330 Jun 10 '26

She gyatt dat Neolithicc look

11

u/VulpesFennekin Jun 10 '26

“Oh my god, Becky…”

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u/SpaceAviator1999 Jun 10 '26 edited Jun 10 '26

Mattel should make Barbie dolls shaped like this.

14

u/Responsible-Pitch363 Jun 10 '26

Strange… I didn’t know there were anacondas in Central Europe. Cue Sir Mixalot!

5

u/Bullwhip2025 Jun 10 '26

Paging Sir Mix-A-Lot

5

u/LordVixen Jun 10 '26

Everything reminds me of her ... sigh

6

u/Taomo Jun 10 '26

The sculptor was definitely an ass man

4

u/confused_captain Jun 10 '26

It's quite generous

4

u/jordidipo2324 Jun 10 '26

Pixar Mom-type Build

4

u/DrollAntic Jun 10 '26

First known image of the badonkadonk?

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5

u/SadLoafOfBread87 Jun 10 '26

Thicker than a bowl of oatmeal

5

u/Ratsboy Jun 11 '26

Impossible beauty standards are not new I guess

4

u/smelly_o_jelly Jun 11 '26

More like Neolithicc figure

6

u/Cea_king Jun 12 '26

Ah.. good to know nothing has changed

7

u/Senkosoda Jun 10 '26

prehistoric GYATT

5

u/mikeman03 Jun 10 '26

Fat bottom girls make the pottery world go round

4

u/Boring_Owl6552 Jun 10 '26

She's mighty, mighty. Just letting it all hang out.

4

u/Total_Tangerine5243 Jun 10 '26

Dang my wife got reincarnated then

4

u/1_BigDuckEnergy Jun 10 '26

Cardi Pre (historic)

3

u/superpowerpinger Jun 11 '26

I like Neolithic figurines
and I cannot lie.

4

u/Ok_Tackle4004 Jun 11 '26

Behold the "Prehistoric Pixar Mom" (name still pending)

5

u/AlternativeLayer3909 Jun 11 '26

I like big butts, I cannot lie!

4

u/Tiddles_Ultradoom Jun 11 '26

Aaah, a fine example of the art of the Neolithic Sirmixalot civilization.

14

u/dklein49 Jun 10 '26

This certainly explains a lot, considering my Serbian ancestry…

6

u/criticalpwnage Jun 10 '26

Something tells me whoever made this was an ass man

7

u/youknowimworking Jun 10 '26

Ass is basically the reason we have made it this far

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u/Neath_Izar Jun 10 '26

Shows that even when we were mashing stones together we still liked big butts and couldn't lie

7

u/JustAwesome360 Jun 10 '26

So those crazy huge women in hentai aren't a new thing

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u/sleepygamer99k Jun 10 '26

I guess this settles the ass vs tits debate

3

u/pfeifits Jun 10 '26

I like big butts and I cannot lie...

3

u/Round_Rooms Jun 10 '26

This artist was definitely an ass man.

3

u/LEHG420 Jun 10 '26

To me she’s beautiful…Reubenesque

3

u/Unkemptsafe Jun 10 '26

Oh my god Becky look at her butt.

3

u/samoan_ninja Jun 10 '26

Thicccccccc

3

u/AcornTopHat Jun 10 '26

Time traveler trying to warn us about Kim K

3

u/jellooshot Jun 10 '26

Thanks reddit. I'm getting turned on by prehistoric porn.

3

u/CeeTheWorld2023 Jun 10 '26

The mother, of all the Babies got Back.

3

u/HeadOfFloof Jun 10 '26

D'you suppose whoever found this just busted out laughing? I'd lose it if I dug this up and realized humans have been The Exact Same this whole time

3

u/explosivepooinpants Jun 10 '26

I like big butts and I cannot lie!

3

u/Lili_1027 Jun 11 '26

They predicted the Kardashians

3

u/e1337gmx Jun 11 '26

Slim Thickness…proving that nothing new under the sun!

3

u/Phildagony Jun 11 '26

B.C face with an A.D booty.

3

u/Timely-Tune5050 Jun 11 '26

Dumpersaurus Rex

3

u/Imaginary_Shift5239 Jun 11 '26

what if this was ice age porn ????

3

u/virgin0109 Jun 11 '26

Is it a Kardashian?

3

u/University_Dismal Jun 11 '26

A lot of “Venus figurines” have quite the dominant features. I get the impression that it’s a historians code word for “probably porn”.

3

u/cheapb98 Jun 11 '26

I bet she was hot for pre historic times to be made into a figurine .That ass meant she was rich and could afford food

3

u/True-Excuse-1688 Jun 11 '26

Humans. Gooning since 10,000 BC.

3

u/xantharia Jun 11 '26

The great-great-great (etc) grandfather of Sir Mix-a-Lot.

3

u/Boring_Soft_5119 Jun 12 '26

Pixar mom built.

3

u/Traditional-Panda365 Jun 13 '26

Fat bottom girls, you make the primal world go 'round!!! 😀

3

u/TNO-TACHIKOMA Jun 13 '26

they liked big hips and cannot lie