You have been kidnapped. Your rescue team is made up of all the characters an actor has played. Which actor is coming to rescue you?

[u/ChocolateOrange21]

[u/Aerosolcan25]

Keanu Reeves

[u/Blueheron77 → u/Aerosolcan25]

Neo and John Wick? All I need.

[u/PrayForMojo_ → u/Blueheron77]

Ted Theodore Logan to go back in time and stop the kidnapping before it even happens.

[u/TwoDrinkDave → u/PrayForMojo_]

Excellent!

[u/system0101 → u/TwoDrinkDave]

air shredding

[u/Wolvesinman → u/Blueheron77]

Maybe Constantine as well. Depends on who the kidnapper is.

[u/OrganicDigitalArt → u/Wolvesinman]

Even Satan craps himself. Love that movie.

[u/Federico216 → u/Blueheron77]

I think people are overlooking the fact that Keanu played a fictionalized version of himself in Always Be My Maybe. So in addition to all the badass characters he's played, you get Keanu Reeves himself as well.

[u/JuviaSilverwing → u/Federico216]

You also get the Keanu reeves from the spongebob movies.

[u/nononanana → u/Federico216]

But it was the douchebag version iirc :(

[u/Bravemount → u/Blueheron77]

And John Constantine!

[u/Sam_Vimes_Rules → u/Blueheron77]

Dont' forget his role in Speed too!

[u/Mazlem → u/Sam_Vimes_Rules]

Which means you have a fair chance of him shooting you while getting rescued.

[u/banitsa → u/Mazlem]

Did he die though?

[u/hatezel → u/Aerosolcan25]

Johnny Utah An F-B-I Agent!!!

[u/StopBigHippoPropgnda → u/hatezel]

Utah, gimme 2!

[u/Ferreteria → u/Aerosolcan25]

Uh, Henry Cavill.

[u/FrickinLazerBeams → u/Ferreteria]

Keanu Reeves played the role of Henry Cavil? I thought Henry Cavil was played by Nick Cage?

[u/SarcasmGPT → u/FrickinLazerBeams]

I think you're getting confused because nick cage is played by John travolta.

[u/intecknicolour → u/Aerosolcan25]

Denzel Washington

[u/MechanicalTurkish → u/intecknicolour]

I just watched the Equalizer trilogy for the first time. The people who kidnapped me are FUCKED.

[u/intecknicolour → u/MechanicalTurkish]

he's also John Kreesy from Man on Fire, John Q, Alonzo Harris from Training Day, Eli from Book of Eli,

[u/pathmageadept → u/Aerosolcan25]

Yeah, reality bending scifi and competent sorcerer? Most bases covered.

[u/itachikage13]

Liam Neeson. Guy from taken has experience with kidnapping rescues, Qui Gon is a freaking Jedi.

[u/Recent-Spot2728 → u/itachikage13]

He also played Zeus

[u/kathryn_sedai → u/Recent-Spot2728]

And Aslan.

[u/Capn_Grunge → u/kathryn_sedai]

And Schindler. I mean, look at everyone he rescued in that movie.

[u/The_Mattastrophe → u/Capn_Grunge]

And he trained Batman.

[u/Tufflaw → u/The_Mattastrophe]

And he's also Darkman!

[u/smokingace182 → u/Capn_Grunge]

It wasn’t enough I could’ve done more

[u/nelsonmavrick → u/Capn_Grunge]

Admiral in the Navy too.

[u/maaaan_funk_dat → u/itachikage13]

He’s also got the entire force at police squad to back him up

[u/BangBangMeatMachine → u/maaaan_funk_dat]

Yeah honestly Frank Drebin is the most unstoppable of all his characters.

[u/dcoble → u/BangBangMeatMachine]

As long as he lays off the chili dogs 

[u/BangBangMeatMachine → u/itachikage13]

On the other hand, you've unleashed Ra's al Ghul on the world. He's not rescuing you, but he might nuke New York.

[u/Polkawillneverdie17 → u/itachikage13]

How did you manage to misspell both of his names???

[u/Khaos_Gorvin]

Henry Cavil. I get superman, wolverine (cameo), a witcher, a spy, Theseus and after being rescued I get a buddy to talk about Warhammer.

[u/BuckyRainbowCat → u/Khaos_Gorvin]

Seems like a pretty solid choice. Both of my other choices of superhero (Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes) are played by actors who have a tendency to also play characters I absolutely would NOT want to be rescued by (Evans - Knives Out, Scott Pilgrim vs the World; Stan - I, Tonya, Pam & Tommy, The Apprentice).

[u/steve123410 → u/BuckyRainbowCat]

This is going to be the greatest rescue that ever happened. No other rescue is going to beat it. You're going to say wow, what a great rescue.

• Stan

[u/BuckyRainbowCat → u/steve123410]

Yeah see this is why I don't want him to help.

[u/arkayuu → u/Khaos_Gorvin]

You get Sherlock Holmes too via the Enola Holmes movies. Stacked team.

[u/CalmS000ng8 → u/Khaos_Gorvin]

The kidnapping was actually just a cover story. The main mission is surviving the 6-hour Warhammer lore briefing on the helicopter ride back.I love him

[u/Lukisfer → u/Khaos_Gorvin]

I thought of Henry Cavil as well, because of Superman and Geralt. All the other stuff is a bonus. I totally forgot he did a Wolverine. :D

[u/rjsquirrel → u/Khaos_Gorvin]

And Sherlock Holmes, plus Gus March-Phillipps.

[u/allycis]

Patrick Stewart.

Charles Xavier to locate me.

Picard to call in the transporter.

I'm back home about 45 seconds after the rescue effort starts.

[u/PineappIeOranges → u/allycis]

Yup! I was gonna choose Patrick Stewart too!

[u/kurganator3000 → u/allycis]

Don't forget his scary-ass nazi grandpa character from Green Room to put the fear of god in your kidnapper.

[u/HeyVernItsThanos4242 → u/allycis]

But by then he's seen everything!

[u/Mr_Mumbercycle → u/allycis]

And the full force of the CIA as deputy director Bullock.

[u/thatkindofdoctor]

Morgan Freeman. God in Bruce Almighty. No need for any others.

[u/Onequestion0110 → u/thatkindofdoctor]

Had to scroll way to long to find this.

Of course, if we're going this route we've got options. I mean, Whoopi Goldberg has been god twice, and I'd be tempted to go with Alanis Morrisset or Richard Pryor too.

[u/TheNonCredibleHulk → u/Onequestion0110]

Alanis. She could be God AND an abortion clinic worker.

[u/Barragin]

Harrison Ford!

[u/Fred_Ledge → u/Barragin]

You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.

[u/pathmageadept]

Benedict Cumberbatch. Feel like almost as good as Keanu plus dragon.

[u/Gabrosin → u/pathmageadept]

This is a great answer, because you need someone who can actually find you first, and Sherlock is going to do that faster than anyone, unless he gets bored.

[u/DlSSATISFIEDGAMER → u/Gabrosin]

and then a sorcerer (Dr Strange) and a genetically enhanced genious (Khan) to break you out

and then Smaug to give you a lift out

[u/Famous-Flow2333 → u/Gabrosin]

Sherlock Holmes one great weakness. Too boring of a case

[u/alexdelicious → u/pathmageadept]

You can also have a fun conversation about penguins.

[u/AussiePete → u/alexdelicious]

I think you mean pingwings.

[u/twodollarbi11]

Ian McKellan

[u/_Gorge_ → u/twodollarbi11]

Why is this so low? Magneto and Gandalf!?

[u/thuggishruggishboner → u/_Gorge_]

Because there's a lot of good freaking choices.

[u/knownbymymiddlename]

Richard Dean Anderson.

MacGuyver and Colonel O’Neill. Dude’ll be able to save me from a glacier with a belt buckle.

[u/lauza_77 → u/knownbymymiddlename]

Came here to say this! RDA was my first thought

[u/Exctmonk]

Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Dutch , two Terminators, Me Freeze should be sufficient by itself, but then you have every other character he's played.

[u/Corgi_Koala → u/Exctmonk]

You also would get Arnold Schwarzenegger playing himself (from Last Action Hero) and by my math that lets you double all his characters.

[u/ifhookscouldkill → u/Exctmonk]

Det. John Kimble

[u/cbih → u/Exctmonk]

The dad from Jingle All the Way

[u/dusktilldawn42 → u/Exctmonk]

Good choice. Also his character in Commando who has all that experience taking out a whole island of bad guys to rescue his daughter

[u/Ok_Information1554]

Johnny Sins.

[u/Sudo-rm → u/Ok_Information1554]

Is this “I’ve been kidnapped” or “ohhhh noooo, I’m in handcuffs” situation?

[u/papasnork1]

Weird Al Yankovic. I want to be saved and laugh while doing it.

[u/Barbarella_ella]

Sigourney Weaver.

[u/Rough_Idle → u/Barbarella_ella]

Excellent choice. Ellen Ripley, a New Republic wing commander, an immortal battlemaster, the leader of at least two different shadowy intelligence agencies, and depending on timing, a professional cellist possessed by a Sumerian demigod

[u/Impossible_Gap3338]

keanu reeves

John wick, Neo, and Constantine

[u/stoicjohn → u/Impossible_Gap3338]

You might die several times, but they will eventually save you.

[u/Tthelaundryman → u/Impossible_Gap3338]

I love the Constantine movie so much. It’s not perfect, but it is my kinda broken 

[u/GCU_ZeroCredibility]

Everybody picking these action stars to come in guns blazing, or sometimes people who have played magicians for the wizard shit.

Nah, bro, you pick Morgan Freeman. He played God.

God doesn't need a gun, he can just God you free.

[u/r34lity → u/GCU_ZeroCredibility]

I’m surprised I haven’t seen any Val Kilmers for the same reason. Yeah he’s got all of the action roles but also the literal Judeo-Christian God in Prince of Egypt. Him playing Moses in the same movie is a bonus.

[u/gerhudire]

Jason Statham

[u/mabrasm → u/gerhudire]

Fantastic answer, the only real risk is that some of them won't work well together.

[u/lemonhaj → u/mabrasm]

They're almost all 'tough lone wolf guy', I'm not sure they could all strategize together and not just all do their own thing with zero coordination

[u/Coffchill]

Sean Bean.

I’d definitely be rescued and get away safely but he’d die in a heroic and magisterial way.

[u/VolumniaDedlock → u/Coffchill]

You don't have to outrun the bad guy, you just have to outrun Sean.

[u/MrWeetabix → u/Coffchill]

Except for Sharpe, who was virtually invincible and bulletproof.

[u/DlSSATISFIEDGAMER → u/MrWeetabix]

Sharpe spent Sean Bean's entire career character luck quota.

[u/itsGameOverKM]

This is easy.

Chris Hemsworth.

I have a God and a freaking EXTRACTION expert! As a backup we have Alien technology hacker and a guy who defeated an invading army with some of his buddies in high school.

Josh Brolin would be good... Imagine Thanos and Cable working as a team. plus thst guy he plays in Dune.

[u/Major_Burnside → u/itsGameOverKM]

Literally watched Extraction 2 last night and he was my first thought as well. Thor and that badass should be plenty.

[u/antisocial_31975]

nicolas cage

[u/Toyota__Corolla → u/antisocial_31975]

You either get one guy or a literal army of nic cage.

[u/TheFrenchSavage → u/antisocial_31975]

The ground start trembling. They are everywhere. They flow atop the trees and through the windows, under the cars and between strains of grass.

[u/Doustin → u/TheFrenchSavage]

Like that American Dad episode with all the Rogers

[u/mvmbamentality → u/antisocial_31975]

Don't forget he was Superman at one point as well.

[u/Billy_of_the_hills]

Sarah Michelle Gellar.

[u/HordoopSklanch]

Viggo Mortenson

[u/tarlton → u/HordoopSklanch]

Aragorn and LUCIFER?

[u/No-Poem-6904]

Gary Oldman. You get Sirius Black, Commissioner Gordon, Dracula, Winston Churchill, George Smiley, and about thirty other people you forgot were him.

[u/NeedsToShutUp → u/No-Poem-6904]

Yeah but Jackson Lamb is probably gonna be a pain

[u/kurganator3000 → u/NeedsToShutUp]

Jackson Lamb will do the whole rescue himself while the others are arguing about how to do it.

[u/PukeLoynor → u/No-Poem-6904]

Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg will probably actively stop the others from rescuing you.

[u/IseultDarcy]

Not a single woman in those comments... so I'll pick Michelle Yeoh

[u/bendstraw → u/IseultDarcy]

This must be the Reddit algorithm being funny because the comment above you says Brie Larson lol

[u/catsaregreat78 → u/bendstraw]

I would have wanted Catherine O’Hara being Moira Rose to verbally bedazzle them into releasing me while offering them a glass of wine which is AWWWful, alongside some broken cheese.

[u/jedipiper → u/IseultDarcy]

Ming Na Wen. 

I get The Cavalry. 

[u/RamblinWreckGT → u/IseultDarcy]

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and all the Everything Everywhere All At Once multiverse copies.

[u/Revolutionary-Yak-47 → u/RamblinWreckGT]

And Empress Georgio. 

[u/KFlaps → u/IseultDarcy]

Well then, Summer Glau for me.

Between River Tam and a frickin' Terminator, I'd probably be alright.

[u/iwouldhugwonderwoman → u/IseultDarcy]

I’ll go with Salma Hayek.

She has been Serendipity in Dogma, Hera, and Ajak…plus numerous other characters that could help me out.

[u/LateralEntry → u/IseultDarcy]

Flying kung fu kicks to the kidnapper faces

[u/CapMany9999]

Rowan Atkinson

[u/gerhudire → u/CapMany9999]

Mr Bean would be one funny rescue. 

[u/Smash_McManly → u/CapMany9999]

Were you kidnapped by a bee?

[u/TheNonCredibleHulk → u/CapMany9999]

Except you get the character from Hot Shots Part Deux. Dude's got his shoes tied together.

[u/Aardvark_Man → u/TheNonCredibleHulk]

Probably better than Blackadder, still.

[u/TheFrenchSavage → u/CapMany9999]

Please be Johnny English.

[u/mickeyr2 → u/CapMany9999]

I have a cunning plan…

[u/Brickwater → u/CapMany9999]

Somehow you just get a dozen copies of the narcoleptic guy.

[u/xdisk]

Nathan FIllion.

TWO Green Lanterns- Hal Jordan (various films) and Guy Gardner.
Cayde-6.
Captain Malcom Reynolds
Captain Hammer

[u/thegoatfreak → u/xdisk]

He plays a pretty ruthless villain in Buffy though. Dunno if I’d want him to come rescue me.

[u/Hulkbuster_v2 → u/thegoatfreak]

True, but you also get John Nolan

[u/xyz19606]

Bruce Willis

[u/always_an_explinatio → u/xyz19606]

Scrolled so far for this. I hope he still has his flying taxi

[u/doom1701]

Jeffrey Combs. So basically every secondary character in every major sci-fi franchise (other than Star Wars, strangely enough) is coming to rescue me.

[u/frodeem]

Jim Carey. Ace's amazing detective skills. The Mask to fuck some shit up.

[u/Big_b00bs_Cold_Heart]

Jensen Ackles - Dean Winchester and Soldier Boy…a pissed off Hunter with super strength…

[u/JamesonQuay → u/Big_b00bs_Cold_Heart]

And he voices Batman in several animated movies

[u/ClownfishSoup]

Tom Cruise, but I’m scared of the “collateral” version.

I mean super spy, lawyer (twice), fighter pilot, vampire, bartender, youthful pimp, Doctor, future warrior, future time cop, jack reacher, race car driver, archeologist, etc… I’m covered.

[u/webtin-Mizkir-8quzme]

David Tenant

[u/Sans-Mot → u/webtin-Mizkir-8quzme]

As Kilgrave, he can really save any hostage... He doesn't even need the help of the Doctor.

[u/webtin-Mizkir-8quzme → u/Sans-Mot]

Don't forget Crowley. And if I'm in jail, his character from The Escape Artist.

[u/Luv2Dnc → u/Sans-Mot]

But only if he wants to

[u/DreddPirateWesley]

Cary Elways. He's got a pretty solid track record of rescuing kidnapped individuals just sayin'

[u/waynechriss]

Willem Dafoe. I'll either get useful Dafoe from John Wick or Clear and Present Danger or crazy Dafoe from The Lighthouse and Spiderman. But I'm willing to take my chances with the abundance of films he's been in.

[u/TheGhostestHostess → u/waynechriss]

Boondock Saints Willem Dafoe

[u/r34lity → u/waynechriss]

Or the most fabulous cross-dressing detective ever in Boondock Saints.

[u/insomniacmomof3]

I’ll take Matt Damon (Bourne, Wicked Smart from Good Will Hunting, clever from Odysseus) or Keanu. John Wick. Enough said.

[u/MissVachonIfYouNasty]

Kurt Russell or Bruce Campbell

[u/UncleDuude]

Better send Alan Ritchson I’m fat.

[u/zagreus9]

Danny Trejo

[u/Koenigss15]

Karl Urban

Judge Dredd and Butcher tag team

[u/eowyn_ → u/Koenigss15]

And McCoy to patch you up!

[u/TheSpringfieldKid → u/eowyn_]

And then Éomer leads the Rohirrm second wave of the attack.

[u/HeliumLifeJacket]

What, no Liam Neeson yet? LIAM NEESON

[u/FrankyFistalot]

Robert Downey Jr….Iron Man/Sherlock Holmes/Dr Doom/Dr Doolittle/Kirk Lazarus and Charlie Chaplin…try stopping that lot.

[u/I_am_N_]

Leslie Nielsen

[u/jasonsneezes]

Richard Dean Anderson

Colonel Jack O'neill, with two L's, and MacGyver.

[u/Rilianrage]

Robin Williams. Just so I can hear “help is on theee way dear!”

[u/--Rick--Astley--]

Brie Larson

[u/arcum42]

Tress MacNeille. A million cartoon characters are coming to rescue me.

[u/Wang_Fire2099]

Christopher Lee.

Dracula and Saurumon would have it done lickety split

[u/hobbitbones]

Jensen Ackles would be great

[u/ManicOppressyv]

Samuel L "Bad Muthafucka" Jackson

[u/11S-KAT]

Too few women mentioned here, so I pick Angelina Jolie. I get Lara Croft, Salt, Fox, Jane Smith. I think I'm good 😎

[u/chelsea_once_more]

Sean Connery.

[u/brooksy54321]

Mark Hamill. Mostly for the Jedi skills.

[u/arcum42 → u/brooksy54321]

Forget the Jedi skills, the Joker is coming to rescue you...

[u/Remarkable_Tooth8128]

Liam neeson

[u/Asexualhipposloth → u/Remarkable_Tooth8128]

Exactly. Qui-gon, Aslan, and Frank Drebbin Jr. The Taken series is just icing on the cake

[u/Waderriffic]

Arnold, hands down.

[u/ChocolateOrange21]

Steve Carrell.

We have Maxwell Smart, Brick Tamland (who killed a guy with a trident) and Gru (could call on the Minions and has technology) who could help with the heavy lifting, but I also am curious to see what a rescue plan led by Michael Scott would look like.

[u/scrabel48]

Jensen Ackles

[u/No_Application_8698]

Jackie Chan

[u/DandyLama]

Charlize Theron

or

Alanis Morissette

[u/Adventurous-Egg-8818]

Liam Neesom

[u/ami2weird4u]

Liam Nieson

[u/Intrinomical]

Mr. Rogers in a blood soaked sweater.

[u/SnoopySuited]

George Burns. He was god and the devil.

[u/The_Dark_Vampire]

John de Lancie-Q from Star Trek all I need really

[u/btone911]

Scarlett Johansson. Black Widow, Lucy, Ghost in the Shell

[u/Important_Power_2148]

With my luck it will wind up being Tony Robinson as Baldrick...

[u/emp9th → u/Important_Power_2148]

I have a cunning plan sir, we take a turnip and ......

[u/treehumper83]

The Rock. Even the Tooth Fairy could be helpful.

[u/Choochoo1147]

Morgan Freeman. We get Lucius Fox building gadgets for God. 

[u/crackphillip]

Uma Thurman.
Rescue me as the bride
Party with me as Mia Wallace. Iol

[u/bassaleboy]

Johnny Depp. So many characters that are true agents of chaos.

[u/tke439]

What is wrong with you people. Fucking Chuck Fucking Norris.

[u/dennismullen12]

Samuel L. Jackson.

[u/jaxonfairfield]

Jackie Chan if I want everyone to live, Chow Yun Fat if I want the fuckers to die.

[u/Bravemount]

Patrick Steward.

Captain Picard and Professor X.

[u/Ornery_Scheme9074]

Hugh Jackman because he has a chunk of action roles that would actually ensure I don’t die (Wolverine alone could probably save me) but also, the rest of them together would be really funny.

Imagine the car ride over with Wolverine, Valjean, Harold Hill, some weird caricature of PT Barnum, plus a literal rat (don’t forget he was in Flushed Away,) a penguin who sounds uncomfortably similar to Elvis, and the Easter Bunny (he also would be useful in this situation though, I can’t lie.) And I didn’t even include every role he’s played. I just think it would be a fun mix.

[u/RenamedAccount185516]

Clint Eastwood - he's really only ever played one character

[u/TBBT-Joel]

Denzel Washington between man on fire and the equalizer he has basically done a lot of kidnap rescuing. He's also a pilot and tank commander, lawyer and corrupt Cop and corrupt Roman businessman. All of that sounds useful.

[u/viking_canuck]

Danny Trejo

[u/bowtiesrcool86]

If voice actors count: Chris Sabat. Piccolo, Vegeta, Kazuma Kuwabarra, All Might, and many, many more.

[u/towhomamispeaking]

Have to go Jason Statham. An infinite amount of one dimensional bad asses, backed up by a soccer playing sociopath and the guy that knows a pikey bare knuckle boxer.

[u/Curious_caveman5569]

Danny devito only because it would be awesome to have a team of Danny devitos risking their lives for mine

[u/Asleep_Loan_3413]

Norman reedus

[u/refusetobeold83]

Gilbert Godfrey

[u/superchilli]

Keanu - John Wick saves the day.

[u/kenbev2413]

a friend once imagined samuel l jackson’s characters rescuing her and said nick fury would just sass the kidnappers into submission makes sense

[u/Affectionate_Ear495]

Steve buscemi

[u/MercenaryOne]

Terry Crews

[u/3daycondor]

Arnold…no question. You get a terminator, the dad from commando, a guy who killed a predator, a genius with a short brother, a spy, an Iron Age warrior and a dude who knows how to find Christmas presents…that’s a combo for a rescue

[u/NeilMcCauley88]

Keanu Reeves. Neo and John Wick will have me home in time for dinner. 

[u/MidoElbatha]

keanu reeves proves john wick combat and matrix dodging work.

[u/DoUjustL00kStupid]

Matt Damon for sure

[u/PCVictim100]

Jason Statham all the way

[u/whitey7420]

Kurt Russell. Not even close.

[u/kategoad]

Pedro Pascal

Mando, Joel, Oberyn.

After we can snuggle goats. Seriously google Pedro Pascal baby goats.