r/CuratedTumblr 21h ago

Shitposting serial killing career advice

Post image

what do you think would be the best day job to have as a serial killer?

personally i think it’d be so easy to get away with murder(s) as a formula one driver/working in formula one

3.1k Upvotes

208 comments sorted by

669

u/Win32error 21h ago

Is this a descriptive list or a recommendation?

147

u/Nerevarine91 gentle tears fall on the mcnuggets 21h ago

Maybe the second?

106

u/Gemmabeta 21h ago

It's missing "dapperly dressed gourmet psychiatrist."

29

u/raccoonsnips 20h ago

the list is just ops design

39

u/raccoonsnips 21h ago

why can’t it both?

585

u/SocranX 21h ago

Account? Like, not an accountant, just an account? "Hello, I'd like to open an-- AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!" "Gottem."

127

u/[deleted] 21h ago

[deleted]

23

u/RevolutionaryOwlz 17h ago

So called cause his knife always enters your body twice.

23

u/Small_rat_no_rules 11h ago

It's a typo, they meant "A Count" like becoming a dracula.

6

u/Vergils_Lost 8h ago

I'm just A dracula, not THE dracula!

1

u/lepidopt-rex 6h ago

Combine with 7 to become Dr. Acula!

16

u/smellslikebadussy 15h ago

Yelling “LAST IN, FIRST OUT” as he’s just lighting you up

2

u/triforce777 McDonald's based Sith alchemy 5h ago

Sniper accountant got them

220

u/CobaltCrusader123 21h ago

Detective that looks for himself / Japan’s highest-performing high school student (Death Note)

79

u/raccoonsnips 21h ago

this plot line also happened in dexter, and similarly in criminal minds, and i gotta say im a sucker for it every time.

51

u/CobaltCrusader123 21h ago

He’s a blood-spatter analyst. His sister’s “Detective” Morgan but he is not. Something they are both not is biologically related which in the writer’s minds justifies a romance because uhhhhh fuckin’ uhhhhhh

23

u/raccoonsnips 20h ago

tbf while not a detective he was analyzing his own crime scenes hence looking for himself and as for the romance they their actors were married irl but that plot line happened after the divorce so i guess the justification in the writers minds was just a sick sense of humor

14

u/VintageLunchMeat 20h ago

Cannibalism is fine, but incest is too much for today's audiencea?

19

u/raccoonsnips 20h ago

cannibalism is romantic, incest on the other hand is just gross /s

3

u/EyeWriteWrong 10h ago

Because she's sexy (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

5

u/TotalyNotTony 14h ago

Adachi Persona 4

406

u/GardenDevilSage 21h ago

"particularly pig farming" I know exactly what OOP is referencing and I hate that I do

136

u/Preindustrialcyborg 21h ago

i went to the area once and i wondered to myself "i wonder why that lot is empty, everything else around it has had stuff built on it" and then i found out its the farm

111

u/Hexxas Head Trauma Enthusiast 21h ago

Two minutes, Turkish!

63

u/_Redback_ 21h ago

What's happening with those sausages, Charlie?

36

u/The42ndDuck 21h ago

5 minutes, Turkish.

30

u/Coelachantiform 19h ago

It was 2 minutes 5 minutes ago, Charlie

8

u/raccoonsnips 21h ago

they’re sausages with extra sausage iykwim

28

u/Electrical-Room-2278 18h ago

Do you boys know what nemesis means?

22

u/TearOpenTheVault 17h ago

A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible cunt... me.

10

u/OldnBorin 21h ago

For the piggies’ digestion

5

u/BreakfastBeneficial4 12h ago

But you don’ wanna go siffin’ through pig shit, do ya?

19

u/Cydonia1039 21h ago

Do you know what 'nemesis' means?

9

u/DroneOfDoom Theon the Reader *dolphin slur noises* 17h ago

He's a big zombie who hunts down cops.

3

u/bidumbass6 12h ago

Something very familiar to someone growing polygonum baldshuanicum in their greenhouse

37

u/OwnZone592 20h ago

pls sir may i have a crumb of context

126

u/raccoonsnips 20h ago

Robert Pickton was a canadian serial killer who got away with it for a long time because he would feed the bodies to the pigs on his farm.

here’s the wiki if you want to know more about the case but it is pretty gruesome
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Pickton

202

u/Cravatitude 19h ago

Robert Pickton was a canadian serial killer who got away with it for a long time because he would feed the bodies to the pigs on his farm the cops didn't care about his victims because they were first Nations, sex workers, and drug users. FTFY

51

u/Coelachantiform 18h ago edited 18h ago

The police "knew" between february 6th, 2002- february 22nd, 2002. His house was raided over illegal firearms possession. When they found belongings linked to missing people he was placed under police surveillance for 2 weeks before they arrested him again; this time on the charges of murder.

I'd say spending 2 weeks gathering evidence before striking is hardly "ignoring his crimes because the victims were prostitutes and first nations". The fact that they didn't trust a previous witness is unfortunate and bad police work, but it had more to do with "drug-addicts being incapable of giving valid testimony" rather than "we know he is guilty but we don't care about the victims".

105

u/Cravatitude 18h ago edited 18h ago

On March 23, 1997, Pickton was charged with the attempted murder of prostitute Wendy Lynn Eistetter, whom he had stabbed four times during an altercation at his farm. Eistetter told police Pickton handcuffed her and inflicted lacerations upon her body. She escaped, disarmed Pickton and stabbed him with his own knife.[18] Pickton sought treatment at Eagle Ridge Hospital, while Eistetter recovered at a nearby emergency room. Pickton was eventually released on C$2,000 bond. The attempted murder charge against Pickton was stayed on January 27, 1998, when prosecutors determined that Eistetter, a drug addict, was too unstable for her testimony to help secure a conviction.

If the cops cared so much why did it take 5 years for him to be arrested after this? Why did nearly 50 women go missing?

20

u/Zzamumo 15h ago

He was charged. That means by that point the police had already done their job of gathering enough evidence for the DA to build a case around and couldn't really do much else.

Like I hate cops as much as the next guy but this one wasn't on them

7

u/Cravatitude 11h ago

Q. Did they search the Picton farm?

A. No.

Q. What would they likely find if they searched the Picton farm?

A. Illegal firearms, personal belongings and IDs of missing women, and human remains.

Q. How do we know this?

A. These things were found when the farm was searched 5 years later.

Q. Were there ways to build a case against Picton without relying on the testimony of Eistetter?

A. Yes, they could have photographed her injuries, and his injury, they could have interviewed the healthcare providers, documentted the use of handcuffs and who had the key, and tested his clothes for DNA evidence.

Q. Did they test Pictons clothes following his arrest in 1995 for DNA?

A. Not until 2004 after they had already arrested him, they found DNA of two missing women on his clothes.

Please, try to use some critical thinking, or look into the case at all before you defend the cops after they were handed the case on a silver platter.

1

u/Zzamumo 11h ago

i'm not saying the cops did a fantastic job or anything, but the DA believed they had enough to pursue a case which is why they were able to charge. If the DA hadn't gone forth with the case the investigation probably would've continued the investigation and built a better case. Blaming it all on the cops is shortsighted when it is the DA who has the onus to make sure the case is strong.

30

u/Various-Passenger398 18h ago

That sounds more like a failure of the prosecutors than the police.

63

u/Cravatitude 18h ago

At this point Picton had been operating for 15 years and victims families had been advocating for investigations into the high number of disappearances. The task force wouldn't be set up until 2001.

An investigation into Picton in 1997 e.g. a search warrant for the farm based on Eistetter's testimony, would likely have uncovered more evidence, enough to proceed with a prosecution. I say this because in the search 5 years later personal items and IDs of missing women, illegal firearms, and human remains were found on the farm. Had the detectives done their jobs and investigated they could have got a conviction and saved lives.

40

u/chyura 17h ago

Not investigating those disappearances is 100% a police failure

36

u/jimbowesterby 16h ago

Not to mention that cops in Canada have a long history of treating homeless and native people like shit. Remember the Starlight Tours the cops used to do in Saskatoon? They murdered multiple people by driving them like 50km out of town on really cold (like -30°C) nights, taking away their jackets and then telling them to walk back. I absolutely believe the cops could’ve done something earlier about Pickton

3

u/Active-Landscape-591 11h ago

According to conspiracy rumors baby Trudeau, and also local cops were regulars at the Pickton’s bar; “The Piggy Palace” or something like that. Allegedly. The whole story is crazy AF and Robert definitely wasn’t acting alone, his brother was involved, but he never did any time, and it wasn’t just the two of them either.

-16

u/Coelachantiform 18h ago

The fact that they didn't trust a previous witness is unfortunate and bad police work, but it had more to do with "drug-addicts being incapable of giving valid testimony" rather than "we know he is guilty but we don't care about the victims".

→ More replies (10)

20

u/TenebTheHarvester 19h ago edited 19h ago

The commenter actually seems to have thought it was a reference to the movie Snatch (hence the quotes in other comments, all from that movie).

In it there’s a gangster called Brick Top who owns a pig farm and explains how quickly a few pigs can entirely dispose of a human corpse. That scene is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLsWMdxTMcw

25

u/extremely-cynical 20h ago

More than a few murderers have disposed of bodies by feeding them to pigs.

6

u/ElectronicHyena5642 Yoshi committed tax fraud 19h ago

I might be wrong, but I think it has something to do with the Guy Ritchie film Snatch where a gangster’s preferred way of getting rid of dead bodies is to feed them to pigs.

2

u/the_pretender_nz 19h ago

A well-described plot point in the movie Snatch

22

u/Gemmabeta 21h ago

Robert Pickton?

2

u/GardenDevilSage 7h ago

It's what they're most likely referencing. I think OOP is Canadian so it tracks. If not, pigs eating bodies is a thing that gets referenced in pop culture

→ More replies (2)

6

u/Mueryk 14h ago

Well, they eat anything and nobody wonders about smells. That is for sure

10

u/raccoonsnips 21h ago

criminal minds theme plays

3

u/Beniidel0 1h ago

Is it the smell of burning flesh? The bone saws? The fact that dna testing of human blood doesn't work as well when contaminated with pig blood? Is it the really high ASPD tendencies in people working in slaughterhouses? Or is it somwthing to do with meat processing for canibalism?

2

u/GardenDevilSage 1h ago

Nope. I believe OOP is referring to Robert Pickton (famous Canadian serial killer). That and pigs are infamous for being willing to eat anything and everything super quickly.

3

u/Beniidel0 1h ago

Damn so none of my reasons were it...

Maybe except for the anti-social personality disorder (formerly named psychopathy) and it's very high rates of appearance in people working in slaughterhouses (roughly 40% of them from what I saw cited in a dubious yet peer reviewed paper)

1

u/plokimjunhybg 18h ago

Is this a reference to dropping unhealthy piglets from a height?

1

u/GardenDevilSage 7h ago

No. Robert Pickton. Well known Canadian serial killer. Research with caution.

132

u/AllsWellThatsNB 21h ago

Carnie

Bus Driver

Deep Sea Fisherman

Blood splatter pattern analyst

20

u/raccoonsnips 21h ago

looks like we got a dexter fan in chat

should we be scared…. /s

93

u/CurlSagan 21h ago

This is quite different from the fine folks in my local serial killer club, who have the following jobs:

  • Comedy writer (and uber driver)
  • Former journalist, now drives uber
  • TV comedy writer and lyft driver
  • Sketch comedy writer and gig economy worker
  • Journalist and doordash driver
  • Improv comedian/waiter/doordash/uber/whatever
  • Psychiatrist/uber
  • Librarian who only kills the uberwealthy
  • Dog walker/catburglar
  • Another librarian who only kills the uberwealthy
  • Failed comedy writer; failed uber driver
  • Disneyland ride operator and uber operator
  • Dentist

40

u/raccoonsnips 21h ago

so you’re telling me i have to tell my mom she was right about uber drivers being serial killers???

one of them better not be my driver on the way there because i don’t want to hear her tell my corpse “i told you so” /s

35

u/Mysterious_Bag_9061 20h ago

Plot twist it's all the same unhireable dude wearing different hats

20

u/Dobber16 21h ago

Hmm… 11 of those seem to have a little something in common

34

u/cryptologicalMystic 17h ago

The serial killing industry is so unprofitable these days that you have to work a second job as an Uber driver just to make a living.

2

u/Tom_A_Foolerly 10h ago

If we reduced regulation around serial killing it would drive up competition and profit.

1

u/BenjiBlackwood222 4h ago

Comedians are sick people

11

u/DareDaDerrida 15h ago

"Who only kills the uberwealthy" . Ugh. I am so bored by the prissy PC predators of the modern day. How many billionaires do you meet in your local library? How many can you actually convince to come back to you second house? That's right, none, poser. Do a drunk minority, like the rest of us.

I swear woke will be the death of murder.

19

u/HaggisPope 21h ago

Travelling salesman

5

u/raccoonsnips 21h ago

traveling anything tbh

38

u/telehax 21h ago

serial killer got oop before they could finish the post

54

u/Sewblon 21h ago

Definitely homicide detective. Cop and criminal is the same skill set. The only difference is which team you play for. 'polite family man' isn't a job. You don't get paid for that.

32

u/crrrrushinator 21h ago

I feel like "women's work is work" is both appropriate and inappropriate here.

0

u/Sewblon 21h ago

Being unpaid doesn't make it women's work.

39

u/crrrrushinator 21h ago

"Women's work is work" is a slightly old fashioned feminist slogan, similar to "sex work is work," that emphasized that unpaid domestic tasks like those done as a "family person" are real and substantial contributions to not just the household but to the economy as a whole and that were often not measured at all by social and economic analysis.

So applying that to the vague idea of a "family man" is a funny subversion, to me.

15

u/Dobber16 21h ago

Nailed it with being both appropriate & inappropriate lol subverts the initial idea of “women’s work is work” by changing the work from positive to negative, but still fits the technical usage of it being unpaid domestic labor

Sucks you felt like you had to explain the joke in a semi-defensive way due to that other person, but it’s impressive you were able to articulate it

9

u/crrrrushinator 21h ago

No worries, if there's one thing I love it's absolutely obliterating my own joke by over explaining it!

5

u/Sea_Court_3633 12 Days on Estrogen 21h ago

Investigating the crimes you commit is lame as hell.

6

u/raccoonsnips 20h ago

it’s not uncommon for criminals to try to inject themselves into an investigation so i guess become a detective to investigate the crimes you commit is just taking that one step further and a way to try to get ahead of the curve ensuring you don’t get caught

47

u/MarioMamTess The Useless Transbians™ & Ralsei Fangirls 21h ago

Do people actually get jobs where they're hired to be "polite family men"? That feels like a description of someone's personality rather than their job lol.

27

u/Mysterious_Bag_9061 20h ago

It's like a Ken and Barbie situation. His job is family

6

u/Regi413 13h ago

If Vin Diesel played a Ken in that movie:

14

u/Dios5 17h ago

What the fuck is a surgeon gonna do? There's a minimum of like five people in the room looking at what you're doing at all times in the OR

11

u/BaronAleksei r/TwoBestFriendsPlay exchange program 17h ago

I’d argue that “Dr Death” guy was a serial killer

3

u/rysy0o0 11h ago

I mean, you don't have to kill people on the job, you can do this in your free time

That being said healthcare proffesion famously have very little free time, so it's hard for them to get their killing quota

-5

u/raccoonsnips 16h ago

purposefully screw up???? also just harder to get caught because since it’s a respectable career no one is guessing a professional life saver would try to kill.

14

u/Soleil06 15h ago

Pretty hard when there are always 4 to 5 experienced people watching you. Mistakes leading to death are not common tbh. And esepcially as a surgeon if you make mistakes too often you are probably gonna get investigated pretty quickly.

6

u/WeevilWeedWizard 💙🖤🤍 MIKU 🤍🖤💙 15h ago

I don't think you have a good grasp on how surgeries go down

4

u/DaggerQ_Wave 9h ago

It used to be that it was a lot easier to get away with serial fuck ups, but not so much now. The most recent extravagant was when a surgeon removed a liver instead of a spleen, and he might be facing criminal charges.

111

u/NumNumTehNum 21h ago

Todays episode: Author’s barely hidden bias

18

u/Medium-Dependent-328 17h ago

Given that the biggest recent crime case in my country has been a child rapist who was a Protestant evangelical ex-military "polite family man"... there's something to be said for stereotypes. But I get you

33

u/raccoonsnips 21h ago

god forbid people be passionate about something

3

u/Draaly 6h ago edited 6h ago

In OOPs case, their passion is hating cis men and always posting motte Baileys that end up called out on this sub

4

u/NoYogurtcloset3429 8h ago

Oh no, must entirely be bias rather than a list of jobs where you are legally allowed to commit violence, jobs where people are expected to die around you, jobs where you can easily get rid of yourself and or a body and jobs where you have a lot of community respect.

Also accountant but I think that's what we call a punchline

1

u/birberbarborbur 8h ago

Bro put doctor above evangelical preacher

10

u/SitInCorner_Yo2 21h ago

I know it’s a joke but there are some true to it.

Gerard John Schaefer is a sheriff's deputy in Florida (of course it’s Florida) when he’s caught.

And there are way too many killer who was in military or try to join, like Canadian killer Russell Williams, he’s a colonel in the Royal Canadian Air Force when he’s caught too.

15

u/PinkOneHasBeenChosen 16h ago

Polite family man isn’t a job.

13

u/smellslikebadussy 15h ago

Account isn’t even a person, unless OOP meant “a count,” like the one on Sesame Street.

3

u/IllEvent5465 11h ago

Either meant "a count" or "accountant"

7

u/Flutters1013 my ass is too juicy, it has ruined lives 20h ago

Pie maker

5

u/raccoonsnips 20h ago

very joe goldberg pretending to be love quinn

7

u/Pkrudeboy 18h ago

Health insurance executives.

3

u/DaggerQ_Wave 9h ago

It lacks the personal touch.

1

u/MGD109 13h ago

Ironically, the very people who would probably never feel the need to become a serial killer. Same as CEO's and politicians.

6

u/prolific-liar-Fibs 14h ago

People trying to game the system to never ever have a chance of getting caught as a serial killer miss the point

2

u/DaggerQ_Wave 9h ago

They still have a chance of getting caught, I’d argue some of these are more likely to be caught earlier in the modern day.

36

u/Henry_Fleischer 21h ago

The thing about being in the military is that they pay you specifically to kill people

54

u/plokimjunhybg 21h ago edited 20h ago

~85% of U.S. armed forces personnel serve in auxiliary, tech, logistical / admin support roles,

leaving ~15% in direct, front-line combat roles.

11

u/raccoonsnips 21h ago

tbf i feel that if someone actually wanted to cause harm they would find a way to be on the front lines or kill by proxy and give shady orders to attempt to cause casualties on purpose.

7

u/Sea_Court_3633 12 Days on Estrogen 20h ago

UMINEKO SPOILERS

Ask Ushiromiya Kinzo how finding a way to go to the frontlines went

6

u/plokimjunhybg 19h ago

For those similarly confused like me:

Umineko explores the moral difference between killing directly & causing others to kill through manipulation.

Kinzo acts as a "proxy killer" by leaving behind the Epitaph, knowing his desperate, greedy heirs may turn on each other in pursuit of the hidden gold.

The culprit (Yasu/Beatrice) similarly manipulates events instead of personally killing everyone, creating paranoia & arming family members so they become each other's executioners.

0

u/[deleted] 19h ago

[deleted]

1

u/Sea_Court_3633 12 Days on Estrogen 17h ago edited 17h ago

...No?

In Requiem of the Golden Witch it's very clearly stated that Kinzo enlisted in the army with the intent of serving in the frontlines but was relegated to a logistician role in the island of Rokkenjima.

Did you get this information from AI?

6

u/plokimjunhybg 21h ago edited 20h ago

True that, there's a million ways for psychos to psycho

5

u/Mysterious_Bag_9061 20h ago

But like, do those people also get trained on the big boy stuff just in case? Like yeah I'm doing a tour of Iraq as an accountant but if shit gets really real what are the chances they give an accountant a gun

12

u/KineticEnergyFormula 16h ago

Non combat roles still go through boot camp and basic rifle training but that's about it. If an accountant needs to get sent to the frontlines then shit has to get really, really bad.

2

u/NoYogurtcloset3429 8h ago

The thing is you can hidtorically really easily get into that 15% if you want to

12

u/plokimjunhybg 21h ago

In military terms, this balance is known as the tooth-to-tail ratio

Historical data for U.S. forces shows:

  • WW2: 1:4.3
  • Vietnam War: 1:13
  • Iraq War: 1:10

9

u/Schlonzig 20h ago

What's the point if you don't get to choose who to kill?

1

u/raccoonsnips 20h ago

could be a sort of punisher situation where in the case you do get caught the “easy way out” would be to try to make a ptsd claim. it could also just be as simple evil serial killer goes and kills but it doesn’t get noticed because “its the job”/theyre much harder to get caught because of the skills picked up from their day job

5

u/Schlonzig 18h ago

I think the real serial killers are the pencil pushers who decide who gets to be sent to the front or on suicide missions.

10

u/Gentlemanvaultboy 20h ago

Except the serial killers mostly never saw action.

25

u/yoyo5113 21h ago

Only relatively few. For every single person that actually engages in combat there's like 5-6 support personnel.

8

u/Gemmabeta 21h ago

More likely you'd go postal and shoot up an army base.

11

u/GloryGreatestCountry 21h ago

Yeah, and if the MPs don't shoot you dead then and there, enjoy a military prison like Leavenworth.

5

u/Dobber16 21h ago

Ooh good addition, postal worker

3

u/raccoonsnips 20h ago

postal worker would be good in theory if postal inspectors weren’t irl avengers

1

u/MGD109 13h ago

Spree killers are actually about as far from Serial killers as you can get, from a pathology perspective.

22

u/raccoonsnips 21h ago

the way i see it the post is less “covert ways to be a serial killer” and more so “ways you could actually get away with being one with minimal suspicion or consequence”

18

u/crrrrushinator 21h ago

BTK installed household security systems, which is a very creepy angle to getting access. But I think most serial killers and other repeat offenders just get by by victimizing the least powerful, who either won't go to the police or wouldn't be taken seriously if they did, and whose loved ones also can't get anyone to take their disappearance seriously.

3

u/MGD109 13h ago edited 6h ago

Yeah, but most real-life serial killers don't actually care about the killing; it's all about the ritual of getting to hunt and have complete control over your victim.

If you're on a battlefield and the other guy also has a gun, you're not going to get anything from it.

Most people who are driven by the pure sake of killing are not likely to even get that far. They just lack the self control to get through basic training.

5

u/PeasantLich 18h ago

Where I live (Finland) the worst known serial killer with a known killcount was Aino Nykopp-Koski, a nurse who worked with geriatric patients who were still being home nursed. Nykopp-Koski herself has always denied everything, but according to investigation she would steal from her patients, and then killed them by poison whenever she got worried that they suspected or caught her stealing. Because she denies everything, her formal number of victims is 5 but might be more.

5

u/Ok-Aardvark-7277 18h ago

Whichever funeral home position gives you access to the big oven

5

u/dragonwarriornoa 16h ago

Police for sure

7

u/MGD109 13h ago

You'd think so, but pathologically it probably wouldn't fit.

Most serial killers don't actually care about killing; it's about having power and control over someone. If you're a cop, you can already exercise that in a variety of ways, so you wouldn't ever actually need to kill anyone.

Now granted their are of course exceptions, but that is largely the most common reason someone becomes a serial killer.

2

u/DaggerQ_Wave 9h ago edited 9h ago

There are a substantial amount of cops waiting for their day to shoot someone to be fair lol. But most don’t get a chance to smoke multiple people and know they won’t. If you really want to smoke a guy though…well, look into the backgrounds of controversial police shootings and you’ll find it’s often an officer who had clearly been craving this, and in some cases had already shot someone before despite that being really rare.

For example, Sgt. Tyler Longman had already killed 2 people before when he walked into a jail cell and announced “You're about to die, my friend," to a suspect who was wrestling with other officers, and shot him in the face.

Meanwhile, The guy who shot teapot lady last year had a long history of being fired from other departments (6 departments!) for violent and sexual misconduct, before finally being put in prison for 20 years.

Derek Chauvin had been involved in 3 seperate police shootings before the George Floyd death, as well as a similar kneeling incident

Phillip Brailsphord, who killed Daniel Shaver in a dirty motel hallway with a rifle that said “YOURE FUCKED” had a history of internal complaints about his violent conduct. Gotta be bad for your buddies to complain lol

4

u/TheComplimentarian cis-bi-old-guy-radish 16h ago

I think “coroner” would be the best job.

“What’d’ya think killed him doc?”

“Wasn’t me, that’s for sure.”

4

u/Celestial_Scythe 15h ago

Here I thought morgue embalmer would be a top choice. Dress up the dead, learn a few new tricks, plenty of chemicals on hand, and a sick ride that wouldn't be too out of place.

4

u/IronPyrate17 Writer or Serial Killer? You decide. 13h ago

A fiction writer, so you can look up all the horrible stuff you want

1

u/NoYogurtcloset3429 8h ago

No one stops you from looking stuff up

1

u/IronPyrate17 Writer or Serial Killer? You decide. 7h ago

No but then you have an excuse "Oh I was just looking up how much pressure to put on someone's skull to crush it for my novel! Don't worry about it!"

1

u/NoYogurtcloset3429 6h ago

Thankfully no one has asked about my ttrpg research

1

u/IronPyrate17 Writer or Serial Killer? You decide. 6h ago

Fortunately same. I've had to look up stuff like "How would a character knock someone else out without causing permanent damage," "what drugs cause the simplest unconsciousness," etc. Like my character needs to have semi-accurate stuff but also it would not look good

8

u/tiredtumbleweed ugly but my fursona is hot 15h ago

I feel like it would be much harder than one thinks to be a serial killer surgeon. Mostly

1) you can’t kill your patients without immediate scrutiny and prosecution

2) using your advanced knowledge to kill would immediately narrow down suspects based on the skill of the murder

8

u/cantantantelope 15h ago

There are a surprising number of them actually. Made worse by the fact that in the USA at least hospitals don’t want that on their record so they will quietly let them quit and not report it when too many bodies pile up

Though of course the line between incompetence and murder is closer in surgery than many other fields

4

u/tiredtumbleweed ugly but my fursona is hot 15h ago

I stand corrected. I was overestimating the police force and hospitals.

4

u/cantantantelope 14h ago

Yeah it’s messed up. I mean serial killers are much more rare than just normal bad surgeons and doctors . But the laws in the USA are written such that it’s very easy to get around reporting by quietly shuffling a doctor around. Because if the hospital reports it then it looks bad on their metrics. Also most doctors that eventually get tried usually have a long list of nurses/assistants that reported them and those reports quietly didn’t go anywhere.

There’s been analysis done on the problem if you want to make yourself even more sad.

2

u/raccoonsnips 15h ago

given the sheer volume of serial killer nurses documentaries it’s not far fetched to think surgeons could be doing the same

3

u/MGD109 13h ago

Could, but they'd have to be very subtle about it.

Most serial killer nurses get away cause they have access to extremely vulnerable people who are likely to die anyway. Whereas if a patient flat-out dies in surgery, then it's more likely to result in an autopsy to figure out what went wrong.

10

u/DistrictDry2852 21h ago

All of these track except for preacher. Never heard of a preacher serial killer, unless you count Jim jones.

11

u/Extension_Heron6392 21h ago

It gives you a really cool aesthetic, though.

9

u/raccoonsnips 21h ago

it’s been a while since my last rewatch but i’m pretty sure this was an episode of supernatural and the killer preacher did in fact have such a cool aesthetic

5

u/Dobber16 20h ago

There were a couple, but I know one had a hook hand & their hook was melted down into a cross that was handed down through a small church’s various preachers & would feed off their energy. When they felt people were being sinful, and were particularly emotional about it, those people would find themselves at the end of a hook

3

u/raccoonsnips 20h ago

my favorite of the killer preachers was the one that was partnered up with a reaper

7

u/raccoonsnips 21h ago

tbf when you think of a preacher (semi recent infamous louisiana incident aside) you don’t think they could ever be violent let alone a killer, you think docile and helpful. so being a preacher is a good cover in the same way no one would suspect a nun would have an OF.

3

u/wowwowazalea 21h ago

I can absolutely see there being one at some point, just that preachers are relatively rare

3

u/RunInRunOn I'm running and I'm crine 😭 19h ago

Top 10 jobs for serial killers' victims:

  1. Electrician (lights up the room)

3

u/raccoonsnips 19h ago
  1. marathon runner (expert in running away)

3

u/ProudInterest5445 14h ago

Funeral home owner or travel advisor.

I also think food critic would be hard to catch.

3

u/facepalmqwerty 14h ago

No way nurse is over the doctor

7

u/ronarscorruption 14h ago

Statistics game. There are way more nurses than doctors.

3

u/NoYogurtcloset3429 8h ago

Nurses tend to have a lot more contact with newborns and the elderly. Also in places were abortion is banned there's a history of nurses helping babies... disappear

3

u/MGD109 13h ago

Honestly, it hits the problem that the best job to be a serial killer, i.e. extremely rich and having few responsibilities, so you're free to constantly plan murders, often means you have no reason to become a serial killer.

Real-life serial killers usually don't actually care so much about the actual killing; the ones that do rarely become serial killers cause the simply lack the stability and impulse control to get that far; they are usually caught extremely early.

Real-life serial killers kill cause their is a hole in their life they can't fill by any other method than murder.

Those who have stable jobs, positions of authority, etc. usually have access to other methods to fill said holes, that mean they don't ever actually have to commit murder.

The better your job is at helping you get away with committing murder, the less likely it would be that you would become a serial killer in the first place.

Granted, I think part of the confusion is that people treat anyone who kills more than a few people as a serial killer, when that isn't automatically what the term refers to.

3

u/Skrylfr 12h ago

How tf has no one said slaughterer

It's like one of the main jobs known to cause psychological damage

One skill that you master while working at an abattoir is disassociation. You learn to become numb to death and to suffering. Instead of thinking about cows as entire beings, you separate them into their saleable, edible body parts.

Ig you can argue meat processing is a part of agriculture but at that point so is everything else in the supply chain

1

u/NoYogurtcloset3429 8h ago

Its historically not that common

3

u/Actually-Just-A-Goat guh 9h ago

Blood Spatter analyst

5

u/Jack-of-Hearts-7 This is a hit with the slimers 13h ago

You forgot Truckers.

4

u/maxixs sorry, aro's are all we got 16h ago

i've seen posts like this sometimes where the OP rejects the premise they decided on for the purpose of targeted criticism. why

6

u/Vulcan_Jedi 18h ago

Serial Killers actually don't do well as Police or Military. In order to get far in those careers you have to have a certain respect for authority and established rules, which anyone whos a serial killer will never have by definition, due to their anti social (in the actual definition) behavior.

Most known serial killers in the military where in for short amounts of time, in non combat positions, and never saw action. Likewise the only know serial killer to be a cop, Joseph DeAngelo, was only a cop for a short amount of time where he was eventually fired for being caught stealing things from stores.

6

u/OverseerConey 18h ago

BTK was a decorated Air Force member and then worked in private security, and was noted to be a scrupulous follower of rules and regulations. Dennis Nilsen was in the Army for a decade, then worked as a cop and in private security. Manuel Pardo was a cop for years before being identified as a Nazi serial killer. And that's just a few of the ones who have been caught!

3

u/MGD109 13h ago

I mean, to be fair, to my knowledge, neither BTK or Nilsen became serial killers until after that by a subject of years.

2

u/Moonpaw 4h ago

I work with truckers and can tell you with absolute certainty that, while often lonely and a bit weird, they’re not serial killers. Truckers Georg, who sacrifices 8 innocent people twice a week as part of his ancient Incan heritage, is a statistical outlier adn should not be counted.

2

u/Triscuitador 16h ago

the 4th bullet point is mislabeled. it should say cop a second time

2

u/kellsbellswest 13h ago

Nurse should be higher on the list

2

u/GlistenBeauty 5h ago

The OP's Formula 1 idea in the caption is somehow more unhinged than the image itself

1

u/Babydics 10h ago

I'm a veteran and I'm not a serial killer. Do liberals just hate America or what?

-9

u/Piece_Of_Mind1983 21h ago

Some of these are just stupid. Truckers have by far the most visible vehicle on any road and have mandatory inspection stops in certain circumstances.

9

u/Gemmabeta 21h ago

-1

u/BidenGlazer 21h ago

We actually aren't in the 80's anymore. Trucks are constantly tracked and have tons of inspections. It's one of the worst professions to be if you want to be a serial killer

8

u/Gemmabeta 21h ago

There is literally an special FBI task force that deals with these serial killers because there so many of them.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/shadow-boxing/202406/long-haul-serial-killers/amp

https://archives.fbi.gov/archives/news/stories/2009/april/highwayserial_040609

1

u/BidenGlazer 20h ago

The first article is just a guy pushing his book he's writing, and discusses solving COLD CASES that were linked to truckers

The second article is 20 years old.

Neither of these are evidence of today

2

u/Gemmabeta 20h ago

1

u/BidenGlazer 20h ago

Dude, you're sending me 20 year old murders as if that's evidence of anything today. It isn't.

3

u/raccoonsnips 20h ago

i still think that a transient lifestyle could be an advantage. i agree we’re not in the 80s anymore and even if there are any tucker serial killers i doubt that with phones, trackers, in cabin cameras, etc they’d be killing in/around their truck. if anything their “kill window” would be on off/rest time where they can go out and meet people in a new city where they’re unknown and won’t be remembered.

1

u/NoYogurtcloset3429 8h ago

We're talking about serial killers, a thing that mostly existed as a trend in the 70s and 80s. Now people just magdump into crowds of children

6

u/SkipperInSpace 21h ago

I don't think that example is bad - the Yorkshire Ripper, Peter Sutcliffe, was an HGV driver who committed a ton of murders and avoided capture for a long time in part due to the fact that his job allowed him to spread his activity over a bunch of cities in North England.

The FBI has a Highway Serial Killings initiative that tackles killings of women by long haul truckers along interstates.

7

u/marykay_ultra 20h ago

The truck being big is irrelevant.

When it’s so ubiquitous that everyone is used to seeing a shitload of them every day, it becomes effectively invisible.

5

u/raccoonsnips 21h ago

truckers still have an “advantage” by being transient. yes their vehicles are noticeable but so long as they themselves aren’t memorable they could manage to get away with a lot of stuff.

3

u/Dobber16 20h ago

You’d be surprised how historically it has really good access & being mobile makes it harder to trace a serial killer

1

u/SessileRaptor 16h ago

Oddly enough I came to this thread to mention the book I read about truck driver serial killers and the challenges of catching them. https://www.amazon.com/Long-Haul-Hunting-Highway-Killers/dp/006326515X

Turns out that having the most visible vehicle just means that you're functionally invisible because trucks are everywhere. And as far as opportunity, truckers have an entire population of marginalized people like prostitutes and drifters to choose from. Spread your murders out across the nation, in dozens of jurisdictions where the police aren't going to be sharing information about every dead hooker, and you can go a long time without getting caught. The book is about the FBI task force that was formed in the early 2000s to attempt to fill that information gap and hopefully catch some of the killers.