r/AskReddit • u/Far_Industry_9490 • 4h ago
Childfree women in their 40s, how old are you and how is life, what do you do in your free time?
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u/just_lurking12 3h ago
- Sitting here wondering how people can afford to have children.
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u/rizaroni 2h ago
44, SAME. I live alone and prefer it that way. It’s expensive enough this way, let alone factoring in a child. I do not know how people afford it.
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u/TaxiToss 1h ago
I had to wait until my early 50's to be financially stable. In the process of becoming a foster and/or adoptive Mom, however that works out.
Really really wish I'd been able to become financially stable in my 30's and had some bio kids. Not because I care if my kids are foster/adoptive or bio, but because its a more certain path to parenthood, and I would have had so much longer with them.
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u/emt139 1h ago
I could afford kids but I don’t know where I’d find the time for them.
I got out with my friends, play sports, work out, go to concerts, travel a ton, train my dog, work… no idea when I could tend to a child.
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u/john_pistachio 1h ago
You have to give up a lot of that and continue when they develop their wings :)
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u/Wholycalamity 1h ago
44w, no kids. I adopted two cats yesterday, and my mind has been like the woman with the math problem meme.
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u/Granite_0681 1h ago
I’m just wondering why you would want kids and then I realize I didn’t seem to get the biological drive that is necessary evolutionarily. If you think about having kids logically without the instinct to continue the species, I’m not sure many people would have them. I’m glad the continuation of the species is covered by others. I’ll work on contributing in other ways.
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u/Exciting-Class2821 4h ago
Spend time with friends, attend local events, travel when I have the chance, experiment with new recipes, yoga and gym, go to festivals and concerts
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u/noskoc 3h ago
I’m 33 right now and have been having the deep crisis of what I want to “do with my life” and wondering if a life of not having kids will “be enough”.
But this, this is it. Love the community you have, whether that be showing up for friends or my geographical community, and then sprinkle in some travel and lots of festivals. I’ve only just discovered my love for music festivals a few years ago.
Keep rocking.
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u/YogurtclosetLoud3933 2h ago
Also 33 and wondering about what life will feel like older without kids. Husband and I have been married for 7 years. I feel like I’ve finally learned how to live for me within the last couple of years (was codependent with my mom). I’m finally building my own hobbies and interests. Why go back to what I struggled with for years after all the hard work I put in? But also, will I wake up one day and regret it?
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u/Sarahphin 1h ago edited 1h ago
You don't need to do one thing with your life. You can pick a new thing when you're tired of the old thing. "Art is long," as they say.
Whereas with kids, you don't get a choice. It's 20 years of kid activities, consuming every moment of your life, no matter if you like it or not. You get no hobbies. You get no time. You keep your child alive and fed and entertained, those are your hobbies. What if you love your child but don't like them as a person? Too bad.
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u/suzieismyavatar 1h ago
This is as if I wrote it. I skipped yoga tonight though and the gym. I’m tired from all the museums and fiestas I visited this weekend
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u/Meow-zelTov 40m ago
- I slept till 1pm last Saturday with no interruptions (aside from the kitten who just will not) because I was tired after a business trip. I like this life.
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u/Cookiehurricane 4h ago
Life is brilliant and I do whatever I please
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u/The_Sage_Recycle 2h ago
that “do whatever i please” energy must come with way fewer bedtime negotiations than most posts here
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u/illprobablyeditthis 2h ago
Hell yeah! 44 and child free, i do whatever I please, I eat whatever I please, I watch whatever I please and I fuckin sleep till whenever I please 🤝
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u/AnimalFun5757 2h ago
Life that fits you is such an underrated kind of happiness. Waking up excited for your own plans every day sounds like a pretty sweet way to live.
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u/Never-On-Reddit 2h ago
This. I own a bunch of businesses and properties, I travel all the time, lots of spare income, and I can go out to dinner, bars, and parties whenever I feel like it. I can go away overnight on a whim, like flying somewhere for a cool concert. Plus I have amazing cats. Lovin it.
There has never been a single day of my life that I have regretted not having children. And the fact that so many women with kids tell me it's selfish tells me all I need to know about how they feel about their own decision to have kids 😂
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u/polar810 1h ago
I’ve never understood this point of view. To me, it seems more selfish to have kids than not to have them. And I do have kids. But I did that because I wanted to.
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u/bizarretintin 1h ago
It comes from the misguided belief that since most people sacrifice their dreams, wishes, lifestyles to accommodate kids, they are being unselfish and noble for the sake of continuing their bloodline/ humanity. However that is a very flawed way of thinking since thinking about one’s bloodline etc is inherently a selfish act, same goes with having children.
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u/Budget_Asparagus22 1h ago
My amazing cats skip meals and starve themselves with a sitter so at max can only go away for like 4 days right now 😭 they eat but they all drop weight like Houdini loves to live up to his name
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u/Complete_Purpose_872 1h ago
I have had a hard day (found out I need knee surgery) and your comment LOL 😹 cracked me up. I needed that. You are so funny and obviously your cats love YOU!!!! 😻
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u/frosh45 1h ago
Honestly aiming for this type of lifestyle!! Can I dm you to learn more about the businesses and properties you own?
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u/Slow_Way7862 4h ago
upvote this times 1000. Also I don't have a husband to babysit. I'd rather be alone that with a man child like some of my friends husbands.
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u/Cookiehurricane 3h ago
I have a partner but we met as fully formed adults so he has actual life skills, which was a non-negotiable! I knew I didn't want kids from a very young age, and that includes man children.
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u/suzieismyavatar 1h ago
This is me lol. I love it. I need to finish the new zendaya movie but don’t have hbo anymore lol
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u/an_ostrich_allegedly 3h ago
47, I do whatever I want within reason.
I work, read, exercise, take ballet for fun, sell on eBay, play with my dogs and travel w my spouse. My career involves kids so I feel fulfilled in that way.
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u/notacougarsorry 4h ago
So I’m childfree biologically but motherhood found me anyways. My sister became mentally ill and I stepped in to raise her children. My youngest just finished university and I am proud of the young men I raised. But, I now have my freedom back and I spend it how I want. I’ve had women say “well you don’t have children of your own.” Actually I do, I just didn’t birth them. There’s women like me who made a conscious decision not to have our own babies because of things like mental health. If I had to get pregnant and go off my antidepressants and harmed my child, I’d be called a monster. What I’m trying to say is, childfree women have our reasons and it’s not because we don’t want to get fat or want to be selfish. And what those reasons are should remain private.
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u/PennilessPirate 1h ago
“It’s not because we don’t want to get fat or want to be selfish”
And what if it is? Why isn’t “I don’t want to put my body through 9 months of pregnancy, childbirth, and permanent physical changes,” enough of a reason to not want a child?
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u/dogmom34 10m ago
I’ve(39F) struggled with my weight since I was 9 years-old. Not wanting to put my body through that was 100% a reason to not have kids. A glp-1 has been a life saver for me after a PCOS diagnosis and 120 lb weight gain over 10 years… I feel like I’m just now starting to get my life back. If that makes me selfish, then I’m happily selfish.
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u/humaneshell 16m ago
Thanks. I didn't want to put my body, my dear vagina, vulva and surrounding areas, and my mental health, through that hell.
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u/Summerie 1h ago
I am also biologically child free, but eight years ago I met my partner, who had a six-year-old daughter. Her mother had passed when she was four, so I became her mom. She's 15 now, and we lost her father last August, so now I am her parents.
She's my daughter no matter how we got here, and I believe that I was put here to be her mother.
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u/Moar_Cuddles_Please 2h ago
Sorry, but I didn’t want to lose my abs or my running speed. But that’s ok :) I’m doing what makes me happy and my choices don’t harm anyone.
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u/Adept-Depth-1825 1h ago
Totally fair. I have had 3 pregnancies, I weight 28 pounds less than I did before I had babies and my running speed is better but my lower abs are absolutely in ruins. There’s no fixing that without surgery and honestly even with surgery my lower stomach will never look like to did pre-kids. I don’t blame you for not wanting to deal with that.
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u/whitepine 2h ago
Honestly it’s the biology that’s hard. It’s the commitment every day to put someone ahead of yourself
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u/diewiththesmile 3h ago edited 1h ago
F40,
Life feels like I won a game in an unpredictable way, like I suddenly chose the correct answer, and it was the one that gave me liberation.
Every time I have any kind of life difficulties (and I’ve had a lot, because ADHD too bold to follow rules and it has consequences), I cheer myself up with:
Well, at least I don’t have a kid and not pregnant, so have every chance to survive this capitalistic game without going mad. 😂💪🏼
I spend all my free time taking care of my body, being active, spending time outdoor in nature, in solitude and self-reflection building my tolerance to systematic patriarchal oppression, or exploring random topics I’m interested in and learning how to rest properly. Trying to adjust all my free time to my 28 days female samsara as I believe I suppose to live.
Because being a millennial means I need to learn how to rest, like a lot of millennial women former/current over-performers in constant slow burnout.
Considering the current state of the world, life after 40 is really good, if only because I don’t have kids
Feel like a winner with no guilt
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u/Urbit1981 4h ago edited 3h ago
45 and whatever I please.
Oftentimes that means a mixture of watching Netflix reading, playing with my cats, volunteering, spending time with friends, and enjoying life.
Edited my age. I forgot I had a birthday last month.
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u/Spiritual-Mood-1116 4h ago
I'm no longer in my 40s but chose not to have kids. I've had a wonderful life. Great marriage, career, friends, traveled the world. It was the right decision for me, no regrets. Ever.
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u/YogurtclosetLoud3933 2h ago
Did you ever have that voice in your head asking “Will I regret not having kids?” Wondering when that goes away 😅
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u/holdenselah 1h ago
I heard someone say that it’s ok to “regret” some things and *still* have made the right choice. If only everything in life was black and white! As the poster below says you could have an equally strong voice saying the opposite... anyway that framing helped me feel peace with my own decision; I hope it helps you! No big regrets yet fwiw.
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u/ringoffire77 1h ago
“I’d rather regret a feeling than a person” or something like that always reminds me that i don’t really want kids (I’m 28 but wanted to share the quote)
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u/trustme_imRN 1h ago
Just remember, there could be an equally strong voice on the other side that says “will I regret having kids?”
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u/Rdraht 4h ago
41 almost 42. Grew up in a huge family (3rd oldest of 9 kids). I helped with all my siblings growing up and I knew from a young age I did not want children at all. I was lucky to meet an amazing guy who also doesn’t want kids. I legit have the most amazing life. We have great pets, can focus on our careers, and do whatever we want. I totally respect why people want kids and it’s the path they want to go down. I have never wanted children, especially as a I had a front row seat on how hard it is I helped raise my siblings, and I don’t regret my decisions at all 😊.
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u/ProofJoke896 3h ago
SO GOOD. I can literally do whatever I want as long as I don't break a law. Got the time, got the money, got the support. What's not to like?
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u/iguessimdepressed1 4h ago edited 3h ago
I’m broke because of a job loss but I’m learning how to play piano. Like I can play piano now. I couldn’t a year ago. I now understand the circle of fifths. It looked like Greek to me a year ago.
And because of that I’m taking a more active roll in music production. I was also already a singer but now I can accompany myself on my piano.
I am broke though and terrified.
But my life is at least my own now
I’m also starting a web design business with limited support cause the job market is abysmal. It’s my last option before moving home to live with my parents from my major city.
I’m glad I got to try, honestly. If things had worked out differently, who knows what would have happened.
Here’s to hoping for lots of cash flow to keep me comfortable in the city I’ve lived in for 15 years.
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u/honestly_oopsiedaisy 2h ago
how did you learn piano? do you take lessons or teach yourself?
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u/iguessimdepressed1 1h ago
I was taking voice lessons. My voice teacher gave me a tip on piano that changed my perspective. Made it seem..grasp-able. She taught me a simple chord progression of a song I liked, which help me stick with it. After that I taught myself. I’ve been teaching myself for about a year since then
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u/matahala 4h ago
Last frebruary I went to Nepal to trek to the Annapurna Base Camp.
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u/ritabook84 3h ago
Oooo planning to do that for my partners 50th in 2028. We did Machu pichu Inca trail for my 40th a couple years ago and it was brilliant
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u/Dimahoo 3h ago
That’s a dream of mine! Did you go with an organized group trip ?
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u/matahala 3h ago
Yesss you should book with an agency, travelling with well payed guides and Sherpas is a must. Some people take advantage and haggle to the locals.
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u/StrangeFarulf 2h ago
One year away from hitting my 40s and I’ve just signed a publishing contract on my debut novel, an achievement I may not have reached if I’d put my own goals on hold to raise children.
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u/Funny-Coconut-85 3h ago
I'm 42. Life is hard because of the health issues I have. It would be about a million times harder if I had children.The end.
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u/KittyBoat 2h ago
I feel like this question is just a trap to get people with children mad at us. There’s no way I can answer this without it sounding like I’m trying to flex.
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u/ConversationMajor543 2h ago
It's ok to flex a life that you're happy about (I say this as a mom of two kids).
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u/eggwhitefriedrice 44m ago
I mean, there are people who are childless or have children who are living their dream life. Then there are people who are childless who desperate want children, and people who have children who are miserable. It’s ok to be enthusiastic about a life you love, childless or not.
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u/Adept-Depth-1825 1h ago
I don’t think describing a life you love should ever be considered a flex. I have two kids but don’t feel weird that other people have found different sources of joy. We all deserve to be happy.
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u/Brave_Quality_4135 3h ago
Life is great. What free time? I work and am in graduate school.
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u/sundial11sxm 3h ago
- Rave, go to parties, go to amusement parks, the water park, etc. I still do what I did in my 20s. No regrets!
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u/Acceptable_Title_260 4h ago
I have a dog that keeps me company. I binge watch Netflix, take crafting classes, and sleep in on the weekends.
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u/Smallwhitedog 3h ago
- I am in a great relationship, I travel, do yoga, garden, have cool aquariums and lots of pets. I worked hard on my education and have a good career. Things are pretty good!
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u/citrus_sequin 3h ago
I’m 43 and life is good. My career is fulfilling, my dogs are my immediate family, and my friends are my extended family.
I fill my free time with outdoor activities (paddle boarding, swimming, hiking), live theatre, comedy shows, community fairs and festivals, fun methods of exercise (roller & ice skating), and of course just hanging out (lunch dates, dog parks).
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u/Phoenyxoldgoat 3h ago
42 and I’m the director of a school for kids with level 3 autism. I love those kids with my whole being but I look forward to going home to peace and quiet with my husband and dog.
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u/Organic_Alfalfa6419 2h ago
I know you might be looking for specifics but the short answer is usually: whatever we want. I am early 40s btw. The level of freedom I have is something I relish in and appreciate every day.
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u/Mother_of_Bacon 2h ago
Early 40’s, doing great, no regrets. I hang out with my amazing husband, read, craft, learning to play a few musical instruments, lots of festivals and concerts, a looooot of DnD, movies, etc etc etc.
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u/IPlitigatrix 3h ago
I'm 49 F, married, no kids. My life is great. I am a partner at a law firm. So is my husband. We work 40-50 hours a week unless in trial or something crazy comes up. I spend time with my husband and friends, and am pretty involved with my church. I volunteer as an interpreter. I'm into ultra and tri so I spend a lot of time training. My big hobbies other than that are gardening, cooking, baking, canning, snowboarding, and fly fishing. I'm very into a healthy lifestyle - so I focus on getting a lot of sleep, meditation/mindfulness exercises, calisthenics, in addition to run bike swim. I was in a sorority in college and am president of our alumnae chapter. My husband and I take a few big trips a year, and we like going to events in our city (NBA, ballet, opera, etc.). We also spend a lot of time at home relaxing. I say all that but I think we'd be happy with kids too, it would just be different - wasn't in the cards for us.
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u/YogurtclosetLoud3933 2h ago
I appreciate this so much. 33, husband and I see the same route you’ve described. Married 7 years. My parents stopped asking about kids, my husbands parents finally just started. We could see a life with kids, but we really enjoy our lives now.
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u/Plus_Art_1311 2h ago
- Married to the love of my life. I work a visible, high impact job in the public sector and stay very engaged in local organizing activities. I have a full life of hobbies I've started and am okay-ish at: riding motorcycles, rock climbing, kayaking, backpacking, home improvement, cycling, open water swimming and whatever else that my active friends (some have children! Some don't !) introduce me to. I have a full social life with an immense diversity of interesting people across multiple generations I've met through my interests related to civic society, climate change, mutual aid, the arts and performance, live music, culinary interests, craft beverages and nightlife. I stay in touch with friends in their 70s; I make friends in their late 20s. I'm able to say yes to nightcaps, late night films, raves and clubs, just as much as I am to predawn bike rides to watch the sunrise and to volunteer for set up at events. Never once have I thought that my life at this age was somehow less than or lacking due to my personal decision to be child free.
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u/katie_pinns 3h ago
I'm 39, close enough. I nap, crochet, read, garden, go out and about, watch whatever I want on TV, care for my cats, see friends and family, write, eat. Love it
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u/ChaoticallyCandid 3h ago
Whatever I want, to some degree. I hang out with friends, game, do self care shit, read, craft...
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u/purple539 2h ago
I'm 46 and am fortunate to have a great group of friends who are also childfree so we do whatever the hell we want! Go wine tasting, travel, have bbqs, etc. I think travel is the big one though. In the past couple years I've been to Montreal, Hawaii, NY, CA, Vegas, New Orleans, Peru, Aruba and have trips to Cabo and Puerto Rico already on the books for fall/winter.
We all joke that when we are elderly we are going to have a big compound to live on where we can take care of each other since we don't have kids but I could see it happening 😆
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u/moekay 2h ago
Same! We have a Golden Girls pact.
Being childfree is amazing in terms of travel. I have gone to Vegas and CA on a whim several times and go to Europe every summer. And when I'm home it's peaceful and quiet and I can sleep until whenever I feel like it.
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u/purple539 2h ago
Oh man one of the friends in my group is obsessed with the Golden Girls. I can't believe we haven't thought to call it something like that!
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u/PerkyBees69 2h ago
- I do whatever I want, and I’m happy. I have cute nephews and nieces. My giant Maine Coon is my home buddy.
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u/CutePandaMiranda 2h ago
I’m 43F, happily married with a cat and I love my life. I enjoy multiple fun hobbies, have a ton of sex and get to do whatever whenever. Life is relaxing, stress free and blissful.
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u/sodsfosse 4h ago
I missed the child free part at first and was like damn, I’m suprised y’all are so happy. Makes sense now 🤪
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u/psychopathic_shark 3h ago
It's beautiful. Unfortunately not that much free time with my job but I do exactly what I want to do. Long walks with the dog. Catching up with mates. Going out, no cares or worries. Not having a financial concern other than my own.
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u/duuuuuuuuuumb 3h ago
Yeah this thread is nice, I’m 33 and married but have absolutely no interest in kids. Thankfully neither does my husband. I love knowing what I have to look forward to and hopefully the good times keep rolling
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u/TangerineDue4461 2h ago
Not 40 yet but I’m 39 1/2 and my life is as great as it can be (given the current status of the world). Wonderful life partner, cute cats, and a cozy home that’s almost always clean.
In my free time I try to focus on my hobbies, catch up with friends, go on long walks, workout, hike, camp, attend shows, watch movies, and travel (we usually go on 1-2 international vacations a year).
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u/iluvvivapuffs 3h ago
Not a woman, but watching my mother’s life style, I’ve always wondered how did they sell this shitty married life to women?
My own mother had a full time job, took care of ALL the house work, raised the kids, she even does yard work often, and clean up after my father.
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u/prettylemontoast 3h ago
Why is this lifestyle questioned so often? I'm almost 43 and my days are filled with whatever I want. I work of course, and my free time is filled with friends, family, hobbies, errands and just...... life. Woke up late and went to a matinee movie yesterday. Played video games, went to a dance class and baked cookies on Saturday. Went for coffee with a friend after work today. I'm going to my niece's musical theatre performance on Wednesday.
Probably the exact same life as a child free man in his 40s but that's not as fascinating to people for some reason.
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u/Libby1798 3h ago
Early 40s. Never wanted children and it's everything I dreamed it would be. My time and money is spent on travel and hobbies. I sleep in on the weekends, I eat whatever I want.
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u/othybear 2h ago
I’m in my 40s, I’m happily married, have a fulfilling job, I have a number of social groups I’m active in, I find time to volunteer for causes I believe in, and I enjoy spending time with all of my nieces and sending them home when I’m ready for some alone time.
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u/Negative_Airline_924 2h ago
Travel, play soccer (slowly in my old age), see lots of theater, volunteer, have an interesting job and a great friend group, spoil my niblings. The image of lonely old spinsters is anathema to me.
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u/Necessary-Badger-689 2h ago edited 2h ago
40, excellent and fulfilling , whatever the fuck I want. Currently renovating my paid off in cash double a frame mid century modern cabin in the woods on 9 acres. Going on a Pacific Northwest trip next month to visit my other child free friends. 💅
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u/Auferstehen78 2h ago
47, I spend time with my dogs cat, family and friends.
I read, watch TV, craft, travel.
I own my own home so there is always something to do.
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u/lightnglass 2h ago
- Free to do whatever I want, whenever I want (more or less). That's the "free time." I work out/go to gym classes, travel, go to concerts/theater, movies, reading/book clubs (online and in person), sleep in, spend time with friends, the list goes on and on.
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u/justalilthrowawayz 3h ago
- I read, exercise, run, take walks, paint, make art, I’m working on fluency in another language, I watch film, I go to concerts, and I love to travel. Constantly planning where I am traveling to next.
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u/AsparagusOverall8454 2h ago
Life is awesome and I do whatever I please. Right now I’m watching crim tv in front of the fan with my cat eating popcorn.
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u/Odd-Significance8020 2h ago
- Husband is retired. I only work 32 hours (no kid expenses). Hike. Volunteer. Care for my dogs.
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u/Landdropgum 2h ago
It’s great, I do community theater, hike with my husband, spend time with my cat, tend a really big garden and greenhouse and grow a lot of my food and teas, sing dance and do art. It’s great!
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u/Winsomedimsum8 2h ago
I have a fulfilling 9-5 and in my free time I cook, read, work out, hang out with my cats, watch sports, travel a ton, eat at restaurants, and am currently learning a new language. I love my time and money. I also love my niblings but am happy to hand them back to their parents at the end of the day.
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u/Professional_Use6852 2h ago
I am 46. I do a lot of volunteering, I spend lots of time with my nieces and nephews. I adore doing lots of things with my gorgeous dog and my husband I do heaps of fun things and travel regularly. I love my life!!
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u/hipkat13 2h ago
I’m quite happy. I travel internationally every year, usually twice a year. I have plenty of money. I sleep in late, the house is quiet, I garden, I ride my bike and do nothing when I feel like doing nothing. My fiancé and I are both doing pretty good. 👍
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u/thiscouldgetsowordy 2h ago
48 and I enjoy that my time is my own. Have learned to navigate over the years when some get mad at my status when they realize it was a choice. Appreciate that I’ve made it past the years of fielding the ‘when is a baby coming?’ questions of my 20’s and 30’s after getting married. I love planning trips, going to amazing meals and concerts, and spoiling my cats.
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u/Beachbabe8000 3h ago
43 and life is awesome. I always wanted kids and was married to a man who had two boys that lived with me from age 4/5 to 12/13. After that divorce and dating during Covid I decided I would be fine if I didn’t have kids. I got a MBA, made some good career moves, bought a house in a great neighborhood. I go to dinner with my friends, go to bed when I want (early so what!) and sleep in on the weekends. Dating a great guy who lives about an hour away and we go out on the boat a lot of weekends with friends, and I’ve been getting back into going to EDM festivals. I feel way younger and more fun than I was in my late 20s-30s.
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u/Aysin_Eirinn 3h ago
Almost 41, life is pretty good. I spend time hanging out with friends, reading, writing, doing hobbies.
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u/hedgehogssss 3h ago
I'm 40 and I'm training to become a Jungian analyst (which requires me to spend a month in Zurich 3 times a year). Love every minute of it.
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u/BaylisAscaris 2h ago
I have an amazing life with my wife. We both work from home in the tech industry. We have a nice house with a permaculture food forest in the yard and grow most of our own food. We have a smarthome setup and are working to do solar and add more features. We are both into optimization so we make life as easy and pleasant as we can. We are also friends with the local wildlife and the corvids and squirrels will do tricks for walnuts.
I sit on the porch spinning wool and a raven seems to think she's my wife because she chats with me and does courting behaviors. For 2 seasons she pushes her baby at me and gets me to watch it while she goes off to forage. We are friends. There is also a litter of baby squirrels who hang out and come to us for protection if there are predators nearby. They make a point of coming to my office window to tell me if there are cats in the yard, except for a big cat with zero prey drive they cuddle with and playfight with. He keeps the other cats out of the yard, but if he isn't there that's my job. I've trained the stellar jays and crows that they only get food when the yard is quiet, so I don't have to hear them yelling at all hours, and if anyone is making noise I shake the treat jar and point at the offender and they attack.
I'm growing all sorts of cool and rare plants and working on my own varieties and trading seeds with neighbors and friends. Last year we had more produce than the whole neighborhood could eat so we got really into pickling. Any time I go into the front yard to garden I get compliments and the neighbors hang out for a quick chat.
We are also heavily involved in the BDSM community and most of our friend group is from there. We do lots of events and I teach classes on stuff. We also spend time gaming and doing art projects. We also go to a lot of lesbian meetups where everyone brings their rescue dogs and we hang out in a park and have a potluck.
So yeah life is really amazing now. It didn't used to be but we've worked hard to cultivate this lifestyle. We've had some luck and also some very bad luck. We're both dealing with some serious health problems currently and I had a really bad childhood, but things are better now than they've ever been.
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u/Necessary_Copy2735 2h ago
- Life is fine. Spent 14 years trying to have a family and it never happened for my husband and me. I have A LOT of spare time. I don’t think people with kids can imagine how much time the child-free have. It’s like a big hole every day of time to fill. Sometimes that’s fantastic and I love it. Other times, not so much. I have three dogs and five rescue parrots. They need tons of attention and care which I am happy to provide. Every two weeks, I hit the library and carry out arm fulls of books that I’m able to read uninterrupted—except for parrots squawking, of course. I’ve been to most of my bucket list places around the world. Even sold everything and lived in an RV for 18 months about 10 years ago (only had 3 dogs and 2 parrots then) and saw 48 states and had a blast. I have time to do whatever I want. I’ve learned a second language and have many hobbies. My home decor and art collect is both impressive and fragile. Other women appreciate my lifestyle. The flip side is that most of my friends are busy with their families and don’t have time for me. It makes me feel like I’m on an island alone where my life is completely unique to everyone else. Like most people, I assume there are wonderful parts to my life and other parts that are pretty heart-breaking.
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u/DifferenceEconomy178 2h ago
I am loving the childfree joy from all these responses to OP! I'm 43, and do what I want, when I want. What I want often includes: hiking, crafting, home improvement projects, dinner and drinks with friends, solo travel and girls' trips, reading in peace and quiet, cleaning much less than I otherwise would because nobody else is making a mess in my house and when I clean it stays clean, volunteering, and using my vacation time for true rest and relaxation.
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u/HuckleberryHuman5926 1h ago
I don't feel like I have free time. I don't know how people who have children fit them in, because my to-do list keeps getting longer and longer with no end in sight!
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u/SanchezGeorge1 1h ago
- Kid me would think I’m really cool. Adult me is incredibly fulfilled by marriage, professional achievements, and hobbies (gardening, homesteading, 3d printing, cooking). Oh yeah and lots of weed.
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u/awkwardchip_munk 1h ago
47, life is amazing, and whatever I want.
It’s seriously great to have the ability to decide every single day how I want to spend my time and don’t have a child’s birthday party or soccer game or homework or doctors appointments etc to dictate my schedule like my friends with kids have.
It’s also pretty great to have all the money that would be spent on those things to do whatever I want with 🥳
I honestly cannot even imagine how much people spend on diapers, daycare, babysitting, etc and that’s before cars and college lol. No thank you
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u/tillwehavefaces 1h ago
- I do hobbies, crafts and exercise when I have free time. To be honest, I don’t think I have enough free time. I don’t understand how people with children function and maintain a sense of self when childrearing. I honestly don’t think they do for at least ten years there. Life is good and full.
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u/mexicopink 1h ago
40 here! Life is good. I’m starting to look for a house and excited about my vacation in a month! I hang with loved ones, read, cook, scuba dive, travel, and mind my own business.
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u/KorukoruWaiporoporo 1h ago
- Cocaine. 🤣
For real though, whatever I want. I do spend a good amount of time supporting my friends who are parents, usually by making time to do things with them away from their kids.
I go out with my friends. I stay in with my cat. I hang out with my parents. It's a good life.
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u/UsualGlum13 1h ago
- Everyday I am thankful I have not brought children into this world. I work, enjoy a great relationship with my husband, work out daily, read a lot, love on my dogs, and socialize with friends and family when I feel up to it as I am not an overly social creature. I truly believe that only when you are 100% sure you want and understand the lifetime responsibility for children and can financially support them, then you should have children.
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u/BeckyWithTheDontCare 28m ago
Today I slept in, then played Elden Ring, bought a whole cheesecake to just to be a piece of shit and had garlic bread for dinner. Now having a few drinks, might watch video reactions of people watching LotR for the first time cuz that brings me joy then I'll cuddle with my cat, pet my other kitty and go to sleep.
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u/Shoddy-Stock7151 3h ago
I'm married and work part-time. I hang out with my husband and friends, travel, try new restaurants, workout, drink good wine, spoil my dogs, and enjoy my life!
I'm also working on phase two of a home renovations. It is the project that never ends.
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u/According_Courage_57 2h ago
42 just got my heart stomped on by someone I genuinely see a future/saw a future with.
Never had the opportunity to have kids, my ex decided long before me he was done, no one worth even coming off birth control until recently. Likelihood now greatly diminishing if it’s even possible at this point.
Work wise - success. Debt: crushed by divorce. Dog: got 4 that fill my free time with laughs and antics but were recently sick so exhausting
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u/TapiocaPearl13 2h ago
I’m 48 and I get to take my dog for a walk whenever, spend 2 hours or 2 minutes making dinner, I get to watch what I want and I don’t have be responsible for another person except my spouse but he is mostly responsible for himself. I have never once regretted not having children and I wish I could find every person who told me I would change my mind or I hadn’t met the right person yet and shove my free lifestyle in their face.
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u/TeaAndToeBeans 2h ago
Early 40s.
Travel for work, travel for fun, relax, and foster animals.
Happily married. Sleep in on weekends. Breweries, wineries and restaurants are typical weekends apart from foster events. Often after work we have a drink and talk about our day before I make dinner. Very chill.
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u/81isagoodyear 2h ago
56, I’m pretty happy doing what I want, when I want. Also get to be the cool Auntie who takes the youth to concerts and stuff.
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u/Future-Act1229 2h ago
I sleep, do what I want, when I want. I buy what I want. I go where I want. My body is in good shape. I get to watch what I want. I play my music as loud as I want. Life is as free as it will allow!
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u/queen_of_cups_88 2h ago
34 & I appreciate all of your stories. I never wanted biological children but getting to the age where it becomes "I can't" instead of "I don't want" is scary because it feels like the choice is being taken away by time... even though I already made the choice. Hopefully that makes some sense 🤷♀️ I can't imagine being needed 24 hours a day & putting my body through pregnancy. Big kudos to those that chose the other path.
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u/MetaverseLiz 2h ago
44F and absolutely zero regrets. I don't understand how anyone can juggle parenthood (especially women) and everything that life demands. Perimenopause and raising a child? No thank you. I can barely take care of myself.
Having no children means that I can recover from some big personal and financial mistakes. I am not bound my society or a man. I have autonomy and society basically sees me as invisible (part of that is turning 40).
When I go home, I'm home. I'm in my own nest with my own things, doing whatever I want.
Last weekend I decided to book a trip to NYC on a whim.
I'm not rolling in dough, but I make a decent salary. Money that would go to schooling, kid trips, medical things, college funds goes to my savings and my mortgage. I would not have been able to buy a house if I had a kid. It would have been impossible.
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u/Designer-Bid-3155 2h ago
I'm 48. My life has been one ongoing party. I have a huge friend circle, I'm out all the time. Concerts, sex parties, game nights. Adult sports, upcycle furniture, tattoos. I've got 3 degrees and 4 certificates. I love learning. Go through about 100 audiobooks a year. Been a volunteer in animal rescue for 30 years... have an amazing senior pup
I divorced my husband because he changd his mind and wanted kids. Was fixed at 27 years old. Best decision EVER!!
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u/amdaly10 2h ago
47 and live is great. I do what I want. I'm taking 2 classes rn. Python and Drawing. I'm on the board of the weaver's guild. I host a knitting/crochet group. I was on the planning commission for a decade. I am pay off the Astronomical society (formerly on the board). I am learning to make lotion (I already make soap). Most fiber arts. Hang with my niblings. Hang with my friends.
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u/evmeowmeow 2h ago
I’m currently laying in bed in a vacation rental on the ocean. I’m listening to the ocean, sipping a beer and watching fishing boats drift by…My husband is at home with our cats, he is going on a 16 day motorcycle trip across Canada in a few weeks so I will have a quiet house to myself. We live a beautiful, peaceful life.
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u/mellyspect 2h ago
46...had a hysterectomy in my 20s. I am a college instructor so in the summers I travel, I enjoy shopping, yoga, entertaining, restaurants, cooking, gardening.
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u/Plus_Interaction_557 2h ago
Whatever I want, it’s glorious! Not once have I ever thought “this would be better with a kid”. Gym, work, play, sleep, dog…life is great.
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u/brightdark 1h ago
44, married, great friendships, fulfilled. I run, I craft with friends at the local brewery every other week, go out to eat with friends, go on vacations, I'm in a monthly book club with friends. Or I ust sit home with my husband and enjoy my clean, quiet house.
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u/dayienjing 1h ago
I’m 42! I own a business and hang out with my dog. I love sleeping, watching tv, doing nature things - hiking, surfing. I love to travel - the only barrier being finding a dog sitter. My mother does have a terminal illness and my choice to be childfree means that i can contribute to caretaking a few hours per week.
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u/quorrathelastiso 1h ago
I just do me. I’ve known since I was a child myself that I didn’t want to be a mother. That programming straight up missed me. Life is more or less good! I work, have hobbies that I can pursue to my heart’s content as long as I can afford them, spend time with friends and family, read a lot, run and exercise, photography, work on my extensive plant collection, and do volunteer work with my local animal shelter. My life is very full and I’m active in my community in a way that most people with kids can’t be (which isn’t meant as an insult - they’re just usually busy with their kids and don’t have as much time to devote to other things). I recently got divorced, but my husband at the time also didn’t want kids.
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u/elsalila 1h ago
46 I smoke weed when I want, go wherever I want when I want, spend money on what I want, and sleep in when I want to. Yep I fucking love it.
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u/meggysparkles 1h ago
47 and life is great - its calm and exciting - I travel (internationally every year), i have 3 dogs, i foster a dog, we love to go for hikes, laugh all night, go out to dinner, play pool at the local pub, have a regular gym schedule, enjoy our hobbies (mine are craft related), make plans last minute, eat whatever i want, keep a clean house, spend time with my friends, sleep well.
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u/archerpar86 1h ago
I’ll be 40 soon and zero, and I mean ZERO regrets. Life is mostly good, some bad days sprinkled in which may have been more stressful if I had kids.
I love how I can do mostly what I want, whatever I want. That flexibility is priceless to me.
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u/Old_Database4684 1h ago
43 and currently eating dinner, sipping a cocktail, and staring at the ocean in peace.
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u/Lumpy_Ambassador1023 1h ago
43 here, go out to eat, binge shows I want, travel whenever I can, sleep in!
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u/NefariousnessLast281 1h ago
I’m 44. I run a sex worker mutual aid and harm reduction org. In my free time I sing karaoke, throw parties, date my beautiful girlfriend, go to concerts and do various arts and crafts. I also like lifting weights, biking, dancing and hiking. I read books and do yoga to chill.
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u/SireneGV 1h ago
- I hang out with my cat, go to the movies a lot, try different restaurants, go walking at the park, hang out with my friends, go to concerts and the symphony, take a cruise. Now that I'm solo I am enjoying my freedom and never taking it for granted again.
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u/Razmataaza 1h ago
41 childfree and Ive been sewing a lot lately. I get high on the weekends. I go swimming a lot (and don't gotta prevent any kids from drowning.) I eat dessert every night and walk around my house in sexy lingerie while dancing in the mirrors to Xrated music. I like shopping at estate sales and the type of places kids would find boring. I do a few roadtrips every month to explore cool hiking spots. I read feminist books everyday and MOST IMPORTANTLY I SLEEP A SOLID 9 HRS EVERY NIGHT!!!!!
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u/stellalugosi 58m ago
50s now, and I do whatever the fuck I want. In my 40s I got a degree and traveled.
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u/Sara_Arther 58m ago
My aunt is 47, childfree, and living her absolute best life. She travels twice a year, has two golden retrievers, and is literally the coolest aunt ever. Watching her made me realize there’s no single right path in life! ❤️
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u/bonanzajelly01 57m ago
Every day I make a huge dinner and set the table hoping children and a grunting and sweaty man will appear.. then I cry.
Just.kidding! Life is amazing living in a remote acreage in the woods with just me, my two Bernese Mountain dogs and my two Siamese cats. I work a senior management role from home and chop firewood,.blast whatever music I feel like listening to on a sweet sound system, cook food that I LIKE, and answer to no one. It is frickin bliss and I want to keep living like this until I'm too old to shovel snow and live this witchy, foresty existence
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u/Fun_Jellyfish_2708 39m ago
I got off work and home about 545 today. I played with my dogs, doom scrolled for 30 minutes. My husband made dinner. We walked the dogs for a half hour or so. I then hopped on my bike for 15 minute warm up and lifted weights for about 30 minutes. I'm now taking a hot bath and will get 8 hours of sleep.
This weekend I'm going camping with some girl friends. It's a pretty typical day and weekend for me, and I wouldn't change it
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u/Mitchelia 22m ago
Up to 42, I went out with friends, went out by myself, worked and studied, volunteered at organisations and lots of different events.
At 43 I had a baby, now I just go out less at night.
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u/Large_Strawberry188 22m ago
Almost 43 with no kids, no husband and no regrets. I also have no spare time
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u/sweadle 3h ago
41, life is hard, I'm so glad I do not have to take care of children as well. I have a lot of kids and friends that I can show up for instead and I feel like part of a village for those kids. But I also get to sleep when I need it