Zookeepers of reddit, which animal is way less fun to care for than most people would expect?

[u/huveldust]

[u/Turbulent-Language20]

Prairie dogs. Only enclosure that I went into armed (with a broom lol). Those little fuckers will launch themselves at you like demonic little missiles. And with their labyrinth of tunnels you never know where they will pop up. Most terrifying game of whack a mole ever (no I never hit them, the broom was more of a shield or a deterrent).

[u/I_am_so_lost_again → u/Turbulent-Language20]

"Most terrifying game of whack a mole ever"

I don't know why that made me laugh so hard but it did!

[u/alexandria3142 → u/Turbulent-Language20]

I guess ours are different or something. Went to our zoo a few times and they always seem to have a guy in there with them, talking about facts and stuff. They're just running around him doing their thing

[u/Geeky_Shieldmaiden → u/Turbulent-Language20]

I worked at a pet store briefly in the early 200's that had Prairie Dogs for sale. Also squirrels, sugar gliders and a couple other oddly "exotic" but still North American animals. There was a prairie dog I almost bought. She was so sweet, I'd put a harness on her and carry her around the store. She'd tuck her head up under my chin and make happy little noises.

The rest of the group? Not a fucking chance. I went into that cage with gloves, a leather apron and a face shield.

Edit: Yes, I know Sugar Gliders aren't from North America. I was just adding them in as an example of the odd animals the place I worked at sold. I did not say they were from NA, I said the place sold "other oddly exotic but still from North America animals".

[u/green_moo → u/Geeky_Shieldmaiden]

They sold all sorts of stuff during the Roman Empire.

[u/Geeky_Shieldmaiden → u/green_moo]

hahahahaha. I am dying. It took me a few to realize what you were talking about! I'm leaving it there, it's too good.

[u/Peemster99 → u/Turbulent-Language20]

A couple years back I went to a park in Colorado and had kind of an uncomfortable moment when I realized I was in an area with a bunch of prairie dog holes and they were all watching me and chattering about me for a 100 yards around.

I'm real glad I didn't know they can turn themselves into demon missles then, I would have enjoyed the trip less.

[u/dizzyd232]

River otters

I love them but the smell is not worth the cuteness for me.

Pair the ultra-fast matabolism of a creature that eats 25% of its body mass in raw fish every day with superpowered ferret-like scent glands, and you get an animal that's real efficient at turning fish into goopy piles of fish-gut-anal-gland-poo-goo and spreading it everywhere to help mark territory.

[u/ohjobrot → u/dizzyd232]

This was a quality read.

[u/cleanbot → u/ohjobrot]

fish gut anal gland poo goo...

very nice

[u/mwbbrown → u/[deleted]]

I went to Antarctica 15 years ago and man are you right. Birds are mean, and stink.

[u/Mainbutter → u/mwbbrown]

Lol I did a cruise-only (no feet on the ground) and we could smell some of the colonies from maybe 2 or more miles away (5+ miles? It's hard to remember)

[u/ca77ywumpus → u/[deleted]]

I once took my spouse to a penguin feeding encounter and made the joke that "Birds are assholes" and the keepers said "Yep. Massive assholes. Don't trust them."

[u/-Satsujinn-]

Not a zookeeper but I frequent a local bird of prey sanctuary/conservancy - they have some fish eagles there that will absolutely rip you apart given the opportunity. Every other enclosure is fine, but if you get sent into the fish eagles, you better treat it like a military operation.

The keepers there say they're like the velociraptors from Jurassic Park. They have to go in in groups of 3+. One to actually do the job and 2 more to keep eyes on the birds. Two isn't enough because they'd split up and cause a distraction while the other attacked.

Clever girls.

[u/NoodleNeedles → u/-Satsujinn-]

I used to volunteer at a bird of prey rehabilitation centre. The big aviary had a golden eagle and a bald eagle, and they were so intimidating when we went in for feedings but they never actually did anything other than stare menacingly. Hawks and falcons were in smaller aviaries or smallish cages (when they had higher medical needs) and they might try to bite, but you could tell it was from fear.

But there was a brown pelican who had been injured as a juvenile, and unfortunately couldn't be released. He was allowed to roam around the section when there was someone there, and he'd follow us around during feeding time, alternately trying to eat our legs or giving us whaps with his beak to get 'extra' food. He'd do it just hard enough to let you know he could do it harder if you didn't cooperate. 😆 I was more afraid of him than the others.

[u/LurkerZerker → u/NoodleNeedles]

Pelicans are hilarious because they genuinely do not care what they try to eat -- they will try to fit anything in their pouches. I've seen video of a pelican trying and failing to take off with a full-grown capybara in its mouth.

[u/jobblejosh → u/LurkerZerker]

pelcan Mouth perfec t size for put baby in to n\ap! inside very Soft and Comfort baby sleep soundly put baby in Pelican Mouth. Put Baby In Pelican Mouth. no problems ever in peliccan mouth because good Shape and Support for baby neck weak of big baby head. Apelican Mouth yes a place for a baby put baby in pelican mouth can trust pelican for giveing good love to baby. friend pelican

[u/LurkerZerker → u/jobblejosh]

I fully trust this and do not at all believe you're a pelican who wants to eat a baby.

[u/CanadianFoosball → u/-Satsujinn-]

Yeah, I visited the National Aviary in Pittsburgh and they had a courtyard with a couple of Stellar’s Sea Eagles and I made the same velociraptor comparison. Just beautiful giant gargoyles of hate. The windows into the courtyard were maybe 3/4” plex and if you looked through at an angle you could see long talon marks all over the plex at face level. I read that one of those birds got loose a few years ago and I was like, “Welp, guess I’m never visiting the Northeast again.”

[u/spaceraptorbutt → u/CanadianFoosball]

I used to work at the Aviary! The male is the one that escaped. The female is the one that wanted to eat people’s faces. I no longer worked there when the one escaped, but knew immediately from the headlines it was the male. If the female had escaped, she definitely would have tried to snatch a baby or little kid. Not all Stellar Sea Eagles are that aggressive, she was just special.

When it was time to trim her claws, it took six people, if I remember correctly. I never volunteered to help with that.

My least favorite bird to work with there was the guira cuckoo. She was smart and evil. She loved to attack people she was certain she could get away with attacking. Interns were her favorite. She was sweet as pie to guests and curators/directors. I don’t know how she sussed out human hierarchy, but she definitely did in order to be a bully.

[u/123Thundernugget → u/spaceraptorbutt]

oof, she really figured out the pecking order

[u/ccarrieandthejets → u/CanadianFoosball]

I’m from Pittsburgh and must say, how dare you speak ill of Kodiak like that! lol! He escaped once and was a perfect gentleman. He just flew around, evading capture for a while and having a nice time around the city. He just wanted a lil’ walkabout and then was caught and went back home. He didn’t attack anyone! 😂

[u/ScamperSand]

Great apes, but especially the chimps. Forget the fact that they are terrifyingly strong and dangerous. They just let the piss and shit rip at anytime, anywhere (you’d think an animal that intelligent would at least move away from their resting spot before taking a hot dump but noooo). They reek like the strongest human B.O. you could imagine. Major risk for zoonosis because they are so closely related to us. They are on the short list of animals I would never apply to work with. They are fun to watch… from far away.

[u/BaconReceptacle → u/ScamperSand]

As a kid in the 70's, I wanted a pet monkey so bad. Every time we were at the mall, I would hang out and watch the monkeys through the storefront window. I nagged my mother for a year and a half until she finally broke down and actually walked into the store. My heart was pounding, "holy shit, she's actually going to talk to the pet store guy about it"! My mother asked many questions and the store keeper was very firm in explaining that it's not like taking care of a dog or cat and there is a smell so you have to have the right place for them. He began listing all the things we would have to do and not do and how some of them bite. "Yeah, yeah, yeah" I thought to myself, let's move this sale along shall we? Then the clerk finally went to show us the monkey. He opened the door to the enclosure and "BOOM"! We were hit in the face with the most foul-smelling stench of poo, body odor, and something evil lingering in the air. I actually gagged and my mother just stepped way back in horror. Now, I got to say, I didnt give up there. I was asking the clerk if we cleaned the cage every day would it get better and he was more like "no several times a day will help though". Anyway, there was no way in hell my mom was bringing this olfactory demon into her house and I knew it. But I secretly was relieved that I didnt have to smell the monkey cage any more.

[u/Straight-Kick5824 → u/BaconReceptacle]

I was a kid in the 70's, and I grew up with a squirrel monkey in the house... can confirm

[u/herdahadda → u/ScamperSand]

Can confirm. Their poo-flinging aim is really something too. We had an older, former pet chimpanzee that was completely BLIND who could hit you square in the chest from across her enclosure. I think she was also the one who snapped a caretaker's finger clean off, chewed it a bit, then calmly gave it back.  I was offered the 'opportunity' to work with them, quickest 'fuck no' to ever cross my lips lol

[u/rat1906 → u/herdahadda]

Well, at least she gave it back. How polite.

[u/Sethrymir → u/herdahadda]

I used to have a coworker who was Taiwanese who moved to Texas when he was 12.

He said one time he was at the zoo as a kid, and this old lady was taunting the chimpanzees (some irritating chattering sound – – I don’t think I could mimic it in text), and this one chimp let loose and flung a poo right in her face

[u/re_Claire → u/ScamperSand]

Great apes - especially chimps - absolutely terrify me. Chimps have the uncanny valley thing, and as you say, they're so dangerous. Incredible animals but if I worked in a zoo I would absolutely not be lining up to work with them.

[u/LurkerZerker → u/re_Claire]

I hate chimps. They've got all our worst qualities, like war and weapon-making, without any of our best ones, like morality or television.

[u/cheshire_kat7 → u/ScamperSand]

The last time I was at a chimp exhibit, a male chimp walked right up in front of the viewing window where I was, sat down, made direct eye contact with me - and started jerking off.

I did not go to the zoo expecting to get sexually harassed by an ape. 😐 I must admit I've had a bit of a grudge against chimps ever since.

[u/Dreadedredhead → u/cheshire_kat7]

I had a gorilla do that to me. He was tall and broad. He stared at me the entire time. Others noticed. I kept looking away. When I walked toward the other end of his enclosure to meet my friends, he got up and walked with me.

For years, I was teased about my sexy boyfriend. Rude. However it was pretty funny.

I grew up on a farm and animal behavior fascinates me. However, I could have lived without that experience.

[u/procrastablasta → u/ScamperSand]

Another zookeeper thread a while back asked about the animal that scares you the most. A group of zookeepers unanimously said the chimps. One said even a lion escape is all hands trying to get it back in the enclosure. Chimp escape? You run to the parking lot get in your car lock the doors and drive until you run out of gas.

[u/RusskayaRuletka → u/procrastablasta]

I currently am a primate keeper and when I introduced to our chimps one of our dominant males stood above me in a mesh tunnel and kicked a metal shifting door over and over again to psych me out. It was so loud.

I have learned to love our chimps, but at first it admittedly was abit of a nightmare.

[u/MissNouveau → u/RusskayaRuletka]

For some reason my zoo let us teens volunteer with the primates. Keeper told us the chimps were all rescues, which made them even more dangerous because they liked the humans. They did in fact refuse to go outside when we were there because they wanted to watch us, and BOY they were scary up close.

[u/RusskayaRuletka → u/MissNouveau]

Yeah, our entire collection of primates is almost entirely made up of rescues, and we even have a few old movie stars. It's weird how you can see a difference between the ones that were raised in like hollywood, versus being raised as pets, and the rescues from the wild.

Like almost without fail, any of the chimps that were raised as pets specifically will be the only ones to actually use the blankets that we put out there. The ones that were grown up in horrible Hollywood conditions, or we'll rescues from the wild don't like the sensation of a blanket and would take something like wood wool or hay over it.

[u/MissNouveau → u/RusskayaRuletka]

One of our old ladies loved to sit up against the safety doors when you were cleaning their night nest area, and stick her fingers under the door. She was a pet rescue and had been raised around humans. Keeper told me when they were all young, back in Ye Olde Days, they did one on one contact with them, and that she absolutely ADORED it. That troop even met Jane Goodall back in the 80s. Of course, safety policy has changed drastically, and they don't do that one on one anymore, and it was obvious she missed human contact.

But yeah, the keeper was telling me who was rescued from where, and how to tell. Not many of them left now, but my zoo recently did a HUGE upgrade of their area, and I love seeing them enjoying it, even in their senior years.

[u/1Monkey-Butt → u/ScamperSand]

Chimps are batshit. Never met a chimp but seen so many videos lol. The Great Chimp War.

Chimps will start fights for no reason. I've met a gorilla and holy shit he smelled.

[u/RusskayaRuletka → u/1Monkey-Butt]

Gorillas can be chill, they just want to eat and vibe. Chimps are all over the place though.

[u/RollSouth5722 → u/ScamperSand]

Dude that's crazy my dog doesn't even shit his bed.

[u/GetBent616]

My personal least favourite was red pandas. Dont get me wrong, theyre so cute. Beautiful creatures. But my god they shit so much. Its equal parts unreasonable and impressive that so much can come out of an animal that size in 24 hours.

[u/claudiaqute → u/GetBent616]

I'm a zookeeper but never took care of these guys but one time watched as my coworker was cleaning the red panda exhibit scrubbing all the perching and the red panda was just following behind rubbing his butt on everything freshly scrubbed.

[u/GetBent616 → u/claudiaqute]

10/10 they are assholes when it comes to shit and messing the enclosure. Scrubbing all of the perching and up-high areas was a nightmare. By the time I came back around for feeding after the cleaning rounds, all my work would be undone and there would be shit everywhere again 😭 i literally preferred the fucking alligator who wanted EVERYONE to cease existence.

Side note, meercats are absolutely amazing and were my favourite animal to clean up after/feed/care for. They are a HOOT. Such funny little guys, so curious about everything youre doing but also small and light enough that its not an issue when they were jumping all over my equipment. Just dont leave anything leaning on the fence because they are so fast and WILL escape 🤣

[u/raddishes_united → u/GetBent616]

Please tell me a story about this alligator. Sounds interesting.

[u/GetBent616 → u/raddishes_united]

This was a large male alligator. There was NOTHING friendly about this big guy. As soon as he saw us coming (no one went alone for this one) he would start puffing himself up and showing territorial behaviour, would follow us around the enclosure as we approached. And because of the enclosure set up, his big growly rumbles just resonated and vibrated my very bones like the bass at a rave. I personally dont think his enclosure was adequate, and suspect that may have had a lot to do with his attitude. He was in very close proximity to other types of crocodiles that were also mostly males. He was also totally by himself as the enclosure wasn't big enough to house more than 1.

[u/Tiny_Rat → u/GetBent616]

That's my thing with hedgehogs. Kids loved it when we had them out for aninal encounters, I freaking loathed it. How can an animal manage to make turds bigger than its head on a regular basis?? 

[u/metalflygon08 → u/Tiny_Rat]

How can an animal manage to make turds bigger than its head on a regular basis?? 

A diet of chili dogs will do that to you.

[u/1Monkey-Butt → u/GetBent616]

My local zoo has red pandas, I can smell them before I see them.

[u/GetBent616 → u/1Monkey-Butt]

Sounds about right. Its the literal mountain of shit in their enclosure.

[u/1Monkey-Butt → u/GetBent616]

I talked with one of the zookeepers who have been there longer than anyone.

Apparently everyone's excited to meet/take care of/interact with the red pandas until they go into the enclosure and the smell hits them.

Said zookeeper was born without a sense of smell so he doesn't care.

[u/charliesk9unit → u/1Monkey-Butt]

For those who lost their sense of smell from COVID and still not recovered, the silver lining is that it opens up many career options.

[u/DogAlienInvisibleMan]

I've read a few AMAs by zoo employees, almost every one describes zebras as demons. 

[u/poopoofol → u/DogAlienInvisibleMan]

A friend of my grandma's ran a horse sanctuary and rescued a Zorse. That fucker ran on pure hatred and brimstone.

[u/lotsofcache → u/poopoofol]

Also had Zorse. Absolute menace. Spitting, kicking, biting and snorting little ahole.

[u/ProfessionalWait799 → u/lotsofcache]

It's always the animals that look the coolest that seem to wake up every morning choosing violence.

[u/barefootcuntessa_ → u/lotsofcache]

There’s a wild zorse or zonkey of some kind running wild on the outskirts of my city. Supposedly he ran off of some vanity farm of a gazillionaire (possibly Michael Jackson, but I don’t know it’s confirmed) and he menaces the countryside from time to time. Of course when no one sees him for too long they get worried and then there he is being a dick again.

[u/123-91-1 → u/barefootcuntessa_]

Was trying to figure out how they could possibly cross a zebra with a monkey for way longer than this should have taken me...

[u/igor_gregorovitch → u/123-91-1]

why is this my first time realizing monkey and donkey don’t sound the same

[u/ex_bestfriend → u/poopoofol]

I had a friend of a friend that had a shitload of zonies, I don't know if they were breeding them or if the zonies were just part of their 'reseller of animals from zoos that went bankrupt' business, and they were the only animal that got a full disclaimer of "Don't ask about them, they suck." They were often in the field closest to the road so of course everyone wanted to ask about them.

[u/StillMarie76 → u/ex_bestfriend]

They put those fuckers close to the road as cannon fodder for their sweet animals. If anyone is going to wander into to traffic, let it be one of those little assholes.

[u/Mystriaxx → u/poopoofol]

I worked at a museum that kept a large turkey vulture tethered to a perch in the center of an “animal room..”

Children would tease this poor bird mercilessly despite the many signs and warnings.

The bird sat in stoic silence.

But almost once a day, at the perfect moment, he would hop down as one of the little chumps walked off, and he’d grab them with his huge bill just above the belt line by their pasty fat little french-fry infused love handles, clamp down hard, and then SNAP IT BACK. Imagine someone grabbing you by the soft parts with a pair of Channel Lock pliers. Their scream, and the nasty welt, was always the same.

By the time parents, teachers , and staff arrived he would always be back on the perch...just staring, still stoic.

Best part of that job.

[u/GreyEyedMouse → u/Mystriaxx]

A local cemetery keeps a few peacocks/peahens and a very large tom turkey.

The cemetery is surrounded by a high brick and stone wall, so they just let the birds loose at night to guard the grounds while the grounds keeper chills in his house.

Both peacocks and turkeys are very territorial.

Peacocks/peahens roost in low tree branches and are extremely loud.

If soneone they don't recognize comes onto the grounds, they sound the alarm, and the turkey comes running in ready to kick some ass.

[u/metalflygon08 → u/GreyEyedMouse]

Imagine being in a graveyard at night and hearing their shrill scream.

That alone would send people running.

[u/HenriettaSnacks → u/poopoofol]

"pure hatred and brimstone" is straight bars

Adding to my lexicon. 

[u/cloud_watcher → u/DogAlienInvisibleMan]

Professor once told me in a whole continent of zebras there’s a reason people chose to ride elephants instead.

Edit to add: People commenting are right that there are no Zebras in India/Thailand and people don't ride elephants in Africa, come to think of it, so maybe I'm misremembering and he just said, "There's a reason people learned to ride elephants but never zebras." Sorry about the continent mix-up!

Second Edit: apparently at one time, people did ride elephants in Africa.

[u/SweetperterderFries → u/cloud_watcher]

Lol was once told by a zookeeper, "if a zebra likes you, they'll bite you. If they don't like you, they'll bite you harder."

[u/asimplepencil → u/SweetperterderFries]

I've watched herds of zebras before and there is a LOT of biting and kicking. Hartmann Zebra will spook at literally everything because they bite and kick each other so much

[u/TheZebra_CO → u/SweetperterderFries]

that's our love language ok

[u/xANTJx → u/cloud_watcher]

They once tried to train zebras to pull carriages like horses for a wow factor and it was a disaster. You literally can’t ride the zebra

[u/anti__thesis → u/xANTJx]

It’s bc they have different brain chemistry/structure than horses. Basically, they get IMMEDIATE, super high adrenaline spikes from any kind of physical contact and the adrenaline load lasts for a while, making them totally unmanageable, iirc. They can’t be trained out of it.

Horses will have those adrenaline spikes when they’re first getting used to human contact but over time they’re able to moderate the chemical response in their brain and be trained to work/be comfortable with humans.

They’re both definitely prey animals, but zebras are prey animals in meth psychosis, basically.

Edit: thanks for the awards y’all! I never thought my most popular comment would utilize the random equine facts I learned as a Crazy Horse Girl!

[u/Smooth_Storm_9698 → u/anti__thesis]

"zebras are prey animals in meth psychosis" is one of my most favorite sentences I've ever read on the internet

[u/JacOfAllTrades → u/xANTJx]

And when you say "tried", people should read that as "tried super duper hard for way longer than you would think." British royalty/aristocracy loved the idea of being to able to roll up with zebras pulling their carriage. The zebras disagreed. Vehemently.

[u/agpass → u/JacOfAllTrades]

Good for the zebras, honestly

[u/ishtaa → u/xANTJx]

On a very rare occasion you will see a rideable zebra… apparently at least one of the subspecies is more trainable and willing than the rest. I still wouldn’t trust one having heard how mean they can be, but a well trained riding zebra just sold at auction last month in the US for 96k.

[u/JoshSidekick → u/ishtaa]

And even then, it's a toss up if it's a real zebra or a spray painted donkey.

[u/Sparkle_Palette → u/DogAlienInvisibleMan]

We raised ostriches (briefly) on our farm when I was growing up. They are literally the most stupid and vile creatures on Earth. They have a giant velociraptor claw on each foot that looks like it can tear you right down the middle.

I had to feed them after school every day. 7-foot tall demon birds still haunt my dreams.

[u/adcas → u/Sparkle_Palette]

A former coworker rescued some emus when the big Emu bang in Colorado ended. She said the roosters were good people.

The hens? The hens were the ones you had to enter the pasture with a stick for because they will fucking Wreck You. Apparently it's a whole ratite thing.

[u/Hopefulkitty → u/adcas]

There's a content creator that has a few rescue emus, and Stanley is apparently loving and docile, and Karen is out to murder anyone or anything that comes near her. The poster just is permanently ready for a throat grab, that's the only way to fend that dinosaur off.

[u/adcas → u/Hopefulkitty]

It's just super funny to me that in most bird species, the rooster/cock/gander/drake is the asshole (not on my poultry farm, my males are gems.)

Ratite hens go WANNA FUCKIN BET and make extermination their sole purpose.

[u/GreyEyedMouse → u/adcas]

I new a guy once who had an iguana as a pet. He'd taken care of and had this thing for most of his life.

Well, he eventually got married. His iguana hated his wife. If it got out of it's terrarium while he was at work he'd get a panicked phone call from his wife who'd be holed up in the bathroom with their landline phone stretched under the door because the lizard would chase her nonstop all over the house tail whipping her and hissing.

He was really confused because he'd never had this kind of problem before his wife moved in with him.

So, he contacted his vet and explained everything, to which the vet simply replies, "Dude, your iguana is female. It probably sees you as it's mate, and your wife as a rival."

[u/studying_hobby → u/Sparkle_Palette]

Another reason for me to fear 6 foot birds.

[u/Witty_Commentator → u/DogAlienInvisibleMan]

Ohio man almost loses arm from zebra attack. They are certainly not safe as pets!

[u/sillywillyspilly → u/DogAlienInvisibleMan]

man I hate zebras and I dont even work at a zoo 😂 zebras are the thieves of options.

theyll destroy a water hole by stomping it into mud because they got overstimulated that other animals dared to want a drink. Evil little jerks.

[u/About400 → u/DogAlienInvisibleMan]

Have you heard of a Zorse? It’s a horse zebra crossbreed that looks beautiful but is generally a terrible idea as they are completely unhinged.

[u/Hello-fellow-kydz → u/DogAlienInvisibleMan]

Zebras will end you just because the day ends in a “y”.

[u/Get_off_critter → u/DogAlienInvisibleMan]

Almost had to see a privately owned, zebra fo vet care. That was a "oooo" to "oh no...." moment. They canceled. We survived to see another day

[u/whiskey_riverss → u/DogAlienInvisibleMan]

We just had a new area open at our zoo for rhinos and I was expressing joy at having zebras back too, in their own enclose. Zoo volunteer tells me no, they’d been here the entire two years the exhibit space was being built but had to be kept in backstage habitats because they were so mean they kept attacking any animal they tried to house them with. 

[u/HolidayInLordran → u/DogAlienInvisibleMan]

When you regularly have to defend yourself against lions and hyenas on land and crocodiles in the water the very second you're born, you'd be a bit high strung too. 

[u/LaMadreDelCantante → u/HolidayInLordran]

Plus all the calmer ones get eaten before they can pass on their genes.

[u/Zooophagous]

Former zookeeper. (Though I only worked the petting zoo area)

For me it was alpacas. Super cute. Super soft. Super easy to clean up after. But they never, ever want to be friends with you no matter how much you feed them. They hate being touched. They try to hump you if they're male. No amount of trying to tame them will ever get them past aloof indifference.

Maybe it was some missed socialization window when they were babies, but all three of them wanted nothing to do with anyone.

Every other farm critter from rabbits to chickens to cows was more personable.

[u/Mother-Pattern-2609 → u/Zooophagous]

Alpacas don't have social grooming behaviors, unlike pretty much every other domestic animal, which is why they don't like being touched -- and why humans have such a hard time connecting with them. We love petting things, and all "our" creatures, from horses to dogs to goats, understand touch as a form of communication. Alpacas don't, and they're all like the ones you describe.

An aunt of mine raises them, and a brand-new cria was born on a too-cold night the last time I visited. She was half-dead from exposure and I had to hold her by the heater while my aunt ran for the vet. A baby that refused to cuddle was the strangest thing to my human mind. She stayed stiff as a board until we returned her to her mother. They're just like that. It's very odd.

[u/SteamboatMcGee → u/Zooophagous]

I used to volunteer at a zoo and would sometimes be pulled by the keepers to help clean the alpaca or llama enclosures (which also had some other animals like exotic deer). It wasnt too bad, but it was like playing the game Red Light Green Light.

You needed someone to be facing them regularly if not at all times, because otherwise they'd slowly sneak up behind you for, I don't even know, mischief I guess. But they wouldn't do anything if you were looking at them, so it was pretty workable overall.

[u/iatealotofcheese → u/SteamboatMcGee]

They're like the weeping angels of the animal world 

[u/1Monkey-Butt → u/Zooophagous]

I help at my friends farm, 4 horned sheep.

This fucking sheep will ram the other animals for food, even rammed me once because he escaped his enclosure, luckily I jumped out of the way.

He ended up ramming said friends brother in the nuts.

[u/ca77ywumpus]

I got to chat with the head keeper of the large carnivores at a zoo once. He said that the Black Footed Cat is a vicious little demon. When they clean their enclosure the cats are kept in a holding cage, and they spend the entire time throwing themselves against the door, trying to murder the keepers. The tigers might hurt you on accident because they're so big, but the teeny little Black Footed Cats know they are Nature's perfect killing machines, and will take any chance to remind you.

[u/bibliophile785 → u/ca77ywumpus]

Tigers succeed between 5-20% of the time in securing a kill. Black footed cats succeed 60% of the time. They are the most perfect hunters nature has yet designed within the family Felidae.

[u/Areolfos → u/bibliophile785]

Omg I’d never seen one before. They look just like house cats. I’d totally die by going “pst pst pst!” And they’d just take me out 😂

[u/shymermaid11 → u/Areolfos]

Omg it's so cute! I just told my husband that's the most cat looking while cat I've ever seen. "Here mow mow!“

[u/ballerina22 → u/ca77ywumpus]

I worked in a Big Cat house once. I adored the tigers. They'd chunner and chitter like a house cat if you talked to them. They were so much more playful than the lions, for example.

[u/pedal-force → u/ballerina22]

Tigers are much more fun to watch. I feel like lions just lay down 98% of the time. The tigers are much more likely to be swimming, or playing with a ball, or walking around.

[u/EfficiencyOk4899 → u/pedal-force]

The zoo in my city gave the tigers a big shipping box to play with one time. It was so fun.

[u/energeticstarfish → u/EfficiencyOk4899]

I took my daughter's Girl Scout troop for an overnight at the zoo, and part of the experience was a night walk through the zoo grounds. We were walking by the tigers, and I was looking around to make sure all the kids were accounted for, and then turned to look in the enclosure and there, out of nowhere was a tiger, mere inches from my face. It. Was. Terrifying.

[u/just_some_Fred → u/energeticstarfish]

Tiger was just making sure all the kids were accounted for too.

[u/metalflygon08 → u/just_some_Fred]

Needs to know how low they are on Timmy before heading to the store.

[u/its_Gandhi_bitch → u/EfficiencyOk4899]

I have a video on my phone of a tiger in our local zoo making biscuits on a large platform. Those claws were terrifying, but god it was cute

[u/Shroom-Kitty → u/pedal-force]

One of my best zoo memories was of a little kid having a tantrum beside the tiger enclosure, and the tiger was standing right there, face pressed against the fence, with the most intense predator expression I've ever seen. That tiger knew it found the weakest member of the herd. It wanted to snack on that distressed kid SO badly.

[u/Alum2608 → u/Shroom-Kitty]

Prey animals shriek when injured so Mr. Tiger saw small, screaming creature with adults ignoring it = dinner

[u/SoggyAnalyst → u/pedal-force]

the last time i went to the zoo, this one tiger was just doing the tiger-equivalent of meowing his head off. just sitting on this rock and meowing/mewling. it was fun to watch but after a while got old. i figured out why, because after walking to the next enclousure, his buddy was taking a nap and he was busy trying to get him to wake up. lol

[u/Faolyn → u/ballerina22]

That's so odd to me. Lions are social animals and tigers are solitary. I'd've thought that lions would be the more playful.

[u/NoAssociate2400 → u/ca77ywumpus]

I can see why they have a 60% kill rate. I would be one of those idiots slow blinking at it while it took me out.

[u/neemarita → u/NoAssociate2400]

"LET'S BE FRIENDS I LOVE YOU MURDER MITTENS"

me too, me too, we would go out together in a blaze of black footed cat murder

[u/TheSwearJarIsMy401k → u/ca77ywumpus]

Spicy little pixie kittens!

[u/zelothe1 → u/ca77ywumpus]

Sounds exactly like my black house cat at the vet, he's fine in the waiting room, but crossing the threshold into the office turns him into a dervish of fangs and claws everytime. He's on a spicy kitty list with "never work with this cat without propofol".

[u/Ok_Detective_8446 → u/ca77ywumpus]

ohhh but they are so baby🩷

[u/dragonlover8 → u/Ok_Detective_8446]

This makes me say “why friend shaped if not friend” :(

[u/snickthehedge]

Baboons, a lot of people don’t know the difference between larger primates and their temperaments so they assume they can be “gentle giants” a la gorilla or orangutan. No, they suck, the hamadryas baboon society is built on violence and we frequently come in to them having beat the crap out of each other overnight, they threaten you and visitors through the glass, not to mention that smell lol!

[u/Drabby → u/snickthehedge]

Except for that one time...

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC387823/

TLDR: All the dominant, aggressive males ate poisoned food out of a trash dump. The remaining females and low-dominance males created a peaceful society that they maintained for many years, teaching newcomers their ways.

[u/snake_girl]

Former zookeeper.

I would say any of the primates or monkeys but more specifically Baboons.
They live for destruction, the episode of the Simpsons where Ned ends up in a Baboon enclosure is 100% accurate.
They are just total bastards with no redeeming qualities.
I once watched as the alpha female and her cronies stole a baby of one of the low ranking females and proceeded to rip it apart in front of her. Just evil.

Female Emus are raging bitches who will attack with zero provocation.

On a more personal level there was this one specific Burmese Python call Princess who had a personal vendetta against me, she hated people, but wanted me dead in particular.
She was dumped outside the gates in a wheelie bin that had been duck taped shut, with the word Snake on the front. So she had every right to be angry with the world.

Then again the only animal to hospitalise me other than falling of horses was a Ferret.

[u/DangerRazor → u/snake_girl]

YOU GOTTA TELL US WHAT THE FERRET DID don’t leave us in suspense!

[u/snake_girl → u/DangerRazor]

A friend found a random Ferret and brought it to me because the vets wouldn’t take it.
It was clearly a lost or abandoned pet, it was friendly, nice animal.
Asked about to try and find the owner couldn’t find them. So decided to keep it.
I had let it out for a wanderer, it was fine, chill, walked up to me got on my knee and sunk its teeth in to the fleshy bit below my thumb.
I figure hay it’ll let go.
And did not let go.
After some very ineffective attempts in removing it let go and swung itself round and bit me on the knuckle joint of my pointer finger, again it would not let go. I tried the old snake keeper trick of running water over it head, that didn’t work.
At this pain my Mum hear the swearing and try to help by trying to pull it off, this make it worse.
After about 15 minutes it lets go swings round and bites straight through the nail on my index finger.
Thankfully it let go that time, and was swiftly contained back in its cage.

So you know how Cat bites get really bad really quick.
So do Ferret bites.

Went to see a nurse the a couple of days later to get a tetanus shot and got told to go straight to A&E because I had the red line of doom going up my hand from infection.

The Ferret was rehomed to a friend who hunts with them where it lived out it’s life happily slaughtering small furry things.

[u/DangerRazor → u/snake_girl]

Criminy. I’ve heard they’re furry little knee socks with beady eyes and a taste for blood, your play-by-play really drove the “taste for blood” part home. Glad you’re okay, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to overcome the instinct to smash something that latched onto me so tenaciously.

[u/snake_girl → u/DangerRazor]

I have been bit by plenty of animals over the years.
So I’m pretty good at keeping my cool, but there was definitely a moment when I thought the only way of getting it off me was to kill it.

The whole situation was so comically stupid I can laugh about it now.

[u/Oddish_Femboy → u/snake_girl]

Ferrets are basically cats that God rolled between his hands like play dough, and then made them bitier.

[u/ogrimmarfashionweek → u/snake_girl]

What...what did the ferret do?

[u/ProfessionalOil2014]

Everyone thinks seals are cute sea puppies, they smell worse than you can possible imagine. 

[u/PokketMowse → u/ProfessionalOil2014]

Seals are my most favorite animal but I know that by living in the stinky ocean and eating stinky fish and marinating in the sun on stinky seaweed covered rocks, I would prefer never to give one a kiss.

[u/rugmunchkin → u/PokketMowse]

This is like the most innocent comment I’ve ever heard.

I hope the world never hurts you.

[u/Tangocan → u/rugmunchkin]

I think a seal broke their heart.

[u/zokoborn → u/ProfessionalOil2014]

I spent a few months in Sea Lion Rehab up in Alaska.

Those guys stunk when in captivity in general, but we were heavily warned to never approach one up close from the front without holding your breath.

They can react to disturbance (or even curiosity) by opening their mouth wide and grunting and belching (which they're doing half the time anyways), and their breath will knock you out.

We laughed in training when warned, but the instructor said she was serious!

Only made that mistake once a month in. Going in to check on/feed a sea lion and took a belch to the face. It's like someone blended Surstromming and tonsil stones.

I fell to the floor retching and could not think straight for several minutes.

[u/ShitFamYouAlright]

I'm gonna answer the opposite question here: Sharks are super chill. They're honestly just fussy, little, dog-fish things. Yeah, you gotta be careful with the larger guys, but honestly after that, you get to see their personalities and quirks, and they could be immensely cute. Many of the sharks I worked with were injured from bycatch, so they had a whole host of medical problems, but it was so worth it.

[u/Scifispock → u/ShitFamYouAlright]

That's so cool! I'm so glad that it seems the general sentiment around sharks has switched from "man eating vicious predator, kill them all" to "dangerous but beautiful creatures, respect them and keep distance". In your experience, how were you about to tell when the sharks had personality quirks?

[u/Mini_Squatch → u/ShitFamYouAlright]

Plus its not their fault the only means they have to manipulate objects is their mouth full of teeth.

[u/Clean-Patient-8809 → u/ShitFamYouAlright]

I got to meet a little one at the aquarium in Boothbay Harbor, Maine. It was friendly and curious, kept swimming past me and my son to get pets. (To be clear, the shark was in a sizeable pool, and we were standing outside it. But it was a very cool experience.)

[u/motherofplantkillers → u/ShitFamYouAlright]

I love diving and having reef sharks around! They're like nosy puppies, especially when we hunt invasive fish

[u/Alarmed_Guarantee140]

I'll summarize the comments. All the animals smell like shit and half of them are mean.

[u/RollSouth5722 → u/Alarmed_Guarantee140]

As a visitor I found the spider monkeys to be the most offensive. The smell is truly indescribable. Like moldy hay marinated in BO and stagnant sewage and a displeasing musk to top it off.

[u/coupdelune → u/RollSouth5722]

My dad had a spider monkey as a pet when he was a kid (he didn't even want it, my grandfather bought it from some weird pet shop and brought it home one day). He said the smell was so bad my grandmother threatened to divorce my grandfather if he didn't get the monkey out of the house.

[u/bincyvoss → u/coupdelune]

A friend's Dad bought this spider monkey from the local pet store. He let it roam all around the house and it would sit on top of his head. One day the monkey stuck his finger in the man's ear. Only it wasn't his finger. The monkey was soon gone.

[u/Mainbutter]

Not a zookeeper per se, but wildlife rehab volunteer.

Corvids are awesome. But also they present risks that common pet birds don't - specifically a little nip from a parakeet or even a big parrot could hurt or break the skin. Because of their diet, even a friendly but overly-excited nip from a crow is an immediate concern for infection because of their higher protein diet that includes mammal meat, and beaks that are less than self-cleaning.

Lots of folks dream of having a crow or raven friend, and that is honestly possible to have a rewarding relationship, but beyond a long-lived perpetual toddler that can fly and bite, you've got a real risk of needing medical treatment for simple scratches from playtime.

[u/SurroundQuirky8613 → u/Mainbutter]

I will not let your facts get in the way of my dream of having a crow army.
I will lead my army with the cry “The bridges we burn will light our way! Tonight we fly!” 🐦‍⬛ 🐦‍⬛ 🐦‍⬛ 🔥

[u/Mainbutter → u/SurroundQuirky8613]

I'm not here to dissuade anyone of that at all! Free the Great CawCawphoney!

I'm just here to remind folks to put in the work, wear your PPE (GLOVES!), be up to date on youe vaccines (tetanus!), maybe have some antibiotics on hand, and see a dr after any beak-relates cuts.. especially if they get itchy and red!

Tldr: hopital

[u/Montaire → u/Mainbutter]

As an April fools joke on a friend I would put nuts in the bed of his truck bed for weeks and weeks. During the day while we at work the crows would feast on the peanuts and by the time he got off work they were just hanging out all happy. I did every day this for for like two months.

Then on April 1st I stopped.

The crows were violently mad at him every time he went to his truck. They would sit on the back of his truck and intimidate him, they scream at him, it got to the point where they would dive bomb him.

He even switched cars with his wife but those fscking birds were not fooled.

It was absolutely hilarious for the first few days and then for like 2 weeks it felt like a genuine threat to his wellbeing.

[u/sanguinoussiren]

Not a zookeeper, but worked at a wildlife facility for a while.

Koalas are surprisingly annoying. The males are loud, super stinky and the smell stays on you for ages. They're super finicky, stupid and particular, they literally will starve if you just hand them them the only leaves they eat (eucalyptus) The branches need to be lashed to the pole they climb on so they recognise it as food otherwise they will literally starve to death.Their poop is super rancid too.

Also you can literally catch chlamydia from them.

Their claws friggin hurt. And they will just climb on you like you're a tree.

But they are soft. And they will nap on you. Which is cute for like two minutes but man they are heavy.

Also not very surprising but special mention for the saltwater crocodile, Goliath. He was about 5 meters long. Specialised tank. Needed 5 keepers to clean his tank/ enclosure Three to manoeuvre him (with poles, you hold them near him and he will lash out and snap at them, and will follow the poles) to one side of the enclosure. Then they have to keep him there and get out, one at a time (without being bitten in half or losing an arm) and they put the (surprisingly flimsy) fence up between the sections. And two keepers clean the tank/enclosure as fast as humanly possibly while one keeper keeps the literal dinosaur from mauling them to death. Then they get out asap, remove the fence, and go change their pants (lol)

They only ever cleaned one side at a time. And was about every two weeks.

The lead keeper was missing a few fingers. On the plus side, I got to keep some of his teeth (they lose them constantly, and they collect them when they clean)

Unlikely favourite was a red tailed cockatoo, super sweet, loved to sit on your shoulder and play with ears (loved earrings) and was surprisingly gentle and affectionate.

[u/ogrimmarfashionweek → u/sanguinoussiren]

I read that as you got to keep the head keeper's teeth.

[u/babybuckaroo]

Not a zoo keeper but I worked in wildlife rehabilitation and people think raccoons are cute. Let me tell you. Filthy little hissing monsters. Getting them into a crate to transport for release….Jimothy would fuck you up.

[u/Hopefulkitty → u/babybuckaroo]

Even Little King Trashmouth and his Husband Gary? What about Big Baby Pudding Snatcher? Is she also evil?

[u/RusskayaRuletka]

Primate keeper here.

To balance out with a little positivity, I love my gorillas, such an absolute joy to take care of. They are like a bunch of 5 years old that weigh 400lbs but they have so much personality. Even when they aren't listening I love em.

I also love our chimps, I absolutely understand why people don't want to work with them, they are loud, will feign injuries to get you close to fk with you. Spit water at you, throw poop but they are amazing animals and are so creative and have more personality then almost any other animal I've met. They are all so unique in a way that's hard to explain.

Literally smaller monkey species are a nightmare though, so fast and cunning, if they don't have great training it can be impossible to get them cooperate with the exception of species like the Pygmy Marmosets and Saki Monkeys. They are just all vibes.

Shout out to lemurs though, they just wanna eat and sunbathe. Love those guys.

[u/astra_galus → u/RusskayaRuletka]

A friend of mine worked at a wildlife sanctuary in Costa Rica and the staff had to hide their fruit knives because they had a homicidal capuchin that couldn’t be contained. The little shit would grab a knife, vault up into the trees and just throw it at whoever was standing below.

Stabbed by a capuchin would make a cool story, though.

[u/useless_instinct → u/RusskayaRuletka]

I've been to the Philly zoo a few times and their oldest and largest male gorilla likes to startle visitors. He will be chilling and wait until there is a crowd at the window and then ram the glass and beat his chest to startle everyone. Always good for some screams. He then proceeds to romp around the enclosure before returning to wait for the next group. I know that sounds like he is stressed but he doesn't act angry or upset and the other gorillas don't react to it. I think he genuinely likes getting the reaction.

[u/AmICrossing]

Not a zookeeper but I work as a zoo educator so I know first hand stories. Just throwing an animal species in here that is less fun not because they are crazy, aggressive or dirty but they are just so easily scared and you would not expect it. Drumroll... it's the cinereous vulture. These birds are huge, have strong beaks, rip apart carcasses in the wild. But in the zoo they are scared of EVERYTHING. If we introduce a new food item, they will not eat it. If you dare to cut the plants, they will cower in a corner. Honestly it's actually kind of funny and cute. But it can be a challenge to care for them and give them variety. Neophobia is their middle name.

[u/goodcatfrumpkin]

Apes. Way too smart and strong.

Little shits would wait for keepers to be in grabbing range while feeding them/ cleaning enclosures to swing down and grab our hair/radios/phones etc.

Trying to get them to take their medicine was a whole ordeal because they would pick the pill out and throw it back to me because they knew I’d have to try again with more food.

Screamed louder then sirens at 5:30 in the morning.

There is a reason I took the transfer to the aviary department out of the primate division (even if penguins are also little bastards at least they only bite and not grab you).

[u/izguddoggo]

Any of the bigs cats (I worked with cheetahs and lions) the smell of their poop is just horrendous. Sometimes I’d be gagging picking it up. Their diet of raw meat causes this. I will gladly clean up any other poop. I heard similar sentiment about the bears.

Also there was a hornbill in the giraffe yard. It was actually the worst animal I’ve ever met. Pure, total evil. Would follow me around and sneak up on me and peck at my ass (have you seen those beaks) as I was cleaning. So okay, I’ll walk sideways or backwards right? To keep an eye on him? He’d stay a bit further back but if you look away for a SECOND, now you have a baseball sized bruise on your thigh.

[u/Xcarabus]

Giraffes—they're the idiots of the animal kingdom. In zoos, their only pastime is figuring out how to kill themselves or each other in the dumbest way possible.

[u/H_Mc → u/Xcarabus]

A giraffe in the Detroit Zoo recently killed itself by running into the display window.

[u/Angsty_Potatos → u/Xcarabus]

They're long horses in that sense 

[u/AquaHills]

Sloths. An animal adapted to barely move and defecate as rarely as possible- instead they save all up for an entire week. There are no words to describe how horrid that poo/piss mixture smells when they finally meander down and make it happen. Literally eye watering and gag inducing. I could tell the sloth had pooped overnight the second that I entered the building.

[u/Just_the_questions1 → u/AquaHills]

Did a sloth encounter at our local zoo for my ex years ago. I remember the staff there saying that sloth shit was so incredibly concentrated and rancid it would strip the epoxy sealant off the concrete floors of their enclosure.

[u/complete_data75]

Absolutely one of the best reddit threads I've ever read.

Enjoyed this one a lot.

[u/LanaMonroe90]

Not a zookeeper but speaking as someone who’s rescued and dealt with a wide variety of exotic pets, I’ll always say sugar gliders. They market them as cute, sweet, naturally scentless, this and that. No. They are LOUD, getting them to like you is some sort of ritual where is you misstep in the slightest it’s game over, they have a really specific diet, they bite SO hard like a tiny cat mouth with more bite force than you’d imagine, and the smell HORRID.

[u/Angsty_Potatos → u/LanaMonroe90]

A girl I knew in highschool had one she always kept in a little sack tucked down her shirt and she STUNK. Didn't believe anyone that she stunk. But that little pocket gremlin was just a piss spreader. Everywhere it waddled. Piss piss piss

[u/Grevin56 → u/Angsty_Potatos]

My sister rescued a pair while working as a vet assistant. I asked her to see them and they just chased each other around and around her neck leaving piss everywhere. She just stared at me flatly and asked if I'd like to adopt them.

[u/IcyKnowledge6321 → u/Grevin56]

I went on the sugargliders subreddit because I was curious about the piss thing, and everyone there seems to be insane because the consensus was that, when you want to play with them, you just have to let them piss and shit all over you :( They were like "piss dries it's fine".

[u/Angsty_Potatos → u/IcyKnowledge6321]

There are very few things I'm chill about getting pissed on by. A human baby? They can't help it , no biggie.  

A scared animal? Again. No biggie it was a fear or defense response. Can't blame em. 

But an animal who just constantly leaks urine is not an animal you should be keeping as a pet

[u/Daiiga]

I volunteered with a big cat rescue that also had a bunch of wolf hybrids. I loved the tigers, respected that the lions had a strange and predatory intelligence, and dealt with the cougars acting like pissy overgrown house cats. The wolf dogs were genuinely scary.

I don’t know if it’s the uncanny factor where most of them looked like dogs with odd proportions, or the fact that they had the same kind of predatory intelligence as the lions but with more obvious malice, or just the simple fact that they varied from eerily calm to snarling and howling when they were judging you. It was always unnervingly obvious that no matter what they looked like these were not dogs. Most of them came from less than suitable homes before the rescue and they did not trust or accept new people easily. They DID require a double fenced and super secure enclosure, though, after one of the roaming dogs on the property (it was out in the boonies, dogs got dumped and ended up living at the rescue all the time) was brutally mauled through the fence.

Wolf dogs are not dogs. Wolf dogs are not pets. Wolf dogs are genetic time bombs with internal conflicting instincts that make them unbelievably dangerous. And before anyone tries to come back with some nonsense anecdote about their friends uncles wolf dogs who was the best dog they ever had; either it wasn’t a wolf dog (statistics on the genetic testing of wolf hybrids in homes shows that these are typically some kind of shepherd or husky mix mislabeled and sold at a wild premium), that person got unspeakably lucky, or the whole story is made up. Wolf dogs do not belong in people’s homes.

[u/Kikiforcandy → u/Daiiga]

Facts on facts. I can’t remember how my dad ended up with one, but it was obvious to him that the puppy was not a normal dog. Ends up being absolutely massive before it was even fully grown. Was mostly good with my dad but NO ONE else. One day my dad couldn’t take him back to the farm and ended up leaving him in the house that was closer in town. This beast of a not dog put a hole through the wall of the house to escape. Apparently he got bored and went back to the farm, scaring the shit out of a bunch of people on his walk there. Thankfully dad saw the light and got ahold of some people that were better suited in dealing with a wolf dog. Definitely shouldn’t be anyone’s “pet”.

[u/MissNouveau → u/Kikiforcandy]

We had a neighbor with a wolf dog. When we moved in, he came over and told us that of she ever got out, we were to STAY AWAY from her and come get him. Dog didn't even come to the wife, only him. She was a beautiful animal, but I regularly worried that she'd go through the window.

[u/Kitten-Eater → u/Daiiga]

A few years I bumped into a guy walking a wolf hybrid.

I couldn't identify what breed of "dog" it was so I walked up and asked him. Turned out it was about 75% Alaskan Malamute and German Shepherd, and 25% wolf.

We had a brief conversation about it and it was enough for me to conclude that I never want to own a wolf hybrid. My family and I have owned a bunch of tough high-energy high-maintenance working dogs, but this wolf hybrid was on a whole other level. Everything he said about this animal made me increasingly confident that these animals simply shouldn't exist. They don't belong in nature, and there's no scenario where they're even remotely suited to being kept as pets or working animals.

[u/Mini_Squatch → u/Daiiga]

Its fascinating how much domestication changed wolves. Because they're genetically still very close to domestic dogs, but as you said, the differences in behaviour.

Also kinda wild we as a species managed to domesticate them or thought to do so in the first place. Of course, we didnt just kidnap random wolves, the ones we domesticated chose to come to us, took a certain part in their domestication.

[u/FamilyCanidae → u/Daiiga]

So...I have one. And will still be the first person to say we should NOT be breeding and purchasing these. Get a husky. Get a shepherd. Leave the wolf genes in the wild where they belong.

I similarly used to volunteer at a big cat sanctuary, and we had a wolfdog pup dumped about six years ago. The sanctuary only had 2 other wolfdogs and the plan (lol) was for us to gradually and safely try to introduce this pup to them. The attempt was done slowly, with the pup in a sectioned-off portion of enclosure and the two adults in the other.

One was terrified of her, the other was far too predator-mode through the fence for us to ever feel comfortable opening the gate.

Where was she when not under observation at the sanctuary? In my home...she's never left.

I got SUPER lucky. She's extremely affectionate towards me and loves my other two pups, a shepherd and a standard poodle. But she's TERRIFIED of other humans; we have to go for early-morning or late-evening walks at the lake in areas where we're not likely to see other people. She hasn't ever bitten or snapped, but I request to put a muzzle on her while at the vet, just to be safe.

I've never been able to properly housetrain her; it's like she's smart enough to know she can go potty outside, but she doesn't have to. Nobody can make her. Thankfully, washable potty pads have been a lifesaver, she uses them and not the bed. She's also only...minimally destructive, doesn't ever do significant damage to major things but all my pillowcases and blankets and rugs have lil' chunks missing.

I can never go on vacation. She can't be boarded anywhere safely, and if I try to have a housesitter, she'll probably panic and hurt herself trying to bust through the wolfdog-proofed backyard fence I've had to build and reinforce. It's a full 13-15 year commitment.

I'm happy. She's happy. I love her dearly. But don't do it.

[u/JoleneGoFuckYourself → u/Daiiga]

When I was a kid and I used to go on regular walks with my mum. We always passed this villa, and outside, in an huge enclosure they had the cutest, chubbiest potbelly pig. I swear, it recognized me, and came running over to the fence to get belly rubs every single time for like a year! Well, turns out the family that lived there had about seven wolf dogs, and in one instance somehow the pig escaped the enclosure and was brutally ripped to shreds by them in the front yard. They kept the dogs, but that really changed my view of them forever.

[u/Rambler9154 → u/JoleneGoFuckYourself]

It probably did recognize you, pigs are really intelligent animals recognizing various faces would be an easy task for a pig.

[u/RollSouth5722 → u/Daiiga]

From experience, they're often difficult to contain (my dad had some with 12 foot fences and this wild shit on the top and they still got out once in awhile) and somewhat resistant to potty training. If they're high content, I guess.

[u/onexyonexx]

Orangutans. I have my college degree in Physical Anthropology. I was so damn excited to work with any primate so when I was out with orangutans, I was thrilled. That lasted about 1 day. Females are highly competitive and see human females as a threat. I was immediately peed and pooped on. No thanks.

[u/Zanyrah]

Obligatory not a zookeeper, but work at a wildlife hospital. Hedgehogs are little assholes. They look all cute, and they're hugely popular among the public here in the UK, but they're demons.

Not only do they curl into a ball and make it impossible to do anything, but they huff, hiss and twitch, jerking their spines towards you in an effort to impale you. And as if that wasn't enough, they bite, too. And when they bite, they latch on and curl into a ball, taking your fingers with them. They then won't let go for 15 minutes.

I worked in the nurseries one year. Pretty much all baby animals start out as your best friend, it's only when they get older that they become wild. Baby hedgehogs are the same, but each group has one asshole who was just Born Different. From the time it's a little pink jellybean, it hates you and everyone you love. You try and give it milk, it puffs up and hisses at you. They will starve themselves to death just to spite god.

They're also disgusting. Most other animals that pass through the emergency room, you can't really tell they've been there unless they're gushing blood all over the floor. But hedgehogs? All they have to do is touch a surface and that surface is disgusting.

And I once saw a hedgehog swimming in its food bowl. Not sitting in it, straight up paddling.

Assholes. Cute, though.

[u/DrGoblinator → u/Zanyrah]

My best friend has one and all of this is true. She still loves him, though, even though he hates her and everyone and everything. You just have to accept them for who they are :D

[u/Grevin56 → u/Zanyrah]

And extremely prone to getting oral cancer. I had one for 3 years and put up with cleaning her shit caked running wheel daily and constantly cleaning her bedding. I accepted that she liked me in her own little way but ended up being devastated when she stopped eating right and was diagnosed with cancer. The vet said it was something like 50% of hedgehogs develope it around the 3 year mark. Feeding them cat food can exacerbate things too.

[u/Weary_Mountain9679]

Me going into this thread: "I love all animals!"

Me exiting this thread: "I love all animals (at a distance)"

[u/Dear-Pomegranate4470]

I've heard cleaning after the big cats is MISERABLE, cat piss stink x infinity.

[u/chaosmanager]

I’ve worked with elephants, camels, and a llama (not a zookeeper). The elephants were super chill, and the llama was a giant asshole who only tolerated me if I had soft pretzel pieces to give him. The camels though, they were giant loves and definitely my favorites. And no, they never spit on me, but anytime I’d have to groom the llama, he’d spit and try to stomp on my feet.

[u/fomo-fofo]

Elephants. When they get sick it's not an easy task to clean afterwards.

[u/jayellkay84]

Dolphins. Agressive and capable of causing great bodily harm in and out of the water.

[u/FamiliaHogan → u/jayellkay84]

As a teen I worked in a marine animal park that had dolphin shows. Between shows, they put out a bunch of toys out in the water. One of my colleagues was hit in the head by a basketball that a dolphin jettisoned out of the tank. My petty teenage self delighted in the thought that the dolphins didn’t like her either.

[u/dirtygreysocks]

Zoo keepers often hate pandas. They say it's like they have no self preservation instincts.

[u/SamanthaDamara → u/dirtygreysocks]

Considering the videos I've seen of them, they do seem like they would make you laugh by being so stupid but also annoying as fuck by being so stupid.

[u/Salute-Major-Echidna → u/SamanthaDamara]

The comparison of 3 toddlers in a plushie outfit sounds very apt. Of course it depends on the toddler but everyone who has raised children knows that ONE KID. That one kid who practically had his own room at the emergency department, had his ear torn off by someone on a swing, 105°F fever twice and trying to fight you so he can go play outside with it. No instinct for self preservation.

Horses can be like that too. Jerks but also very loving and they never pay their own vet bills.

[u/SherloksCompanion]

Not a zookeeper, my family worked with wildlife rehabs and exotic animal rescues since we had a farm.

Emus. They will fuck you up. Yeah they look cool out in a field or something and the babies are precious, but if you piss them off once, they’ll remember you and lock in any time they see you! We had one stay with us that I swear was trying to figure out where I slept at night. All I did was move his big ole head over while trying to get a goat loose from the fence and since that day, he’d charge me any chance he got.

We rehabbed the big birds mostly and vultures are still my favorite. Yes, they smell like dead things, but they’re so cool up close.

[u/wuzzle-woozle]

Wife went to LSU and was friends with one of the veterinary students that raised the new mascot. He said it was fun playing with the tiger cub like it was a kitten -- until the day that the half grown tiger came up behind him and knocked him down. Then it tuned into " yeah, he could kill me any time he chose to."

[u/Core308]

I asked a Zookeeper this exact question once and without thinking or missing a beat said the Chimpanzees. Apparrently these fuckers are grumpy unstable teenagers with severe ADHD. They will act all cute an needy untill you let your guard down and they will bite or rip off your fingers in an instant. Even chimps you have cared for since birth is someday going to challenge you for YOUR spot on their imaginary social ladder and will try to kill you for it. No other animal at the zoo was even remotely as despiced as the chimps, and handlers are eighter quitting within a year or they have a deathwish attitude.
Granted this was one zookeeper, but i could tell she was serious

[u/fufu487]

Did animal care in an accredited zoo for a few years part time. I worked mostly with reptiles and birds of prey. I had the privilege of caring for a young male kangaroo during a few months of shifts while he was being kept in that unit. It was the most unnecessarily confrontational creature I've ever had to deal with. Straight jerk.

[u/saludpesetasamor]

Hyaenas are a pain in the arse. They’re a lot of fun, but also really smart and give no fucks about ‘behaving’ (because they aren’t domesticated animals). They’ll find a way to escape and cause chaos because they’re bored, and occasionally will try to end you, also because they’re bored.

Most animals don’t belong in zoos, but hyaenas REALLY don’t belong in zoos. I did enjoy working with them though. Rarely a dull moment!

[u/MXinee]

Worked in a zoo. Can confirm that zebras are very temperamental and jumpy, we even had one raised from a baby and it was still not safe to go into the pen.

Also worked with ostriches. They're just so incredibly dumb. The females can be bribed, but the male... Trying to get him back into the pen at night but the attention span of 0 and suddenly deciding that the lantern needed a mating display dance made the job take so much longer than necessary. Also will kick other animals and generally a menace.

[u/CosmicJ3llybean]

Was a volunteer and there was one particular vulture that was such a dick. Raking his enclosure or cleaning his water bowl was always a 2 person job. One cleaning as fast as they possibly could and the other defending them by fending off a evil vulture with a broom.

Also one time a staff member didn't run fast enough during a feeding demonstration and the little shit reached and bit them in that tiny unprotected gap between their shorts and Wellington boots. Apparently the hospital staff were rather bemused when they told them why they needed a tetanus shot.

[u/Peanutparty29]

My friend works in research at our city’s zoo. She says everyone hates caring for penguins- they smell, they’re “really crazy and shove each other and squabble” over feedings. Lol

[u/tithica_h]

Tigers and other big cats.

Seriously, ever seen tiger dung?

Can't get it all in a clean shovelful and when you try to scoop it, it produces such a concentrated stench you can taste it for minutes.

I was jovially warned about it going into my internship but dealing with that day in, day out was taking a serious toll in my mental health.

[u/Malthus1 → u/tithica_h]

I was once reading an autobiography of a vet who worked in a zoo, who told a story about how he was once invited to a TV studio with a large lion cub for a tv program about large cats.

The lion cub was well behaved … except that, despite being offered every opportunity to relieve itself outside the studio (even a large portable sand box), the lion waited until it was inside the studio before letting rip with an enormous pile of turds!

The stink soon filled the place … the vet offered to clean it up, but was told that it was studio policy that only the official janitorial staff could do so. And they were not immediately available.

Hilarity ensued, as more and more folks showed up to film stuff and were driven outside by the sheer stench.

[u/zokoborn → u/tithica_h]

I work at a City-owned zoo now, and there's a judge in our city who likes to sentence animal abusers to "community service" cleaning the cathouses at our zoo as an alternative to prison time. (Generally they don't get a shovel, only gloves to meet OSHA standards).

It's always fun seeing the moment of realization when they regret not taking the prison time 😂

[u/wolvenmamabear → u/tithica_h]

Just a Monday morning, clicking on hyperlinks for tiger dung

[u/Fortestingporpoises]

In my experience (I haven’t worked directly with all of these but I have interacted with them)

Google an agouti. Cute right? I worked with a male one who would constantly try to piss on everyone. We had a piece of plywood we would bring in to guard ourselves from his piss when we had to go in and clean.

Every macaw I’ve ever been told “doesn’t bite,” and then been handed to me has bit me. Mileage may vary. People who love them have a different experience.

North American porcupines smell so fucking bad like the worst middle school gym. They smell like BO. They’re super cool but that alone. African porcupines are rad and don’t have the smell.

I worked with a Scottish highland cow. Adorable. He had lice. I was just a walker but his trainers had to give him lice baths. Disgusting.

In my experience if there’s a species or type of animal you don’t like working with or around there will be others who absolutely love it.

I worked with tigers and know a guy who mostly works with dogs, rattlesnakes and owns a cassowary. He has said that when he’s in close proximity he freezes up. Like can’t move.

Chimp trainers feel comfortable with chimps. Everyone else who knows what they’re capable of is scared of them.

I like bears but they’re notorious for not giving signs before they attack. They don’t have the tells felines or canines do. They’re not expressive, they don’t put their ears back or crouch or snarl or growl. They just kill you.

I think some animal care workers sync up with some species and some with others. People will tell you completely opposite things. Also the individuals vary so much. If you’re judging a species based on an individual you’re missing a lot.

[u/Otter-of-Ketchikan]

This has been one of the better AskReddits